The Long Walk
by CCullen1978
Summary: Bella has just emerged from a very abusive relationship when she meets Edward. Very unsure of herself and her self esteem at an all time low, will she allow him into her heart and heal her? All Human
1. Chapter 1

_I hardly see his hand coming because of the dark room but I feel it soon enough. There's an almost palpable split second when I know he's made up his mind to do what he does. Like the universe knows. His fist connects square with my cheek bone and I know its pointless trying to get away. If I move off the bed the kicking will start. I lie and take it like the coward I am._

I gasp for air as I surface from the dream. I jump up, put the light on and run for the mirror. But there is no swelling on my face, no blood on my lip, no ugly purple bruises adorning my cheek. I stand there for a few minutes staring at myself as I try to control my breathing. I want to cry but I refuse to give in. What's important now is that I've finally grown a pair of balls to get away from the man that has made my life a living hell for two years. I am safe. My mom and dad are asleep down the passage. I know because I can hear him snoring. I crawl back into bed and lie awake, shivering, until the sun's rays find their way into my bedroom.

I'm twenty two years old. It is the year 2000, the month of July and I have just come out of a two year abusive relationship. A very abusive relationship.

I left my job and decided to take a few months break at my parents place in a small fishing village, Yzerfontein, on the West Coast of Cape Town.

It's my second week here and some old friends have eventually managed to talk me into a few drinks at the only local pub there is. I'm nervous of going out but this may be a good thing. I walk in and turn toward the bar counter and my friends. But then I look to my left and my breath hitches, my eyes focused on the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Lean but defined body under the Billabong shirt. Messy hair. Really messy hair. Bronze, brown, streaks of blonde…I want to run my fingers through it. Gorgeous, but not at all my type. I can't stop staring. I'm literally stuck in one spot. He looks up, straight into my eyes. Oh wow, all that is holy, he stares at me with the most beautiful almost see through green eyes. For a few seconds he keeps my gaze, I'm sure I look like an idiot because I think my mouth is hanging open. And then he smiles, perfect white teeth and I look away hurriedly and move towards my friends before I faint.

They of course are laughing their heads off after seeing what just happened and I feel like a fool. Before I can order a drink the barman, Sam, places a glass of wine in front of me and laughs, saying it's from the "mop haired guy". Haha, very funny! How did he know what I drink? Well, Sam says, I might have given him that info for a handsome tip. I swat his shoulder, I can feel my face heated and I'm sure I'm all shades of red at the moment.

I slightly turn, look over my shoulder and mouth the words "thank you". He shrugs with a smile, raises his glass and gives me an "air cheers". I hurriedly look away again. Even though he is Adonis in a Billabong shirt I have just made it out of a relationship where a man told me on a daily basis how useless I was and on very frequently made me physically feel it as well. Hell, for two years I had never even enjoyed sex because he used me for his own pleasure and discarded me afterwards telling me how useless I was in that department as well. I was still in the space in my head where every man was him. And, I think to myself, just because he was beautiful didn't mean he was a good person. Still, I feel an unfamiliar pleasant ache in the pit of my stomach, moving between my thighs.

After a much needed evening of girly gossip and a few rounds of pool I decide to call it quits and take the few blocks walk back home. If I cut along the beach it's not that far. In our small town it's still very safe to take a midnight stroll without getting attacked. I'm feeling slightly tipsy. I've been sneaking peaks at his table all night, watching him interact with his friends, laughing and telling jokes. I know he's been looking our way as well because I caught him a few times. He didn't look apologetic.

I say my goodbyes and head out the door. Halfway across the parking lot I hear footsteps catching up to me and I turn around. It's him. It's him in his green Billabong shirt that matches his green eyes. His legs look amazing in those Levi's, filling them out just nicely. I'd love to touch his legs. Hey, where the hell did that thought come from? I know I'm staring again and possibly open mouthed (again) but who cares.

"Don't tell me you're walking home alone?" he questions.

"Hi, my name's Bella, it's nice to meet you too," I joke.

He laughs. Oh, it sounds so yummy.

"I must apologize," he says. "Where are my manners? Edward," he says holding his hand out. I take it; his grip is firm but not overly so. We don't let go immediately. We just stare. It gives me the opportunity to really feel his hand. It's a little rough…not too rough…it makes me think that he's a hard worker but takes the time to look after himself.

I let go slowly, letting his hand slip from mine.

"Look Edward, you're obviously new to this place. I've lived here since I was nine and trust me, I could fall asleep on the beach and I'd wake up the next morning without a scratch. I'll be fine," I say whilst walking backwards slowly.

As I want to turn: "This is my first time here," he says quickly, as if wanting to prolong the conversation before I take off. "I'm, well, my friends and I are here for a week and a bit on a break. We work on a deep sea vessel. We heard about this place from a friend and thought it would be ideal to come here and take some down time."

"Okay. Well, as said, I'll be fine so enjoy your evening." I turn around and start walking. He lets me take a few steps before speaking up again.

"Wait. Would you like to have a drink with me?"

I stop and consider. There is no way I'm walking back in there after saying goodbye to everyone. My friends will have a field day and give them too much to talk about. I don't even know this guy. But then, as if reading my mind: "If you don't want to go back in its fine, I'll go grab us two beers, we can sit on the beach?"

I look ahead of me, the beach a mere 30m ahead of where I'm standing. Oh Bella, do you really want to do this? Really? Did you not learn your lesson after two years of shit from a man you thought was so wonderful to begin with? But it's just a beer right, it's not like he's asking me to marry him? What harm can it do?

The word is out before I can stop it. "Okay." I turn around and look at his smile spread across his face. There are those perfect white teeth again.

"Cool. Okay, wait right here," he says using his hands to show me to stay right where I am, as if he's scared he's going to come out and I'm gone. "I'll be right back." He goes back inside.

What the hell? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Why does this godly man want to spend time with little old me? I look around to the sides of me, expecting someone to jump out and shout 'You're on candid camera' but obviously that does not happen. I laugh at myself. I'm still laughing at myself when he comes out with two beers in his one hand, his other hand lightly in his pocket. The near orgasmic sight makes the laughter get caught somewhere in my throat and is transmitted as an awful groan. Not a sexy groan that does things to your insides. A gross groan that just sounds…well…gross.

He jogs the last few steps. "Are you okay?" he asks worriedly. God, he heard that. Ground, please open up and swallow me whole.

"Fine," I try to laugh. "I thought I saw a spider close to my foot and freaked out a bit. Turns out it was a dead leaf rolling in the wind."

He seems okay with that and he strolls the last few steps to the beach with me. We descend the seven steps to the bottom and walk a bit towards the water. For a June evening in this little coastal town it is surprisingly un-cold. Not warm, but not too cold either.

"Is it okay here?" he asks and gestures to the sand at our feet to sit down.

"Yeah, that's fine."

We sit. I take a long swig of my beer and am taken aback slightly by the bitter taste. I haven't had a beer in a very long time. Still, it's not _that _bad and I take another.

He's looking out at the ocean, a look of peace on his face. "You know," he starts, "you would think I'd get enough of the ocean working on it for most of the year but it never ceases to amaze me just how small we are in relation to the vast seas of the world."

He looks at me, not smiling, just so serious. "I agree. It is pretty amazing. And beautiful, and spectacular, and…"I start laughing as he starts smiling. "I can go on the whole night about the ocean. I love it. It makes me think of home, of family, love, a time in my life where everything was so right and I wished it could stay like that forever." I can feel myself smile a melancholy smile and I pick up a shell and study its grooves with my fingers. "I guess when we're young we are naïve enough to believe that nothing will change, that our life is perfect and nothing can touch us."

It's quiet for a while. I think he's probably thinking I'm a nutcase and all he was looking for was a good time but instead he picked up this emo girl that's more depressed than biltong gone bad.

"I know this is going to sound rude, but how old are you?" he asks.

"Twenty two."

Again with the quiet. "Pardon me for saying but it's such a young age to have such a negative outlook on life."

I still for a second, down the rest of my beer and get up. "Look Edward, it was really nice of you to invite me for a beer, but I really don't think you have the right to judge me about how I see life. You don't know me; you don't know why I feel like I feel. Good night."

I turn and make my way back up to the road. And there it is again. The footsteps of someone following me…fast. 

"Hey, wait up!" I stop and he jogs around me so he is standing in front of me. "Look, I'm sorry. I was way out of line. I just…I could almost feel how sad you were. It was stupid of me to think that you would want to discuss it with a total stranger."

I sigh, knowing I was harsh. "No, look, I'm the one that should be saying sorry. I'm just not…in a good space at the moment and I guess I take things too personally sometimes."

He smiles. "I'm not going to offer to walk you home seeing as though you're quite adamant that you'll be okay. So am I too forward to ask you over for a braai tomorrow evening? We're staying in the caravan park and my friends are going to Langebaan tomorrow evening and won't be back till the next day. I'd really like it if you would come. I'm sure you have plenty stories to tell of this place and its people seeing as you've lived here most of your life?"

And for some reason I don't have to think twice. I don't have to stew this question over in my mind until its mush. There is a one word answer for this and I say it. "Yes."

I turn around and start walking again.

"Okay," he shouts after me. "So, should we make it around seven?"

"Sure," I shout back without turning around. I'm smiling. I haven't smiled like this in almost two years.

"Okay," he shouts again. "We're in one of the chalets. You'll see the red bakkie parked there with the boat."

I don't answer but wave instead, again without turning around.

He doesn't shout again. I'm tempted to turn around and see if he is still standing there but I don't. I round the corner onto my street and giggle like a teenager. Whoa…where did that come from? I don't know, but it feels good. I realize I'm looking forward to spending time with the man that is Edward, with the messy hair and gorgeous green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**When I posted the first Chapter I didn't realize I had to put my Author's note at the top…still learning.**

**I'm so surprised that there are some that already have me as a favourite and alerts after the first chapter, thank you, this means so much to me.**

**This story is a completed work. I'm fine tuning here and there but I hope to post twice a week.**

**Um, I think in South Africa we use different words sometimes for certain things, if not sure please PM me. In the previous chapter I know I used the word "bakkie" – this is a term used for a SUV. **

**A braai is like a BBQ but with an open fire using wood.**

**I just want to add now already at the beginning…this story might not end as you expect. Although I absolutely adore a happy ending, this one is sort of bittersweet. Please bear in mind that a lot of this story is based on things that happened in my real life. This is about Bella's journey, about finding her strength again and yes, Edward does play a major role…but I just needed to warn you. I hope this doesn't put you off, I promise it's still worth the read.**

**Let me not bore to you tears so let's get on with it…let' see if Bella enjoys her evening with Edward…**

I start my routine of getting ready at around five the next afternoon. After showering, shaving (twice) and putting on minimal make up I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is still damp from the shower but I leave it, it's not like I'm on my way to a beauty contest.

I sit down on my bed still looking in the mirror. I still can't understand why he wants to spend time with me? I mean, look at me. I know I'm not ugly but I'm also not a beauty queen. Average build, average dark brown hair, average brown eyes…everything is just average. And I know I'm useless, I've been told that enough times to know that I would never be good enough for the beauty I am about to meet for a braai. Oh, what's the use? Should I cancel? But how would I cancel? I don't even have his number? I'll have to go there and cancel in person. Or just not show up. But then he's here for over a week. It's a small town and I'm bound to run into him some or other time. Come on Bella! Get a grip! It's only a braai for goodness sakes. I take a huge breath and after grabbing my bag I start walking down to the caravan park.

I make a detour at the liquor store which is almost right next to the caravan park (very convenient) and pick up a bottle of wine and a six pack beers.

My heart starts to beat faster as I approach the chalet. The red bakkie and boat are standing there as he said it would. I can see the fire burning out front and a table with chairs. There's an ice bucket with a bottle of wine and a wine glass standing on the table with a platter with what looks like chips, biltong and dip.

Just as I reach the table he comes out carrying a beer in his hand. .God. He is shirtless. I can actually feel my brain deflate and refuse to think another thought. Stop it! You're going to stare with your mouth hanging open again like a damn fish!

"Hi. You came." He sounds relieved.

"You sound surprised."

"I am. I thought I'd annoyed you last night and you only said you'd come so I would leave you alone." He was joking; I could hear it in his voice.

"Here, let me take that. You didn't have to bring anything. Did you walk? Did you carry this stuff all the way here?" He sounds slightly upset with me and I follow him into the chalet. He puts the stuff I brought in the fridge.

"In case you failed to notice, the liquor store is literally across the entrance to the caravan park," I answer while walking back out again.

"Pour yourself a glass of wine, I'll be right back. I just want to grab a shirt." Thank God for small mercies. If I had to keep on looking at his bare chest I think I would spontaneously combust.

"So," I call from outside taking a sip of wine. "What's your story?"

"What do you mean," he says coming out and sitting down with a fresh beer.

"I mean how did you end up on the deep sea? It's not a job many can handle."

"Well, I grew up in Hermanus. Both my parents still live there. After school I moved to Newlands and attended University of Cape Town and completed my BSc in Marine Biology and then back home. When I finished a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to take a trip with him on his dad's troller and I agreed. I don't know what happened but I guess you could say the bug bit me. I loved it. I love the excitement, the fear, the seas so rough sometimes you don't think you're going to make it. Evenings so clear that you can almost touch the stars, water so calm the moon shines a mirrored path and it looks so inviting you almost think you can walk on it. I've been doing this for two years now and each time I go I still get those feelings."

The love he has for what he does shines through his words right into my heart. I feel myself slipping. No! This isn't supposed to happen! No feelings, no attachments. No! No! No!

"How old are you?" I throw his question back. He chuckles.

"I'm twenty nine. So, tell me a bit about yourself," he says finishing his beer. He pours me another glass of wine and opens another beer.

I was waiting for this awkward question, I knew it would come but I still hoped he wouldn't care enough to ask.

"Well, there isn't much to tell. Lived here all my life, still have friends here even though we haven't seen much of each other over the last couple of years. But then, friendships in these small towns are different. Since we were kids we only had each other and that feeling doesn't go away overnight. Did a year's college in Cape Town, started working in the secretarial field. Got into a relationship, got out of said relationship. Left my job and decided to take a break for a few months at my parents place. And here I am."

I try to sound never minded and bored with my own life. I think it worked although I did hesitate a split second before the part about my past relationship. I don't think he noticed but as I look up he is watching me. I know he noticed. I can see it. I think he wants to say something but wisely decides not to.

We talk about everything and nothing whilst he braais. I tell him stories of growing up here with only 4 other kids my age. How we used to be so excited when school holidays arrived because the holiday houses would fill with visitors and we would have other kids to play with.

I tell him about my first kiss with a guy called Jared who had just moved here when we were thirteen. How my young heart had been broken when he kissed my friend two weeks later. We laugh at how we thought our hearts would be broken forever at that young age.

I tell him about high school years here. How there were more permanent residents in our small town and how we now had a slightly bigger friends group. Bonfires on the beach, putting all our money together to buy alcohol without our parents knowing and how we all started smoking at the age of 17 on exactly the same night when an out of towner friend brought cigarettes to a party.

When we sit down to eat he tells me more about himself. Growing up in Hermanus, his parents sound like wonderful people and somewhere in a hidden away part of my heart I wish I could meet them. His sister was born long after him and she is now completing Matric this year. He loves her so much; I can see it when he talks about her, the fiercely protective big brother.

He talks about his love for the ocean. He is animated as he tells me how as a child he used to spend most of his time jumping the rocks on the sea shore, looking for sea stars and trying to catch small rock fish with a sea shell. I laugh while he talks. I can relate. I used to do exactly the same thing. Those were the best days of my life. Swimming in water so cold you could hardly breathe but you just couldn't not swim.

As I expected he is an avid surfer. He shows me his surf board on the back of the bakkie. He's surprised that I know it's a custom made Jeremy Fowkes. I explain how I was very interested in surfing in high school but after a few attempts on a friends' board I realized my balance was not playing along and I opted for body boarding instead. Still, I religiously used to sneak my brothers' Zig Zag magazines out of his room and read them whilst he was out.

After eating I insist on helping him clean up and we do so together in the small kitchenette the chalet provides. We don't talk but it's a comfortable silence. I find myself enjoying it more than I expected.

Sitting around a newly built fire I notice his chair is much closer to mine than it has been the entire evening. I shiver lightly as the breeze becomes cooler. Ah, this is what winter is supposed to feel like. Luckily the night sky is clear of clouds and the stars keep us company from afar.

"Are you cold? Let me get you a jacket." Before I can respond he runs inside and I get up when he returns with a Rip Curl hoodie. Jeez, does this guy own anything else besides surfer clothes?

I lift my arms and he pulls the hoody over my head. His arms stay on my sides, my hands fall to his shoulders. His face is so close to mine. His eyes dart from my eyes to my lips, silently seeking permission to claim them. I shift slightly so that I am that much closer to him. When his lips touch mine I swear I feel a lightning bolt shoot through my body. I shiver again, this time not from the cold. He pulls back slightly, our eyes never straying from each other's. God, this feels magical, it feels so damn right. Yet I can't shake the feeling of betrayal and abuse from my mind that tells me this is wrong.

As if sensing my hesitation he claims my lips quickly again, stroking his tongue lightly along the seams. I open for him and as he languidly finds entrance to my mouth I find that I am granting him entrance to the inner corners of my soul. His one hand snakes around my waist, pulling me closer while his other hand gently cups my face. I put my arms around his waist and boldly move my hands beneath his shirt, feeling his back beneath my fingertips. He moans and it moves through my body, making me ache for more. This is not a simple kiss; this is a kiss to be in awe of.

When he ends the kiss a while later I feel a pinch of emptiness. I want to literally tear his clothes from his body and use him to take the feeling of uselessness away but I stop myself. That would make me a bit cheap, wouldn't it? I don't even know him so how could I possibly jump into bed with him on our first date. If one could call it a date. I won't but I want to. I want to so badly it physically hurts.

"I need to go," I say stepping back.

"No, please. Don't leave. We don't have to do anything. Please, just don't leave."

His eyes on me, my eyes on his lips, my heart in my hands. God how I wish I could hand it over to him to stop the pain but that would be stupid of me.

Again, I find myself answering without thinking. "Okay." Why can't I enjoy this one night for what it's worth? Why can't I believe I am worth something? Because this stranger makes me believe I am worth gold. Maybe he just wants to get into my pants, I don't know. I don't care. What he makes me feel is priceless to my soul. I'll worry about the "what comes after" when it comes.

We move inside and he plays music softly in the background as we sit on the floor in the lounge on a blanket and some pillows. I'm happy to find we like the same music. He plays a track list he made that includes Crash Test Dummies, Pearl Jam, Tori Amos and many more. We discuss different bands, singers, concerts we would love to see and how I've had a crush on Bon Jovi since I can remember.

Later we lay down and he holds me, facing each other on the pillows. Our faces inches apart. We don't kiss again. We fall asleep, our bodies intertwined, my heart lying bare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for everyone that is reading this story. I hope you are enjoying it.**

**Your support means the world to me.**

I wake up disorientated. For a split second I don't know where I am. But then I feel a strong arm wrapped around me and a warm body pressed against my back and I put my head back on the pillow and smile.

Edward must have woken up at some stage before me because there's a blanket over us and the lights are off. I feel next to me for my cell and see it's just before five in the morning. He must have put the music on replay; I can still hear the soft whisper of Alanis Morissettes' voice singing about dancing in someone's shower and lying in their bed.

As noiseless as possible I move myself from under his arm and gently put it down over my pillow which I move to his chest. I can't help but sit there for a few minutes memorizing every contour of his face, every muscle in his arm, every scar on his hand from doing the work that he does. Tentatively I reach out and trace a particularly long scar along his forearm. He moves slightly and I stop, not wanting to wake this perfect human soundly sleeping before me.

I grab my bag and leave quietly. Once outside I wonder if it's rude to just leave without saying goodbye. But if I wake him I know he'll get me to stay longer and I need to get back before my parents wake up. I'm old enough to do what I want to do but I know they'll be worried if I'm not there in the morning and I didn't tell them I'd be staying out. I don't have a pen in my bag to leave my number and I look around, finding the back window of the bakkie covered in a sheen of early morning mist. I laugh to myself as I hurriedly walk over and use my finger to write my number over the glass.

At home I must have fallen asleep again because I'm woken by my cell ringing. The time shows a little after seven. I don't recognize the number.

"Hallo." I know I sound half asleep.

"Thank God." It's him. It's him!

"Hey."

He sounds relieved when he speaks again. "I've been so worried. You left without saying goodbye or leaving a note. Luckily while standing outside considering my options I saw a number scrawled on my bakkie window."

"Yeah, sorry about that, I didn't have a pen with me and didn't feel it was right to scratch in your things to find one. You must admit that the number on the window is kind of a cute improvisation." I yawn, he chuckles.

"Yes, I'll give you that. I'm sorry I woke you but I just needed to check if you got home okay."

"Barely," I joke trying to keep a straight laced voice. "On the way here I twisted my ankle in the dark, a very scary looking guy asked me for a light and then this Doberman type dog grabbed the back of my jeans and tore a piece of it off."

"Do you see now why I worry? This is unacceptable. The next time you come here I will pick you up and drop you off, no excuses. I…" He stops talking when he realizes I'm laughing.

"Haha, very funny," he says, now laughing as well.

"Edward, I've told you, nothing ever happens here. I'm fine, trust me."

"So, when can I see you again?"

I giggle. "You sound like that Babyface song. Well, considering you woke me up at the crack of dawn and I won't be able to go back to sleep again, what do you say to making some coffee in a flask and we'll walk over that sand dune at the caravan park and have coffee there? There's a beautiful rock formation that I love visiting. We can try to catch rock fish with a shell."

"It's a date," he says. "I'll shower and be ready when you come. You still have my hoodie?"

"Yes, I'll return it when I see you just now."

"Wear it."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just liked seeing you in it that's all."

I blush. He's not even in my line of sight but I blush like a freaking idiot.

"Okay. See you in about forty five minutes. Going to jump in the shower myself quickly."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay." We both laugh.

"Okay, this is the last okay I'm going to say and then I'm hanging up," I laugh.

"Okay," he says laughing too.

True to my word I don't say it again, hang up and beeline for the shower.

As I approach the chalet I see him coming out with a blanket under one arm and a flask in the other hand with a cup. Like me, he has opted for jeans, a hoodie and a beanie. I actually own one surf beanie which is Hot Buttered and I opted to wear it this morning. Of course, the hoodie I am wearing is his.

I only put it on when I turned the corner from my parents' house, not feeling like answering the questions of where I got it from, which will then result in all the questions to follow such as, who is he, where is he from, how did you end up going there last night, etc. etc.

I show him how to get over the dunes to the beach's side from the caravan park and take him to the rock formation where we pick a spot and sit down. I sit down first, he sits down behind me, legs around me and pulls the blanket around us. I know I shouldn't but I lean back against his chest and he rests his chin lightly on my head. We sit like that for a while before I ease up and pour us some coffee.

"Only one cup?" I ask.

"I didn't think you'd mind sharing."

We take turns to sip the coffee. It's a little too sweet to my liking but I keep quiet. Do I really want to complain about the coffee the Greek god behind me made for us? No, I don't think so. I fill the cup again when it's empty.

"Oh my God! Look!" Shit! He shouts so loud I mess the coffee over my jeans and its hot.

"Crap!" He realizes what he's done and jumps up and comes around inspecting the damage.

"I'm so sorry. Really. I feel like an idiot."

"It's fine. What has you so excited in any case?"

As if he remembers he smiles again, pulling me up and turning me around to the ocean.

He was right. This is an oh my God moment. I haven't seen something like this since I was a kid at a place called Swemgat close to Yzerfontein and that was on a much smaller scale than this.

The mist is lying low over the ocean, which is a light grey colour this morning, as smooth as mercury. The surfaces only broken here and there as a school of dolphins pass us by slowly. He is behind me and wraps his arms around me and I hold onto them. My eyes are trained on the surface looking for breaches as they elegantly ease themselves in and out of the water.

"It's beautiful," I say, lost for better words.

"Mind blowing." He sounds lost in a place where magic exists and I want to join him there so badly but I haven't believed in magic for a very long time.

We watch a while as they pass by. I tried counting them at one stage but stopped trying. I've never seen this many dolphins together in one spot before.

I feel his hands turn me around and again find myself staring into those green eyes so close to mine. He doesn't wait for an invitation this time and starts the kiss off slowly. After a few seconds urgency takes over and we're all tongue and mouth. He moves from my mouth to my neck to my ear and back again and I am breathless. I want him, right here on this beach I want him so badly. But my mind interferes again.

"Why, why me?" I ask almost moaning the words as he licks a trail below my ear. I sound desperate and scared and stupid at the same time. I hate myself.

He looks at me. "Why not you?" he poses his own question.

I push him away frustrated and look away down the beach.

"God, could you be any more daft? Look at you," I say gesturing towards his body with both hands. "You're Thor and Perseus and Adonis all rolled into one. And then look at me," I gesture towards myself now. "I'm just plain old me. Nothing spectacular. It's like eating minute steak when you could be having a sirloin."

He doesn't say anything. All I hear are the waves crashing nearby and a dog barking somewhere far. I look further down the beach and see two Labradors running around in the cold winter water.

"Bella, Look at me." I don't. I can't. Why did I say anything to begin with? Why couldn't I just let things be the way they are?

I feel a finger under my chin and he forces my head towards him. I know my eyes are anciently sad as I look into his confused stare.

"Nothing about you is plain," he says softly. "You are an amazing woman and we hardly know each other but all I want to do is spend time with you, hear you laugh, listen to you talk, kiss those lips."

I force my head away and look at the dogs again, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Tell me what happened to make you see yourself this way. Who hurt you so badly that you think you don't deserve to be happy?" His voice is hoarse and also sad. Great you idiot, now you've gone and pulled a cloud in front of his ray of sunshine as well. Typical of you!

And there falls the first tear. And I know if I don't get away now he's going to see me for the blubbery mess that I am.

"I need to go." I turn to walk but he grabs my arm.

"No!" I jump at the harshness in his voice. "No." This time softer. "You keep wanting to run when all I want is for you to stay. Don't you want to stay?"

I turn around facing him, knowing what I must look like. I wipe my nose with the back of his hoodie sleeve and almost laugh at how silly I must look.

"What do you want from me? Of course I want to stay. Of course I want to spend the day with you but it hurts too much." I fold my arms around my waist, trying to keep myself from falling apart in front of him. I know I'm half way there already. And then he's holding me so tightly I can barely breathe. I just stand there like a moron trying to stop the tears, not holding him back. I need to think of something else so I change the subject.

"When are your friends coming back?"

"Only tomorrow. They called this morning after I spoke to you and said they're having too good a time to come back today." He pauses. "I'm glad."

A small smile creeps upon my face without permission. I extricate myself from his arms and he wipes the last of the tears from my face with his thumbs.

"Look, I really need to go. I usually help around the house in the morning so…"

"Will I see you later? Will you spend the night?"

I smile again. "Yeah, I think I can manage that."

We walk back and I insist on taking it alone from there. Everyone in this town knows me. The last thing I need is for people to talk and my parents giving me twenty questions. I know it's because they care but I can't even explain this situation to myself, how am I going to explain it to them?

Before I leave he lays the cards on the table. "Bella, will you consider telling me what is chasing you tonight? I feel helpless seeing you like this. I can't fight something I can't see."

The thought terrifies me. He'll see me for what I really am. A weak, pathetic and useless woman that allowed herself to live a life of abuse for almost two years. Yet, as always with him I find myself saying, "Yes".

I get home, do some laundry, including his hoodie, make my dad some coffee and do a general clean of the house. Keeping busy is what I need to get through the rest of the day. I miss Edward already.

How did this happen? And what exactly is this? It terrifies me that I seem to have become reliant on being near to him in a couple of days. He's going to break me, not on purpose, but it's going to happen. I know it. I'm in way over my head. But I can't help it. I can't stop myself from wanting to breathe him in. I'm lost in him already.


	4. Chapter 4

**Just a warning, there is mention of physical abuse in this chapter.**

**The start of a lemon…**

**Thanks to Leibeezer for the review...my very first review, it was very exciting to see it! So glad you are enjoying it...I hope I keep you interested as we go.**

We cook together when I get there. Edward doesn't say anything about this morning and neither do I. I hope he doesn't bring it up but I have a feeling he will sometime during the evening.

We make seafood pasta and it smells divine. We laugh; drink some red wine and talk a bit more about ourselves. The kitchenette is small and we seem to bump into each other all the time. I don't know if we are doing it consciously perhaps. Maybe we both want some form of physical connection. He throws a prawn down the back of my shirt and I squeal. Yes, squeal like a girl. Did I just make that sound? He's busy rinsing the linguine when I throw an ice cube down the back of his shirt. Payback, although at least he doesn't smell like a crustacean.

It still feels amazing to me how we seem to fit. A couple of days and I feel like I've known him all my life. It doesn't make sense. But then again, who says it has to make any sense? My brain says so, that's who.

We eat inside on the couch while Tori Amos sings about being a mermaid in some guys' jeans.

"Did you know the first stories about mermaids come from ancient Assyria?"

"No, I didn't," he says through a mouthful of pasta. "Tell me more."

"Well, I don't know much but legend has it that the goddess Atargatis accidentally killed her human lover. She then transformed herself into a mermaid out of shame and still roams the oceans alone."

"That's so sad."

"I think so too. I read somewhere that if you die and your ashes are scattered in the sea you become a mermaid in your next life. It's probably not true but I like the idea of it. I'd rather have my ashes scattered in the sea than lie rotting in the ground in any case."

"Agreed. Maybe we should make a pact that if one of us dies the other will make sure that the ashes are scattered right over the dune here at the rocks. I think that's a nice spot, don't you?"

Wait a minute. Is he talking about the future? Is he seeing this thing between us lasting longer than his time here or does he have a terminal illness and he knows he only has a week to live?

"Edward," I sigh, putting my plate on the table and take my glass of wine. "What are we doing here? I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is; this connection we seem to have but I can't seem to make sense of it."

He takes a sip of his wine and seems to ponder the question for a bit. "I don't have that answer for you. All I know is I want to spend time with you, I want to have you with me all the time. Every time you leave I can't wait for you to come back. Does that make sense, feeling like this so quickly? No. Does it make sense that I feel like I've known you my whole life? No. After this break I go back to Hermanus and spend most of the year out at sea. How will we handle that? I have no idea. All I know is I want to try."

I think my mouth is hanging open again, I'm not sure. He just described exactly how I am feeling. And I love it. I know I shouldn't but I do. But what I do next I do before my brain has any say in the matter.

I lean forward and kiss him. And I mean really kiss him. He pulls back long enough for him to put our glasses on the table and then his lips are on mine again. Our tongues dance erotically together and my stomach clenches, my heart trying to break through my chest.

His arms circle me and pull me onto him. I straddle his thighs and slowly grind into him, he's rock hard. Aah, that moan again. It does things to my insides I've never felt before. His hand lightly grazes the side of my breast as he brings it up and holds my throat. I don't like it. He's barely holding me there but I can't breathe. I push away from him a little bit too hard and stand up.

Both of us are panting. We're staring at each other. He's confused.

"I'm sorry," I say in between taking deep breaths to calm myself.

"It's fine." He doesn't know. He probably thinks I don't want to go further. Truth is, I do want to. Very much so.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. And then I lunge. Yes, lunge at him. He doesn't complain. The kiss I initiate is raw, animalistic, desperate. He's into it for a while but then gently pushes me back. "Wait."

"No." I go for him again.

"Wait." Damn, he know something's up. How does he read me so well? I sigh and slide of his lap, sitting facing him on the couch.

"We need to talk about what's eating you. I need to know."

And so it begins. My fall from grace. My demise. I might as well say goodbye, it was nice knowing you and leave now. He's not going to want to know me after I tell him. I fetch the bottle of Steenberg Merlot and fill our glasses. This is going to require copious amounts of alcohol. On both our parts I think.

"Look, it's not a big deal. I was in a very abusive relationship for two years and I eventually got the courage to get out. End of story." I try to say it like it doesn't bother me but I know I failed.

"Bella, that's not the end of the story. If it is still affecting you it's not over yet."

The tears start again and I don't even bother stopping them. "Jeez Edward, what do you want from me? It's not something I've ever talked about." I look at him. "I'm scared. I think I'll always be scared now. Nothing can take that away."

He moves closer and puts his hand on my thigh. I cover it with my own. "I know it's hard, I can't begin to imagine what you went through but you have to know that sometimes talking about it helps you on the road to healing."

I laugh sadly. "You sound like Dr. Phil."

"I wish I sounded like Dr. Ruth," he chuckles back.

It's quiet for a bit and I take another big sip of wine.

"I think there was a time that Jacob used to love me but then I think that he didn't know the meaning of love and neither did I. I'm not sure when things changed. I used to love being with him and he seemed to love it too. But then he started getting irritated about the smallest things. I'd drop a glass and he'd freak out." I shrug. "Getting told on a daily basis how useless and stupid you are sort of gets to you after a while. I found myself being clumsy in a way I never was. I used to be so nervous when he was at home because I never knew if he was going to love me or hate me that day."

Here comes the really hard part and I don't want to do it but I know Edward won't let it go.

"The first time he hit me was after we got home one night after a birthday party of a friend. I didn't even see it coming. We walked in the front door; he put on the light, literally turned around and backhanded me through my face." I unconsciously bring my fingers to my cheek with the memory. "He said that I had embarrassed him by flirting with Paul, a friend of ours." I shake my head slightly. "I've known Paul and his wife for many years, they're older than me. They have the most beautiful two children. How he could think that I'd do something to break up a lovely family like that…Paul and I have always had a very easy going relationship, we always joke around and Rachel and I adore each other."

I start crying more at the memory of old friends that I don't know if I'll see again. Rachel has phoned me a few times over the last few weeks to come and visit them but I'm not ready to go there, I'm scared he'll see me.

I don't look up. I don't want to see the disgust and pity on his face.

"Things escalated from there. He apologized the first few times he hit me, begged me to stay, told me he loved me and that he wouldn't do it again. I hated myself. I hated myself yet I couldn't hate him. I still loved him and it made me sick. He stopped apologizing after a while, telling me it's my own fault. The last time he attacked me I thought I was going to die. He told me as much." I'm on the verge of hyperventilating, the tears now streaming down my face unstoppable.

"God, oh God," Edward whispers, moving to his knees in front of me and holding my hands. I have to look at him then, he's right in front of me. I don't see disgust though and it gives me the strength to finish the last part of the story.

"It was just over a month ago. He came home extremely drunk and I could see he was in an aggressive mood. I somehow knew I had to get out of the house. I was terrified. I tried to casually move past him in the lounge to get closer to the front door that was open but he grabbed me and threw me on the floor. He kicked me so hard in my ribs I thought I was going to black out from the pain."

I lift the side of my shirt and even after a month there is still a fading yellow bruise. His fingers trace it lightly and warmth spreads through my skin where he touches me.

"I wish I did black out, it would have been better. He kicked me another two times on the same spot. Luckily no ribs were broken but two were cracked. He grabbed my hair and turned my face to his and kissed me, like it excited him. I tried to push him off but he was too strong. And then he pulled me up and threw me against the wall telling me that he was sick of me and that he was going to kill me and put me out of my misery. He wrapped his hands around my neck and he was squeezing so hard. I found myself begging him to do it, to just kill me and get it over with. He looked at me for what felt like hours but was probably only a few seconds before he told me how pathetic I was and he walked to the bedroom slamming the door.

I knew I had to get out but it hurt so much. A friend of mine, Angela, lived two streets up and I managed to get to her house. She took me to hospital immediately to have me checked out. What I found out afterwards was that her husband and his two brothers went over there just after we left and beat the crap out of him. The next day they went there and fetched all my stuff and refused for me to go there. I stayed at Angela and Ben for a month as I had to work but I needed to get away for a while so I gave my notice and came back here to sort out my head." I smile slightly. "And that's when I met you."

Edward's not looking at me. He gets up and starts pacing around the lounge, walking out for a few seconds and coming back in. This is it, he's going to tell me to leave and not come back, I can feel it. I get up and move to take my bag in the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" he asks looking at me incredulously.

"I'm leaving."

"Why?"

"I don't want to complicate your life with my problems Edward. And I doubt you want that either."

And then he explodes. "Complicate my life!? Are you kidding me? You just told me that some asshole abused you for two years and he is the reason you are so broken and you what, just expect me to say oh shame, I'm sorry, and forget about it?" He can't stop moving, his hands are shaking. "I'm so fucking pissed off right now. If I get my hands on him…" He moves over to me and takes my face in his hands. They're still shaking.

"You know I'll never hurt you, don't you?" His eyes are pleading with mine, he needs me to answer him.

"I know Edward. I know you're nothing like him and that you could never be. I know that even though I don't know you at all. My heart trusts you. It's my head," I smile, tapping my temple. "My head tells me to wake up and smell the coffee because I'm useless and stupid and not worth your time."

"Stop it. Just stop saying things like that about yourself." He kisses me softly on my cheek and speaks close to my ear. "If it's the last thing I do, I'll prove to you that you are worth much more than you think. And I'll prove to you that I can make you happy."

"You already do…make me happy. But I'm terrified. I can't help it. This isn't about physical abuse. It's me lugging all my baggage with me. It's me getting to a point where I feel that I deserve you and being able to accept these feelings I have for you. It's me being so afraid that you'll tire of waiting for me to realize that I'm worth it and then have my heart shatter because…because…" I'm crying too much. I try to breathe while he strokes my cheeks feather light. I try again. "Because like you, I don't know what's going on here, but I find myself wanting to try so bad that I feel like I'm physically hurting from the knowledge that this might end. And when it ends I'm left standing alone in the showers of shame and feeling once again that I'll never be good enough for anyone. The unknown…it's not something that I do well."

"The unknown is always scary. I think for everyone. But I think more so for you. God, all I want to do is take your pain away." He sounds desperate to do so.

I hear the music changing. Unforgiven 2 starts playing in the background. I'm just staring at him. He's staring at me. I want him to take the pain away too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Lemony goodness follows...I hope I do it justice.**

**Again, Leibeezer, thanks for your comments...and thanks for being on this ride with me.**

I move forward a little faster than intended and crush my mouth to his. He reacts instantly. He's with me all the way.

Somehow we are on the couch and he's kissing me ferociously, drinking me from the inside and I'm giving as good as I'm getting.

I pull at his shirt and he sits, pulling it off. My God he's beautiful. I feel a single tear run its course down my cheek.

His lust filled gaze mixes with sadness. "Bella, I won't do this if you're not ready."

I pull him back down and run my tongue up his throat, lightly nipping his bottom lip. It's been so long that I've been with someone that cares how I feel, I'm not quite sure I'm doing the right things. He kisses me again and we both groan. Not a gross groan. A lust filled primal groan.

He sits up again, pulling me with him. He's waiting for an answer.

"I'm fine Edward. I promise. I need this, I need you."

He pulls me up standing and slowly lifts my shirt over my head. His hands are everywhere all at once and then he's undoing my bra and it falls to the floor.

His hands fit my breasts perfectly. Almost too perfectly.

This music is filling my brain, twisting and turning around until I feel like screaming. It's real, this is real, what I'm feeling is real.

I undo his jeans quickly and push it down his legs. I undo mine as well and very soon we're both naked, panting, wanting, and needing.

I turn him around and push him onto the couch, straddling him and grinding against him.

"Slow down Bella. God, I want you so much but if you don't slow down this isn't going to last very long."

"I don't care. We've got the whole night. I need you. Please, I need you now." I'm begging but I don't care.

He pushes me up a little and then he's slowly pulling me down, pushing into me. He's big and deliciously hard and I am lost.

My head is hanging back and I'm making sounds that I've never made before. He pulls my head back up so I'm looking at him.

"Oh no. Keep your eyes here. I want to watch you." I start moving slowly and the intensity of his glazed stare is enough to drive me to insanity. His hand slithers between us and finds my clit, stroking it as I move over him.

I can already feel my stomach tense and the guitar solo heightens my senses. And he keeps watching me. I'm so close I can almost taste it. I start moving faster and I have to fight to keep breathing because I'm breathing him in and it's filling my heart, my soul.

"That's it. Let go baby. I've got you," he says tightening his one arm around my back. "Come for me." And I do. I do because he wants it, because I want it, because I've never felt this connection before in my existence. It's a live wire touching my clit, moving through my veins, through my muscles, through my body, making me shudder around him, gripping him harder within me.

His eyes lose focus and he's gripping my waist with both hands now, quickening my rhythm and then he's filling me, his face so gorgeous and wanting, slowing our bodies gradually until I fall forward, wrapping myself around him.

We're both sweating; wet skin on wet skin and it feels so good. He pushes me back slightly, softly, reverently kissing my lips. There has never been anything more beautiful than this moment. Whatever happens, I've got this.

"Bella, I need to know you're okay," he says hoarsely.

"I'm better than better," I smile. "Trust me."

"I do." He does trust me, I can feel it. And for reasons I can't explain I trust him too.

I slowly move off him, grab his shirt from the floor and pull it over my head.

"I could get used to you wearing my shirts." He's gloriously naked and spread out before me. I snort and make my way to the bathroom. "I'm sure you could," I call behind me. "Mind if I take a shower?" I shout.

All of a sudden I am lifted over his shoulder and I scream and laugh at the same time. "Edward! Put me down!"

"I actually do mind if you take a shower," he says softly laying me down on the bed. "I like the smell of me on you."

I laugh again. "That must be the corniest thing I've ever heard."

"Don't care," he mumbles running his nose along me leg, up over my thigh and resting his head on my stomach. "It's true."

He crawls up, laying his perfect body over mine, his face hovering close to mine. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think it's obviously way too soon for him to perform again but he's hard as rock against my leg and hot as lava and I feel myself shudder against him, snaking my one leg over his and lifting my head up to meet his in a kiss so full of awe that I feel the tears fill my eyes as I keep his gaze. He brings his one hand up cupping my face and tilting me, deepening the kiss, all the while watching my tears course down my face with such erotic sadness it makes me cry even more.

He kisses first my one cheek and then the other, gently licking the salty tears from my face.

And then I'm pushing myself up, leaning on my elbows, licking his lips before diving my tongue into his mouth. There's that urgency again, that need to have him inside of me, that need to have him make me forget.

But he chuckles low and gently pushes me back. "No Bella. The first time you were in charge. This is my turn. And I'm going to make the most of it." He moves himself down my body, taking my already achingly hard nipple into his mouth. I arch my back and when he lightly nips me I moan into the darkness.

His hand on my cheek moves down on my collarbone, his fingers on my neck and I try to shift so he's not touching me there.

He stills and looks up to me. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No. No, it's just…please move your hand away from my neck," I beg breathlessly.

He moves back up and lies next to me. We watch each other and I move my hand into his hair, pulling him down to kiss me. As he does he moves his hand back to my neck. I know what he's trying to do, he's trying to replace the fear I have with a good memory. I sob into his mouth as his fingers move around my neck and settle there.

This is too much. I can't breathe. I can't think. I don't want to be here. I realize the last thought I have is a lie.

He breaks away from my mouth and moves to my ear. "Sssh, it's okay. I'm here and I am not going to hurt you," he whispers as his fingers ghost over my neck, drawing patterns in their wake. It's the most sensual experience of my life, yet the fear is burning in my throat like acid.

"God Edward, please, enough…" I whimper.

He moves over my trembling body again and I run my fingers over his shoulders, lightly grazing my nails over his pecs as I move down to wrap my arms around his waist.

"Okay," he concedes. "Enough for now. But just so you know, we'll be doing that until all you can think about is me touching your throat because it feels so damn good." He starts moving down my body again, kissing me as he goes and settles between my legs. He's kissing and nipping the inside of my thighs, moving higher…

"Now," he starts talking in between kisses. "Close your eyes and feel me."

I do what he says. And before I take a shaky breath his mouth is on me. My hips leave the bed and his hands are on my ass, grabbing me, holding me in place. God, please let me breathe. I'm seeing stars but I'm not sure if it's from the lack of oxygen or because he's sucked my clit into his mouth and swirling his tongue deliciously around it. Everything in my body pulls tight, I'm panting like a dog after a run in the park and I'm moaning loudly but I don't care. This feeling is what I've craved for two years and it's every bit as euphoric as I thought it would be.

I look down and see he's watching me while he does things to me that should be illegal. I feel my legs tighten around him, my stomach coiling and I know I'm close. His eyes are like liquid green silk keeping me grounded though my soul is floating somewhere above us.

His mouth leaves me for a few seconds. "Oh baby you're so gorgeous," he whispers licking me in one motion from top to bottom. "You're so close, I can feel it. Do you want to come?" He licks me again.

"Yes," I manage to breathe.

"Say it."

"Edward…" I'm not used to this. His voice is pushing me over the edge.

"Say it."

"I want to come. Oh Edward, please…" And with that he's sucking me deep into his mouth again and when his teeth graze over me I feel an explosion of sensation that spreads through my whole body. I can hear myself making sounds that sound utterly foreign but I don't care. I can't care. I'm watching him watching me fall apart and its heaven. He's worshipping me and I love it.

He moves over me, stealthily, like a panther, and dips his tongue in my mouth. I can taste myself and if I ever thought that would be disgusting, this man is teaching me things about myself I never knew. I can feel him edging between my legs and I shift, tilting my hips, inviting him in. He doesn't hesitate and with one thrust he's buried inside me and he moans my name like a prayer.

He starts to move, setting a rhythm that is torturously slow but oh so good at the same time.

Our hands are slowly moving over each other, everywhere, flitting here, lingering there. We're both moaning and every time he says my name my heart wants to burst with the turmoil of emotions I am feeling.

I gently push him off me and he looks at me with a surprised smirk on his face. I turn around, sticking my hand out and pulling him back over me. He's hot and heavy as he fills me again and I push myself against him. But then suddenly he's gone, turning me over again and when he enters me this time his rhythm is faster, more urgent.

"I need to see you Bella. I need to look at you." He kisses me urgently, again quickening his rhythm. "And I need you to see me."

My heart is breaking and a tear leaves my eye again. He bends down and licks a trail from my eye to my ear. "I don't know what this is that I'm feeling inside but God, I hope it never goes away," he whispers. With that his rhythm becomes erratic and he comes with a guttural moan next to my ear. I hold his back, wet with sweat and I kiss his face, his neck and his shoulders as he comes back down to earth.

He moves next to me and pulls me laying facing him, our arms encircling each other, to scared to let go, to scared that if we do we'll wake up and realize this was just a dream. There is no need for words. I don't know how long we lie staring at each other before we fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**If you get a update email for Chapters 6, 7 and 9, please don't bother reading again, just fixed one or two mistakes.**

**I'm editing much faster than I expected so here's an early update. Another one will follow this week. Thanks to my faithful follower from the very beginning...**

_I open my front door and put my bag in the kitchen. I stand day dreaming for a while, thinking of Edward and our night before. I turn around and Jacob is there. I try to scream but no sound comes out. I back up till my back hits the wall and I know I'm trapped._

"_You stupid bitch. Did you really think you could get away from me?"_

_I'm crying and I'm terrified because I know what's coming. "Jacob, please, why can't you just leave me alone?"_

"_Because you're mine. You'll always be mine because you're too pathetic for anyone else to love."_

_I shake my head as he moves closer. He's taunting me, setting his pace for this torture he loves. "That's not true." _

"_Oh yes it is. Do you really think Pretty Boy you've been seeing cares about you? All you are is a quick screw and that's it. Really don't know why he bothers, you're not that good at all." He's laughing at me now._

"_How do you know about him?" I demand. I'm shaking._

_Suddenly he lunges forward, pressing me between the wall and his body and I feel sick. He leans forward, his lips by my ear. "I know everything. And if you don't stay away from him he will die." And then I'm screaming._

I wake up with a voice far away calling my name and I feel a hand on my arm. I'm still caught between my dream and reality and I jump off the bed trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness.

"Bella. Hey, baby, it's okay. It's just a dream." I spin around back to the bed and see Edward on his knees, looking at me warily, stretching his hand out to touch me. He looks helpless. He looks as helpless as I feel.

"No, I need to go. I need to…I can't be here with you…I…" I hear my words but I can't register them, can't comprehend and I can't string together a sentence. I'm shaking and I can taste the fear on my tongue.

I make my way to the lounge and I grab my clothes, dressing hastily. Somewhere in my mind I register it's raining outside.

"Bella." The voice is right behind me and I freeze, still shaking. "Bella, I'm going to touch you," he warns.

I don't move. I feel his hand lightly on my one shoulder, turning me around. I let him. I notice he's wearing pants, grey track pants that hang off his hips in a sinful way.

"Baby, it was just a dream. Nothing can hurt you here. No one will touch you when I'm with you."

I start crying hysterically. I feel like a fool and I feel stupid but fear overrides any rational thought trying to break through. "You don't understand Edward. He'll find me here. He'll find me with you and he'll kill you. I have to get away from here."

"If you think for one second I'm letting you leave in this condition you're sorely mistaken." He pulls me closer. "I know it feels real but it was just a dream."

"Stop it! Just stop it. Don't tell me what's real and what's not. You don't know what I'm feeling." I pull away from him, pulling the door open and walking into the rain. It's freezing and it gives me something else to feel besides the crippling terror in my heart.

"What do you care in any case? Huh? What am I to you? A fleeting good time to stroke your ego?" I'm screaming at him, standing in the rain like a crazy person high on crack. "Just a screw in the dark? Wham bam thank you Ma'am!"

"Stop it."

"Because honestly, why would you want me? Why would a seriously hot, amazing and caring man like you want to waste your time on someone like me?"

"Please, stop. Don't do this," he begs.

"No. I'm not falling for your lies anymore. This whole I care about you routine you've got going is getting old. Why don't you just tell it like it is, let's fuck for a few days and say goodbye."

He moves so fast I hardly register before my face is in his hands and he's bare chested in the rain and my God all I want to do is rip his pants off his body and make love to him right here, on the muddy ground in the rain.

"Bella. Please. I can't take this. You know what you're saying isn't true." I try to look away but he holds me facing him. "I can't begin to understand what you went through and how you are feeling. But please don't make what we have out to be some cheap fling. You're not what he told you. You're not useless and helpless and stupid and pathetic. You're amazing and honest and you're so hurt yet you somehow honored me by trusting me enough to let me in. Please don't kick me out now. Not after what we've shared."

I can't stop crying, I don't know what's rain and what's tears anymore and his eyes are shining in the dim outside light and it looks like he's crying as well. Well there you go dumb ass, he's crying you a fucking river like Justin Timberlake, is that what you wanted?

I don't know what to do so I do the one thing that I know will take it away. I pull him roughly to me and kiss him, wet hot kisses in the freezing cold rain. And he doesn't let go, he gives me all he has, pouring much needed energy into my body yet all of a sudden I feel so drained and tired I can hardly stand. He must feel me sagging against him because I'm in his arms and he carries me back in.

I watch him numbly as he sets me down and puts water in the bath. He undresses me again and pulls his pants off and he settles behind me in the warm water, pulling me back against his chest. I feel him washing me gently, he moves to the front and finishes, stands up and washes himself. His body naked, so close I can touch him is so hot but my soul has crept to the furthest corners of my heart and I don't have the energy to look for it.

He gently helps me out of the bath, dries me and in the bedroom tosses one of his shirts over my head and pulls me into bed. I lie with my back to his front, his arm a steel vice around me, his leg thrown over mine. I start thawing; silently contemplating my fate with this man and wishing the demons of the past would let me go.

I wake up to the sound of rain on the roof. It's a soothing sound and I close my eyes again. I realize that there are voices coming from the other side of the bedroom door. Ones I don't recognize.

Then I hear Edward laugh loudly and I relax. God, I love that sound. He sounds happy, carefree and I wish I was him. I sit up and think about the night before. What the hell happened? The dream is still fresh in my mind and I can still feel the fear coursing through my veins but it's not so bad anymore. My mind switches to Edward's arm around me and how he makes me feel safe and wanted and I feel a stupid grin spread across my face. I must look like Goofy.

The door opens a creak and I see him peeking through. The smile that lights his face turns my insides to jelly. How can he be so ridiculously happy to see me after last night?

"You're awake," he states the obvious, closing the door behind him and sits in front of me on the bed.

"That I am," I smile. "I hear we're not alone."

"Yeah. The guys arrived this morning at around seven. We're making breakfast."

"Okay. Should I leave and give you guys some space?"

He chuckles and takes my hand in his. "No way. They're dying to meet you. You can imagine their surprise when they burst through my bedroom door this morning and found that I wasn't alone. It took all I had to get them to leave you to sleep. I've had a lot of explaining to do."

"I wouldn't think it would be strange finding you in bed with a woman. You are a single god after all."

His laughter fills the room. "It's amazing how you see me. To me, I'm just me."

I'm laughing as well. "Well, to the female population you're definitely more than you think." I stop laughing. "And to me you're worth so much more than they will ever know."

He's stopped laughing as well. He leans forward and kisses me slowly. "And if I'm a god, that makes you a goddess," he whispers against my lips. "We need to talk about last night."

"Not now. Please. I really don't want to have another nervous breakdown with your friends around."

He stares at me. "When?"

I think about it. "I'll tell you what. There's this place down a sand path along the beach on the other side of town. We can get there with your 4 x 4. I've been going there since I was a kid. Why don't you and I go there this afternoon for sunset? It's really amazing and there's no one else around."

He's smiling again. "It's a deal. Just you and me. We'll take some wine and watch the sun set and we'll have our talk."

"Okay. But now, please, I need to get up." And then I remember. "Shit, I don't have anything to wear."

"That's true. Hhhmmm, maybe we should just stay here in that case."

"Edward, be serious." I look at him pointedly.

"Okay, you can't blame me for trying." He gets up and opens his bag, pulling out a pair of white cotton shorts with a drawstring. "Here, try this. You'll probably still be drowning in it but the drawstring will keep it up. As for a shirt, I think you look mighty fine in the one you have on now."

I put the pants on and pull it as tight as I can. It's okay but obviously too big and not mine. Oh well, it'll have to do.

He takes my hand and as he wants to open the door I stop him. "What if they don't like me," I ask, suddenly nervous that his friends won't approve. Every woman knows that a guy's friends are an important part of his life, maybe one of the most important and their approval is tantamount to the make or break of a relationship.

He smiles down at me, kisses the top of my head. "They'll love you. They know me; I don't make a habit of jumping into bed with every girl I meet. I haven't introduced them to someone in over two years. Come on," he says softly, opening the door and pulling me out behind him.

I follow him, smelling bacon and eggs and fried onions and I realize I am starving.

His two friends look up as we come in and they are all smiles. I make an observation that they're pretty good eye candy as well. Nowhere close to Edward but still.

"Jasper, Emmett, this is Bella. Bella, Jasper and Emmett." He gestures between us and I smile.

"Hi," both of them greet. Jasper comes around and shakes my hand. "Good to meet you."

"You too," I reply.

Emmett lifts his hands up, which is messed with the tomato he's busy cutting. "I'm sure you don't want to shake my hand right now," he jokes. I laugh with them.

Breakfast is comfortable. I'm on the couch with Edward on the floor between my legs. Emmett sits opposite Edward and Jasper is standing eating in the doorway. I take the time to look at them a little bit more. While Jasper's build is very similar to Edward and his hair a messy blonde, Emmett is way muscular with short black hair. Emmett is obviously the joker between the three of them.

We make small talk, they ask me the usual questions, where do I live, what do I do, how was it growing up in this beautiful little village, etc. I learn that both of them work the boats with Edward and they've all been friends since high school. They seem close, easy going with each other. In between they make jokes with each other and tell me silly stories which irritate Edward to no extent but he takes it in his stride. I hear about how it took him over a month to learn how to surf, how he just wouldn't give up until he mastered it. How they went through their skate boarding phase in high school and all three of them still have faint scars to prove their falls, which they are pretty proud of.

After we all clean up I announce that I need to get home.

"Oh come on Bella," Emmett pipes up. "What's the hurry? Stick around a bit."

After explaining that I would see them a little later in the afternoon I grab my wet clothes from the bathroom, kissing Edward at the front door and head home. A thought crosses my mind, wondering if they're wondering why I'm wearing his clothes and mine was lying on a wet heap in the bathroom.

I practically run, cutting a piece across the beach, hoping that my mom or dad don't drive past me wearing Edward's clothes and am relieved to find they are not at home.

After a shower and a much needed teeth brushing I do a general sweep of the house and wash what dishes are in the sink.

I spend some time with my younger brother in his room, listening to Live and Bryan Adams and we laugh about silly things and talk about everything and nothing. I feel normal around him. He's in primary school and doesn't know much about life yet but somehow being around him grounds me. I remember in high school when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend, Please Forgive Me of Bryan Adams was "the" song and I loved it. I woke up one morning with the song blaring in my ears after he moved the speakers from the lounge to my bedroom when he heard the song playing on the radio while I was sleeping. He is sweet, he is loving and I couldn't love anyone more, not even a blood brother.

When my mom and dad come in a bit later I'm in the kitchen trying out a rusk recipe that my mom got from a friend of hers a while back. I hate baking but I need something to do.

I take my dad some coffee where he's busy working and he corners me before I can get out. He's inquisitive, looking out for me. I answer him truthfully, knowing that if I lie to him and he finds out there will be trouble. My dad hates liars. He hates garlic as well but I think liars are number one. I don't talk much about Edward but I tell him I met someone and that I've been spending some time with him. I tell him they'll be leaving in a few days and they're from Hermanus. I mention the troller thing as well, shrugging, acting nonchalant. The only thing I lie about is the fact that I have much deeper feelings for Edward than what I am admitting. He tells me to be careful and gives me a spare key for the main door. He doesn't want me locked out in the middle of the night because I can't get in and they are sleeping. He's not stupid. He knows what I'm doing. I mumble a thank you, blushing and go back to the rusks.

Around five I ask my mom to finish the drying of the rusks and announce I'm going out and I don't know what time I'll be back. My mom makes some comment about how I'm out all the time and asks where I'm going. My dad comes to the rescue and tells my mom to relax and worry about the rusks which he wants with his coffee tomorrow morning.

It stopped raining this morning before I left Edward and the sky is still clear but the air is nippy. I've got a small back pack with me with his shorts and shirt I washed and to be safe a toothbrush, a brush, clean underwear and clothes in case I sleep over.

I thank my dad with my eyes and make my way back to the man who is pulling me to him like a magnet. There's no way I can stay away even though I probably should. But the more I spend time with him, the more I'm running out of logical reasons for me to put an end to whatever this is.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hope everyone is still enjoying the read. Leibeezer, again, thanks for your reviews...they help me to keep going...**

When I get there Edward has already packed a cooler box with wine, glasses and a few packets of biscuits and chips. Emmett and Jasper pull sad faces jokingly because they aren't invited.

The drive is fast and I'm glad to see Edward knows how to handle the sand road. Over the years many people have tried to drive it, getting stuck and have to walk back for assistance. We stop on the top of the sand dune and he takes out the cooler box, looking down on a piece of heaven the locals call Swemgat.

"This is amazing."

"That it is. I used to love coming here as a kid. We used to come on a Saturday, my family and my parents' friends and their children. Hang out all day, swim, braai."

We walk down the sand dune hand in hand towards the rock formation that harbors a natural rock pool the size of an average big swimming pool. With high tide the water comes over and fills it with clean water.

"You know. I never felt like I missed out on anything growing up. Kids that live in big cities get to go to the movies, hang out in malls, all those things. But I got to be here, the beach my personal playground so to speak. Nature a part of me. I wouldn't swop that for anything in the world."

"I know what you mean," Edward says. "Although Hermanus is bigger than this place it was still a way out and a magical place to grow up."

It's quite cold and I'm glad he's brought a blanket with. I lead him up the rocks to a part where it's quite flat, right next to the rock pool. Lucky for us it's low tide otherwise this wouldn't be possible. High tide surrounds the rock pool and in summer it's fine making your way through but the winter Atlantic is no joke.

We settle and I pull my beanie over my ears. We sip wine as the sun touches the ocean in a splash of color.

I decide to take the plunge and start the conversation that we came here to have. "I don't know what happened last night." My voice is soft, fighting to be heard over the breaking waves on the rocks. "I've had nightmares about him before but last night was different. It was…more intense."

I look at him and he's patiently waiting for me to let it all out.

"In my dream he knew about you. He knew I was spending time with you and he was so angry. He said that no one else would ever love me and that I was just a distraction to you. In my dream my fear wasn't so much for me Edward. It was for you. He told me if I didn't stay away from you he'd kill you." I sigh. "I know this must sound so ridiculous to you because saying it out loud sounds ridiculous to me but it felt so real. When I woke up I felt like all I needed to do was get away from you, to protect you."

He's quiet for a bit, pushing is fingers through his wind swept hair. It's an innocent move on his part but it ignites that flame in my stomach and I have to fight myself to not jump up and straddle him.

"Baby, this thing is eating you alive. It's going to become so bad that you're not going to be who you are anymore. On top of everything you've been through you now have the added stress of thinking that you need to somehow protect me." He moves closer, brushing his fingers down my cheek and I lay my face into his hand. "I can promise you this. I'm the last person you need to protect. If he ever so much as comes within a 100 meters from you I will kill him myself."

"I know that Edward. And I love how safe you make me feel. Like I said, it was just an irrational dream, that's all."

"Not irrational Bella. I know it's going to take a long time for you to heal but I want you to know that I want to be a part of that journey." He moves closer, his eyes on mine, his breath on my lips and I can't hear or see or smell anything else. "Let me be there for you." His lips gently touch mine and I sigh into his mouth, our tongue tips just touching each other, tasting, memorizing. I thread my fingers through his golden hair and deepen the kiss, licking him from the inside out.

"I need you Edward. I need you much more than I should," I confess.

He's kissing my neck, gently sucking, nibbling. "Who says how much you should need me? If it works for us, that should be enough to tell us we have something good going."

And that's good enough for me. I clamber on top of him, straddling him and already he's hard and hot against me. I love how he responds to me, as if he can't help it. The same as me. It's not long before my shirt and bra are gone and the cold sea air runs goose bumps over my skin.

"Baby, it's too cold, let's get out of here," he mumbles against my neck.

"No, I'm fine. I don't want to go anywhere." I moan as he sucks my nipple into his mouth. God, is it normal for it to feel so good?

I get up hastily, taking my pants off, smirking at him as he pulls his off as well. Why is he so damn good looking?

I climb back onto him and slide myself up and down against him, eliciting a drawn out groan from his perfect lips.

"Oh Bella. Fuck, you're so ready for me." If he only knew what it did to me when he spoke to me like that.

I lift myself and when I come back down he's inside of me and once again I am lost in the myriad of feelings I feel for him.

It's intense, so intense tears spring to my eyes. I don't know if it's the cold or this place or just him but within seconds I'm shuddering around him, biting into his shoulder. I'm not sure if that's normal, he literally hasn't been inside me for more than half a minute and I'm crumbling around him.

His arms are around me as I move over him, taking every single inch of him. I'm so sensitive and I can feel myself building again. A slow burn spreads through me and it feels divine. Is this possible? It's a miracle if I do have an orgasm, never mind two in a matter of minutes. But then again, I haven't been with someone who actually cared whether I have one or not.

"I love the way you feel," he whispers, looking at me with such adoration.

"Edward," I whimper, on the brink of falling. Falling over the edge, falling head over feet for this magnificent creature, falling in love. How is this possible? I don't know but it is what it is and my body is erratic in its movements, not sure what's going on but knowing that it wants whatever is coming.

"It's okay baby, I've got you," he assures me.

"I can't…not again…" I mumble feebly. I'm scared I'm going to pass out; I'm battling to force myself to keep on breathing.

"Oh yes you can. I love how you feel when you come, you squeeze me so tight," he breathes, all the while holding my gaze. His mouth is open and he's panting just as hard as me. I'm not the only dog that's had a run in the park.

He's in me, around me, over me and under me and then I can't hold back anymore. I let go, moaning loudly into the night air as I watch him fall apart as well. We kiss softly, easing ourselves down from the high of soaring in each other's arms. "I can't get enough of you," he chuckles.

"Feeling's mutual," I say, kissing down his cheek into his neck. His arms are still wound tight around me, keeping me safe.

I don't know how he does it but in a carefully maneuvered move I'm under him on the blanket with him still inside me, covering me with his godly glory. He's keeping me warm. I grab the once side of the blanket and manage to sort of cover him. It's icy cold now that I'm actually paying attention but I don't want to break this chain that is bounding us together at this moment.

We lie like that for ages, kissing softly, touching here and there; talking about whatever crosses our minds. And when he starts to move inside me again I'm with him, holding him tight to me as we take each other to the skies again.

I wake up in my own bed, lazily stretching and loving the jelly feeling still in my legs. I know I'm grinning like a damn fool again. I decided to rather sleep at home last night, not wanting to really give my parents something to quiz me about. After Edward had dropped me around the corner from my house I had battled for ages to fall asleep. It had taken all I had not to walk down to the caravan park and climb through his window like a creepy mad woman. Not that I think he would have minded.

I sigh, leaning back against my pillows with my knees pulled up and stare at the ceiling. What am I going to do? And these feelings I have, I'm too scared to call it what it is because it shouldn't be. Edward keeps telling me that if we are doing something that makes us happy then why should we conform to the norm but I'm scared of something so strong that should take a long time to develop. But then again, a mother loves her infant the moment she lays eyes on him. Is that not love at first sight? Not the same you silly thing. Not the same at all. This isn't right, no matter which way you spin it. But why not? Who's to say that I can't have these feelings and enjoy them without feeling guilty about it? Tell me, who?

My inner monologue freaks me out and I take a shower, trying to think of anything but Edward. I fail miserably.

Back in my room I see I have a text. I dress quickly and then read it.

E - *Good Morning. Up yet?*

B - *Yeah, just had a shower. What u up to?*

E - *Bored, miss you, wish you were here.*

B - *Feel that way too. Almost climbed through your window last night.*

E - *You should have. It was awful waking up without you.*

My heart is pounding in my chest. Not fluttering, but pounding. He says something like that to me and I just melt.

Before I can respond another message comes through.

E - *So, what's on the agenda for today?*

I smirk. Is he just assuming that I'm going to spend the day with him?

B - *Sorry, have to skip today. Think I'll take a drive with my mom and go do some shopping in Cape Town.*

E - *Serious?*

B - *Serious.*

No message but my phone starts ringing and I start laughing.

"Edward," I answer.

"Come on now. You can't be serious. I'm not going to see you the whole day?"

"Afraid not. I'll let you know when I get back. Spend some time with Emmett and Jasper. Go fishing, go surfing, get drunk, whatever you want."

Silence for a few seconds and then he's chuckling. "Ok, but please let me know when you're back. Have a good time, be safe. I'll see you later."

"Sure. You need anything while I'm out that way?"

"No thanks, I'm good. If I think of something I'll let you know."

"Okay. And the guys? They need anything?"

"Oh Baby, you still have a lot to learn about them. They always need something, mostly unnecessary things but they'll always think of things so I'm not even going to ask."

I laugh. "Okay, well, let me go, I can hear my mom opening the garage and she doesn't know I'm going with."

"Okay. Talk later."

"Okay. Bye."

I rush down the stairs and catch my mom as she's reversing out of the driveway.

It's nice spending time with her. She doesn't pry and I'm thankful for that. I do however offer some information on Edward and his friends, telling her a bit about them and how nice it is to spend time with them. I don't single Edward out too much. She says she's actually glad that I'm spending time with people that make me laugh and she thinks it's a good thing seeing as though I've just been to hell and back.

We do our shopping in Tableview and I ask her to stop at the surf shop in Blaawberg. She comes in with me and looks around while I scout out some beanies. I've noticed most of his surf clothing is Billabong and I buy us both a simple black Crook Beanie from their range.

Luckily my mom doesn't notice that I'm buying two. She's standing outside watching the kite surfers move along the shore. I join her and we stand a few minutes enjoying the site.

We have lunch on the way back at the Blue Peter Hotel. The sun is out and there's no wind and we sit outside, enjoying the bit of warmth breaking through the heart of winter. We have our usual calamari and I enjoy two Savannah's with it. I feel at peace with myself for the first time in a while. It feels good and I know it has more to do with Edward than I am willing to admit. He's somehow managed to convince me that I am worth more than what I think, that I deserve to smile and be happy. On top of that I am slowly starting to believe that I might actually deserve someone like him.

We're just about done when I get an sms from a number I don't recognize.

J - *Hey Bella, it's me, Jasper. Awe man, Edward is gonna kill me when I learns I took your number from his phone.*

I giggle.

B - *Hey Jasper, what's up? I'm guessing you need something?* I remember Edward's warning from this morning.

J - *How'd you guess? If you're still around that side, can I sms you some things quickly?*

B - *That's fine. Fire away.*

He sends me a short list and I ask my mom to stop at the shop in Melkbos quickly, explaining the guys need some things. She waits in the car and I run in to buy the items on Jasper's list. When I get to the last item, which is condoms, I realize this one must be there just for kicks. I make my way to the men's section and try to stifle my laugh as I take about seven packs of different packs, ranging from studded to edible. Just for the joke I throw in a bottle of lube as well. He wants to play this game, I can play it too.

On the way back I send Jasper an sms.

B - *Hi. Got your stuff.*

J - *Great. You coming over? Lighting the fire around 18h00.*

I'm so full at the moment I can't even think of food without feeling sick.

B - *Sure. I'll be there. Just don't expect me to eat. Had a big lunch!*

J – *Bet I can get you to try my famous smoked ribs.*

Hhmm, now that does sound delicious.

B - *Maybe. C u later.*

Back at home I call Edward to tell him I'll be there around six. He moans a bit about the time in between but I ignore him. I know he's only thinking what I'm thinking, that we only have so much time at our disposal before we part ways and possibly part for good.

The thought sends a nervous shiver down my spine and tears threaten to spill over and I'm surprised at just how the idea of never seeing him again eats at my delicate balance of emotions. I knew from the beginning this could be a possibility but I've chosen to ignore it thus far.


	8. Chapter 8

**'Cause Leibeezer asked me so nice...a bit of fun ending with a bit of drama...**

I'm surprised when my mom says I can take her car. I was contemplating asking Edward to fetch me as I had the stuff I bought for Jasper but was dreading the awkward meeting of the parents. My parents are pretty laid back and cool but still, it isn't appropriate when we don't know where we will be standing with each other when he leaves.

I thank her and after helping her with the supper preparations I make my way down to the caravan park. I've loaded my unused backpack from last night in the boot as well. I want to wake up in his arms tomorrow morning, if he'll have me.

I stop in front of the chalet, the fire roaring and various drinks standing on the table. I don't see anyone and walk inside. Still no one. A roar of laughter lures me back outside and I see the three of them running down the gravel road towards the house. All three shirtless, all three yummier than Kelly Slater on a good day.

Edward spots me as I stand laughing and somehow pulls an extra bit of strength together to pass his friends and win the race within an inch of his life. They fall down on the ground, laughing in between trying to catch their breath.

"No fair!" Emmett shouts. "You only won 'cause you had a prize at the finish line." Edward kicks him jokingly on his leg from the side and we're all still laughing.

Edward jumps up and grabs me in a vice grip, swings me around once before putting me down and gently touching my lips with his fingers. He's staring at me so intently, just feeling my lips as if he wants to memorize them somehow.

Jasper breaks the moment. "Edward and Bella sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" He and Emmett howl with laughter as they also get up from the ground.

Edward snickers, amused by his friends' childishness.

"Oh yeah, great, very mature Jasper," I snort, walking to the boot of the car. "What have you guys been up to?"

"Went fishing this morning. Didn't catch anything. Plus we didn't stay out too long with the boat, swells were huge and getting bigger by the minute," Jasper mentions as he takes a swig of beer.

"Went for a drive to Darling. Just checked it out a bit," Emmett says, bending down and stretching his legs.

"Ran circles around these two chumps," Edward pipes up pretty proudly and the other two groan and protest.

"Hey Jasper, give me a hand here will you?" I ask innocently. Edward looks at me questioningly, probably wondering why I don't ask him as he's the closest to me.

"What you got there Bella?" he asks.

"Oh, just some things Jasper asked for."

"What?" He sounds mad as he turns on Jasper but I'm not sure if he really is or if he's joking.

Jasper backs away back toward the gravel road, his hands held up in front of him. "Edward, calm down man. I needed some stuff."

"How did you get her number?" he asks, stalking after him.

"I…I took it off your phone man."

That's it. Not another word is necessary. Edward lunges and Jasper turns heel and runs for dear life. Edward is hot on his heels as they round the corner.

I turn around to Emmett and I can imagine that I have a look of horror on my face. Crap, that didn't go well. But then Emmett is laughing as he sees my expression and comes over to help me.

"No sweat Bella. Relax. They're only joking. I'm sure Edward is pretty pissed that he took your number without asking but he won't do any permanent damage. Plus, he's got to catch Jasper first and between the three of us he is the fastest." He stands frowning for a bit. "But then, come to think of it, Edward has the most endurance so he'll keep on chasing till Jasper slows down."

He helps me carry the bags inside, putting them in his and Jasper's room. "I'm gonna hop in the shower if you don't mind. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, don't worry," I say, heading for the fridge. "I'll pour myself some wine. Get in the shower before they come back and use all the hot water."

I sit outside by myself after I put some more wood on the fire and wait for any signs of the returning men. Nothing so far. How far have they gone?

Emmett is back in no time, freshly showered. He's donned in, wait for it, a surf shirt and track pants. Seems Edward is not the only one into surfing.

He's carrying a beer in his hand and sits next to me, lighting a cigarette. The smell overwhelms me and I suck in a deep breath. I haven't had one in three weeks and till now I've been doing quite well.

He looks at me from the side. "Want a drag?"

"I really shouldn't. I haven't smoked for three weeks," I respond, taking a big gulp of my wine. Emmett laughs.

"Come on, one drag isn't going to kill you."

I almost grab it from his fingers and fill my lungs with the smoke. It should be vile but it is so good. As he wants to take it back I flick his fingers away. "Get your own," I mumble as I put it back to my lips.

He laughs and lights himself another Camel.

"You're good for him you know," he says all of a sudden.

"Yeah? How do you know? You don't even know me," I answer.

"Don't have to know you. We very rarely get to see Edward this happy. Look, don't get me wrong, he's a generally happy guy, not much that gets him down. But it's like you've just boosted that happiness to a level we've never seen him on," he says softly. "He's been on edge all day waiting to see you." He laughs, looking at me all embarrassed. "Well, that's how it seems to me anyhow. Jasper thinks the same thing. He's radiating positive energy all around him, it's kind of freaky."

We laugh but he soon sobers up. "Whatever it is, don't stop doing it."

"Oh Emmett, that's not up to me, or him I think. Our mercy is in the hands of fate right now."

He's pensive for a few seconds. As he gets up and takes my glass for a refill he says over his shoulder: "Well take it back."

I smile sadly behind his back, grateful that Edward has such good friends that look out for him.

I hear laughter as Edward and Jasper come walking around the corner, sweating profusely and hanging on each other's shoulders for support.

I get up and fold my arms around me, keeping my heart in my chest. I'm too scared to think the thought but it slips out anyway…how wonderful it would be to welcome him home every day.

"You're smoking," he states as they get closer. He doesn't look upset though but I throw it down and stomp on it anyway.

Jasper makes his way into the house stating that he is going for a shower. I vaguely here him and Emmett talking inside the house.

"Hey, what did you do that for?" he asks. I don't answer but look everywhere except to him.

"Bella, look at me." I look up. "If you want to smoke go right ahead. I'd never tell you what you can or can't do. I want to be a part of your life, not the principal of it."

I'm surprised when he takes a cigarette out of the Camel packet on the table, lights it and takes a few drags. I'm smirking at him now, realizing that I'm being silly. It was a knee jerk reaction. I'm so used to having to explain myself to someone else and live up to their expectations that this is new to me, this freedom of not having to answer to anybody. He hands me the cigarette and I take it, once again enjoying a drag as I sit down.

"Sorry about that. I have much to get used to. I'm only now starting to realize that I don't have to be afraid of doing what I want to do."

He kneels in front of me. His face and body is glimmering from the sweat in the light of the fire and I can't fight the impulse, I reach my hand out and drag it down his cheek, down his neck, over his pecs. I lean over and kiss him with all the passion I can muster without detonating my heart in my chest. I pull away and he leans his forehead against mine.

"Never be afraid of me. Please, promise me that."

"I can't promise you that I won't be afraid, Edward. I still have a long way to go. But I can promise you that when I do silly things like that it's not you that physically scares me, it's just habits that I need to get rid of. Being afraid is a habit; it was a necessity for so long, almost like a friend. If I ever give you the impression that I am afraid of you, please forgive me, it's not my intention."

"I know Bella. I know. Thanks for saying it though, it makes me feel better."

"Oh," I say, jumping up and fetching the beanies in the car. "I bought us something today." I'm excited about a beanie, how stupid can I be. Can you believe it? I pull his over his head and put mine on as well. "Bingo," I whisper, pulling him in for a kiss.

"Thanks Baby. That's awesome," he says, claiming my lips as if he just can't get enough.

"What the fuck?!"

We both jump as we hear Emmett's screaming followed by unhindered, stomach rumbling laughter. It sounds so hilarious that Edward and I are already laughing on our way in before we even know what's going on.

We walk in on Emmett standing in front of a freshly showered Jasper with the lube in his hand. I start laughing harder. I clench my stomach and my eyes are crying happy tears and I can't stop.

Jasper jumps up and almost tackles me to the bed, tickling me in my sides while I scream for mercy. Edward and Emmett stand looking at us like we're idiots.

"Think that's funny do you?" Jasper asks in between tickling me. I somehow manage to kick him off and he goes sprawling across the floor, still laughing.

"Care to fill us in?" Edward asks.

"Well," I start, trying to catch my breath. "Jasper here decided it was quite funny asking me to buy him a pack of condoms with his other things. I think he did it for the heck of it if you ask me." I look towards Jasper and he nods, still laughing.

"Anyway, I didn't know what type to get so I just bought him several types. I thought I'd get him back and bought him a bottle of lube to go with it. Because, you know, I didn't know where he wanted to stick it." I crack up again with the last sentence and Jasper and I are literally howling with laughter as Edward and Emmett go through the various condom packets and inspect the bottle lube. They're laughing, but not as much as us but God, it feels so good to let go, to joke, to laugh, to not have to worry about the wrath of a demon because I'm having a good time.

We eventually make it back outside and enjoy a few drinks as the meat braais. The smoked ribs smell divine.

"Who's up for some tequila?" Edward asks walking out with a bottle of Jose and a bottle of lime. There are tot measures on the top of the bottles.

"Gross. Don't think so. I haven't had that since I had alcohol poisoning at my matric farewell."

They look at me stunned. "You did not."

"I did so. I've never felt that crap in my entire life. Take your worst hangover ever, multiply it by one hundred and you're still not close."

I continue to tell them the tale and everything after and they are killing themselves laughing.

"Okay, let me give it to you like I take it, I promise you'll hardly taste it." Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing at Edward's statement.

"Man," Jasper says. "That sounded so crude."

"Shut it asshole!" Edward jokes.

I'm skeptical. "Umm, okay."

He gets up, a bottle in each hand and stands directly behind me. "Let your head hang back," he says softly.

I do as he says and I look up to him. This isn't something I'm used to but I trust him. Oh, I trust him with my entire being.

"Okay, now, I'm going to pour a little of both in your mouth and when I'm done, you swallow. Easy peasy."

Jasper and Emmett are cracking up at the innuendos but I'm finding the entire thing extremely erotic. I try to tune them out to a faint background noise. I open my mouth and Edward pours a little of both bottles into my mouth. We're watching each other the entire time. He finishes and I close my mouth, swallowing.

"Hhhmm, that's pretty good," I say smiling. "Told you," he says. "Another one?"

I open my mouth in response and he does it again.

"Oh for God's sake kiddies, get a room," Emmett pipes up. Edward tosses both bottles his way and to his credit he catches them perfectly. I think of Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

"Wish we could." Edward says, leaning over, kissing me from the back and walking around to check the meat.

We're pretty much silent as we eat. My appetite has returned and I compliment Jasper on the ribs, they really are finger licking good.

We have some more drinks afterwards and I think we are all pretty much drunk.

Edward pulls me up and starts leading me away towards the beach. We don't say anything, we just leave. I hear snickers behind us and roll my eyes.

We're swaying a little as we walk. Jip, definitely had too much to drink. We're on top of the dune when Edward turns around and roughly pulls me to him. His lips crash to mine, demanding and jeez, I'm loving it.

And then somehow we're on the ground and his hand is under my hoodie and my legs are wrapped around his waist.

"We shouldn't be doing this," he says all of a sudden, but his hand is still on my breast, his fingers teasing my already hard nipple.

"Why not?" I mumble, nibbling his neck.

"We're drunk. I'm taking advantage of you," he whispers. I laugh as I roll him over, straddling him. I sit up, pulling my hoodie over my head. I gasp as the cold air hits my warm skin but somehow it feels so good.

"Well now I'm in charge," I say pulling his hands back up to my breasts. "So technically I'm taking advantage of you."

"Fuck, I love you," he breathes.

I freeze instantly.

So does he.


	9. Chapter 9

**If you're jumping to the last chapter today, please go ready chapter 8 first...Leibeezer being sweet as usual and asking me to hurry up so here's an extra for a weekend treat.**

We're staring at each other for a long while not saying anything.

My brain overrides the warm feeling in my heart and I jump up, grabbing my hoodie and putting it back on. He's sitting up staring at me wearily. He reaches for me but I move back.

"I need to get going," I say as calmly as I can.

"Bella," he says getting up. "No, don't. Fuck!" He runs his hand through his hair and I find myself wanting to do it too but I turn and start walking. I can hear him behind me but he doesn't try to stop me. I'm trying to walk as carefully as I can with all the alcohol in my system.

Jasper and Emmett are still sitting outside as we near them.

"Wow, that was fast," Jasper jokes and I can almost feel the death glare I am sure Edward throws his way.

"I'm calling it a night guys," I smile, not wanting to embarrass Edward in front of them. This is my issue to deal with.

I grab my bag and keys from the table and wave as I get into the car. He's standing there looking at me with a frustrated glare. I know he's not angry with me. But I also know he's just about kicking himself at the moment.

I reverse carefully and drive very slowly out of the caravan park. A split second decision finds me making my way to the parking lot at the beach and I turn the car off. I grab the bottle of wine on the back seat and scratch in the cubbyhole for cigarettes. I thank my mom when I find a packet with a few and a lighter. Taking her back up cigarette stash and my bottle I make my way to the beach and almost fall down on the cold sand.

Fuck, what the hell? What was that? Was that an 'I love you' meaning I love the fact that you're so willing or was it an 'I love you' meaning way much more than it should? The tears start streaming down my face as I light a cigarette. I open the bottle of wine and thank whoever thought of screw tops instead of corks. I take a long lug and find it disgustingly warm but I ignore it. I also ignore the fact that I'm probably going to puke my guts out later as well and take another gulp.

The cigarette burns my throat. I hate Benson & Hedges. Loathe it as much as I loathe Paul Revere but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

I'm sobbing now but I don't even try to stop it. The thing is, I've time and again admitted to myself that I feel more for Edward than I should. I've known him a total of five days. Five days! Can you love someone in five days? My heart beats faster at the question I pose myself and I know the answer to it. It's a simple yes. Who defines what love is? Who? Who gets to tell me or anyone else for that matter that they can't love someone instantly? What bullshit is that? If I know what I'm feeling then why must I conform to society's laws regarding a fucking waiting period to tell someone how I feel? Why should I push Edward away because some stupid asshole long ago thought Romeo and Juliet were idiots and that love should grow over time?

As I wipe my running nose on my sleeve I look to the side and see a lone figure walking towards me. I can't make out who it is but I don't care. I'm drunk and I'm armed with a half a bottle of very good wine so either they'll kill me straight away or I'll offer them a drink. I laugh out loud at the thought through my tears that just won't stop.

As the person comes closer I see it's Jasper and I make to get up and leave before he sees me in this state.

"Bella, wait!" he shouts jogging closer. Damn it. I sit down and decide that I actually don't care what he thinks. I take the last drag of my cigarette, kill it and light another one right away.

He plonks himself down next to me. "Mind if I share?" he asks lightly. I look at him and I see the shock on his face when he sees my surely red blotched face.

"Man, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" I ask sarcastically, offering him a cigarette which he takes and lights. He grabs the bottle out of my hand, takes a gulp as well and gives it back.

"Sorry Bella. I had no idea you were down here. I took a walk over to the beach and saw your car parked here."

I don't answer, I just take another gulp of wine and I keep on crying.

"Hey, I know you don't actually know me but if you need to talk I'm a good listener."

"Thanks Jasper, but I don't think it appropriate discussing your best friend with you."

He takes the bottle again but doesn't say anything.

And then something happens. Like a gate of emotions opening and rushing out before I can stop it. "The thing is, I really like Edward. And I know he likes me. And both of us want to try and see where this thing will take us but I'm scared Jasper. I'm really scared. I'm not going to go into details but I just came out of a very abusive relationship and I'm broken."

I'm crying to hard now and I feel his hand on my shoulder. I look at him and I know I must look so pathetic. My voice is a whisper now. "I'm so broken I don't know if I'll ever be fixed. But every day I spend with Edward I feel a bit better. A bit myself, you know. Like someone could actually love me for whom I am. Thing is, I don't feel so worthy and it baffles my mind that someone like Edward could actually like me. Love me." I take a deep breathe. "He told me tonight he loves me and I can't wrap my head around it. I tell myself it's too soon but then I tell myself who says. Who says we can't feel what we feel." I take another gulp. "I just don't know Jasper. And not knowing scares the shit out of me. I know Edward would never hurt me physically but I'm so caught up with him that if he drops me…who's going to fix me then?"

He's quiet for a while as we both stare at the breakers. I shiver and he moves slightly closer, letting our shoulders touch and I lay my head on him.

"Shit. Well, that's a lot to process. Look, I don't have answers. All I know is that you seem like a really amazing woman. A beautiful woman that's been treated badly and now has the chance to be happy but it seems you can't allow yourself happiness because you feel you don't deserve it. My advice is to test the unknown waters. To hell with being too scared. Just do it."

I look at him while he talks. "It's like our job. Every time we get on that boat we know there's a good chance we won't be coming back. But we do it anyway. The thrill of it overrides the fear. You've got to learn to let go Bella. Just let it be. Just live."

I know he's right. He knows he's right. I'm so drunk right now but I know he's right.

I start laughing then. I don't know why but I do. It seems to be infectious because he's laughing with me suddenly and I'm crying and laughing and wiping my nose on my already wet as hell hoodie sleeve.

"Come on, let me take you back. You're in no condition to drive that car home. If you don't want to come back to our place let me take you home and I'll walk back."

"I'll come back to you rather. Less questions to answer tomorrow if my mom happens to see me like this with her car."

I get up and almost lose my balance but he grabs me from the side. And then it happens. I try to stop it but it doesn't help.

I bend over and my stomach contents come pouring out. It's gross and I'm too drunk to be embarrassed as Jasper holds my hair back and rubs my back.

"That's it," he laughs. "Let it out, you'll feel better."

"Fuck off," I mumble before my stomach heaves again. I can taste wine and tequila and smoked ribs and it feels like forever before I straighten myself.

He's still laughing and I chuckle. "Wow, that was totally disgusting," I manage.

"Yeah it was. Wish I had a camera." He's laughing so hard he's holding his stomach. I think we're going to be good friends.

"Shut it." He's still holding me as we walk up to the car. He drives us back to the caravan park and locks the car.

"Edward's in his room. Emmett is sleeping. I think I'll hit the deck as well."

I make my way into the bathroom with my bag to brush my teeth.

As he opens his bedroom door I touch his shoulder from behind. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

I brush my teeth three times before heading into Edward's room. The light is off but he's sitting up against the wall on the bed.

I close the door. He hasn't moved. I feel stupid and I don't know what to do.

"Hey," he says quietly.

"Hi. Um, is it okay if I stay over?"

He gets up in an instant and grabs me to him, holding me tight. I wrap my arms around him and hold on for dear life. I can't let him go. I can't let this go, this thing we have.

"I was worried about you. Where were you?"

"On the beach. Jasper found me and brought me back."

"Good," he whispers. "That's good."

"Look Edward, I know we need to talk but I'm exhausted and drunk and I really need to lie down."

"I understand. Come on then, take those clothes off."

I do as he says and he pulls one of his shirts over my head. I curl up in a pitiful ball in bed and he curves his body around mine from behind. I think I instantly fall asleep.

I wake up and check my phone groggily. It's three in the morning and my mouth feels like a desert storm hit it. I slowly disentangle myself from Edward and make my way to the kitchen. I hit the jackpot when I spot a bottle of orange juice in the fridge and I gulp down two glasses before I stop shaking. I'm so hung over and my throat is raw from getting sick last night.

I make my way to the bathroom and again brush my teeth just in case the three times last night didn't help.

I get back into bed and find I can't go back to sleep. Edward is facing me and I watch his peaceful breathing, his serene face and I want to touch him. And I do. I move the blankets down and start at his face, lightly tracing my fingers over his brow, the bridge of his nose, his lips. I move down caressing his throat, letting my fingers wander over his gorgeous arms, his stomach, hesitating before I slide my hand into his pants.

He moves then ever so slightly, moaning a delicious moan. He's hot there and hardens at my touch instantly.

I look back up to his face and see him looking at me. I softly put my lips to his and he opens immediately, my tongue meeting his half way. I can't stop staring into his eyes. My hand moves out of his pants and around his waist and I pull myself closer to him, wrapping my leg over his. I don't know why but my need for him is a sudden dull ache spreading through my body, a need taking over as I sit up and pull his shirt over my head. I pull his pants down his legs and straddle him. He sits up, kissing me again, holding my face in his hands so softly, almost as if he's afraid I'll crumble into pieces. If only he knew I'm crumbling inside.

I lift myself and slide back down and the feeling of him inside me is a glorious friction I lose myself in. I move slowly and he moans into my mouth. I want to stay like this forever, just like this. When I'm with him this way nothing bad can touch me.

My hands are in his hair, holding him close.

"I'm sorry about tonight," I whisper.

"Me too. But I'm not sorry about what I said."

I nod, acknowledging that I know. I think I knew when he said it. I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

"You feel so good Edward. In every way, you feel so good."

My movements are faster now and I know it won't be long before I'm falling apart over him. He knows it too because his arm snakes around my waist, holding me tight. He knows my body so well already.

"Edward, I think I love you too," I finally admit. It's a breathy confession as my body works towards that feeling of utter bliss. I needed to tell him. I need him to know.

It's his turn to nod. "I know Baby. I think I knew it before you."

I whimper as I stand atop the clouds, floating…and then I crash. My body tenses around him and he has the good mind to kiss me as I moan loudly into his mouth because I just can't seem to care that we aren't alone.

He's not far behind and when he moans as well I feel him jerking inside of me, his hand fisting in my hair and I marvel at my ability for making him feel so good. In this moment, we belong not to ourselves, but to each other.

I move to get off but he pulls me down and I lay my head on his chest, his heartbeat slowly returning to normal.

"I've been trying to figure this out so much," I start. "Analyzing every move we make, every emotion we're caught up in." I lift my head, propping my chin on his chest. "But I've realized that I'm spending so much time playing the devil's advocate that I've lost sight of what's really important. Which is us. You and me together, that's the only thing that matters to me right now. And on some level that bothers me, the fact that I'm basing my happiness on us but Jasper said something last night that hit home."

He looks at me questioningly, rubbing his hands over my thighs.

"He said that in order to be happy I needed to let go and just dive in. He said some other things too but I think I know what he means. I want to try Edward. I know there's always a possibility of disappointment in everything we do in life but I'll never forgive myself if I don't try."

He sits up and gently flips me over, hovering over me. "You have no idea how I feel right now. I think I could possibly be the happiest guy on earth at this very moment. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work."

His hand moves lightly over my shoulder and settles on my neck. I don't flinch and I can still breathe. "See," he says moving closer. "That right there is trust. A few days ago I wouldn't be able to do that without seeing the panic in your eyes. And trust is the basis of any relationship. If we have that down then we're halfway there."

His kiss is so full of adoration and passion that I feel his worship fill my body. I'm very aware that he's rock hard inside of me again and when he starts moving I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper because it feels like I can't get close enough.

This is different. It's more. My admission of love has opened a whole new level to the way we touch each other, the way we kiss, the way we make love.

We only stop when the birds start singing and we fall asleep with the tendrils of our love snaked around our hearts.


	10. Chapter 10

**For Leibeezer...because you ask so nice. Thanks to everyone who is reading, alerted, favorited, etc. this story. It means so much to me. Please leave a review if you feel like it...Now...once again, a bit of fun and a bit of serious...**

We wake up with an insistent knocking on our door. I groan and pull the pillow over my head.

"Go away," Edward mumbles.

"No can do Bro! The weather is perfect for that boat trip we've been wanting to take to the island. Now get your asses out of bed." Emmett sounds positively giddy. These guys could have been pirates.

I'm suddenly filled with excitement. I haven't been to the island in what feels like forever. This is something I want to share with them.

I get up, acutely aware of Edward watching me as I dress.

"Come on Edward! Get up. This is going to be amazing, you'll see."

"We're leaving the day after tomorrow," he states something that I know too well. Something that I'm trying to ignore.

I slowly turn around, my chest closing and I'm fighting hard to keep breathing normally. "I know." My words are almost a whisper. "But let's not think of that today. Let me enjoy this with you. It's something I've been doing my whole life and I want to show it to you."

He smiles sadly, getting up and he starts dressing. "Agreed."

Before we leave the room we hold each other for a few seconds. We don't talk. There's not much to say at this point without it turning into a full blown conversation so we take what we can get from each other without expressing words.

Jasper and I make a run to the shop while Edward and Emmett do some checks on the boat. I make sure they have a gas burner and pot on the boat before we leave. Besides the drinks I take butter, garlic and chili and when they ask I tell them to wait and see. I also buy some fresh rolls and butter them before we go.

I drop my mom's car on the way down and let my dad know we're going to the island. He's not too happy. He's never liked me going on a boat with anyone if he wasn't the skipper. He stares pensively out to the ocean for a bit before mumbling his okay. I kiss him on his cheek and he smiles. I promise to call in on the radio if anything goes wrong. I know I don't need permission but when it comes to the sea I trust my dad's judgment 100% and always take my cues from him where that's concerned.

Edward and I are sitting on the boat as we head down to the harbor. I breathe in the fresh salty air and as it fills my lungs I feel excited and nostalgic and happy and sad all at once. I turn my head into the wind and look at Edward. He has his eyes on the ocean and he is so beautiful my heart aches.

The launch goes perfect and Edward takes the helm, guiding us to the open waters. The weather is perfect and I can see other fishing boats in the distance. We make the 10 kilometer trip to the island without hitch. I'm almost jumping with excitement as we close in.

There are some fishing boats at the reef to the right hand side of the island but I take them right to the front.

"Okay guys, we're not allowed to put foot on the island and I doubt you want to swim in winter so what do you say we haul up some crayfish?"

"Bella," Edward sighs. "You know it's not season. It's illegal to take out now."

"So what, stick in the mud? Who's gonna stop me?"

"I like it! Girl's got spirit," Emmett says.

Jasper and I ready two crayfish nets with bait and drop them strategically between the bamboo. The water is so clear it's dreamy.

We have a few beers waiting it out for twenty minutes.

I go to pull up the first net but Edward stops me. "Come on Baby, it's too difficult, let me do it."

I smirk at him, swatting him away. "Edward, I was born to do this. I've been doing it since I was 14 years old." With that I give the rope one hard tug upwards, ensuring the crayfish are trapped inside and lug it up. I'm not lying, it's hard, but I love it. Up and out and we have seven crayfish. Jackpot! I look at them proudly, a smile so big my face hurts.

They cheer and I pull up the second one which only gives us two but it's enough for what I want to do.

"Come on Jazz, light that sucker," I say pointing to the gas burner, him smiling at the nickname I just gave him. He does as instructed and adds the butter, garlic and chili while I break the tails off the crayfish. I dump them in, closing the lid, take a beer and Jasper hands me a Camel.

Feet up, swaying gently with the bobbing of the boat. "Now we wait." I stare at the lighthouse in the distance.

"We used to come here in summer for weekends. My dad knew the guy and his wife that lived here those years. I loved it. In the morning for about an hour and again the afternoon we can't leave the house because the penguin colony moves from one side of the island to the other. I used to take my notepad down to the jetty over there at sunset and just sit and write. At night I used to sneak out when everyone was sleeping and come and swim in the little cove just over there. Moonlight was the only light at night. Fuck, I miss that."

"Those are nice memories," Emmett murmurs, taking another sip of his beer.

I get up from the bough and balance myself on the wooden beams dividing the fish compartments when I lose my balance. Oh no! I brace myself for the freezing cold I know is coming. Stupid wench! Why would you try and walk on the flipping beams!

I hear all three guys shouting my name as I try to at least dive in as gracefully as I can. Nothing could have prepared me for the cold ocean enveloping my body and making my legs and arms ache so badly I can hardly move them. I manage to kick a bit and my head breaks the surface just in time to see Edward and Jasper dive in after me. I feel sorry for them, this is really cold.

Edward surfaces right in front of me, grabbing me tightly to him as we both kick so stay afloat.

"Fuck Bella. You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"You okay?" Jasper asks swimming closer.

"F-f-f-fine." I can hardly speak yet they look like they're in a heated pool. Damn assholes.

We make it back to the boat and Emmett grabs hold of my arms and hoists me back up. He immediately grabs hold of my hoodie and shirt, lifting it over my head. I'm acutely aware of the fact that I'm standing in front of them with just my bra on but I'm so cold I could care less. He takes off his dry jacket and folds it over my shivering body. Oh that feels good. He's rubbing his hands up and down my shoulders.

"Your lips are blue. I think I'll call you Smurfette from now on," he chuckles.

"Go fly a kite," I joke back, managing to crack a smile with my frozen lips.

I turn around to see Edward pulling up a duffel back from one of the compartments, taking out a few big fluffy towels and a heap of dry clothes.

"Did you foresee my stupidity?" I joke.

He laughs but his gaze is still worriedly looking me over. "No, I didn't. We just know enough to know that being on the ocean sometimes requires a backup plan. Come here Baby."

I climb over the beams to where he is. "Fuck, you're freezing. We need to get you out of that pants as well."

I look back at Emmett and Jasper and start undoing my pants.

Edward throws a towel at Jasper. "A little privacy please." They turn around laughing.

I find myself in an oversized sweat pants and a long sleeved Billabong top with a beanie pulled over my head. The socks Edard forces me to put on are way too big and I know I must look really stupid.

Emmett and Jasper confirm this when they turn around and burst out laughing. We're all laughing. It feels good.

I turn my back on Jasper as he puts on dry clothes, ogling Edward as he does the same. He's lifting his eyebrows at me as I lick my lips. I shake my head, trying to shake the thought of jumping him right here out of my brain.

The crayfish couldn't have been done at a better time. It's hot in temperature and chili hot as well which warms us from the inside out. Emmett has decided to skip the boat back and is drinking a Coke while we have another beer.

We take a slow trip back and at the harbor I discover the fisherman were lucky that day. Boats laden with yellow tail is laying around in the harbor bay waiting to be pulled up the slipway.

"Hey Emmett, go past the red boat, Major Dad, over there," I point.

He slowly pulls up alongside Harry's boat. He's surprised to see me on someone else's boat besides my dad's.

"Hey Harry. Good day it seems."

"Great day. Wish there was time to make a second run but with the waiting here it doesn't look like it."

"Throw over a yellow tail there. I'll sort you out when I see you."

He laughs. "Buy me a beer." He grabs a nice sized yellow tail and throws it over.

I introduce everyone and they chat a bit about the work on the deep sea which Harry is also familiar with.

Our house is on the way back from the harbor and I ask them to stop there quickly so I can grab some clean clothes.

My dad inspects me walking in and I explain to him what happened. He sees the boat outside. I tell him we're going to braai a yellow tail and he suggests we do it at our house. I want to say no but I know better. I've been spending so much time down there and I've never hidden my friends away from my parents. I also know that the guys will want to meet my parents.

I jog out relaying the info and they are stoked to be spending time at my house. I grab the fish and they promise to be back in about two hours after cleaning the boat and showering.

"Did your dad say anything about your attire?" Jasper asks.

"Yeah, he did actually. I told him you threw me overboard."

His face turns from smiling to worried to horror. I laugh. "Gotcha!" I shout walking towards the house.

"I'll get you!" I hear behind me.

I give the fish to my little brother who goes about gutting it. I check to see if there is enough wood at the braai. My mom asks me what the guys drink and we go up to the liquor store quickly to buy some beers. I grab a bottle of apple sours as well.

By the time the guys get there I'm a nervous wreck. I'm not sure why. I've had friends over for dinner with parents a million times. They are well brought up and you can see they come from good families. I know my parents will like them. I just don't know how to handle the Edward thing in front of them. Do I show them what he means to me? Or do I act like he's just a friend? I decide on the latter.

As I let them in I see each one brought something. Jasper is actually carrying a citrus salad which looks divine, Emmett has a bottle of whiskey and Edward is holding up a bottle of Bellingham Grand Cru, my mother's favourite wine. I dimly remember chatting about wine on our first night and I am touched that he remembered.

I lead them out back to the braai and introduce them. Emmett hands my dad the bottle of whiskey and Edward gives my mother the bottle of wine. I lead Jasper through to the kitchen to put his salad down.

A little while later we are comfortably chatting away outside. The guys and my dad are talking fishing stories and my mom and I roll our eyes at some of them, knowing how fishing tales are exaggerated. I start relaxing and after a while I get up to refill some glasses while the smell of yellow tail braaing fills the kitchen from outside. It's a heavenly smell.

I'm in the lounge at the drinks counter when I feel two very familiar hands grip my waist from behind. Edward playfully plants a kiss on my shoulder and I move away slightly.

He moves next to me, helping me with the drinks. "What was that?" he asks quietly.

I sigh. "Edward, my parents don't know what's going on here. I haven't told them anything. I don't think now is the right time."

He looks surprised, shocked, hurt. I want to take it back but I don't. "Are you embarrassed about us?"

"No Edward. No." I look at him and I don't know what to say. "I'm not embarrassed. God, if I could I would scream to the world that you belong to me."

"Then why don't you?" He's angry. I can see he's so angry with me right now. I don't blame him.

"Can we please just get through this night and talk about it later?" I ask irritated. I can't do this now and besides, I have the right to make up my mind on how I deal with my parents don't I?

We take the drinks out and somehow we manage to stay civil for the duration of the evening. I see Jasper giving me a questioning look at one stage. He knows something is up. Luckily my parents don't notice anything.

To my surprise the guys jump in to do the dishes after dinner. My mom and I stand staring at them in the kitchen. She's had a bit too much wine, same as me.

"I could get used to those three gorgeous asses in my kitchen," she whispers jokingly.

"Mom, please," I roll my eyes at her.

They say on the boat there is no one that cleans up after them so they're used to it. It's sweet. I think my mom is in love with all three of them.

We have another drink with my parents before Edward announces that they're heading home. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should assume that he wants me to go with him or wait for him to ask. I wait, but he doesn't ask and I feel tears stinging my eyes.

They bid my parents good night and I walk out with them. He still doesn't say anything.

I'm awkwardly moving from foot to foot as he gets in and starts the bakkie. Emmett gets in next to him and Jasper jumps on the back.

"Thanks for the evening," he states almost detached. Jasper and Emmett greets somberly, now fully aware that this is much worse than it looked like inside.

"Good night," I whisper as he reverses. I turn around and head inside before the first of the tears run down my face.


	11. Chapter 11

**Putting it up 'cause I can and 'cause I want to (grinning)...and 'cause I just can't seem to let Leibeezer wait too long...**

**This is the second post of the day so if you haven't read Chapter 10, go back one...**

**Enjoy...Bella's playful side get's her into a bit of trouble...but not much...**

I head upstairs before my parents see me and I fall onto my bed wondering what the hell just happened. How did we go from where we were to where we are now? Is it my fault or his fault? Or both our faults? I lay staring at the ceiling for a few minutes more before I make an impulsive decision.

I change into jeans and a black tight fitting long sleeve Adidas top, pulling my Converse on my feet. I decide to put a little make up on and head out, telling my dad I'm going to the club for a drink. I'll go crazy if I stay here.

"It's late, take the car," he says, switching the TV off and heading upstairs where my mom is probably sleeping already after the amount of wine she's had.

I run back in, grab the keys, kiss him a sloppy smacking kiss and run out again.

The club is quite busy tonight. Wow, who would have thought there could possibly be more than 10 people in this town that decides to go out on a Friday evening. Yeah, just my luck. All I wanted to do was have a drink and maybe catch up with Sam a bit but he's quite busy behind the bar. I spot a friend of mine, Jessica and head over.

We have a few shots of sours and I find myself relaxing a bit. It's nice to be out and about. But I have to admit to myself that I'd rather be here with Edward than alone. I'm still not sure exactly what happened but I try not to think about it.

As if on cue with my thought I see Emmett and Jasper making their way in. Great, just great. Jasper sees me almost immediately and he gives me a genuine smile. Okay, so maybe Edward admitted to them he was wrong. Or maybe he just hasn't talked to them about it at all.

I introduce them to some of my friends and we end up having more shooters. Lucky for me I'm the queen of sours and can pack them away without feeling the punch. They don't ask and I don't tell. They seem to get along well with my friends and I'm glad about that.

Violent Femmes blares from the speakers and I ask Sam to turn it up. A few of us are dancing; jumping around like idiots because honestly, is there any other way to dance to American Music?

To our total delight Basket Case of Green Day is next and I find even Jasper jumps in and does the whole crazy guy routine with us. Jasper does a very good impersonation of the drummer while I'm doing the air guitar routine when I catch a wave of bronze hair at the sliding door.

He's just standing there looking at us with a small smile touching his lips. Why does he have to be so damn good looking? My body is buzzing from the hype and I can't stop and leave Jasper like an idiot so we take it to the end. We're out of breath and laughing at the end of it. Edward has moved inside and is standing next to Emmett who is crying with laughter.

"Hey Sam," I call. "Why don't you just put the bottle of sours down here and get done with it."

He eyes me with a shake of his head, pulls out a bottle from beneath the counter and hands it over with some shot glasses.

"Just replace it tomorrow," he winks. I pull him closer and kiss his beautiful mouth. "Thanks." One of the many perks of being friends with the barman in a small town like this.

I walk over to Edward and Emmett with the bottle and shot glasses. He's not smiling anymore. In fact, he looks like he's going to start foaming at the mouth any second. I try to keep things light.

I pour everyone a shot but instead of pouring one for me I take a swig directly out of the bottle which earns me a whistle from Sam. "I see you're on top form tonight Babe," he says from behind the bar taking a sip of his whiskey and soda I bought him earlier on.

"Damn right," I answer.

Jessica pulls me back onto the dance floor when Barbie Girl starts playing. I groan loudly. She knows I hate this song but Sam comes around and joins us. He does Ken and I can't help doing Barbie's lines.

We're dancing to the beat and singing and his hands are on my hips. He turns me around all of a sudden and my back is to his front. He's not being touchy feely and we've been friends since forever so I'm not worried. I know the type of girl he's interested in and it isn't me. Besides, he's a whole 4 years younger than me. Bottom line is I'm having a good time.

We're still back to front when his hands reach up behind me and rest high on my shoulders, his fingers wrapping around my neck. And then it happens…the panic…I can't hear the music anymore, just a pounding echoing to the same beat as my heart. My knees slightly give way and I feel Sam grabbing me around my waist. I'm starting to see black spots in my vision and I know it's not from the sours.

I gently push Sam away from me and mumble I'm okay as best I can. I make a beeline for the sliding door and somehow manage to stumble around the corner before falling to my knees because my body refuses to walk another step without much needed oxygen. God, please don't let me pass out next to the club because everyone will think I was drunk and my mom and dad will hear about it tomorrow. Thanks. Amen.

I don't hear the footsteps but all of a sudden Edward is kneeling in front of me. "Breathe baby. Come on, breathe for me." I shake my head, close to hysterics because I want to do what he says but I can't.

He pulls my face up to look at him and I try to focus on his eyes. The eyes that is full of worry and concern. "Keep looking at me. That's right. Take another deep one." I can feel my lungs fill with air and I try to focus on his voice and the soothing touch of his fingers on my cheeks. The black spots disappear and I can feel my body coming back to me as I breathe in and out at a steady pace.

My hand is on Edward's arm and I can feel his muscle flex. Even through my haze of trying not to pass out I am so turned on by it. But then he's up all of a sudden and he's pacing.

"I feel like ripping that guys' fucking head off."

I scramble up, grabbing him as hard as I can as he starts moving to the entrance. "Edward, no. He doesn't know." I start crying again. "No one knows Edward. It's not his fault I'm so fucked in the head that I can't stand the thought of someone's hands on my neck."

He calms somewhat, thinking about what I said. "Still doesn't change the fact that he had his hands all over you the way he did. We're you enjoying it? Or did you purposely do it to piss me off?"

A light bulb clicks on above my head and it dawns on me that Edward took offence to everything he saw inside. It also dawns on me that it was my fault, that I would have felt the same.

"God Edward, oh God. I'm so sorry. I didn't…I wasn't thinking..." I take a deep breath and try again. "I wasn't thinking that way. And I didn't realize what that must have looked like to you. I feel like an idiot." I'm so angry at myself right now. "Sam and I have known each other since primary school. He's way younger than me. I actually used to babysit him when he was in primary school. Crap." I'm the one doing the pacing now.

I move to face him, his hands are shaking and his eyes are closed. "Edward, please look at me." He sighs and opens his eyes. "Please don't read anymore into this than there is. I didn't come here to prove anything to you. In fact, I was here before you even got here. I was just having a good time with some friends, that's all. Sometimes we get a little carried away but that doesn't mean that Sam and I have any inclination to jump into bed together."

I'm hurt now that he would even think that. "I thought we were closer than this," I whisper. "I thought you understood after what I went through that I needed to feel safe, that I wouldn't just sleep with someone for the sake of doing it."

His hands reach out and knot in my hair, pulling me closer. "Why don't you want to tell your parents about me? I was so hurt tonight. And angry. So angry. I don't understand; I need you to tell me that this isn't going to end when I leave on Sunday."

And now I understand why he was so anxious and upset with me. He thinks I'm not telling my parents because he's just a fling. "Oh Edward. That's not it at all. I haven't told them anything because of what I just came out of. They're so worried about me healing and moving on. I didn't want to add to their stress by announcing a new relationship with someone that according to them I barely know. They won't understand this intense connection we have Edward. I know they won't."

I pull him closer still, winding my arms around his waist. "Believe me; I want to tell them, I want to tell everyone. But where my parents are concerned I really think we need to just give it a little time. When they see that we are still seeing each other after Sunday they'll figure out something is up, they'll ask when they're ready to hear what I have to say and then I'll tell them. I promise you that. God Edward, I promise you my heart and soul, whatever you want, it's yours."

He visibly relaxes, leans into me, and breathes me in as I exhale. "Don't ever think anything else than the fact that you're part of me now Edward. I can't let you go, even if I wanted to."

"Wait here," he whispers. He goes back inside and comes out with my bag. "I told your friends I'm taking you home, if that's okay with you."

I smile, take the car keys out of my pocket and toss them at him. "You drive."

My head is on his chest as he rubs small delicate patterns on my back. We're both still sweaty from the mind blowing sex we just had.

I close my eyes and visualize him, the way he pushed me against the wall. The way we ripped each other's' clothes off. His hands on my ass as he lifted me up and took me against the wall. It was wild, feral, needed.

"Let's go to Flamingo's tomorrow night," I say as I turn my head to look at him. "I heard Jasper and Emmett were there the other night when they were in Langebaan. It's not too bad. Dancing, drinking. We could go have dinner at Pearly's before. It's a nice little restaurant literally on the beach at the lagoon."

"Yeah, let's do that. It's our last night together before we leave."

I clamber on top of him, straddling him. "I wish you could stay here forever," I whisper, planting kisses on his salty chest.

"Me too Baby. Me too."

We're quiet for a while, enjoying the feel of skin on skin, taking what we can get from the little time we have left.

"Why don't you come back with me on Sunday? Stay for a few days? I'm only leaving on the boat again the week after."

"I'll think about it. We don't have to decide right now, do we?"

"What's holding you back Bella? I don't know how I'm going to drive away here on Sunday not knowing when I'll see you again."

I know what he's talking about. I don't know how I'm going to cope either. When I think of saying goodbye my chest aches, like a knife stabbing me over and over.

"I know Edward. I'm dreading it too. I have so much I need to sort out in my head. Maybe a few days separation will help me achieve that."

He doesn't say anything but sits up and pulls my face to his. His tongue traces my bottom lip and instantly my body responds, readying itself for him. I can't stop it and I don't bother trying.

He's touching me, cupping my breasts in his hands, staring at me with a longing so profound that I can't the solitary tear that escapes me.

"Don't cry Bella. I'm right here. I'll always be right here in your heart."

I slip myself over him and I'm sore from earlier but I don't stop, I can't stop. "I need you Edward. You're my salvation," I whisper, swiveling my hips, making him groan in response.

"I know Baby, I know. And whatever happens, know that I will always be there to save you."

There is no need for more words. We're lost in the emotions floating around us, inside of us, blinding us to the possibility that this might not work out once he leaves. We refuse to think of it. We refuse to let the future take away what we have right now, right here.

My orgasm creeps up on me, taking me by surprise as I shudder over him, clenching him tight within. He's not far behind and his hands grip my hips with purpose as he empties himself inside of me.

"I love you," he whispers as he spoons behind me. "If someone tells me this is not love then I don't want to love, I'd rather have this."

I don't answer him. His words are meant for both of us. I lie awake a long while, listening to the sound of his breathing at my ear, feeling his chest move behind me. Oh I am going to miss this. Being with him, knowing I am safe.

A short while later I hear Emmett and Jasper come in and from the sound of it they're quite drunk. They're giggling like teenagers and I hear music being put on softly. I wiggle out from under Edward's arm and slip my pants on with his shirt. I can't sleep so I don't bother lying alone with my thoughts running wild.

The three of us end up having a few beers, chatting and generally just getting to know each other more.

"I thought Edward was going to do serious damage to the bar tender when you grabbed him over the counter and kissed him," Emmett laughs.

"Yeah, you should have seen his face!" Jasper adds.

"Come on, guys, that's not funny. He didn't now Sam and I go way back. Plus we had that argument at my parents' place. We talked it out though. So, you guys up for a little Flamingos again tomorrow night?" I change the subject.

"Hell yes!" Emmett shouts. "Man, Langebaan has some hot girls."

I roll my eyes. "Typical male," I joke.

I yawn and excuse myself to bed. I think they've had enough too as they start locking up. I move back into the bed very softly, noticing that Edward hasn't moved. I lift his arm up and slide back against his chest.

"Glad you and the guys are getting along so well," he mumbles. I startle.

"Shit Edward, you'll give me a heart attack," I giggle, snuggling closer to his chest. He pulls me tighter against him.

"Your heart belongs to me. I'll never let anything happen to it." With that he softly starts snoring and I smile a big ass grin at his words. He really has no idea what his words to do me. I fall asleep safely in his arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**Here you go Leibeezer...just can't seem to make you wait. Alc1002 - thanks for the review.**

**Now, let's see what Bella decides to do...**

The next morning I pry myself away from Edward early. He's pouting and it's adorable but I need to spend some time at home. We've agreed to take both bakkies as it's more comfortable. Edward and I will be in his bakkie and Jasper and Emmett will take the other one. They will pick me up around 5 and we'll go eat something first.

My mom and I decide to make pancakes against my better judgment. Making pancakes in our house is futile. As soon as one comes out it is gobbled up. I end up making three batches.

I'm with my dad while he's busy on the computer. Their top floor bedroom overlooks the harbor and I lie on their bed reading a magazine, gazing out at the boats in the harbor now and again.

"So, what's the story with Edward?" my dad asks casually, not taking his eyes off the architectural drawing he is busy with.

I decide to play open cards. I don't like lying to my dad and I don't like lying to myself. "He's really nice. I think I might like him a little more than I let on."

He looks up, studying me for a few seconds. "Yes, I saw that." I should have known, not many things go past my dad undetected. He should have been a cop.

"I know it's silly. I've only known him for a few days but I've never felt like this before. He feels the same way. He wants me to leave with them tomorrow and spend a few days in Hermanus."

"Are you feeling more than you did with Mike?" Aah, there's the question. The answer to this one will be enough explanation to tell him exactly how I feel. Mike was my first love, my everything at a time as a young teenager when I thought I knew everything. He was a good guy, but it wasn't meant to be.

"Yes, much more. And I can say that now because I'm grown up and I actually do know what love is about."

"Look Bella, I'm not going to tell you what to do because I know you won't listen to me anyway. You've got that loved up look on your face and that stubborn streak in your eyes. All I'm asking is for you to be careful. It's very quick to jump into a relationship when you've barely made it out of another one. Just be careful and keep your eyes open. And if you want to go with him to Hermanus for a few days then that's fine. Maybe you need a change in scenery. Him and his friends seem like well brought up men. Go, have some fun."

I jump up and hug him. I don't let go for a long while as I cry silently on his shoulder. He just holds me, not saying anything. Having him in my life and here with me and open minded is enough. He's just helped me make a decision that I couldn't make myself.

It feels like forever before I decide what to wear. I want to look good for Edward. I decide on a short denim wrap skirt with a tight fitting navy blue tank top. I finish it off with a denim jacket and Doc Martens. I blow dry my hair straight down my shoulders and put a bit of make up on. I look at myself in the mirror and am quite satisfied with that I see. I'm still busy in my room when I hear Edward's voice downstairs mingling in with my dad's.

I grab my bag and stand silently at the top of the stairs for a bit. They seem to be comfortable in each other's' presence and I'm happy about that.

I casually make my way downstairs although I'm nervous as hell. Why am I nervous? He gets up when I walk into the lounge, his eyes raking over my body from top to bottom and back again. He angles his head sideways.

"Umm, Bella, don't you think that skirt is a bit short?" he asks.

Before I can respond my dad pipes up. "If you can get that girl to wear what you want her to wear you've won most of the battle." They laugh at my expense.

"No, I don't think it's too short. If you don't like it then I suggest you look the other way."

I greet my parents and soon we're on the West Coast Road. His hand snakes out and rubs my thigh where my skirt is hitched up after getting into the bakkie. The tingle of his touch moves through my body as usual.

"I didn't mean to insult you Bella. You have no idea how gorgeous you look tonight. Really. I'm just worried about all the other men that's going to be staring at you the whole night."

I snort.

"Well, you know what. To hell with them. You're mine and I know it and you know it. Let them look. You're coming home with me."

"Thanks Edward. It really means a lot to me. I'm so used to having to do what someone else tells me. What to wear, if I'm allowed to put on make-up. This is a new feeling for me, this feeling of not being afraid to express myself."

We chat comfortably on the way there. As we turn in by Langebaan I tell him.

"I'd like to go with you tomorrow, if the offer still stands."

His head turns to me so fast I worry he might have whiplash. The smile on his face is wide, showing off his perfect teeth behind his perfect lips. "Serious?"

"Serious."

He abruptly pulls over on the side of the road, pulls me to him and kisses me until we're both out of breath. It's intense and hot inside the cab and I'm so ready to make love to him but I hold myself back.

He doesn't say anything else, just starts driving again. Our happiness is palpable around us. I know I've made the right choice.

We get to Pearly's about half an hour before Emmett and Jasper. Edward loves it. I've always had a soft spot for this place. What better way to have dinner than a restaurant right on the beach, where you actually have to walk to the front door on the beach sand. The lagoon lazily ebbs and flows next to us as we sip some red wine. I'm glad I phoned this morning and booked an outside table.

Although the air has a winter chill, it is still a sight to behold and you can't enjoy it fully if you're sitting inside. The fires on the patio keep the worst of the cold at bay.

Emmett and Jasper arrive loudly. I'm starting to wonder if they can do anything any other way. We all have fish, except Edward who nurses a huge piece of steak. I wonder where it goes to. But then again, I'm sure that body needs a lot of protein to keep it in shape. That body…I really need to stop thinking about it when I can't do anything about it.

"So Bella," Jasper starts. "Are you going to miss us when we leave tomorrow?"

I glance nervously at Edward who swallows his steak and takes a sip of his wine. "No she's not going to miss us Jasper. She's coming with me."

There's a few seconds of silence before Jasper and Emmett erupt in cheers. "That's great," Jasper says. "You're gonna love it at our place."

"I'm sure I will," I respond shyly. Hey, why am I shy all of a sudden? I think Edward notices because he leans in and kisses my cheek softly. I squeeze his leg under the table.

After dinner we make our way to Flamingo's. It's packed as usual for a Saturday night. The music pours out to the parking lot. I love this place. It's a huge warehouse converted to a dance barn with tables around the bottom of the dance floor and then a wraparound balcony at the top. To the left of the bar there are more tables and then a huge patio where you can sit as well. I have so many memories of this place, good memories. Memories of a time before my life turned to shit.

We pay our entrance fee and make our way to the bar. I recognize some old faces, greet and introduce the guys. I'm leaning on the bar next to Edward waiting for my screwdriver when two hands fold over my eyes. The panic almost sets in but then I inhale an all too familiar smell and I relax.

"Guess who," the voice commands jokingly behind me.

"Don't have to," I respond. "I can smell your Tommy Hilfiger." The hands move away and I turn around. Jeez, he still looks exactly the same as he did so many years ago; he's no longer a skinhead and is sporting a gorgeous head of blonde hair.

"You look like Right Said Fred," I joke. That was the first thing I ever said to him.

"I'll be Right Said Fred for you anytime Baby," he laughs back, just like the first time.

He kisses my cheek and hugs me hard, holding on just a little bit too long and I gently push against his rock hard abs.

"Edward, this is Mike. Mike, Edward." They greet and shake hands, sizing each other up. I roll my eyes. What is it with men and competition? But then again, I'd probably be the same if the roles were reversed.

"So, how have you been?" Mike questions after requesting a beer from the barman.

"Great. Never better," I lie. There's no way in hell I'm going to tell him what I went through. I don't need his pity. I move closer to Edward and he wraps his arm around me.

We chat a bit, catching up. His sister is now at university and his parents still live in Saldanha. He's still stationed in St. Helena Bay but has bought his own house there now. He's seeing someone and it seems he's happy. I'm glad. He was what I needed when I needed him but the years have made us grow apart. A few years ago I would have been jealous at his happiness but now I'm honestly happy that he's happy.

We say goodbye and I promise to keep a dance for him. Jasper and Emmett have disappeared. I see them at the dance floor's edge chatting to some girls. They don't waste any time I see.

Edward and I decide to sit on the patio a bit away from the noise. I think I know why, he wants to know about the smoking hot guy that just gripped me.

We sit next to each other on the stone bench along the wall and I throw my legs over his. I notice a few women glancing his way and I guess I want to let them know he's taken.

"I see what you're doing," he smiles.

"Good. Does it bother you?"

"Not one bit. So, tell me about Mike, or Fred, or whatever." I laugh with him.

"To be quite honest with you, he was my first love." I keep watching him. He doesn't seem perturbed.

"So, tell me more. What happened?"

"Edward, do you really want to do this?"

"Yes, if you're okay with it. I want to know everything about you."

"Okay. I met him here when I was fifteen. My friends and I used to come here sometimes with older friends. He was twenty at the time. What we said just now was the first things we said to each other. Corny, I know. Anyway, I gave him my number and I never thought he'd phone but he did. I was terrified to tell my parents about him because he was so much older than me but my dad agreed to have him visit one Saturday. Well, my parents loved him instantly. He was a really good guy. He refused to sleep with me until I was over sixteen."

"So he was your first?"

"Yes, he was. We dated until I was seventeen. I lost my head a bit at one stage. I was extremely rebellious, my parents felt that our relationship was too intense for my age and well, I ran away from home. We just upped and left, went to Jeffrey's Bay to his grandparents. They obviously smelled a rat and called his parents who came up. His dad explained the seriousness of our actions. That my parents could lay a charge of kidnapping against him and that he could go to jail. I was terrified. I couldn't let them do that to him. We had a huge fight about it but eventually I managed to get him to go back. I was obviously banned from seeing him again. I thought I was going to die, like my heart was ripped from my chest. We still spoke on the phone all the time and we saw each other a couple of times without anyone knowing about it.

An old friend of mine met him here one night and she didn't know about us so she slept with him. She told me about it not realizing what she was doing. I was devastated. I called him and told him that I knew and broke it off. He tried for about three months to contact me but I just ignored it. Eventually he just stopped. So ya, that's my sorry tale of teenage love. I realized years later that even though he was a good guy and I was a good girl, we weren't good for each other, if that makes sense."

"So you don't feel anything for him anymore?" he asks tentatively.

"No Silly. I think I'll always have a soft spot for him or something like that but no, I don't feel about him that way anymore. That part of my life is long gone."

He leans over, pulling me closer by my shirt. "I'm glad to hear that," he whispers before kissing me breathless.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," I whisper as he lays his forehead against mine.

"Does it bother you?" he asks chuckling.

"Not one bit," I whisper against his lips, softly kissing him again.

We decide to hit the dance floor and fine Emmett and Jasper easily. Although this isn't our type of music at all it's still nice in the environment so we go with it. We dance casually for long time until a love song starts playing, one I am familiar with, one I love.

Edward pulls me closer and I wind my arms around his neck as he pulls me tightly.

_There you go flashing fever from your eyes  
>Hey baby, come over here and shut them tight<br>I'm not denying, we're flyin' above it all  
>Hold my hand, don't let me fall<br>You've such amazing grace, I've never felt this way_

"That's how I feel," Edward whispers in my ear. "That's how you make me feel."

_Here I go, I'm shakin' just like the breeze  
>Hey baby, I need your hand to steady me<br>I'm not denying, I'm frightened as much as you  
>Though I'm barely touching you<br>I've shivers down my spine and it feels divine_

_Oh, show me heaven  
>Cover me, leave me breathless<br>Oh, show me heaven please_

" I've never felt this helpless yet this strong before. I love you Edward."

"Say it again," he moans, his lips almost touching mine. So near and yet so far.

"I love you," I sigh and then he's kissing me and I don't recall the rest of the song because I can't even remember where we are as his tongue wraps around mine.

"For God's sake you two. Please, you're making me sick," Jasper pipes up as he pulls Edward off of me.

"Fuck off," Edward jokes back.

"Go sit down Big Boy," Jasper says. "This dance is mine." And before I can even protest he's got me around the waist and we're flying over the dance floor to the sound of Cotton Eyed Joe. He's a good dancer, a good leader and we kick ass. I'm dancing and twirling around him. I'm out of breath by the time the song finishes. We're both laughing as he bows in front of me, thanking me for the dance.

As we make our way back to the table where Edward is sitting Mike appears. "Can I have that dance now?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Leibeezer feels that Mike doesn't deserve a dance...I agree...but unfortunately that's how the cookie crumbles. Thanks again for everyone that is following this story. You guys are the best. Leibeezer...you know I love you...**

Jasper looks like he's about to pummel someone on Edward's behalf and I nod to him it's okay. He walks to Edward and sits down. I throw an apologetic look to him as we begin to dance. I don't recognize the song but thankfully it's not a very fast rhythm.

"So, you really are doing okay?" Mike asks.

"Yes, I am."

"Mr. Messy Hair over there your boyfriend?"

I tap him on the shoulder hard. "Hey, don't call him that." He laughs. "And yes, he is my boyfriend."

He's quiet for a while as we make another circuit on the floor. "I saw you guys on the patio earlier. I saw the way he looks at you. If I can give you a man's perspective, that guy is nuts about you. I hope he treats you well."

"Thanks. That means a lot to me. It's still early days but he treats me so good sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming. If it is a dream, I don't want to wake up."

We're quiet for a while before he speaks again. It's a comfortable silence.

"I never got a chance to say sorry for what I did."

"Mike, please don't."

"No, I need to say this. I know what I did to you because I know how I would have felt if it was you and it would have killed me. I want you to know that I still loved you, for such a long time. The entire situation was just so fucked up, not being able to see you, missing you so much I could hardly sleep at night. I have no excuse, but I need to say I'm sorry. You'll always be in my heart."

I can feel myself wanting to cry and I bite it back. This apology means so much more to me than he thinks. "Thank you. I don't know what to say. But I can say that you'll always be in my heart as well. And I hope you find that happiness that we always strived for, that we had once upon a time."

The music slowly morphs into another song and I let him go. "You too Babe," he says as he walks backwards away from me. "You too."

Edward pulls me into his lap when I get back to the table and kisses my shoulder. "Thanks for that," I say, looking down at him.

"Pleasure Baby. It seems that it was needed."

"It was. By the way, he says that he saw the way you were looking at me on the patio and that I should keep you."

"Did he? Well, he's wiser than I thought. You gonna listen to him?"

I kiss him reverently, gazing into his eyes. "I didn't need him to tell me, but yes, I am going to listen."

I kiss him again, deeper this time. Suddenly I'm on fire for him, I need him so badly. He feels it in my kiss.

"Bella, stop, you're starting something we can't finish," he breathes against my lips. I'm already panting, overwhelmed with lust for this perfect creature in my arms.

"Follow me," I state simply, pulling him up. He doesn't resist. I lead him out the front door and around the building. At the back there are a few smaller buildings that probably used to be barns or stables but it's all empty and no one is around. As soon as we turn the first corner I literally throw him against the wall in the darkness and push my hands under his shirt, dragging my fingers over his hot skin. And just like that he's turned us around so I'm against the wall and he's pushing into me, hard as rock.

"Fuck Bella. Are you sure about this?" I don't answer but I push him away gently, pulling my underwear down from my skirt and toss it on my bag. I pull him to me again, undoing the front of his jeans and pulling him free into my hand. I groan and lean back against the wall, threading my fingers through his hair. I love how it falls through my fingers, how it feels against my skin. I wish I could hold it forever. With that thought I tug him closer, licking up his neck and nipping at his bottom lip.

His breathing is ragged as he grips my ass and lifts me up. My legs fold around his waist and then he's inside of me. The thought of getting caught is pushing me beyond my limits and he's taking me hard and fast. "I'm not going to last Bella, I need you with me," he says, thrusting into me particularly hard. I moan and hold onto him. His hand moves between us, his fingers stroking me where he knows I need it the most. I feel my insides clenching and soon I'm coming around him so hard I can't see or hear or feel anything else. He's right with me, groaning into my mouth.

He lets me down slowly as he kisses me. I bend down and pull his pants back up. Just before I pull it over his hips I take him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around him. He tastes like me and him and sex and I love it. He groans. I straighten up and smirk at him, licking my lips. He zips himself up as I pull on my underwear. I need to go to the ladies. He pushes me gently back against the wall, threading his fingers through mine and lifting my arms over my head. He leans into me and takes my mouth, gently kissing my swollen lips, tasting me. I melt. I just can't seem to get a grip on how he makes me feel. It's so intense and I don't know why.

"I need to have you Bella," he whispers, looking into my eyes that are threatening tears. "I need to have you always. I can't explain it and I don't care that I can't because all that matters is you."

Dammit, why does he have to say things like that here? The tears spill over and I shamelessly cry as he kisses me again, my tears adding salt to the flavor of our tongues.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, why do I always have to start crying?" I laugh when he pulls away.

"Because it's beautiful, this thing we have," he states simply. "Because it overwhelms you, just like it does me. I love that you cry for me, it lets me know you're in just as deep as I am. Your tears are mine Bella. They belong to me. But I never want them to be tears of sorrow, only happiness."

"Edward, where did you come from?" I ask, slowly shaking my head from side to side. "You _must_ be a god of some sort. There is no man on earth that can touch what you are."

He laughs softly. "If you think I'm a god, then so be it. You're the only one I care about this way, and I want to always show you that so you never forget."

His hair is blowing slightly in the soft breeze and I can't resist once again pushing my fingers into it. "God, I love your hair," I admit as I attack his mouth again. He chuckles, softly pushing me away.

"Don't start Baby. Why don't we get out of here and take this somewhere else?"

"Yes," I breathe simply.

After going to the ladies and bidding Jasper and Emmett farewell we leave to go home. They weren't very happy but it seems they are staying over in Langebaan again. That makes me giddy inside. Edward and I, alone again for the entire night.

We're halfway back when I can't stand the electricity between us anymore. I lean over, kissing his neck, dragging the tip of my tongue over his ear. He hisses and his hand moves to my leg, pushing my skirt up. But on some level I need this to be about him so I push his hand away.

I undo his pants and pull him free while he looks at me with surprise and unbridled lust. Somewhere in the back of my head I'm hoping he can keep us straight on the road while I'm doing this. As I run my tongue over his tip he puts his one hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair. I suck him in slowly, swirling my tongue around him before taking him as far as I can go.

"Bella, fuck, that feels so good Baby," he says hoarsely. His words spur me on and I work up a steady rhythm and take my cues from him. His breath is coming faster now and his hand is pulling and pushing my head gently, as if he's not sure what to do anymore.

"Bella…Baby…you need to move…I'm so close," he breathes. But I don't move; I fasten my pace until his hand grips my hair so tight it almost hurts just before he comes in my mouth. I never thought I'd actually enjoy doing this. Sure, I've done it before but never particularly liked it. But having him here, in my mouth, doing this to him, making him feel good is something else. This is something I could do all day long if he asked me to.

I sit up, swallowing and reveling in his taste. Is there anything better than this? Chocolate chip cookies? Corn smothered in salt and butter? No, nothing comes close to this.

He's trying very hard to keep his eyes on the road but he keeps glancing my way. He pulls me closer and wraps his arm around me. I'm smiling from ear to ear. I feel so powerful knowing I can make him come undone like that.

We stop outside the house at the caravan park but he doesn't move to get out. He faces me, his hands gently cupping my face. His face and eyes are filled with adoration, with love, with some kind of sorrow I can't place my finger on but he has never looked as beautiful to me as he does right now.

"I love you Bella. I love you so much. It's so intense I'm physically aching from the feeling. I feel lost and found at the same time. Myself but not myself. You're my soul mate Bella, my other half. There's no other way to put it." He chuckles softly, shaking his head. "The way you see me, it astounds me. You look at me like I'm the only person in the world and it feels so damn good. You keep saying I'm a god. I must be. I don't think any human could contain these emotions I am feeling."

I don't say anything; I just stare at him, into his eyes, at his mouth moving. I don't have to say anything. He's said it all.

We silently make our way inside, never breaking our hold on one another. He lights candles in the bedroom and puts all the lights off. I faintly hear music in the back ground but I'm in no state to pay attention to what it is. This man in front of me has all my attention; he's holding it in his gaze, in his hands undressing me, in the protective stance he takes whenever I'm near him.

We make sweet sweet love. There's nothing sweeter than this. No sugar, no honey, nothing can be this sweet. In between we talk about leaving tomorrow, things he wants to share with me. He wants to introduce me to his parents and sister so badly and it melts my insides.

"So," I start. "My dad and I spoke about us earlier. He pretty much knows that there's something going on and that it's serious."

His face lights up. "That's good to hear Bella. Really good. And your mom?"

I smirk. "Don't worry about my mom. My dad will handle her. Besides, I think she just about fell in love with all three of you when you cleaned the dishes the other night."

He laughs. I love that sound. It's deep and throaty and it sounds like home.

"Edward?" I'm tracing patterns with my fingers on his unbelievable chest.

"Yes?"

"I'm just wondering about what happens when you go on the boat. You mentioned that sometimes you're gone for six weeks."

He's quiet. I don't think he's thought about it. We're so wrapped up being together I don't think either of us wants to think about being apart.

He turns on his side, facing me, playing with my hair. "No one said this was going to be easy Bella. I don't even want to think about going away. But reality is that it's going to happen. I don't know how either of us will deal with the separation. That's something we'll have to figure out when the time comes. I just need to know that you'll be waiting when I get home."

"Edward, I need to get my life sorted out. I need to get out of my parents place and find another job and a place to stay. I have a lot to do."

"Then before you know it I'll be back. You'll be so busy while I'm gone you won't miss me."

"Impossible." I sigh, rubbing my hand over his shoulder. "I don't think there will ever be a day that I won't miss you."

"Listen Bella, why don't you move in with us? The house we share is a three bedroom and it's really nice, you're close to the beach. I know how much that means to you. Jasper and Emmett will be ecstatic. We're always worried about leaving the house unattended while we're gone so it works both ways. I get you and you get me and we all get peace of mind. What else do we need? You don't have to start working right away. Financially I'm more than capable to look after us both."

I look at him in horror. "You can't be serious Edward? What, just lay around all day spending your money and waiting for you to get home?" I don't know why but I'm really angry. I get up, pull his shirt over my head and make my way to the kitchen. I can hear him coming in behind me as I pour a glass of wine and practically down it.

"Baby," he whispers, as if he's afraid to scare me if he talks to loud. "I didn't mean it that way. Please, I'm sorry. I know you need to be your own person. I'm fully aware of that. I just meant that if it takes you a while, it doesn't matter. Please, look at me," he begs.

I let out a deep breath, listening to his explanation. I turn and face him. "No, I'm sorry Edward. I should have let you explain. I just don't want to be in a situation again where I'm dependent on someone to such an extent that I'm not me anymore. I'm so deep into you already; it's scaring the shit out of me."

He picks me up effortlessly, putting me on the counter and moves between my legs. "Just think about it. I can't stand the thought of not knowing where you are when I'm gone. I need to know you're safe. I don't want to rush you. Let's take this week to have a look around in terms of jobs in the area that you're happy with and take it from there." He forces my face up with his finger. "Okay?"

I nod and lay my head on his chest. His naked chest. God, am I ever going to be able to look at this man without wanting to ravish him? I hope not. I turn my head and lightly flick a trail with my tongue up his neck and slowly push my tongue over his. His gaze burns into mine as we kiss. I groan. "It's the most beautiful thing to me Edward, when you look at me like that. I'm not used to it." My fingers trace the shape of his lips.

"I can't help it. I need to look at you; I need to see what I'm doing to you. I love you so much Bella," he moans as he takes my finger into his mouth, sucking and nipping lightly, watching me lose my breath. I'm on fire. I'm burning from the inside out; it's coming from my heart, spreading through my chest, into my veins. It's a glorious feeling, this ache waiting to explode.

My hips move forward out of own volition, my legs wrapping around his hips. I reach out and guide him to me, feeling him pushing into my soul inch for inch. Our eyes never stray, keeping us connected in a way I never thought possible. His hands wrap around my waist, pulling me closer still. The heady mixture of the slow torturous pace he sets, the adoring lust filled gaze he unleashes upon me and the feel of his finger circling my clit is too much and I fall apart as he watches me, his breath sweet on my face.

"You're so beautiful when you come," he whispers. "So beautiful. I'll never get enough of you Bella, never," he says

I moan loudly at his words, letting my head fall back as I push my hips into his. I come up, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, folding his hair around my fingers. It's like I can't get close enough. I'm whimpering now, eager, for what, I don't know. More…to stop…to stay like this forever…to walk away.

"Ssh. I know Baby. I feel it too," he whispers at my ear, licking his tongue over the sensitive skin of my upper neck. "It's just you and me. No one else. Just be with me Bella. Just us."

He grabs my hips, lifting me up from the counter and carries me to the bed, gently laying me down as he covers me. He never breaks contact and he's still so deep inside of me. It feels so good it hurts. His movements become more powerful, pushing me to the end of the universe as he holds me tight. My face is buried in his neck as he holds me in place, taking everything from me and giving me back so much more.

Just before he comes he lifts himself up slightly, his fingers tracing the side of my face as his eyes glaze over. He lets go and I see everything in those emerald eyes. His love, his adoration, his fears…he lays himself completely bare before my feet and I hold onto him with such fierceness, terrified that he's going to disappear.


	14. Chapter 14

**Here you go...not much to say for the time being besides that Jacob just really p!sses me off!**

I don't recall falling asleep but I'm startled by my cell phone ringing next to me. I move to pick it up, frowning at the time. It's a little after three in the morning. I silence it and quickly pull Edward's shirt over my head, making my way to the lounge.

"Hello?" I try to be quiet.

"Hi." I freeze, instantly wide awake. I don't answer.

"Don't you want to talk to me?" He's drunk. I can hear it. There's loud music in the background and I hear voices too. I still don't answer.

"Come on Baby. Don't be like that. Don't you miss me?"

"Don't call me that." I try to sound brave but I'm just about hanging on to the kitchen counter to stop me from falling.

"Don't call you what? Baby? I miss you. I know I was wrong. I see that now. Please, don't do this to us."

"I didn't do anything to us. Don't blame me." I'm trembling. I know he can hear it in my voice and I know he loves it. He loves the fear, feeds off it.

"So what, you're just not coming back? Please don't give me that bullshit. You need me. Who else is going to look after you?" And just like that he turns me back into a useless mess of a woman. A few words, that's how much power he has over me.

I try to move to the couch but I'm not seeing straight. I walk into the table. It's noisy, I stand for a few seconds listening but Edward doesn't make his appearance.

"Listen Bitch. Just tell me where you are and I'll come fetch you. Let's cut the crap."

"Fuck you Jacob," I say with as much venom as I can muster, which is not much. I kill the call and sit down shaking on the couch. I hate that he can do this to me. I hate him. I hate myself for taking so long to leave him. I don't want to cry but I do. I can't help it. I'm terrified. I get up, grabbing my phone and hurling it against the wall. As soon as it leaves my hand, just before the loud crunching noise against the wall, I realize that was a stupid move. Fuck, now I have to buy a new cell phone. I let out a maniacal laugh. Mixed with my crying it sounds terrifying to my ears and I cringe into myself.

The light goes on and Edward stands looking at me for a few long seconds. He's assessing the situation. He looks from me to the table that's been moved to my phone scattered in pieces on the floor and back to me again. He steps closer, I move back. He stops.

"Baby, what happened?"

"Don't call me that," I whisper.

"What?" he asks, confusion marring his beautiful face.

"Don't call me that. I hate it. I hate it when you call me Baby." I look away, knowing that I'm hurting him. Knowing that I'm hurting him but I can't help it. I'm hurting so much my throat is paining with every breath I take.

I move sideways to the kitchen, keeping my eyes on him. He follows me with his eyes but doesn't attempt to come closer again. I need something to drink. Desperately. I spot a bottle of Jack Daniels next to the microwave. "You mind?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Thanks."

I take a shot glass out of the cupboard and down two shots before my breathing relaxes. The burn of the bourbon gives me something else to think about and I fold my hand around my throat, trying to keep myself from gagging.

His hand softly folds over mine, pulling it away. I didn't realize how hard I was grabbing myself until I feel a rush of oxygen fill my lungs.

"Jacob called," I say as casual as I can, pouring myself another shot. Before it reaches my mouth he takes it of my hand and downs it himself. He pours me another one and hands the glass back.

"What did he want?" His voice is dripping with acid. He's angry. Oh boy, he's angry.

"The usual," I laugh, walking past him with the bottle in my hand, not worrying about the glass. "When am I coming back. He's sorry. He's realized he's a fool. Where am I." I start crying again. "Maybe I should just go back. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be."

He's right in front of me, taking the bottle out of my hand and holding me to him. "I'm such a mess Edward. How can you love me?"

"Oh Bella. I can love you because you're so strong and giving and beautiful…the list is endless."

I shake my head against his chest. "I'm not strong Edward. Not at all." I look up at him, pulling back slightly. "When I'm with you I feel like I can take on the world. And I feel I'm getting better. But then one phone call…" I start breathing fast again. "One phone call from him and I remember that I'm not strong at all. I feel so tired Edward, of everything, even my life." I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. To sleep and forget and wake up in Edward's arms. If I believe hard enough, tonight is just a nightmare.

He guides me back to the bedroom and tucks me in. He moves to get up but I pull him back, too scared to be alone. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to pick up what's left of your phone. If Emmett and Jasper see it in the morning it will just create questions for you that I don't think you're ready to answer." He gently wipes the hair from my forehead. "I'll leave the door open okay? You'll be able to see me move." I nod. He leans forward and kisses me ever so softly.

I lie in bed shivering, watching him pick up the pieces of my Nokia. I see him take the sim card and slide it into the side pocket of my bag. I'm so tired but I can't sleep until I feel him. Within minutes he slips into bed behind me. He pulls me back into his chest and cradles my head in his arm. I don't remember anything else.

It's a blur of activity this morning. Jasper and Emmett arrive a little after seven. I make them breakfast as they start packing. After breakfast Edward drops me at home to get ready. We don't speak of last night.

My dad has told my mom I'm going to Hermanus for a few weeks. I'm grateful, it looks like she wants to say something but whatever my dad told her has her biting her tongue. I don't have the energy for a lecture right now. I don't even know myself if I'm doing the right thing so there is no way that I can convince her that I'll be fine.

After packing some things I sit on the bed and take a deep breath. I'm terrified, but Jasper's words from the other night keep on coming back to me. Take the plunge, just do it.

I take the time to chat to my brother for a while. He's worried about me. I get that. I'm worried about me too. I ruffle his hair and promise him I'll call if there are any problems. He's too young to understand that my problems and his are worlds apart.

I'm staring out at the ocean from my parents' bedroom when my mom comes in.

"I don't like this," she announces.

I sigh. Did I really think she wasn't going to take a jab at me? "I know Mom. I can see that. But I have to do this. If I don't I'll never forgive myself."

"I don't understand it. You hardly know this guy. Sure, he seems wonderful and I feel better knowing his parents are also around but really, what the hell are you doing?"

I turn around, almost annoyed now. "Mom, I can't even explain this thing to myself so I can't explain it to you. All I know is I'm doing this. Do you think Dad would let me go if he felt it was the wrong thing to do? Everything in life is a risk. I don't know how it happened in such a short time but I've never felt this way before and I'll bet my life that neither has Edward. Either that or he's a damn good actor. I don't want to fight with you before I leave. Please, just let me do this without fighting," I beg.

She stares at me for a few seconds and then shrugs. "Okay, okay. But promise me you'll call us if you need anything."

Damn, my cell phone. "I need to buy a new cell phone."

"What happened to your other one?" she asks just as my dad walks in.

I explain to them what happened. I also admit that I know it was a stupid thing to do but from the look on their faces I think they get it. My dad walks to his computer and takes one of his cell phones and looks for the charger. Why does someone have two cell phones? He takes out the sim card and hands the phone and charger to me.

"There. Now I want you to buy another sim card so you have a different number. He can't call you if he doesn't know your number. And don't give the new number to just anyone. Send us a sms the minute it's active."

I hug him and he doesn't let go for a few seconds. "Thanks Dad," I whisper. He squeezes me a little tighter as we hear a bakkie pulling into the driveway.

I grab my stuff and he helps me carry it downstairs. Edward takes it from him and puts it on the back of the bakkie.

He surprises me when he comes back in, takes my hand firmly in his and gives me a look filled with so much love it hurts to look at him. He then looks at my Dad. "I know this must be very difficult for you," he starts. "Bella has just come out of a terrible experience and here I come along and ask you to trust me enough to take care of her. We've both tried to make sense of what is happening between us because both of us thought we knew better than believing in love at first sight." He looks at me again and I just know I'm grinning like Goofy again. "But something happened," he continues, still looking at me. "We're not sure what but we both would like the opportunity to explore it." He moves closer to my Dad, holding out his hand. "With your blessing."

I chance a look over at my mom. She's just about creaming herself. I think Edward has officially won her over. I look back at my dad. He's still watching Edward and after a few seconds he shakes his hand. I think he's gripping it a bit too tightly but Edward doesn't show it. "Thank you," my dad says and I know Edward has earned a certain amount of respect. "Look after her. She doesn't always show it but show it but she's fragile. She hurts easily." He let's go of Edward's hand.

"I'm fully aware of that. I'd like the chance to prove to her that she's stronger than she thinks. Thank you for this."

I hug my mom first and then my dad, again holding on longer than necessary. We say our goodbyes and Edward and I drive up to the West Coast Road where Jasper and Emmett are waiting for us with the boat in tow.

The drive is slow. The rain is pelting down on the vehicles and the fog on the road is making it difficult to see. Jasper is obviously not taking any chances with the load he's pulling. Edward doesn't talk much, concentrating on the road. It's a comfortable silence. I pull my book out of my bag and he looks at me while I settle deeper into the seat.

"What are you reading?"

"Bram Stoker's Dracula."

He laughs. "Seriously?"

I laugh back. "Seriously. I love vampires and this is one of the best told stories of all times."

"Tell me about it," he requests.

"Okay. It's about this guy Jonathan, he's a lawyer, that goes to Transylvania in the late nineteenth century to finalize a transfer of property to Count Dracula. When he talks to the locals he becomes a bit nervous because they all seem to have this fear of Dracula. So he goes to Castle Dracula and finds the castle like really old but okay. He finds Dracula kind of creepy though. So he's shaving one day and accidentally cuts himself and Dracula lunges for his throat which obviously scares the crap out of him.

He then finds himself unable to leave, imprisoned within the castle walls and seduced by three female vampires who he can barely keep away from."

"Now that I like," Edward chuckles. I swat his arm.

"Quiet. Do you want me to tell you the story or not?" I joke. He nods, a lazy smile still touching his lips. He looks amused by my enthusiasm for the story.

"Anyway, so Jonathan then learns that Dracula has to drink blood to survive. He tries to kill Dracula but he flees the castle with fifty boxes of earth to England. Jonathan is left sick and alone and it seems he can't escape the castle.

The story then shifts to England where Jonathan's fiancée, Mina, is visiting her friend Lucy. Mina worries because Lucy has started sleepwalking again and she hasn't heard from Jonathan in a long time. One night they see a weird ship approaching and it wrecks on the beach. They see a humungous dog which runs away. It's then sort of made clear that the ship is carrying the fifty boxes of earth from Castle Dracula.

One night Mina follows Lucy when she is sleep walking again. Lucy goes to a seat in the grave yard and Mina sees a tall, thin shape hovering over Lucy. When she goes to Lucy the shape disappears. Lucy doesn't remember anything but Mina sees two tiny red marks on Lucy's neck. Lucy is then visited by a large bat every night,"

He's laughing again. "You can't be serious? A bat? That's such a cliché."

"Of course it's a cliché idiot. But it's not a cliché in this book because this is the original Dracula story and that's where it comes from so shut it. So Lucy gets very sick over a period of a few weeks. Lucy's fiancée, Dr. Seward can't figure out what's wrong with her and she eventually dies. This is where van Helsing comes in as the vampire hunter dude. Reports after her death of a women creature killing young children has him open her coffin and find that she's not there. And so that hunt begins.

So Mina hears from Jonathan and goes to help him get better. They get married and return to England and hunt for the fifty boxes of earth.

Anyway, a lot happens in between but they manage to find the boxes of dirt and destroy them. Only one is missing and they learn it has been shipped back to Dracula's Castle. They go back to Transylvania, find the box and kill him. End of story."

"Doesn't that seem a bit of a waste of energy? Writing a book so complex and a story so long and then the dude dies at the end in any case?"

"No, I don't think so. I think Dracula was lonely. I'm sure he didn't want to be what he was but there was nothing he could do about it. But as the human that was still somewhere inside of him he still needed company and love. He just didn't have the strength to not kill people eventually. It's sad. He hated what he was but couldn't change it."

"Ever the romantic," he says, his eyes shining in the shimmer of sun that has managed to creep through the mountain of black clouds hanging over us.

I look out the window. "I used to be," I answer quietly before opening my book and losing myself in another world. He doesn't say anything but settles his arm behind me on the seat, softly toying with my hair.


	15. Chapter 15

**So, let's see how Bella handles being away from home...**

**Fynbos - a type of plant which grows wild in the Western Cape, South Africa. It's pretty much everywhere. This chapter is a bit longer than usual but sometimes I find it difficult to find the cut off point and it just works out that way. Some of the chapters towards the end are shorter than usual again.**

It's a little after three when we leave the N2 highway on route to Hermanus. I'm suddenly nervous and my insides are flipping around like fish in a basket. I take a cigarette out of my bag and put the window down. I take an unsteady breath and peek over at him. He has such a strong jawline. It looks amazing covered in a few days stubble. I reach my hand out and touch it. He looks sideways and smiles a breathtaking smile.

"You look nervous."

"I am."

"Don't be. I know it's easy for me to say but this is where I need you to be. Besides that, I think this is where _you_ need to be. I'll keep you safe, I promise."

I smile and put my hand on his leg, squeezing it softly. His muscle twitches in response and a light throbbing starts between my legs. Damn it, for once, just for once can you touch him without wanting to sex him up?

"I told my parents we'd come over for dinner tomorrow night. I didn't want you to be shoved into meeting everyone as soon as you got here. Jasper and Emmett are hitting the pubs tonight to catch up with some old friends. It's just you and me, nothing to worry about."

I relax visibly. I think he feels it as he laughs softly.

It's not long before we follow Jasper and Emmett into a winding gravel drive way that leads us to a lovely old house. The roofing structure immediately makes me think of German architecture. The property falls back into fynbos open land and an azure view of the ocean stretches out in front. I notice a small bench a bit away from the house facing the ocean.

"Oh Edward, it's beautiful," I say as I get out. I walk towards the bush clad hill's edge as I hear them talk behind me about the drive and how good it is to be home.

After a while Edward's arms fold around me from behind and I lay back into him, admiring the view as his chin rests on my head.

"Magnificent isn't it? We've been toying with the idea of buying the place. I think after two more runs we should have saved up enough to make the deposit at the bank."

"It really is lovely Edward." Before I can say anything else Emmett and Jasper grabs me from Edward, pulling me towards the house. We're laughing and I'm trying to keep up with their long strides.

"Come on, come see inside," Jasper says excitedly. "Don't expect too much though, you know, three bachelors living together and all," he winks at me. I'm caught up in their lust for life and it feels good.

The lounge is impressively big and spacious. Big floor to ceiling windows overlook the back yard as the lawn disappears into the fynbos. As Jasper said, it's typically bachelor though. Three long dark leather couches adorn the centre with a big TV and entertainment system along the wall to the right. A glass double door leads out onto a covered patio with a braai area and a meranti outdoor set.

To the left is an open plan kitchen which is also sizeable. The walls in the kitchen area are painted a dark angry red and even though I'd never think of painting my own kitchen that colour, it actually works. I can see a scullery at the end of the kitchen with a door leading to the side of the house.

"It's great isn't it? Did Edward tell you we're thinking of buying it? I can't wait!" Jasper's eyes sparkle as he speaks.

"Yes, he did. I'm so excited for you guys."

Edward comes walking in with my two bags and his duffel hanging from his shoulder. His muscles are straining against his shirt with the weight of it all. I think to offer help but decide against it. The view is just too good. He catches me watching and smirks. "Come on, let me show you our room," he says. Our room. It's that simple it seems. His room as become our room without as much as a blink of an eye.

I follow him off into the passage leading off the right of the lounge. We pass two closed doors and a bathroom before we get to the end of the hall. He opens the door and I follow him in. The bedroom is also typically male but also very stylish. Two of the walls are painted a very dark grey which offsets the white of the other walls perfectly. His bed is king size and the black bedding fits nicely with the colour scheme. His windows are also floor to ceiling and the view to the side is the deep blue of the ocean meeting the horizon in the distance.

He doesn't speak immediately, probably watching me soak it all in. "We have our own bathroom," he says, taking my hand and leading me into what seems to be a closet door. The bathroom is all white. So white in fact that it hurts my eyes just looking at it. There's a claw bath next to the window with a view with an overhead shower. I can't wait to lie in there with a glass of wine enjoying the sunset. I can't wait for him to be in there with me.

I've hardly finished the thought when he spins me around and his mouth hungrily meets mine. I waste no time in letting him know how worked up I am as I walk him backwards and push him down on the bed. I climb over him, straddling him as he sits up and attacks my mouth again. I softly moan into his mouth.

"Hey, we were…Oops! Sorry. Jeez, can't you guys knock it off for just a couple of hours?" I smile into Edward's mouth and turn around. Both Emmett and Jasper are smirking at us from the doorway and Jay throws a pillow their way. They duck it just in time. "What we were saying is we're going to call in pizza for dinner if that's okay? We have to do some shopping in the morning, there's almost nothing in the kitchen."

I get up off Edward's lap and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, eliciting another round of giggles from the guys. "No, don't phone. We'll go and get some. While we're there we might as well do some shopping. If there isn't fresh milk for coffee tomorrow morning I'll strangle someone."

"Oh God," Emmett pipes up. "It's starting already. She's laying down the law," he says in a jokingly scared voice.

"That's right Big Guy," I say, pulling Edward up from the bed. "Watch it. Milk in my coffee is very important. Other than that, as long as I don't have to pick up your underwear in the bathroom all will be well."

The four of us make a list of things we need quickly and Edward and I set out. We decide to stop and order pizza first before running into the shop.

The girl behind the counter is young, I'm guessing she's still in school. My guess turns out to be right.

"Edward," she squeals. "Where have you been? How's Jasper and Emmett?" They obviously know each other. She's cute with braces and long black hair. I notice a faint long scar gracing her cheek but even with that, give her another year or two and she'll be a looker.

"Emily, nice to see you as usual," he greets, pulling me closer to him. "This is Bella. Bella, this is Emily, a friend of my sisters'."

I shake her hand. "Nice to meet you," I say smiling. She's eyeing Edward and I almost giggle. It's so obvious she has a crush on him but he is totally oblivious to it. I pity her; I know what that feels like. I worshipped the ground one of my cousin's friends walked on when I was in high school but he never saw me as more than his friends' younger cousin.

Edward orders four large pizzas and stares expectantly at me. "What are you having?"

I laugh. "Edward, are you telling me the three of you are going to finish those pizzas?"

"Well, I guess we'll finish one each and then the other one is for when the guys come back from their pub crawling. So yeah, what are you having?"

I play it safe, staying away from the garlic and adding extra mushrooms. There's nothing better than mushrooms on a pizza.

"We'll collect in a while," Edward says. "We've got some shopping to do quickly."

"Your sister know you're back?" she asks.

"They know, but I'll only see them tomorrow night," he calls over his shoulder as we walk out.

We head into the Pick 'n Pay and he grabs a trolley. I snort. "This is so domesticated," I quip.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" he asks with a sideway glance.

I think about that question for a few seconds until I realize there is only one answer to it that is the truth. "Yes, yes it does."

We make quick work of the list, picking up some extra things along the way. I grab some favourites and things I need as well.

At the till Edward is helping the packer load the bags into the trolley when I hand my card over to the cashier.

"Hold on," he says looking back. "What are you doing?"

"I'm paying, what does it look like?"

"I've got it, don't worry about it," he says, starting to pull his wallet out of his pocket.

"No, it's fine, I've already given her my card," I say. Something must tell him by the way I'm looking at him to not push it or make a scene because he sighs, putting his wallet back. His jaw is set and he doesn't look happy at all as we load the stuff into the car. I take the keys from him and unlock my door.

"We still need to get the pizzas," he says.

"I'll wait here," I pout, getting into the bakkie. I think I'm being childish but I'm not sure. He can't expect me to stay here and live off him. I have saved up enough over the last year to at least make some form of contribution while I'm here.

He stares at me for a long while before he turns around and fetches the pizzas. I put the new sim card I bought into my phone and I make a quick call to my dad letting him know we arrived safely. We're quiet on the way back. As we stop I make to open my door but he leans over and stops me. Before he can say anything I decide to voice my opinion.

"Listen Edward, that was really childish what I did back there and I'm sorry but we spoke about this before I came. You can't expect me to just live off you. I've saved quite a lot over the last year that I was working so I need you to stop dictating what I can and cannot do with my money. I need to feel that I'm contributing here otherwise this isn't going to work."

He gasps, his eyes burning fire. "Are you threatening me?" he asks stunned. Damn, now that he asks the question I know what that sounded like, but I'm not backing down.

"If you want to take it as a threat then so be it. I'm just saying that I can look after myself. I've been through enough the past fucking two years to be able to stand on my own two feet." With that I shove his hand away and get out of the bakkie.

I stay upbeat in front of Emmett and Jasper but I don't talk to Edward and he doesn't try to talk to me. We pack out the groceries and eat pizza with a glass of Merlot. Well, a few glasses of Merlot. Emmett and Jasper get ready for their evening out while I watch MTV accompanied by a bottle of wine. Edward is sitting outside. The guys leave and I wash the few dishes that are in the sink.

"I can't believe you said that," his voice softly carries to me from behind.

I spin around. "And I can't believe that you would be such a Neanderthal that you can't accept that I can pay my way."

"Neanderthal?" His laugh is without humor. He moves closer, panther like, stalking me. I'm beginning to think he was one in his previous life. I move back step for step until he speeds up, grabbing me roughly to him. I see his eyes darken for a split second before his mouth is on mine, taking no mercy. I try to push him away with all my strength but he doesn't relent. Even though I'm angry my body betrays me and I don't fight for long before I open my mouth with a sigh, letting his tongue slip inside forcefully.

We literally crash down on the kitchen floor. My shoulder takes the brunt of the fall and I whimper in pain but he doesn't pay it any attention. I'm so turned on right now I think my pants are soaked. He makes quick work of pulling my pants off in one quick motion, followed by my underwear. He doesn't bother with my shirt as he takes his own pants off. I'm panting, wanting him so badly. He's in me hard and fast and I cry out as he grips my hair, holding me in place.

"Neanderthal?" he repeats his question. "Is this cave man enough for you?" he hisses as he buries himself all the way into my aching body.

I don't answer, I can't because he's stroking himself inside of me at just the right angle and it's not long before I'm screaming his name as I shudder beneath him. His orgasm follows close behind mine and he rests his forehead on my shoulder as he comes.

We're both reeling from what just happened. What did just happen? Even though my mind is telling me this was wrong my body seems pretty content at the moment. He straightens himself up and offers me his hand. I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow at him.

"So that's it? Conversation over?" I ask.

He sits back down, pulling me to him so my legs cross over his. "No, conversation is not over," he sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry okay? I'm not used to this. I was brought up old school where the guy looks after the girl. It'll take a while for me to change that mindset so bear with me." He looks sincere and I believe him.

"Thank you. It means a lot to me that you're willing to bend on this."

"I'll bend over backwards for you Bella. But only if I believe I am wrong. I can see this is important to you so I'm letting it go."

I try to lighten the mood. "So, besides that, Caveman, that was one hell of a show you just put on."

He throws his head back and laughs. I love it when he laughs. "You liked that, did you?" he asks grinning.

"Very much. I wouldn't mind it if you went all Caveman on me again," I reply as I get up, wincing slightly from the dull ache in my shoulder. "I'm dying to lie in that bath of yours with a view. Care to join me?"

"Let me see your shoulder," he says, turning me so he can have a look.

"It's nothing," I say because I know I bruise easily and I know it will be better in the morning.

He lays a few gently kisses on my shoulder, sending shivers through my body.

I run the water and he brings us each a glass of wine. It's heaven lying in the hot water against his warm chest watching the trees outside sway in the wind and the rain running patterns on the window.

"I'm dreading going away," he says softly. "I've always looked forward to it but now…now all I want to do is stay here with you, like this."

"I'm dreading it too. But like you said, life needs to happen. We can't stay wrapped up in this bubble for eternity." I twist my neck, looking up at him. "You love what you do Edward. Don't let what is happening between us take that away. I couldn't stand that."

I put my glass down, turn around on my knees. I take the soap and start washing him, running my hands over his delicious body. He hardens and we laugh. "Every time you touch me it's like a live wire to my groin," he jokes.

"Doesn't bother me," I remark. He does the same to me, I know what it's like. He washes me tenderly and I relax under his hands moving over my body. His hands speak of love, trust and a level of commitment that still scares me.

We lie in bed for ages. We don't make love again but we're constantly touching each other as we tell corny jokes, play twenty questions and fill in blanks of our past. The love for his family shines through again and I love how he loves them. It makes me think of my family, before my real father and grandfather passed away when I was in primary school. Big family dinners, Christmas days so big and abundant in presents and love. The feeling that you can't spend a day without your family. I realize that even though I have no complaints about my current family situation, I miss those days, the days when everyone was as one.

Edward hasn't had a steady relationship since he was in university. He and Tanya broke up after his second trip to sea. She couldn't handle the fact that he would be away so much and he wasn't willing to give it up. She's married now. He looks somewhat sad when he talks about it.

"You seem still caught up in that situation," I whisper, lightly massaging his scalp with my fingers.

"Not caught up," he replies. "It's just funny how you plan yourself around someone sometimes and then when it doesn't work out, you have to start planning all over again. Kim's a really amazing woman and her husband Felix is great too. I don't miss her in that sense. I don't actually know how to say it," he finished with an embarrassed and shy smile.

"You don't have to explain it to me Edward. I think a lot of people feel the way you feel. And it is weird to describe. It's not that you're wishing you could go back and do things differently, it's just a feeling of sadness that you'll carry with you for the rest of your life, even though it doesn't impact on your daily life, if that makes sense?"

"No, it doesn't," he jokes. "I think we should stop trying to analyze it."

"I agree."

I bite my lip. There's something I want to ask but I don't know if I should. Or if I'll like the answer that I get.

"Spit it out," he says. I realize he's been looking at me fighting the urge to ask.

I laugh. "Okay. Well, I don't know if I should ask but it's something that I've just thought of. I mean, you say you weren't willing to give up your job for Tanya yet earlier you said you didn't want to go away again."

"This is different Bella. So much different to anything I've experienced before. I'm scared if I let you go then you won't be here anymore when I get back. It shows me that this relationship means more to me than any other I've been in because I've never been willing to give up my job for anyone else. I'm not saying I'm going to give it up; we'll have to see how we handle the first couple of times I go away. I think we'll have to guide each other in this instance and be totally honest with each other about how we feel. I think that's important."

"Yes, I think that's important too. And thank you for your honesty. It means the world to me that you feel that way."

We lie talking a bit more before we hear Jasper and Emmett pull up. From the sound of it they're definitely drunk. I giggle as I hear them trying to keep quiet but failing miserably. Edward's chuckling next to me as well.

We lie just listening to them, not speaking. They make quick work of the pizza that's left and all of a sudden the noise is replaced by silence again. Well, silence besides the drunken snores coming from the passage. I get up softly and close our door.

It doesn't take us long to fall asleep as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Leibeezer...thanks for your reviews on every chapter.**

**Guest Comment: This is a very personal story for me. Much of it happened in real life. Yes, I agree with you about having a man that provides for you and I agree with everything you said. However, it was me that had just come out of a very abusive relationship and I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet and not be dependent on someone. Sorry if that bothers you.**

**Now let's meet Edward's parents.**

I'm up early. I don't bother Edward. I can imagine the long days and nights he has on the boat and a sleep in here and there has never hurt anyone.

I slap together a big greasy breakfast, knowing that Jasper and Emmett are going to need it. They're up before Edward and dig in at the kitchen table.

"Hhhhhmmmmm, this is divine," Jasper mumbles through the mouthful of bacon and mushrooms he's trying to swallow.

Emmett doesn't answer, just hums in response.

"The only thing that's missing here is a …" Jasper stops talking as I put a beer in front of each of them. He looks from me to the beer and back. It looks like he's died and gone to heaven.

He's up so fast he knocks his chair over as he hugs me tightly. "You're an angel sent from above," he jokes. I'm sure there are pieces of food in my hair now as his mouth is so full.

"Hey, no groping the help," Edward laughs as he comes in.

"The help?" I snort.

I dish him some breakfast and they sit and make small talk about the night before while I clean up the mess I made in the kitchen. As I walk past Edward he pulls me into his lap, eating with one hand and holding me close with the other.

"Man, you should have seen Tapas last night, it was packed," Emmett says in between chewing. "The crowd asked after you. Sorry but we couldn't not tell them about Bella. They wanted to come up here and drag you down for a few beers."

Edward shrugs. "No harm. They would have found out soon enough. You know this town." He turns to me. "Do you want to join us in a jog? We do it just about every morning. It's about 3km flat surface with the exception of one incline."

"I'd like that," I reply. "Let me go get ready," I say, planting a kiss on his forehead before I get up and make my way to the bedroom.

The guys joke at the start of the jog that they'll tone it down a bit so I can keep up. I tell them not to but they do it anyway and halfway through I'm glad. Their long legs take one stride when I have to take three to keep up. I work up a good sweat and it feels great. I haven't jogged in ages. I've always been a walker but not so much a jogger.

I can't stop staring at Edward. The way his muscles contract, the sweat gleaming on his tanned skin in the early morning sun. He's unaware that I'm practically swooning over him right now. Jasper notices though and nudges me with his elbow. I giggle at his face as he makes kissing noises at me. As soon as Edward turns his head we stop and stare straight ahead, keeping our eye on the horizon. The route they choose takes us along the coast for a bit and it's breathtaking. I find myself hoping I'm still around for the whale season in September. My heart skips a beat if I think about not being here with Edward.

We turn up the drive way when the three of them make a run for it, blasting into a full on race to the end. Jasper takes the lead easily with Edward just behind and Emmett giving up halfway there. I catch up to him and we lean on each other, out of breath as we make our way inside.

"I'm impressed Bella," Emmett says. "Didn't think you'd stay with us."

"Believe me, I'm surprised too. I haven't jogged in about two years," I call back as I head to the room to take a much needed shower.

As I get in the bath turning the shower head like I want it I hear the bedroom door close. I smirk. I know what's coming.

He pulls the shower curtain away and I see he's naked. Sweaty and naked.

"Come here," he whispers hoarsely and I step out of the shower wetting the floor. His lips are on mine quickly and I thread my fingers through is hair, pulling lightly, eliciting a panty dropping moan from him. He walks me back and when my legs hit the back of the bed I fall back.

"Edward, I'm wetting the bed," I laugh.

My laugh is quickly cut off as he kneels in front of me and his mouth is on me in a flash. He's licking and sucking and biting and I can't keep still. His one hand comes up, flattening on my stomach, holding me in place. The fingers of his other hand finds my entrance and slowly starts pumping in and out as he teases my clit with light flicks of his tongue. I'm not going to last. I close my eyes and see him jogging next to me, the way he moved, the grace that is Edward and I'm hanging on the edge of the cliff.

His mouth leaves me. "Look at me Baby."

"I can't," I whimper, trying to lift my head up but lost in the sensations that are controlling my body.

His fingers stop moving and I moan in frustration. I'm so close. "Look at me. I want to see you."

I force myself up on my elbows and make eye contact with him. His eyes are a stormy green, darker than usual. I know he's just as turned on as I am and I can't wait to have him inside of me.

His fingers start moving again, faster than before. "That's it. You're close, I can feel it," he groans as he sucks me into his mouth again. And then I'm lost. I'm falling and I cry out as my body quakes, my legs shaking next to him. I never break eye contact and it makes me want to weep, the look he gives me as I break down, the love in his eyes, it's too much.

He doesn't give me much time to recover before his body covers mine and he enters me with one swift stroke. His tongue darts into my mouth and I love the taste of myself on him. I thought this was going to be quick but he takes his time, making love to me, whispering, telling me how beautiful I am, how much he adores me, how he can't get enough of me.

My hands are gripping his hips and as he slightly changes his angle he hits me right where I need it. I keep his hips in that direction. "Right there Edward, right there." My voice is barely there. His rhythm picks up but he keeps his angle as his mouth finds my breast. My back arches off the bed as he softly bites my nipple.

Suddenly his movements become faster still and his mouth finds mine. I know he's close and even though I'm completely his at this very moment I don't think I'm going to crash again.

"Let go Edward," I whisper against his lips. A few seconds after my words he fills me, groaning into my neck as I hold him close.

He rolls of me and we're both lying on our backs trying to catch our breath.

"Fuck me," I manage between breaths.

"I thought I just did," he says. We both burst out laughing.

They laze around the rest of the day. I offer to do their laundry and I think they love me even more. I don't shower after our encounter, Edward smells me every time he passes me. Emmett and Jasper try to hide their amusement but eventually it gets the better of them. They don't say anything though, just snicker when I walk past them. I think they know Edward will freak out at them. I for the most ignore them although I feel a bit embarrassed. I wasn't exactly keeping the volume down this morning.

After five we all head to shower. Jasper and Emmett seems part of the family and therefore will be joining us tonight. I'm nervous as hell. From the sound of it Edward's family is amazing but I really don't know what to expect. I'm staring at the closet I've hung my clothes in as he comes up behind me.

I sigh in frustration. "I have no idea what to wear," I state, sounding like a petulant child.

"Need help?" I'm about to laugh at him but realize that he knows them, I don't. I have to trust him to point me in the right direction.

"By all means Tom Ford, go right ahead," I joke.

He studies the contents of the closet for a few seconds. He proceeds to take out a pair of Levi's and my knee high riding boots. He also takes out a white tight fitting Billabong long sleeve and a blue Billabong zip up hoodie. "There you go, all set."

I look at him in annoyance. "Really Edward? I'm wearing jeans to meet your parents for the first time?" I move to put the clothes back but he stops me and folds me in his arms. I huff at him.

"Baby, they'll love you no matter what you wear. I don't want you to go in there and be someone that you're not. And you're not a flowery dress kind of girl. They'll see right through you. They're so excited to meet you so let's give them who you are, not what you think they want you to be."

I softly touch his cheeks with my fingers and plant a chaste kiss on his luscious lips. "Thank you. You always know how to make me feel better, stronger."

He kisses me again. "That's what I'm here for Bella. I'll never give you bad advice. And if you need advice from me that I can't give, I'll give my opinion but that's it. Right now, I know what's best so trust me."

"I do Baby. I do."

He lets me get on with it and when I am finished they are just finishing their beers.

I'm twisting my hands standing at the door waiting for them. My nerves are getting the better of me and I feel like chickening out but I know I can't do that to Edward.

Jasper takes my hand as he walks past and wraps his big arm around me as we walk to Edward's bakkie. "Relax," he whispers. "They're gonna love you, I promise. It's not every day that Edward introduces a woman to them you know." I know, Edward's told me. I squeeze him hard before getting into the bakkie.

Jasper and Emmett jump on the back and we set off. It's a short ride. I wish it was longer.

Edward hoots when we stop outside and Jasper and Emmett are in the house first. I hear laughter and greetings from inside.

A beautiful dark haired girl comes barreling out the front door and Edward opens his arms wide. She almost runs him off his feet and he holds her tight for a few seconds.

"I've missed you," she laughs as he puts her down.

"Me too, Pickle," he says.

He releases her and takes my hand, pulling me closer. "Bella, this is my sister, Carmen. Carmen, this is Bella." I stick my hand out to shake hers but I'm pulled into a bone crushing hug. I'm slightly flustered but manage to hug her back awkwardly.

"It's so good to meet you Bella. We couldn't wait. This is so out of character for him, you know. Bringing someone home. It feels like Christmas," she babbles as she takes my hand and starts pulling me toward the front door.

I shoot Edward a pleading look over my shoulder but he just shrugs and smiles.

Edwards' parents are just as warm and I feel the tension leaving my body slowly but surely. His dad is Carlisle and his mom Esme. She also hugs me, although much softer than Carmen and I'm grateful. My shoulder is still a bit sore from the day before.

We make our way to the back enclosed patio and it is really just breathtaking. The view of the landscaped garden and huge pool is enough to make me want to live here forever. The fire crackling away in the braai is heating up the room and I take my hoodie off.

Drink orders are taken and the men don't take long before we are sipping a crisp Chardonnay. We chat about my family and his, about schooling, etc. I feel so at home and I realize that Edward was right; there was nothing to be nervous about.

Carmen's only excitement is focused on how Edward and I met and how we realized we were made for each other, as she puts it. I blush as Edward tries to keep her at bay with a basic rundown. I can see she's not happy but her mom makes her leave it alone.

Dinner is lovely and as we eat dessert I enquire as to why Edward calls Carmen Pickle. Everyone laughs.

"Well," Carlisle starts. "When she was about four years old she decided that she didn't like pickles one bit. But instead of just telling us so that we stopped putting it on her plate, she used to take the jar out of the fridge and hide it away in the garage behind my tool rack. We sometimes wondered about the pickles that were suddenly finished so fast but Edward and the boys loved them so it never bothered us. One day we decided to move my tool rack to the other side of the garage and we found I think about 30 pickle jars! You can imagine. From that day Edward nicknamed her Pickle and it grew on the rest of us I guess."

I was laughing at the story and it seems everyone else enjoyed hearing it again as well.

"Edward, let's take Bella to Beach Café for a night cap," Emmett pipes up as we start saying our goodbyes.

"Oh! Oh!" Carmen pipes up. "Please can I come with?"

Edward shoots a look at her that literally has her shrinking behind her mom's shoulder. "Carmen, the answer is no, and the answer will remain no until you are eighteen, which is only in December."

She nods sadly but it seems her parents agree with Edward's decision. We say our goodbyes. I promise Esme that I won't be a stranger and that I'll run to her if the boys give me too much hassle. This had them laughing but it seems that Edward is not the only one with a death glare. The laughter gets stuck in their throats and they quickly make their exit. Just as Edward is about to get into the bakkie he turns around again.

"Oh, and Carmen? If I never find out you're sneaking around to the pubs behind our backs you better run very fast." It's meant as a threat and it most certainly sounds like one. She glares at him for a few seconds and runs inside. I'm not sure if it is because she's embarrassed or if she's been doing exactly what he is implying and is now shit scared he'll find out.

We stop a few cars down from the Beach Café and Edward wraps his arm around me as we make our way to the quaint but noisy pub. It's a white washed building, reminding me of the old fisherman cottages in Laaiplek.

The music is loud when we make our way inside. There aren't that many people but it seems like a nice crowd.

"Edward!" a call comes from behind the bar counter. A good looking dark haired guy waves at us. Edward pulls me over and the closer I get the better looking he gets. Does he have any friends that are just average or does everyone look like super models?

"Peter," he says, shaking his hand. "How are you?"

"Good man, good. How was your trip up the West Coast?"

Jay looks at me for a few seconds. "Really good. Pete, this is Bella," he says and we shake hands.

"Good to meet you."

"Likewise," I reply smiling.

We make some small talk. Edward tells Pete he met me while on holiday and decided he wanted to keep me. I snort at this and they laugh.

"So Bella, what's your poison?"

I glance over at the bottles behind the bar. "I think give us a round of tequilas, three beers and one glass of dry white wine, thanks."

"No problem. Go have a seat and I'll bring it round."

We make our way to Emmett and Jasper and check out the scene. They wave and shout hallo to a few more people.

When the tequila comes I realize I never asked for a shot of lime with it. What the heck, just do it. The three of them gape at me as I innocently lick the salt of my hand, throw the shot back and suck on the lemon. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing," Jasper jokes. "I see you're getting used to partying with the big boys."

I laugh but my stomach says otherwise. It's fighting the tequila and I'm trying very hard not to puke. I quickly take a slug of Edward's beer while he snickers at me. I definitely won't be trying that one again soon.

The music changes to an Afrikaans song with a good beat and just as Jasper asks me to dance Emmett jumps up. "No way man. You danced with her in Langebaan, it's my turn."

"Knock it off," Edward sighs. "Why don't you give Bella the choice instead of making it for her."

Emmett and Jasper stare at me expectantly but Emmett does have a point so I take his hand. "Sorry Jazz but he makes a valid argument," I shrug.

Emmett leads me to the small dance floor to the side and I find that he is also a good dancer. His arm is wound around me tightly and he leads me so that I know exactly what he wants to do. I enjoy it thoroughly. We're both a bit out of breath when the song morphs into Metallica's Nothing else matters.

"Watch this," he winks at me, taking my arms and draping them over his shoulders as he pulls me closer. I don't think this is going to be pretty but I'm giggling with him. Literally a few seconds later Edward's arms fold around me from behind and he pulls me from Emmetts' hold.

"I know what you're trying to do Emmy Boy, and it's working," he says as he turns me around and takes over the dance. We don't talk, his chin is resting on my shoulder and I can hear him softly singing the words of the song. I'm caught up in his arms, in his devotion, in his love.

After an hour or so of drinking and joking around the guys decide to play pool and I make my way to the ladies room. I check their drinks from where I am at the bar and ask Pete for refills.

"No more tequila?" he jokes.

"No way. That was stupid of me. I don't make the same mistake twice," I laugh back.

We chat a bit while he's busy. I'm suddenly aware of someone standing next to me, too close and for a split second I panic. But when I look to my right the panic subsides and intrigue sets in. Can anyone say Antonio Banderas?

"Good Evening," his velvet voice makes itself heard. "Stefan," he says, offering his hand which I take as I say my name. But instead of shaking it he pulls it up and kisses it softly. Very inappropriate, I think, considering he doesn't know if I'm here with someone or not. I don't want to be rude so I ignore it, turning back to Pete.

"Let me grab my purse at the pool tables," I say as I turn and start walking. As I start crossing over the dance floor a hand folds around my wrist from behind and the panic once again sets in.

My lungs swell in my chest and my breathing becomes shallow. Instantly I break into a cold sweat. I look over to the pool tables, too afraid to turn back and see my worst nightmare.


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm not going to say much...I am so tired I feel dead on my feet...but I just had to get this chapter out.**

Jasper glances our way and I think he sees the look on my face because he drops the pool cue on the table and marches our way. Edward and Emmett are playing at another table and haven't noticed anything yet.

"Back away, Stefan," Jasper sneers. He pulls me free from the gripping hand and into his side. He looks down at me, his eyes full of concern. "You okay?"

I'm still battling to breathe but I try to tell myself I'm safe next to Jasper. I nod because I don't think I can speak.

"Jasper, always a pleasure," Stefan says but I get the feeling there is a lot of animosity floating around between the two men.

"I wish I could say the feeling is mutual. You should learn to keep your hands to yourself," he comments as he starts turning us around towards the pool tables.

"It's not my fault she liked my hands more than yours," I hear from behind.

It all happens so fast I'm having trouble keeping up. Jasper gently shoves me to the side and with one fluid movement his fist connects with Stefan's jaw as he turns around. The sound of something cracking zings in my ears and I honestly hope it's not Jasper's hand.

Stefan stumbles a few steps back, wiping his finger over the blood that's dripping from his lip. He looks at Jasper with such menace, inviting more and I can see Jasper's all for it.

"Jazz!" I shout, grabbing his arm and holding him back just as I feel Edward's hand pulling me to him. It astounds me that I don't even have to look, I just know it's his hand.

Emmett grabs Jasper from behind and even though he's much bigger, he's battling to keep him back.

"Stefan," Edward acknowledges with a nod of his head. "Why is it that every time I see you there is some form of altercation happening?" His voice is lethal.

"You should keep your dog in check Edward. I just wanted to have a dance with her when your pit bull attacked."

"Fuck you," Jasper shouts and Emmett again has to tighten his grip on him.

"What happened?" Edward looks down at me.

I can breathe a bit now that he's close to me but I see in his eyes that he knows I'm not okay. "I met Stefan at the bar when I was ordering more drinks. I was on my way to you to fetch my purse when he grabbed my wrist from behind. I'm sorry Edward, I panicked…" I don't know what else to say. It's very obvious that this thing between Stefan and Jasper is not just about the fact that he grabbed my arm.

Edward continues to look at me for a few seconds, his eyes almost blackening. Oh crap!

He pushes me behind him and gets in Stefan's face so fast he stumbles a few steps back. "Listen nicely Stefan, because I'm only going to say this once. If you ever touch her again I'll break your neck. I am not making that threat lightly so you best heed it. Secondly, you know why Jasper did what he did and it wasn't just about here so let it go. I'd love to tell Emmett to let go of him but I really don't want my pal ending up in jail tonight so I'll let it slide this time. Now, if there is nothing else I suggest we get out of here," he says as he turns back to us.

It's then that I realize the music has stopped and everyone is watching. No one intervenes though and I'm guessing this little scenario has happened before, minus me in the middle.

We grab our stuff and Edward doesn't let my hand go for a second. The guys shout goodbye to Pete and some other people and as we reach outside I hear the music starting again, like nothing happened.

Jasper is holding his hand and wincing but the man that he is, tries to hide the fact that he's in pain.

"Jazz," I whisper. "Let me see." He holds his hand out to me and sure as hell, his one knuckle is swelling up big time. That must have been the crack I heard. "Oh God, Jazz, I'm so sorry," I say sadly.

"No way Bella," he growls. He's still so pissed off. "Don't think this is your fault. That fucker had it coming and if I have anything to do with it he'll be getting a lot more. Besides, these two oafs would have done the same thing had they been in my position."

I hear a collective 'fuck yeah' from the back and chuckle.

Back home we decide to have a drink before calling it a night. I follow Jasper into his bathroom and take the first aid kit he's trying to unzip with one hand.

"Sit," I order and he sits on the side of the bath.

I gently clean his hand and dry it with a soft cloth.

"I loved her you know," a whisper escapes him. I don't answer and he doesn't look up. He knows I'm listening. "Alice and I dated for five years. I was going to marry her and buy a house, buy a dog…have kids." He winces a bit as I start wrapping his hand. "I thought she felt the same way. She said so. Last year just before Christmas we got back. I always used to go to her before even coming home. I knew something was up the moment I got there. She wasn't herself. It didn't take her long to tell me that she couldn't be in the relationship anymore, that she couldn't cope with me being away. She had started seeing Stefan. She said they were committed to each other and that is what she wanted."

He shook his head and finally looked up when I finished his hand, but I didn't let it go. "He left her two weeks later. Just left her hanging. She was devastated. She reached out to me but the damage had been done, you know? I'll never be able to trust her again. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss her every day, that I don't still love her."

My heart is breaking for Jasper. This lovely, funny, charismatic man that I have come to know. I feel honored that he has shared his story with me. I start pulling my hand away but he doesn't let go. I look at him questioningly.

"I've told you mine, now tell me yours. Fuck Bella, I saw that look on your face, the panic in your eyes. You couldn't even breathe."

I push my other hand through my hair, knowing that I would have to tell him some or other time. I slide down against the tile wall behind me and sit cross legged on the floor. Edward comes walking in with two beers in his hand and assesses the situation. I think he sees something on both our faces, especially Jasper's. He hands us each a beer, kissing the top of my head before walking out.

"I told you that I had come out of a very abusive relationship. It was bad, Jazz. Really bad. Besides the verbal abuse he knocked me down so many times that I lost count. The last time he said he was going to kill me. He kicked me a few times, choked me, and cracked a few ribs. He told me I made him sick and I was stupid and pathetic. He told me that every day until I started believing him. Because I had become one of those women, you know? The women we read about in magazines and wonder why they stay there when they can just walk out. But it's not that easy. When you believe no one else will want you, why would you want to be alone? I still have nightmares. Edward has seen some of them before and let me tell you it's not pretty. I have panic attacks when someone touches my throat. When Stefan grabbed my arm from behind I panicked. I was too afraid to turn around and find Jacob standing there even though my mind was telling me that it was impossible. Fear overrides everything for me in a situation like that and I can't stop it. I'm getting better every day and Edward has a lot to do with that. I guess you could say he saved me from myself. He's healing me and I love him so much for that. We're still not sure what we're doing but we both know we want to try and that's enough for me right now. Honestly, I can't think of not having him with me. I don't know what I'm going to do when you guys leave."

"I'll tell you what you're going to do Bella. You're going to be right here waiting when we get back. You're going to find a job that you like if that's what you want to do but you're not leaving our house. We can't protect you if you're not here. Edward's already discussed installing an alarm system for when we're gone and we all agree that's for the best. But honestly Bella, Edward will not handle it if you're not here. He can cope with the separation because it's necessary but if you go stay somewhere else he won't. Emmett and I love seeing Edward so happy. And you're the reason for that. We haven't known you for that long but we love you too. You're our little sister now and we'll protect you no matter what. Please don't leave."

His plea is heartfelt and it brings tears to my eyes. I launch off the floor and into him to hug him. What I forget is that he doesn't have two hands to balance himself and we both go sprawling into the bath. I scream as I fall on top of him while he's laughing his ass off. Not five seconds later Emmett and Edward both appear in the doorway ready to pummel someone but even they can't stop laughing at the sight before them.

"Little help," I manage in between giggles. Edward pulls me up easily and I hang on to Jasper's uninjured hand pulling him up with me.

"Sorry, Jazz."

"No sweat. Just remember what I said," he says seriously. Edward's eyes are questioning mine but I just give him a weak smile and say goodnight to the guys before heading to the room.

I take off my clothes and pull on one of his shirts before sliding into his bed. I'm almost asleep when I feel his kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you just now Baby. Just going to have another beer or two with the guys."

"Okay," I mumble. He chuckles.

"Sleep well. I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too Edward. Much more than you realize."

I can feel him looking at me for a while before he leaves the room and I drift away peacefully.

I wake up blinking into the dark. Something is choking me. Hands, I can feel Jacob's hands squeezing my neck. My heart is hammering in my chest and I claw at my throat, finding nothing. Why can't I breathe? I realize that I must have had a nightmare that followed me back into the real world. I turn to my side and find that Edward is not there anymore. I recall his arm pulling me close when he came to sleep earlier but he's gone now. Where is he? Why isn't he with me?

I stumble through the darkness down the passage and manage to pour myself a glass of water. I gulp it down in between taking deep breaths.

"Bella?" The voice is right behind me and I feel fingers on my shoulder. I instinctively move away, backing up against the wall.

"Please don't," I whisper. Even to my own ears I sound terrified and my heart has started hammering away again.

"Hey, Bella, look at me," the voice whispers back. I'm too scared to look, I know I'll feel the pain soon enough.

"Bella, look at me." The voice is more forceful and I obey the command.

"You see, it's just me, Jasper. Please, you need to calm down. No one is going to hurt you. Give me your hand Bella," he says softly.

My hands are shaking so bad but somewhere in my mind I know I can trust this man in front of me as he grabs me and pulls me up. I sway a bit and he grips me tighter so I don't fall. I flinch a bit but he doesn't let go. "I'm going to pick you up Bella, you're going to fall. Okay?" I nod, feeling zoned out, like a zombie.

His arm moves around the back of my legs and then he's holding me to his chest. We're moving when I hear another voice, a familiar voice, one I'm longing for but I can't find it in myself to lift my head from Jasper's chest. I'm clinging to him for dear life, tears wetting his chest.

"What the hell happened," Edward whispers.

"Where were you?" Jasper snaps.

"I was outside at the back. I heard a noise at the garage's side and went to have a look. I repeat, what happened?" Edward sounds annoyed now.

"I don't know Edward. I heard someone in the kitchen and came out and Bella was…she was…fuck, she thought I was going to hurt her, man." I can hear the frustration and anxiety in Jasper's voice but I can't do anything about it.

"Nightmare. Has to be. Let me take her back to bed."

"I'll carry her."

"No, I'll do it."

"For fuck sake Edward, I've already got her now let it go!"

Edward sighs in frustration but I feel we're moving again and then I'm on the bed, a blanket being pulled over me. I pretend to be sleeping.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. Just let her work through it."

"She scared the shit out of me man. I think you need to get her to see a therapist."

"I'll handle it, Jasper. She doesn't need to see a shrink. I'll get her better."

"Whatever, man. But I'm telling you, sometimes love isn't enough. Her scars run deep. She needs help."

"Drop it. I'll keep an eye on her and if she doesn't get better I'll discuss it with her. I'm not going to force her into something that she doesn't want and therapy is not something she's ever brought up."

I hear Jasper walking out and closing the door behind him. I can feel Edward looking at me. His eyes are burning into me and the tears start again. He puts off the light and I feel him getting into bed behind me but he doesn't make a move to touch me. And right now I need his touch more than anything in the world.

I turn around in the dark, eyes wide open, facing him, facing my fears. I reach out my hand and he grabs it immediately, placing it over his heart.

"You heard everything," he states. It's not a question. I nod. He doesn't say anything else.

I move closer, moving my hand over his chiseled arm and around, gripping him close. I kiss his neck, licking a line up to his chin, kissing my way to his mouth. He's hesitant but he kisses me back, pulling me closer. I need him so much. I don't know why but I do.

I try to climb on top of him but he gently holds me in place. I'm confused.

"Bella, wait. I don't think it's a good idea that we do this now."

"Why? I need you Edward."

"Oh Baby, I know you do but sex is just a quick fix. It's not doing anything to help you in the long run."

I move away from him a bit, staring at him. I feel like he's just slapped me in the face. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. That he'd get tired of me. I turn around and pull the blankets up to my chin before he sees the tears.

His hand reaches out to me from behind but I shrug him off. "Just leave me alone Edward. Please, just leave me alone."

He gets up out of bed and I hear the door open. He doesn't come back in before I fall into darkness, afraid of what might be waiting there for me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Leibeezer...again, thanks for debating this story with me, I truly enjoy it.**

**Bugsmamawolf...you have no idea how much your review means to me, what you said, it really hit home. Hope you stick around for the entire story.**

**Now, let's see what Bella gets up to, she kind of does a really silly thing in this chapter...**

I wake up groggy the next morning. I lie very still and the rejection of the night before washes over me again. It seems that it won't leave me for a second. I knew this was a very real possibility. I mean, what did I expect? That this amazing man would put up with my psycho crap forever? Why can't I just be normal?

The bedroom door is open and I see on my cell phone it's half past seven. I softly make my way down the passage when I hear voices and I stop, my back against the wall. I know it's not nice to eavesdrop but I can't help myself.

"I hurt her. Fuck, I promised her I'd never hurt her. But after what happened last night I just didn't feel right having sex with her. She looked so torn, vulnerable. I saw it on her face when I said no. She thinks I don't want her anymore. The truth is, I want her more every day."

I stop breathing for a few seconds. I had read the situation wrong the night before.

"Stop beating yourself up Edward," Emmett says. "I think I would have done the same thing. I know this is hard, she's still stuck in the past and she's desperately trying for it not to influence the present but she's battling. Fuck man, we hate seeing her like this. And if we feel that way I can't imagine how you must be feeling."

"I feel so helpless. That's how I feel. I want to take it all away but I can't. All I can do is be there for her and support her. I can't let her go. I've never felt this way before and I know she feels the same. We just have to work through this, there's nothing else we can do."

I don't stay for the rest of the conversation. I go back to the bedroom and take a shower. I make a decision. I need to keep my panic away from Edward. I'm hurting him and I hate myself for it. From here on out I will deal with this alone, Edward doesn't need to be burdened with my issues.

I send a sms to the only person that can help me. Marcus is an old friend of mine and a doctor. I tell him I lost my script for Xanax and ask him to fax one through to me at the Hermanus Pharmacy. His reply is almost instant, saying that he'll do it within the next few hours. No questions asked. I delete the messages not a second before Edward comes in.

"Hey Baby," I say, smiling my brightest smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, rounding the bed and hesitantly opening his arms for me. I walk into them and hug him to me.

"I'm doing well, thanks."

"Bella, last night…"

"Didn't happen. Let's just forget about it and move on."

"You know it doesn't work that way."

"It works exactly that way. If I forget about it, then it didn't happen. I don't want to be depressed and hash out every detail of my mental problems Edward. I just want to be happy, with you."

I know he's not buying it but he gives in. I know I've won for the time being.

"Edward!" Emmett calls coming in. "Pete just phoned. The break down at Voëlklip is apparently awesome. You game?"

Edward's eyes light up. He looks down at me. "What do you say?"

"I didn't bring any gear with me. But how about you guys head down so long and I'll make a stop at that surf shop I saw when we went to buy pizzas? Just give me directions to the beach."

"I'll come with you," he states.

"Edward, I'll be fine, I promise. Now go, you never waste a good break." He kisses me hard and I can feel the excitement buzzing within him right now.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he asks.

"So I've been told. Now go!"

There's sudden chaos in the house. Surf boards and wet suits are being put on Jasper's bakkie. I grab beach towels for the guys and promise to bring something to drink down with me. Edward gives me the keys to his bakkie and directions to Voëlklip and they're off.

I'm excited myself. I haven't body boarded for a good few months. I head down to the surf shop. After introductions the salesman helps me along. I decide on a Reef body board like the one I have at home and a Billabong long sleeve wetsuit. I also grab a long sleeved rash vest, Viper flippers and socks. I know this exercise is costing me a fortune but I can't help it. I can't wait to be out there with the guys. I almost forget the wax but it's up at the till so I remember.

I decide to try and see if my prescription has come through at the pharmacy yet. I'm in luck, Marcus is a star and he's made it a recurring prescription for six months. Awesome. I buy my first illegally obtained Xanax and head off with the directions in my hand. I know he'll never talk to me again if he finds out I lied to him but it's a chance I have to take.

It doesn't take me long to find this Voëlklip beach and it's breathtaking. The water is dotted with surfers and body boarders alike. It's not too crowded out there which is nice.

I take my clothes off next to the bakkie and pull my rash vest over my bikini top. Wetsuit next and I'm admiring my new board while waxing it up a bit. I walk down to the water's edge and pull on my flippers. Just as I look up I see Edward grab a killer right break and I have think I'm going to faint. His poise is perfect as he takes on the four footer with ease. I'm a bit nervous suddenly, not having done this for so long.

I start paddling in after he's done and they're in quite a way so I'm a bit out of breath when I get there.

"Hey Baby," he says, leaning over and kissing me. The cold and salt on his lips are divine and I lick his bottom lip before he pulls back.

"Fuck Bella, really, even out here you can't leave him alone?" Emmett pipes up jokingly.

"No, it seems I can't," I say, not breaking eye contact with Edward.

I hang around for a bit with Edward as we watch other guys catch some waves. There's only one other girl surfing and she winks as she paddles past. I wink back. It's sometimes overwhelming to be in the midst of all these men so it's always nice to see another female face.

A wave with my name is coming and I paddle away from Edward. I keep it simple on the first one, executing a perfect bottom turn. Seems it's like riding a bike, once you have it you always have it. I feel pretty good and exhilarated and I'm enjoying myself to the max.

We don't pay much attention to each other as each one is in their own little world amid the right hand breaks that smoothly keep on coming. Edward and I both start readying ourselves for the wave coming. He sees me and nods his head, giving me way and holding back.

I decide to try my hand at a DK Floater, even though I've only ever done that three times successfully. I've got my eye on the section going in and I float over, I go in for the projection off the lip but I don't put enough aggression into my bottom turn. The lip hits me and I go under, the thunder of the wave above my head. I stay calm, as calm as I can because I know to panic in this situation would steal what valuable air I have left in my lungs. I break up and surface just in time to see another wave coming my way. I take a deep breath and dive. By the time I'm up from that one I'm so tired I can barely hold onto my board but at the same time I haven't felt this alive in forever.

"Wipe out!" Emmett and Jasper shout together when they spot me and I have to laugh with them and wave. Edward is paddling closer, worry etched in his face.

"You okay?"

"Of course I'm okay Edward. Jeez, as a surfer you should know that things like this happen all the time. Just because I'm your girlfriend doesn't make me any more special than anyone else out here."

He huffs. He knows I'm right. "Okay, sorry, I panicked. It's not my fault. It's my job to protect you."

"Not out here Big Boy. This is no man's land. Each one for himself."

He gives me a crooked grin and we paddle out again. I stick to basic low key maneuvers, just enjoying the time out in the ocean. I feel like I'm a kid again and when I get out of this water I'm going home to my mom and dad, have a hot shower, eat something and lie and watch MTV for a few hours before going out with my friends. I sigh, shaking my head. If only life were that simple.

I don't stay out too long before I give them the sign I'm heading back to shore. I take off my wetsuit and vest and dry myself a bit before putting on my track pants. Now that I'm out I'm freezing. I forgot a hoodie but I spot Edward's on the back of the bakkie and pull it over my head. I take the cooler box and a pack of cigarettes and sit down on a piece of grassed area close to the vehicles. Grabbing a beer I light a cigarette and watch them surf. I can barely take my eyes off Edward when he grabs a wave but I try and watch Emmett and Jasper as well.

I'm halfway through my beer when the surfer girl calls it quits as well. She gets dressed next to her car and loads her board onto her roof rack.

"Mind if I join you for a bit?" she asks, walking closer.

"Not at all. Bella," I say, shaking her hand.

"Rosalie. Nice moves out there."

"Barely. I haven't boarded for a while so I'm quite surprised that I didn't wipe out more than once." I hand her a beer which she accepts and she takes a cigarette as well.

"So, how do you know Edward and them?" she asks, taking a long drag.

"We met up the West Coast when they were there on a break. We clicked and well, here I am," I say lightly.

She stares at me for a few seconds before diverting her gaze to the ocean. "You're lucky you know that?"

"How so?"

"Edward doesn't date. Ever. I was at school and university with him and saw what the bust up with Tanya did to him. He's pretty much kept to himself since then. Oh, he's given it a go here and there but could never get his heart into it. You have no idea how many parents in this town would love for their daughters to date Edward. He's a good guy and comes from a good family." She's still for a while. "I saw the way he looked at you out there. When you wiped out I thought he was going to have a panic attack. He's in deep, seems you are too. I'm really happy for both of you."

I don't know what to say because I don't even know this woman but she obviously knows Jay and it feels good to have her support. "Thank you."

We finish our beer and have another one. We talk girly things for a while before she pops a question. "So, Emmett dating anyone?"

I look at her and smile. "No, he's not. Why, you interested?"

She looks at me a bit. "For some or other reason I think I can trust you so here goes. I've had a crush on Emmett since primary school."

"Wow. Does he know? I mean, that you like him?"

She shakes her head. "No, I've never given him that impression. I'm just their mate you know, we hang out and stuff but it's never gone beyond that."

I have a good look at Rosalie. She's a beautiful woman. Maybe three or four years older than me. She has long blonde hair, violet eyes and a body to die for.

"Rosalie, if you don't tell him you like him or at least give him an indication, how is he ever going to know? Maybe he's not one of those guys that are confident enough to make the first move. Emmett is amazing and outgoing but he also seems shy sometimes. Nothing like Jasper, you know? Give it a go."

She sits watching Emmett on a wave for a bit before answering. "You know, I think I might just do that."

"I'll tell you what, why don't you come over for a braai tonight?" I ask on the spur of the moment. It would be nice to have some female company.

"Thanks, that will be great. I haven't been around there since I helped Emmett carry Jasper inside one night after way too much to drink," she laughs. "Should I bring anything?" she asks getting up.

"Just yourself. Oh, what do you drink?"

"Beer, wine, whatever," she laughs.

"Great, we'll see you later. Around seven?"

"Cool. Okay, I gotta run. Cheers."

I wave as she jumps in her car and makes her way out.

I'm almost done with my third beer when the guys make their way out. I discreetly keep my eyes directed to the sea while they dress behind me. I remember I have Edward's hoodie on and I stand up and take it off.

Edward looks up and freezes. "Um, you can keep it," he mumbles.

I look down at my bikini. "No, it's fine. I'm warm now. I'll put my shirt back on."

"Yes, please, do that," he says pulling the hoodie over his head. I laugh. Is he seriously not comfortable with me in a bikini? I'm definitely not allowing a man to tell me how to dress so instead of putting my shirt back on I plonk myself down next to Jasper and hand him and Emmett a beer.

"Want one?" I ask, turning around and holding out the beer to him. He smirks, shaking his head slightly and taking the beer he sits behind me, pulling me to his chest.

"That was awesome," Emmett says. "Did you see Rosalie? Man, she can really hold her own out there."

"Oh, that reminds me. I hope you guys don't mind but I've invited Rosalie over for a braai tonight." I keep my eye on Emmett closely and there's a flash of excitement on his face before he composes himself again.

Edward nuzzles into my hair and kisses my temple as I slightly turn my head. "I'm glad you're making friends Bella. Rosalie's one of the best around. She's been one of us since primary school."

"I'm glad you approve," I joke.

I have an Energade instead of another beer while the guys finish the next six pack and we head back up to the house. I change so that I can head out to the shop to buy what we need for the evening.

I remember the Xanax and take one, hiding the bottle behind my clothes in the cupboard. My mom always used to tell me when I was small that if I had to hide something, I knew it was wrong. I've always kept that in mind, but this time, I can't help it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for my lovely reviews. Thanks for everyone that is following.**

Edward insists on coming with me and also insists on paying after we buy what we need. I leave him be. I know how this bothers him. He's already made a comment about the amount of money I spent on my body boarding gear and I know he's right. My money isn't going to last forever. I grab the newspaper at the cigarette counter and decide now is as good a time as any to start looking for employment.

As I pass the notice board at the entrance to the shop I stop in my tracks. Edward peeps over my shoulder. There's an ad with a picture of Rottweiler puppies that are absolutely adorable. I shake the idea right out of my head though and start walking again.

By the time Rosalie comes, I've prepared the salads, made the garlic bread and the guys have started the fire and marinated the meat. I've showered and changed into black tights with my Ugg Boots and my favourite black no name brand chunky sweater.

She's dressed almost the same and we laugh. Our sweaters look a bit different but besides for the Uggs we're all black.

The evening goes well. We drink, but not too much. Emmett hovers around Rosalie and corners her for private chats whenever he can. I wink at her when her eyes sparkle and she's so happy she's about to explode. Edward snorts at one stage, mumbling something along the lines of 'and he talks about me' but I ignore him. I know he's happy for Emmett and he said himself that Rosalie is wonderful.

When Rosalie leaves Emmett offers to walk her out and we take the hint and say goodbye at the front door. As soon as the door closes Jasper starts laughing. "Man, did you see how whipped he is? He's been circling her like a vulture all night!"

"Hey," I admonish. "Don't be rude. They seem to have loads in common and I think we should just let whatever it is run its course."

"I agree," Edward says, but he's struggling to hold his laughter in as well. It doesn't take long before it's out and then there's no stopping the two of them.

I shake my head and clean the kitchen. Emmett only comes back after I'm done and having a glass of wine on the patio. Edward and Jasper are locking up the bakkies and garage. He has the biggest smile on his face.

"So, good evening?"

"Yeah," he says softly. "You could say that."

We're quiet for a bit before he asks what's on his mind. "Did you say something about me?"

"Now Emmett, how can you ask me that? Wouldn't it be like breaking some unspoken rule between women to not blab out what we discussed?" I have a look of mock horror on my face and he laughs.

"Well, if you did, thank you. I've liked her for a long time but never had the guts to go for it."

I just smile, rubbing his shoulder. "Please tell Edward I'm off to bed. I'm dead on my feet."

"Will do. Sleep well. Sweet dreams."

"Oh, I need those kinds of dreams," I whisper to him before heading to the bedroom.

I'm woken by Edward's hot hand moving between my legs. It's still dark outside but it feels like I've been asleep for a long time so I'm guessing it's close to sunrise. I moan as his fingers ghost over my clit, lifting my hips off the bed.

He doesn't waste any time when he sees I'm awake as he covers me with his warm chiseled work of art body and slides into me slowly.

"Edward," I whisper. "That feels so good."

"I know Baby. I can feel it. I wish we could stay like this forever."

We kiss even though we haven't brushed our teeth but neither of us cares. It's just me and him and this bed and our bodies and the love we share. It doesn't take long before he rolls into his orgasm and I love the feel of him shaking over me.

"Fuck," he whispers as he lies down next to me. "That wasn't supposed to be so fast."

I giggle. "It's fine Edward. Really. What, do you think every woman on this planet has an orgasm when she has sex?"

He smiles and plays with my hair. "No, I suppose not."

"Exactly. The connection we have when we're together means more to me than anything else Edward. An orgasm is a bonus."

"I love you so much."

"I love you…" The sound of his phone cuts off my sentence. I grab mine and see it's just after five.

"Aro, you better have a good excuse for calling me so early on my off time," Edward jokes. His face goes from smiling to frowning to utter defeat in the minute or two the conversation lasts. He doesn't say a word for the entire time, except 'We'll be ready' just before he hangs up. I'm terrified by the expression on his face as he looks at me. With such longing, as if he misses me. But I'm right here.

His hand goes through his hair as he sits up.

"Edward, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"Our off time has been cut short. We leave tomorrow at oh five hundred hours."

I stare at him numbly. No, this can't be happening. He's still supposed to be here for a week before I lose him.

He gets up and puts pants on, not looking at me. "I better go tell the guys. They're going to be pissed."

He walks out and I'm left reeling in the fact that tomorrow morning this time he will be gone. I feel my chest constricting and I jump up, smuggle a Xanax and drink it with some water from the tap in the bathroom.

When I get to the lounge all three of them are sitting looking worse for wear and I feel for them. I'm going to miss them terribly but I need to keep upbeat so they know I'll be fine when they are gone.

I snuggle into Edward's side on the couch and his arm holds me close.

"So," Jasper starts. "What needs to get done?"

"Phone calls all around to family. I'll go say goodbye to mine later this afternoon. Emmett, you need to get that alarm guy out here asap. He needs to give us a quote on the alarm and a date that he can do the job. Sooner rather than later." He kisses my head and pulls me even closer, holding me tight. I know he hates that he has to leave me here.

"At least we don't have to lock up anymore," Jasper jokes. We all chuckle but it doesn't turn into full blow laughter. We're all feeling the same way.

"Well, might as well start getting our gear ready," Emmett says. Him and Jasper take keys and walk out toward the garage.

"Go help Baby, I'll be fine," I say. This is obviously something they always do together.

"Okay. Yeah, I need to go help," he says, sounding like he's trying to convince himself. As he walks out I lie down on the couch and a few tears escape my eyes before I fall asleep.

I'm woken by the smell of bacon in the air. Well, under my nose to be exact. I jump up with a start as Jasper laughs his ass off, stuffing the piece of bacon he had dangling in front of me in his mouth.

"You're a pig, you know that?" I ask and swat him on his arm.

"I know," he jokes back, lightly punching me on my shoulder. He winces, realizing he has used his sore hand.

"Jazz, how on earth are you going to work with that hand?"

He shrugs. "Don't know. But I guess we'll find out won't we?" Jeez, nothing gets this guy down. But knowing what I know about him, I think the joking is just a way of keeping everyone at arm's length.

"Where's Edward?" I ask, sitting down at the table yawning and grabbing a piece of French toast.

They exchange a quick look before Emmett answers. "He headed down to the garage quickly to have the tires checked. We need to leave here around one in the morning. We're due to leave from Saldanha around five."

I gulp this new information down with the toast. One? I thought I had him until five? But then, if you factor travelling time in then it's a different story. I remember the glance they shared.

"Hey, what are you two hiding?"

"Nothing?"

I laugh. I know they are. Jasper's answer comes out as a question instead of a statement.

At that moment the front door opens and Edward has the most amazingly happy look on his face. He's smiling a perfectly white smile, his hands behind his back.

"What's got you so happy?" I smirk as I take another bite of toast…which gets swallowed whole as he pulls his hands from behind his back and produces the most adorable black fluff ball. I look from the puppy to him and back again. The ad, the ad at the shop, the Rottweiler ad.

I jump up and softly take him from Edward's big hands and nestle him against my chest. "Oh God, you are so beautiful," I croon. I look up at Edward, now wearing the same look on my face. "Oh Edward, he's beautiful." I lift him up to check the sex and they laugh. "Okay, it's a him. I knew it though."

"Thought you might like some company while we're gone," he shrugs, trying to play macho. I pull him closer and kiss him softly.

"Thank you," I whisper and he nods.

"Come on," Emmett says jumping up and down next to me. Don't hog the dog!" I reluctantly hand him over to Emmett who is ecstatic. "Now every time I suggested a dog I was told no. Then you come along and all of a sudden a dog is a good idea. I love you more every day!" he says, softly stroking the puppy's ears.

Edward goes back out and returns with dog bowls, puppy food, a bag full of toys and a soft bed. I lift my eyebrow at him. "You don't really think Zeus is going to sleep anywhere else but the bed, do you?"

"Zeus?" he questions. "I like it. And yes, I do expect him to sleep anywhere besides the bed. No ways I'm sharing you with the flea bag over there."

I offer to do their shopping for things they need while they pack their things. I take their lists and head down to the shop, minus Zeus as Edward said he would be a distraction for me while I was driving.

As I load the bakkie I catch the back of a blue Ford Laser with a missing hub cap taking the corner. The air leaves my lungs. I scratch in my bag, swallowing a Xanax without water to help me through this. Relax, I think to myself. Deep breaths. There must be a million Ford Lasers that colour with a missing hub cap in South Africa. Just breathe, it's not him. It's not him. Please God, don't let it be him.

I have a cigarette and calm myself before I drive back. I don't want Edward to know I'm stressed. He has enough worries out at sea.

I ask directions to a CD shop and stop, buying one specific CD for one specific song I want to share with Edward tonight.

By early afternoon the guys are packed. Emmett has Zeus in a make shift pouch around his body and refuses to let him go. He promises to put him in bed with me when they leave. I let it go; he won't see him for six weeks.

We all head down to Edward's parents and they say their goodbyes. Esme is very emotional, which I learn is a usual thing every time they go out to sea. I get it; I feel like offering to go with only to be with him.

We have an early dinner of lasagna that Jasper and I make with a side salad. The guys excuse themselves afterwards saying they're going to have one or two drinks and be back early for bed. I get the idea that Edward has asked them for a bit of privacy.

I go to the bedroom, putting the CD in the CD player and I run into the bathroom, taking off my clothes, leaving me in the black lace underwear set that's almost never been used and that Edward hasn't seen.

"Baby, you in here?" he asks from the bedroom.

I don't answer. I pull open the bathroom door and feel myself blush as his eyes travel the length of my body. The way he looks at me makes me feel so beautiful and I love him for it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Leibeezer really wanted this next chapter so here goes...**

**Song in this Chapter - Insatiable by Darren Hayes..I just love it!**

"You are so beautiful Bella. It's almost magical," he whispers. I walk over to him and pull his shirt over his head. Running my hands down his chest I undo his jeans and pull them down, leaving him only in his black boxers. I come back up gently planting kisses on his body as I make my way back up.

"I was wondering if I could interest you in a dance?" I ask shyly.

He nods, lost for words.

I put the CD player on and heat flows through my body. This song is so amazing, it was made for us.

He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest.

_When moonlight crawls along the street_

_Chasing away the summer heat_

_Footsteps outside somewhere below_

_The world revolves I let it go_

_We build our church above the street_

_We practice love between these sheets_

_The candy sweetness scent of you_

_It bathes my skin I'm stained in you_

My hands don't stop moving over his back and he's pulling me closer, as if he wants to take me inside of him and never let go.

_And all I have to do is hold you_

_There's a racing within my heart_

_And I am barely touching you_

I lift my head and pull his down, meeting him in a jelly knees smoldering kiss. I can taste him on my tongue and it's glorious. Oh, how I am going to miss this when he is gone.

_Turn the lights down low_

_Take it off let me show_

_My love for you is insatiable_

_Turn me on never stop_

_Wanna taste every drop_

_My love for you insatiable_

He swiftly undoes my bra and sits on the bed, pulling me closer. As he pulls down my underwear he sucks my nipple into his mouth and my whole body bends to him. I moan into the room, not worried because I know the guys are not here.

_The moonlight plays upon your skin_

_A kiss that lingers takes me in_

_I fall asleep inside of you_

_There are no words there's only truth_

I'm on my back in a flash and he's lost his boxers somewhere along the line, he's inching his way into me, slowly as we watch each other, both with tears in our eyes.

_Breath in, breathe out_

_There is no sound_

_We move together up and down_

_We levitate our bodies soar_

_Our feet don't even touch the floor_

He's in so deep but he doesn't move, he stays perfectly still as he whispers a few lines of the song in my ear.

_But nobody knows you like I do_

_Cause the world they don't understand_

_That I grow stronger in your hands_

I lose some of the song then because I'm crying and this is intense and he's inside of me not just with his body but inside my soul, my spirit, my heart and my mind. There's no escaping him and I don't want to even try. He has a few tears himself which I trace away with my fingers. God, he's even beautiful when he cries while I must look like a mess.

He slowly starts moving, so slowly I can hardly stand it.

_We never sleep we're always holding hands_

_Kissing for hours talking making plans_

_I feel like a better man_

_Just being in the same room_

_We never sleep there's just so much to do_

_So much to say_

_Can't close my eyes when I'm with you_

_Insatiable the way I'm loving you_

He flips us and I'm on top and I speed up a little bit, needing him to show me that I can make him feel as good as he makes me feel. He sits up and wraps his arms around me, restricting my movements to delicious swivels of my hips which makes us both groan.

"I love you so much," he whispers. "Please promise me you'll be here when I get back. Please, I need to hear it," he pleads.

"I'll be here Edward. I promise. I'll always be here," I moan as his teeth lightly bite the spot just below my ear.

I'm moving against him just right and the friction is pushing me hard and fast. I can feel myself starting to clench around him. He lifts his head and takes my face in his hands, keeping me inches away from his face.

"Keep looking at me Baby," he whispers.

I come, grinding hard against him; my arms around his sweaty shoulders as he holds my face, watching me lose complete control of everything except the glorious feeling coursing through my body. He kisses me softly as I come down from my high. And what a high it is. I swear there is no drug on earth that comes close to this.

He turns us around again and pushes into me from above. He pulls my one leg up and around his waist and keeps himself hovering above me on his other arm. I can't ever get tired of looking at him. When we make love he takes me away to a place where only we exist. I wish I could stay there forever, wrapped in his love.

I don't know how long we make love, I only know by the time Edward comes he's taken me to the stars a total of four times and I doubt I'll be able to walk tomorrow. I think that's his idea, to make me feel him long after he's left.

We both try very hard not to fall asleep but it is inevitable.

I wake with Edward kissing my cheek softly and I feel like I haven't slept at all.

"What time is it?"

"Just before one Baby. We need to get going."

I sit upright and wrap my arms around him, pulling him down with me. "Phone your boss. Tell him you're being held hostage without ransom."

He laughs softly. "Oh Bella, if only it were that easy."

I let him pull me up. I quickly pull on a track pants and a long sleeve top, following him to the lounge where Emmett and Jasper are drinking coffee.

"Zeus is asleep on my bed," Emmett says. "I didn't want to wake him. When you go back to bed you can fetch him."

I nod, not feeling like saying much. Besides Edward, I'm losing two very special guys today as well.

"I've left Rosalie's number by the telephone," Edward says. "Give her a call; I'm sure you guys can find some things to do together. My mom's number is also there and you heard her yesterday, don't be a stranger. You don't know her, she'll come here dragging you kicking and screaming. Emmett says the alarm guy, Quill, called last night when they were out, he'll be here this morning at eleven to start installing the alarm system and show you how to use it. You set it every time you leave and every night you go to sleep, do you understand?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes Father, I understand," I joke. Jasper and Emmett laugh but Edward doesn't. "Okay Edward, yes, I get it. Every time I go out and every night I go to sleep. Jeez, a person would think there's a serial killer running around in Hermanus the way you're carrying on."

"No serial killer Bella. I just need to know you're looking after yourself while we're gone."

I sigh and grab his hand. "I know. I'm sorry."

I walk out with them. I see Jasper has made himself a bed under the canopy they put up yesterday.

Emmett and Jasper take turns kissing and hugging the crap out of me, making me promise I'll look after myself. Jasper even programs Pete's number into my phone in case of any emergency, saying they spoke to him last night and he's more than willing to help with anything I need.

They get in so long while Edward holds me. We both don't want to let go but eventually Emmett calls Edward softly from behind. He sighs, taking my face in his hands and kissing me softly and gently and longingly. I love this man so much. I love him so much I don't know how I'm going to survive not seeing him for possibly six weeks.

I stand watching the bakkie turn down the driveway before running inside and bursting into tears. I hear a little yelp from Emmett's' room and I fetch Zeus, taking him outside quickly before he messes in the house. He lies next to me in our bed, his puppy breath in my face and it comforts me a little bit. I fall asleep sometime later. There are no nightmares. Only dreams of Edward and his smile, his hands touching me and holding me close.

I wake up with the sun streaming through the window. I check the time and I'm surprised to find it's after ten. Zeus is still fast asleep and I leave him to take a quick shower. I feed him afterwards and sit outside on the patio going through the newspaper and he walks around on the lawn as I wait for Quill to arrive.

He does so promptly at eleven and I make him coffee as he goes about his business. After a rundown of how the alarm works and phoning in with my emergency password he's on his way.

I find four possible positions and use the fax at the telephone to send through my CV. I clean the lounge and kitchen from top to bottom even though it's clean already. I tackle Emmett and Jasper's rooms after that and shake my head at the state of their cupboards. Obvious bachelors. I take everything out, packing it back neatly and move all the furniture around, vacuuming before putting it back. Zeus follows me everywhere, only running down the passage when I vacuum. His little legs look too small to be carrying that heavy body as he stumbles away from the noise and I laugh at his antics.

The smell that is Edward assaults my senses when I walk into our room. I can still smell the sex hanging in the air from the night before. I close my eyes for a second and I can see him hovering over me, wanting me, taking me. When I open my eyes the first tears fall and I make my way to my trusty bottle of Xanax, swallowing again without water.

I take Zeus down to the beach and I'm surprised that he loves the water, barking at the waves as he runs along in the shallow water. I bath him as soon as we get home and he eats and settles down for a nap again.

I'm surprised when my phone rings and I'm requested to come for an interview tomorrow at an estate agency for a Rental Portfolio Manager. I get the address and agree to see them at eleven.

I mope around the rest of the day with MTV playing in the background while I try not to think of Edward but end up doing exactly that because he is everywhere I look and he totally consumes my every thought.

Zeus keeps me company during the evening listening to music while I drink too much wine followed by a Xanax because all I want to do is forget and sleep.

I don't try to call Edward. He says they hardly ever have signal and that he would call me if he could. Before I fall asleep I wonder what he's doing, if he's okay, if he's warm enough and if he's thinking of me.

The interview goes well the next day. I'm excited as Maggie tells me that I am by far the best candidate for the job thus far and they only have two other interviews before they will decide. The odds seem to be in my favor. I send Rosalie a message asking her if she wants to go for a drink this evening and she agrees to meet me at Pete's. Seems no one calls it the Beach Café anymore. He might as well officially change the name.

I make sure Zeus is fed and taken outside before I put his bed in the bathroom and close the door. I really don't want to clean a mess on the carpet when I get back.

Rosalie and I are one of about ten people at Pete's. It's a week night so he's not that busy. We have a couple of drinks with Pete before making our way to the pool tables. I like the fact that she plays. I can never beat the guys and seems we're both sort of on the same level.

I line up a shot to sink my three ball in the bottom right hand pocket when I feel two hands on my hips as I'm bent over the table and I know they are not Edward's hands. Not because he's hundreds of miles away from me but because I know his hands. There it comes, that fear and I know it's him this time because I can smell him. It fills my nostrils and circles inside my brain before it moves through my blood stream to the rest of my body.

"So this is where you've been hiding," his voice floats to me, sickly sweet.

I straighten up, catching Rosalie's questioning look as I shake my head at her. I shove his hands away from me, turning around and backing away.

"Jacob. What are you doing here?" I ask, desperately trying to sound as casual as I can.

"What do you think?" he questions, cocking his head to the side. "I went to Yzerfontein looking for you and while I was there heard some story about you meeting another guy and tailing it to Hermanus. Imagine my surprise when I saw you at the shop yesterday."

I can feel the blood drain from my face. It was his car I saw. I'm shaking now. "Jacob, you need to stop doing this. Please, I'm begging you. It's over."

He moves fast and grabs me by my arm, a whimper escaping me as his fingers dig into my flesh. Now I really can't breathe. I see Rosalie running to Pete. "It's not over until I say so. Do you understand?"

I feel like I'm going to faint when all of a sudden he's ripped away from me, yanking my arm with him before letting go. Pain shoots through to my shoulder and I know he left marks from his grip that will appear soon. Rosalie grabs me from the side, holding me to her.

I see Pete throwing Jacob against the wall with some other guys standing behind him that I don't know. I guess this is like my home town. Locals stick together.

"Jacob, is it?" Pete sneers. "Well, Jacob, let me give you a word of advice. Don't ever come into my bar again. Ever." He points to me without taking his eyes off Jacob. "And do you see that girl over there? If you so much as come within a hundred meters of her you will not live to tell the tale. You got that, Buddy?"

Jacob doesn't answer. I know he's sizing Pete up. I also know that he's seen the crowd of guys behind Pete that serve as back up and that he doesn't stand a chance. He lifts his hands and admits defeat. Just as Pete lets go he utters something very stupid. "That's fine. Don't care much for sloppy seconds in any case." Pete clips him on his chin with the blow he gives and plants another firm one in his ribs for good measure. Jacob grunts and stumbles back but doesn't fall.

"You can be glad Edward isn't here. You wouldn't be breathing right now. Now get the fuck out of my bar," Pete says softly. He sounds deadly. As soon as Jacob is out the door he comes over to where Rosalie is holding me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"

I nod, not knowing what else to do. All I know is I want to get out of here. I explain to Rosalie and Pete that I'm okay and that I just need to get home. Pete insists on following me home, which he does.

Rosalie was worried and wanted to come with me but I assured her I was fine before I left the bar. Pete makes sure I'm in safely and waits for me to activate the alarm. I open the curtain and give him thumbs up. I watch him drive out. I quickly take a Xanax and I'm worried a little because I know I'm relying too much on this little wonder pill than I should. I can't go outside so I put newspaper in the scullery for Zeus and throw it away after he's done.

I can't sleep. I get up around two a.m. and have another Xanax. I know I shouldn't but I do because I can't lay awake in fear like this the whole night. A while later the rain starts falling from the skies. I hear a faint scratching on the window just before I welcome the darkness.


	21. Chapter 21

**My faithful ff friend, Leibeezer, again, thank you for your review..**

**To everyone that has fave'd and followed me, thank you, without you this story would be pointless.**

Rosalie calls early the next morning and we head out to the water. The break is even more awesome than the last time. She doesn't ask and I don't tell. She's just her usual self and we have a great morning together. She's lucky to have a job working from home in the IT field; she has more freedom than most. We're having breakfast back at the house when I get the call from the Estate Agency that I got the job and that I start on Monday. We drink a glass of wine to celebrate.

The rest of the weekend passes in between blurs of walking Zeus on the beach, cleaning, shopping for some new clothes for work, wishing Jay will call and then when he doesn't I fall asleep in a drunken Xanax stupor because I cannot bear the pain and I cannot handle the fear of lying awake listening for Jacob to make his appearance.

I'm nervous on my first day and I wish Edward was here to calm my nerves. Maggie makes me feel at home quickly though and it turns out she is good friends with Esme and also Rosalie's mother. I pick up quickly and I also meet my first four clients during the course of the day. My portfolio is made up of thirty two rental houses which I need to administer as well as make sure all maintenance issues are dealt with. I call most of my clients during the day introducing myself and making appointments to meet them when they have time. My next week is filled with after hour appointments as most people work during the day. I only take Xanax twice this week and I am proud of myself.

Thus, I find myself entering week three without Edward and without any communication from him. My heart is no longer bleeding; there's an ugly scab covering the wound that pulls and twists every time I think of him, making it hard to breathe sometimes. Zeus is my ray of sunshine and I try to focus all my energy on him.

I'm just about to fall asleep on the Monday evening when my phone rings. It's ten o' clock. It's Edward! My dead heart starts beating again.

"Edward?"

"Bella," he breathes, sounding relieved.

"Oh Edward," I start crying. "Are you okay? Where are you? Are you warm enough? Are you eating?"

"Slow down Baby. Slow down," he chuckles. "I'm fine. Yes, I am warm enough and I ate a couple of hours ago."

"You didn't answer the second question," I reply. He doesn't answer but I hear a bakkie pulling up front. A familiar sound. I kill the call and run to the front door, disarm the alarm and am in time to see Edward jumping out of the bakkie as soon as he kills the engine.

Jasper and Emmett are laughing as I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing the living daylights out of him. I don't want to let him go. Is this a Xanax induced dream? God, I hope not. I don't think so, he feels so real.

"Okay, enough. Come on then, where's our loving little Sis?" Jasper jokes. I disentangle myself from Edward's arms and hug both of them hard and long, feeling the tears run down my face. I gently take Jasper's hand in mine and inspect it. It doesn't look too good and he's obviously in pain.

"Oh Jazz," I shake my head. "Let's get you cleaned up and put a new bandage on your hand." He follows me inside like a child and patiently sits as I rewrap his hand. I make a mental note of forcing him to go to the doctor tomorrow.

Edward stands inside the bathroom door. It doesn't seem that he wants met out of his sights and I'm glad because I feel the same way. When we make our way to the lounge Zeus is already on Emmett' lap at the kitchen table.

"You boys hungry?" I ask as I hand them each a beer.

"No thanks, we grabbed something coming through Cape Town," Edward says, rubbing small circles on my back that vibrates through my body.

We catch up for a bit. I tell them about my job and they all seem very happy. They know Maggie well and tell me a bit about the history of the agency, being one of the oldest in Hermanus. I don't say anything about what happened at Pete's and I want to ask him and Rosalie to keep quiet as well but feel bad asking them to lie. I know it's going to come out some or other time but right now I want Jay to just be with me.

They relay their short trip to me and advise that hopefully it will be another two weeks before they're called back again. There were two bad injuries on board and the skipper decided to come back in.

"It was terrible Bella," Emmett says softly while rubbing Zeus' ears. "If Edward hadn't gotten to him in time I don't know what would have happened. On the other side, I could have fucking kicked him in the gut when he jumped overboard. The swells were so high and the water was freezing. It took us a full minute to catch sight of them again but that minute felt like eternity."

My throat is so thick inside I'm battling to breathe. If something had happened to Edward. I shake my head. I can't think like that. He's here, with me, touching me and he's safe.

Edward doesn't sit long before pulling me up and saying goodnight. I have to be up for work and I'll be tired if I get into bed any later.

He snuggles in behind me and I turn around, stroking his cheek with my fingers. He kisses me as if I'm his religion, his reason for breathing. He's pained. The frown on his face never going away.

"Edward, what's wrong? Please talk to me."

"Bella...I missed you so much. And when I jumped in after Alec I was terrified. Not for me, but all I could think about was you, if I never saw you again." A lone tear runs down his cheek and I kiss it away. "But I had to do it. We'd lost sight of him for near two minutes and I knew hypothermia was a very real risk. When I spot him I couldn't wait for the boat to turn, I had to get to him."

"Sssh, it's okay Edward. You're safe, you're here. That's all that matters. That and the fact that you were brave enough to save a man's life. You're such an amazing man Edward. I love you so much."

We don't make love. We kiss for a while and tell each other lovers' secrets of aching hearts and lonely nights. Eventually we fall asleep.

The alarm wakes me a little after six and I kill it quickly. Edward is still fast asleep and I know he's not only body tired but emotionally wrecked as well after what happened. It also seems that he suffered from the separation as much as I did.

I leave an 'I love you' note on my pillow and after feeding and taking Zeus outside and putting him back under Emmett' arm I leave for work.

I'm so busy again time flies and I'm ecstatic when Edward walks in at one to take me for a pizza.

"Maggie," he says hugging her. "Good to see you."

"Oh dear Boy, it's good to see you too. I was visiting your mother last night and she said you'd still be away for a few weeks but Bella told me what happened. I'm so glad you're safe."

"Thank you Maggie. It was a close call."

"Always the hero Edward." She looks over to me. "Come on then young lady. Your Prince awaits to feed you oily pizza and gassy Coke." We laugh as Edward pulls me close.

"You two look so lovely together. Both of you such old souls. I hope you keep each other," she says turning around and making her way to the back office.

We share a pizza which is not oily by the way and I opt for a bottle of water instead of Coke just to make myself feel better. He spent the morning with his mom and told them we'd let them know about going out to dinner one night. We're both a bit more relaxed today and the electricity of his touch burns between my legs as he rubs my thigh. He chuckles darkly as I squirm under his touch. He knows what he's doing to me.

Before I leave the office to go home I call my parents while having a cigarette outside the bakkie. They're happy to hear from me and that all seems well. They're also ecstatic that I managed to find a job so fast. I relay my first separation from Edward and my mom assures me it will get easier. I doubt it. I don't tell them about Jacob.

I check with the guys whether they want to go to Pete's when I get home and they give me hell yeahs. I think they need to wind down a bit. I call Rosalie and she's excited that Emmett is back saying that he called her earlier. I ask her to join us. Just before we leave I sneak a Xanax, thinking that I'll need it after what happened at Pete's the last time.

We get there and it's pretty quiet again. The guys go over to Pete for drinks while Rosalie and I find a spot to sit.

"Did you tell Edward what happened?" she whispers conspiratorially.

I sigh. "No, I didn't. He just got home last night." I relay what happened on the boat and why I didn't want to burden him with more problems.

"We're going home," I hear Edward's angry voice behind me. Jasper and Emmett look at me with anger too as they sit down. Rosalie cringes, knowing now that Pete must have said something.

I look up at Edward and he's angry. Way more angry than I've seen him. "Edward, it was nothing. Serious. I was going to tell you but you were so tired last night." He takes my arm, pulling up my long sleeve top.

"Is that what you call nothing?" he asks calmly, trying to not freak out. I know what my arm looks like, angry purple and yellow bruises where Jacob's hand had yanked my arm. "Now I'm asking you nicely to come with me, please." He's barely holding it together and I gather my bag and jacket and make my way outside. As I get to the door Pete gives me an apologetic look and I wave goodbye. I know he didn't mean anything by telling Edward. I would have done the same thing had I been in his shoes.

Edward doesn't talk all the way home. I'm terrified. Not of Edward or that he'll hurt me. But I'm terrified of what my lie will do to us. I go inside first, deactivating the alarm.

Edward goes straight for the liquor cabinet, grabbing a bottle of Jack and pouring himself a big glass. He opens the sliding door to the patio. Standing outside he takes a long sip of the amber liquid. He stands for a few seconds before I see his hand lifting and throwing the glass against the outside wall. I take a few steps back, needing to put space between us.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I say before jogging down the passage. I need a Xanax. Desperately, urgently, quickly. I scratch in my closet and as I open the bottle I feel Edward behind me. I don't need to turn around. I know he's there and I know he's caught me red handed.

"What's that?" he asks.

I know it won't help lying but he doesn't wait for me to answer as he moves and takes the bottle from my hand.

"Xanax?" he asks staring at me. "Where did you get this? How long have you been taking it?" He's shaking.

"Since I freaked out at Jasper in the kitchen that night. A friend of mine is a doctor. I lied to him and told him I'd lost my script and needed another one."

He runs his hand through his hair. Even angry he's as hot as hell. He goes to the bathroom and I hear the pills being thrown into the basin before he opens the tap and flushes it down the drain. Fuck, I can't tell him I have a recurring script for six months, it will be the proverbial nail in my coffin.

He comes back in and sits on the bed. Besides the anger he looks tired. I did this to him.

"Talk to me Bella. I thought we decided to always be honest with each other."

"Edward, I didn't want you to worry. I heard you and the guys talking the morning after Jasper found me in the kitchen. I heard what you said. I was hurting you Edward. I never want to hurt you. I'm not taking it every day. Just when something triggers me." I'm lying again.

"You aren't hurting me on purpose Bella and you know it. There's a difference. I love you. Of course I feel your pain. That's how love works. But for you to illegally get Xanax to not make me worry is not the answer." He gets up, pacing again.

"Did you have one tonight?"

"Yes. Before we left. I had to. I was scared of how I would react to being at Pete's again after what happened."

"So you had one about an hour ago and you just wanted to take another one again and you don't see anything wrong with that?"

I don't answer because I know he's right.

"When were you going to tell me about Jacob?"

"Soon Edward. You were so tired when you got home and after what you went through I didn't want to burden you with my problems as well."

He goes a darker shade of anger. "Burden me? Burden me?! Are you fucking serious? Is that what you think you are to me, a burden?"

Again, I don't answer. He walks over, his fist connecting with the wall next to my head.

"Answer me dammit!"

"Edward, you're scaring me. Please, stop." My voice sounds small and childlike and I'm waiting for him to hit me even though I know he never will.

He looks at me for a few seconds and I see the realization dawn on him. The realization that he's scaring the crap out of me. He's never scared me like this before. A look of horror crosses over his gorgeous angry features as he backs away from me.

Without a word he storms out and I hear the door slam before he floors it down the driveway. I run to the bathroom, panic overtaking me as I look around for a little pill that might have fallen on the floor. I can't breathe and I'm trying desperately to stay upright but my knees are buckling. I try to get away from the darkness as it envelops me and then I lose control, falling into oblivion.

I wake up in bed, my head throbbing. I'm disorientated. How did I get to the bed? Zeus is snuggled on Edward's pillow next to me. It hurts to have my eyes open and I close them again.

I become aware of shouting in the house somewhere.

"You just left her like that?"

"I was pissed off, Jasper. She lied to me."

"She didn't lie to you about Jacob man, she just decided to wait. You were fucked when we got home. Did you expect her to tell you what happened when you were so out of it? Maybe she just needed a few days to work up the nerve."

"And the Xanax? She's been drinking fucking Xanax because she didn't want to burden me. Her words by the way, not mine."

"Well jeez Edward. Fucking wake up. She did it because she was worried about what her fears are doing to you. In her eyes it was a selfless act. I don't agree with it but I can sort of understand why she did it."

"Just great Jasper. So you're condoning the fact that she got pills without seeing a doctor to check if it was the right thing to do?"

"No, I'm not Edward but just for a few seconds get off your high horse and see this from her perspective. And you didn't answer my question. You just fucking left her after what you did. Did you not think that she would fall apart?"

"I told you I wasn't thinking. I was pissed off. I scared her. Fuck! I scared her and I just had to get away to get my anger under control."

"Well, while you were gone getting your ass in check I had to come in here with Zeus howling the place down curled into a ball next to her on the floor with blood all over her fucking head. It's a nasty cut Edward. She must have hit her head on the side of the bath when she went down."

"Don't you think I feel bad enough as it is? Do you need to rehash the gory details?"

"No, I guess I don't. But you need to know what you did and you need to fix it. You're not the only one that loves her you know. She's one of us now, has been since the minute we met her."

There's a bit of silence before Jasper announces he's going to bed. I hear him lock the front door saying Emmett is staying over at Rosalie. Through pain throbbing in my head I find it in myself to be happy about this piece of information.

I open my eyes to see Edward walking in. He sees I'm awake and relief floods his face. "Bella. Oh thank God. I'm so sorry baby."

I try to shake my head but it hurts too much. "No Edward. I'm sorry. I should have told you about Jacob and I should have told you about the pills. I was just so scared. I did this to us and I don't know how to fix it." The tears are streaming down my face. He lies down next to me, moving Zeus behind him.

"There's nothing to fix Baby. We're not broken. We're okay. I promise you we're okay." He lays his head on my stomach as I stroke his hair and I feel the wetness of his tears through my shirt. We lay like that for a long time. I fall asleep with his head cradled in my hands.

My alarm signals the start of a new day. I leave Edward sleeping. Now that the anger is gone I think he's just dead tired. I watch him sleep for a while after I'm dressed. I love him so much. So much. I send a wish to Eros that my lies do not cause too much damage to his love for me.


	22. Chapter 22

**Dying from toothache and terrified of dentists...not feeling on top of my game today...**

The day drags by. My head is still throbbing and by lunch time I ask Maggie to direct me to a doctor. I tell her I slipped in the bathroom while the guys were out the night before. I'm lucky to get an opening immediately an after checking my eyesight, blood pressure, etc. the doctor prescribes some pain killers and a gel I need to apply to the cut at night. I get back to work to have Maggie chase me home telling me to go rest and not stress as it's a quiet day. I thank her and head home.

No one is there when I get in and I notice the surf boards are gone. I take some pain killers and after moping around for about an hour I load my gear and head down to the beach. My head feels a bit better. I decide I like the pills. I spot the guys as I pull up and they wave. I don my wetsuit and head out.

"Hey Bella," Jasper says as he comes over and kisses the top of my head. "You gave us quite a scare last night."

"Yeah, I scared myself too. I'm really sorry you had to find me like that."

He shrugs. Edward paddles back from the wave he was on and kisses me softly.

"Nice ride," I whisper.

"Thanks. Off early?"

"Maggie let me go. I saw the doctor at lunch time and he gave me some pain killers. My head was killing me. I told her I slipped in the bathroom. Another lie, I know. But I'm really not ready to hash out my life to anyone else just yet."

"Baby, I'm with you all the way if you need to put distance between your private life and everyone else. As long as it's not me you're lying to." I nod.

I laze around on my board watching them until they decide they've had enough. Emmett still isn't back from Rosalie so it must be going well.

When we get home I get under a hot shower. I wish the water could wash away the last few days. The curtain is pulled away and Edward gets in with me. He gently washes my hair, taking extra care of my cut and then washes my body.

I'm humming in want of him and when his hand moves down my stomach all soapy I give in. I attack his mouth hungrily, forcing his mouth open and gliding my tongue against his. His strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into the safe haven of his body.

We quickly finish our shower. His breathing is erratic and his pupils are dilated and I know he wants me just as bad.

We dry each other. He's hard as rock as I bend my knees to dry his legs. I can't resist. In a second I've sucked him deep in my mouth.

"Fuck Bella, you are so good Baby."

I moan around him and his hips jerk forward slightly. I set a steady pace that he enjoys for a while before he pulls me up and kisses me with a passion that matches my own.

I've missed this part of us. The part where nothing else matters and he's all I see, all I know, all I care about.

We're on the bed and he wants to go down on me but I pull him back up. "I need you inside of me Edward. I need to know we're okay."

He brushes my hair from my cheek, sighing into my mouth. "Oh Baby. We're okay. I promise you. We just didn't handle a bad situation very well, that's all. We're learning as we go and there's nothing wrong with that. I love you Bella. Every day I think I couldn't love you more, I do." With that his tongue darts out, licking my lips as he sinks into me. I can't help the moan that escapes me. It's a pained sound and I hear it echo in my ears.

"Let go Baby," he whispers, pulling all the way out and plunging back in. "All that hurt, all that sadness, give it to me, and let it go."

I try to do as he says. I try to stop fighting myself. I try to let go of the damage I think I have caused but that clearly doesn't exist. I kiss him, pouring all my pent up anxiety into him as he fills me with nothing but mind blowing love and dedication. Yet I find myself on the edge, wanting to tip over but I can't seem to take the step. My body is screaming in protest as it fights my mind for control to allow itself the release it so desperately needs.

I think Edward senses something because he slowly pulls out of me, pulling me standing in front of the bed while he sits down. I'm so frustrated and I'm sure it's written all over my face because he smiles at me wickedly before he turns me around, my back facing his front.

I see myself in the mirror, Edward sitting behind me. He pulls be back, my legs on either side of his as he pulls me down slowly, guiding himself into me as his hand moves up to my breast. Fuck, this is not something I've ever done but the sight before me is so erotic it's sinful.

I'm on his lap as I grind over him, his hand moving down my stomach, finding my clit and stroking it masterfully. "Do you see that Bella? Do you see what we do to each other? No one else can make us feel like this. We need each other. I need you," he whispers in my ear as I fasten my pace, his hand matching the rhythm.

His eyes hold mine fast in the mirror as everything around me blackens around the edges. My orgasm washes over my body in a hot and cold motion, gripping reality and distorting it around us so all I see is our panting reflections. He gently pulls my hair, forcing my head to the side and kisses me as he chases me with an orgasm of his own.

The rest of the week is pretty much okay. I've on two occasions thought of stopping to refill my prescription for the Xanax but didn't do it. I feel good about that. My head is slowly healing and the pain comes and goes but mostly I'm fine.

Emmett comes in twice during the week for clothes, chats a bit and goes back to Rosalie. We ask but he doesn't tell. He just smiles, but by the look on his face he is having a good time with Rosalie. I decide not to call her and pry but rather wait for her to tell me herself.

I join them on their early morning jog on Saturday and as we turn the corner towards the beach I see a blue Ford Laser minus hub cap parked in the distance down the road. I almost trip and sprawl but Jasper and Edward are quick and they grab me before I go down. How embarrassing is my life? I latch onto Edward's naked torso. My muscles are tired from the jog and they're screaming in protest but I can't let him go.

"What's wrong?" both of them ask at the same time.

I can't talk. Not only because of the panic but also because I haven't regulated my breathing from the jogging. If I don't relax I know I'm going to pass out again. I shake my head slightly, letting go of Edward and putting my hands on my knees, bending over. I try to set a steady pace to breathe in and out.

Jasper is on his knee in front of me, keeping me grounded. "That's it. In and out. Nice and slow." I want to laugh at how sexual that sounds but there is no laugh in this body right now.

I steadily get up, Edward's hands holding me from behind. I look up toward the road and the car is gone. I blink a few times, shaking my head twice as well for good measure. Nope, still gone.

"I thought I saw…"

Jasper and Edward put two and two together.

"Walking or in a car?" Edward asks urgently.

"Car. Blue Ford Laser, missing hub cap. It was there…" I know I saw it but did I really?

"Jasper, take her back home," Edward commands moving away from me down the road.

"Edward!" No!" I can't let him leave me. I can't bear the thought of him being hurt, or worse, not coming back.

He turns around nodding at Jasper who wraps his arms around me, holding me as Edward sprints out of sight. I'm a blubbering mess by the time we get home.

"You need to calm down Bella. Edward will be fine. Not many we know that can put him down," he chuckles.

"Jazz, this isn't funny. I know that Edward can look after himself but so can Jacob. And between the two of them Jacob is less human. He won't stop when he starts."

Jasper comes over and pulls me to him as I see Emmett and Edward pulls up in front. Edward's body is covered in sweat. Sweat I would very much love to lick off his body right now. Jeez, seems I'll never be able to get my head out of the gutter when it comes to this man.

Emmett greets and plants a kiss on my cheek. "I hear we have a stalker?"

I swat his arm. "Very funny Emmett. Baby…" I look over at Edward. He shakes his head.

"Nothing. He must have seen us coming and took off. I was on foot down at the curve to the beach making my way back when Emmett came past. Fuck! When I find him I'm gonna kill him. We can use his body as fish bait."

He's not joking and we don't laugh. I pull away from Emmett and take Edward's hands in mine. "Don't do that again, please. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to you."

His gaze softens and he brushes my cheek with the back of his fingers. "I have the upper hand Bella. I have something I'm fighting for. He has nothing." We're in our own little bubble for a few seconds until the snickering starts behind me. I shake my head and start laughing with them.

Jasper and I make a fruit salad for breakfast, which is defeated by the fact that they each have a beer to wash it down. I cringe, not at all interested in what that combination must taste like.

The general conversation surrounds questions aimed at me. What exactly does the car look like? Besides the missing hub cap, is there any other distinguishable markings? What year model? What exactly does Jacob look like? By the time they are done with me I feel physically drained. I make my way down the passage as they carry on discussing the issue. I see Zeus sleeping at the foot of Emmett's bed as I walk past. I lie down next to him and I'm gone before I even know it.

I'm woken by butterfly kisses around my navel and I giggle as I try to push Edward away. "My bed not good enough anymore?" he jokes.

"I saw Zeus sleeping here and I was just going to lie down for a few seconds. Huh. Guess I was more tired than I thought." I stretch lazily under his mouth that doesn't stop and yawn. "What time is it?"

"Just before twelve. You only slept for about two hours. Emmett and Rosalie feel like going into Cape Town tonight and hitting some clubs. You game?"

"Town? It sounds like a plan. It's just so far to drive back."

"I know, that's the only thing. One can't exactly drink a lot while you're there if you're the designated driver."

I think on it for a bit while he licks delicious circles on my stomach. His stubble is tickling me and I'm giggling again.

"Wait Edward. Stop it now," I laugh as he moves up my body. "I think I have a place to crash. Let me make a phone call."

I dial James' number and wait for him to answer. I don't wait too long.

"Kitten, what a surprise. How goes?"

"Well and you?" I laugh.

"Okay. Had some killer waves down at Scarborough early this morning. A few amateurs showed up and Poseidon sure showed them a thing or two!"

"That's awesome. I like seeing the wannabe's being taken for a ride by the Big P. isten James, I have a favour to ask. You're parents still in Germany?"

"Yip. As far as I know they're only planning on coming back closer to Christmas. What's up? You need a place to crash?"

"I do actually. Amazing how you know me so well. It's myself and Edward and two friends of ours. Is that okay? We'll be out most of the night clubbing anyhow."

"Edward? New fling?"

"No, not a fling James. The real deal." Edward's eyebrows lift when he hears those words.

"No sweat Kitten. You know you're always welcome. You guys should be okay in the guest wing. It's pretty much always stocked. What time should I expect you?"

"What time?" I whisper at Edward around the phone.

"Around five?" he asks back.

"Five okay James? That gives us time to get dressed and go have something to eat before we hit the town."

"Cool. See you then. Oh, bring your gear. Maybe we're lucky and Scarborough is killer again tomorrow."

"Good idea. Edward and them surf so I'll let them pack their stuff as well. See you later."

"Cheers."

I kill the call. Edward is waiting expectantly for me to tell him what the hell just happened and who the hell James is. He has a cute smirk on his face and I kiss him senseless before relaying how I know James.

He's much more relaxed after I tell him our history. We met while his family was holidaying in our small town when I was thirteen years old. We hit it off immediately because he body boards as well. We've kept contact ever since and try to see each other at least once every couple of months. He's been dating the same girl since he was fifteen.

We relay the news to Emmett and Rosalie. I'm upset Jasper doesn't want to go with but he says he's still very tired and his hand is still not that good.

"Come on then," I pull Jasper up from his chair.

"Where to?"

"Doctor, now. This has been going on long enough. You might have injured it even more out at sea."

"She's right you know," Edward pipes up and I give him a thankful smile.

Jasper doesn't put up much of a fight and we go to emergencies. They take X-rays and as I suspected his knuckle and metacarpal bone of his middle finger are cracked. Dumb ass that he is he's been walking around with the pain without complaining.

The doctor can't do much besides put a brace on and Jasper promises to not take it off unless showering. We also stop at the pharmacy and fill the script for his pain medication.

I make Jasper a bacon and mushroom pasta before we leave that he can just heat up later.

We're chatting and joking all the way to Cape Town. We're driving in Emmett's double cab bakkie. Rosalie told Edward to sit in front but he insisted on sitting with me. We cuddle all the way.

We arrive at James' place and I see the awe on their faces. Yip, James' parents are stinking filthy rich. Their house is in Higgovale with Table Mountain as the back drop and spectacular views of Cape Town and the sea in the front. It's a mansion consisting of seven bedrooms, five bathrooms, three entertainment areas and a gourmet kitchen. The pool wraps around the patio leading onto a manicured garden. We'll be staying in the flat on the side which is a two bedroom, two bathroom little slice of heaven.

James comes running out and lifts me up in the air, twirling me around. I haven't had anything to drink but he's making me drunk.

"James, put me down," I laugh. He does but immediately pulls me into a bone crushing hug which I return with as much strength as I can. Despite our efforts to see each other when we can, this time around I haven't seen him in almost six months. James is not aware of how bad things were with Jacob, only that I wasn't very happy. I was never able to get away from home for any length of time so our friendly visits were always short.

"Looking good Kitten," he says, holding me at arms' length and checking me from head to toe.

"Thanks Babe. You look good as usual," I say turning towards my group.

I make introductions all around and James lets us take our stuff to the flat before heading to the outside patio for a drink.


	23. Chapter 23

**Here you go...**

**To Guest Review saying you just found this and loving it, thank you. Reviews mean so much to authors and it's such a wonderful experience receiving them. Leibeezer, hope you like this one.**

**Previous chapter ended on a very "weird" and "going nowhere" note, sorry about that, sometimes the chapters run too long and it's difficult to find a cut off point.**

**Warning: There is mention of drugs and a related incident in this chapter. I can't say too much otherwise I'll give it away but if you it's a sore point for you, pm me and I'll explain the gist of the chapter so you can skip it.**

"I see you brought your gear. I hope we're lucky enough at Scarborough again tomorrow."

"Let's hope so. We've had some good swells down at Hermanus as well," Edward answers. He's seated next to me on a very expensive looking couch.

"Where's Victoria?" I ask.

"U.K. She's gone up to see her mother for a few weeks. It's so quiet here. You have no idea how glad I am you called. Mind if I tag along tonight?"

"Not at all," Edward pipes up before I can answer. He's making an effort to show that he's not bothered by the friendship.

"So, where are we heading to?"

"Crow Bar?" Emmett says.

"Playground?" I say.

"Deviate?" James and Rosalie says together and we laugh.

"I'm with Bella on Playground," Edward says.

"Okay, how about we do Crow Bar first, play some pool and have a few drinks. You guys can hit Deviate afterwards and Edward and I will do Underground seeing as though the one is literally on top of other."

Everyone agrees. We decide to order pizza instead of going out to dinner. Rosalie and I start getting ready at around seven as the guys want to leave around eight thirty.

I decide on my patent black leather pants with my Docs and a silver sequined plunge neck sleeveless top. I take my jacket because the night air is chills.

Rosalie looks amazing in tight black jeans and a midnight blue top that has her belly ring peeking at me. I love it.

She helps me with my hair when she sees me just wanting to tie it up and I'm glad she offered, it looks really good.

Make up done and last minute checks on our purses and we head out to the guys in the main house.

Edward's mouth hangs open which tells me I look as good as I feel. Emmett has more or less the same look on his face and we laugh. James slaps them both on the back. "You guys better keep tabs on those asses tonight," he jokes.

"I fully intend to," Edward murmurs as he comes over and kisses me in my neck. The familiar ache appears between my legs. He looks so hot in black jeans, Caterpillar boots and a plain black button down shirt. I want to eat him right here, right now.

"Kitten, knock it off!" James jokes as he grabs his jacket and car keys. "You're smoking up the place with the vibes you're giving off."

We park centrally in Loop Street and head to Crow Bar. I love Cape Town. The vibe in the city is amazing on a Saturday night. There are people all over and the coffee bars on the street are packed with a mix of Rastafarian, business people and yuppies.

Crow Bar is full up and Rosalie and I hang out at the pool tables while the guys get drinks. We ignore the stares of single men and try not to make eye contact. The guys join us with our drinks and we hang back while they play some pool. It's a little after ten when we decide to head out.

We stand in line together as the clubs have the same entrance. Trance on top and heavy metal in the basement. Edward and I make our way downstairs and I feel the thrill of the smoky place seep into my bones. It's dark, really dark. To the right is an even darker lounge section with couches against the wall. The dance floor looks like a warped chess board. I can just imagine what that must look like when you're on acid.

We have a few drinks at the bar area before Edward pulls me to the dance floor. Sepultura's Unconscious is shaking the club and I know my neck is going to pay the price tomorrow for enjoying the head banging now. I don't care what anyone says. Even if you do it right you're still in pain the next day if you carry on long enough the night before. We stay on for Metallica's Hell and Back before I call it quits. I drink my beer as I watch Edward on the dance floor. Fuck, he is magnificent. The ache starts again between my legs and spreads through my body. I look around and find many a woman staring at him as well.

He saunters towards me all sweaty, the first two buttons of his shirt undone and I can't take it anymore.

"Come," I command, pulling him behind me. The lounge area is so dark I can hardly see anything but I do make out the shapes on some of the couches and I realize I'm not the only one feeling like this.

I push Edward on the couch and straddle him. "What are you doing?" he chuckles.

"What does it look like? I'm so hot for you right now Edward."

I claim his mouth as he gets with the program and pushes his hands under my top, feeling my skin. The perfect song starts playing and I lose myself in the sensation of Nine Inch Nails' Closer.

My nipples ache as he softly pinches them and I start grinding into him.

He's pushing against me just right and I know this isn't going to take long, the friction driving me wild.

"Edward," I moan at his ear as he gently sucks on my neck. I think I moan something else but I don't know what I'm saying, I don't know if he does.

He grips my hips and fastens my pace against him. I can't make eye contact, it's too dark but I know he's watching me.

"That's it Baby," he says close to my ear. "Fuck, I wish I was inside of you right now." His words are all I need. I give control over to my body as I shudder over him, grinding out my orgasm against him. My head is thrown back as I try to catch my breath.

He pulls my head up and towards him, kissing the shit out of me. "That must be the single sexiest thing I've ever seen," he says against my mouth.

I snake my hand between us, gripping him through his jeans. "I want you to come," I moan back.

He chuckles, pulling my hand back up. "Later Baby. Don't worry about it. We have all night," he says, kissing me softly.

We decide to head up to Deviate a while later to see how the others are doing. It is packed. I look up to see the girls dancing in the bird cages overhead and the laser lights are pumping to the music.

I spot Rosalie on the dance floor and start pulling Edward into the crowd but he opts to go have a drink with James and Emmett that is standing at the bar area. I kiss him quickly and give him my jacket.

I recognize Paul van Dyk's Words echoing in the club space and by the time I join Rosalie I am lost in the trance song, lost to its rhythm, lost to its beat. She hugs me when I join her and we let rip with the rest of the crowd. It's hot and I'm no longer perspiring but literally sweating along with everyone else around me.

A very good looking black haired lean guy grips my hips and pulls me to him with one hand, his other hand in the air with everyone else. I unclasp his fingers and push him gently away, shrugging and continuing my dance.

I see James nudge Edward and point my way but I wave them off and give them a thumbs up, showing them that I don't need any help. The guy is lost in his own world in any case and has long forgotten me.

The songs morph into one another and the beat doesn't stop, just ebbing and flowing, giving a breather here and there where I just stand and slowly sway instead of actually dancing. Rosalie and I decide to give it a rest and after going to the ladies we make our way through the sea of bodies towards the guys.

"Hey gorgeous ladies," a guy pops up in front of us with a tray full of shooter glasses. "Care for one?"

Rosalie and I look at each other, shrug and take one each from him.

"What is this?" I shout over the music.

"Oh, a self-made concoction of pure liquid ecstasy!" he shouts.

As I swallow down the shooter I hope he's not being serious about the ecstasy part. I see Rosalie putting her glass back on the tray, opting out.

It takes us another few minutes to get to the guys through the crowd. I'm feeling dizzy and shake my head but it just worsens. I'm tired, really tired. I wasn't tired a few minutes ago. Edward wraps his arm around me and I watch them talking but it feels far away, as if an echo is resounding in my head.

"Kitten, you okay?" James asks. His voice sounds hollow. Why am I so tired?

"I…I'm…I don't know," I manage.

Edward moves in front of my vision but as soon as his arm leaves my body I start sagging and he grabs hold of me again. I can't stay awake.

"Bella, talk to me. Did you take anything from someone?"

I hear Rosalie relay the shooter and Emmett and James say they are going to look for the guy. Edward holds me up next to him as he takes me carefully down the stairs. The cold winter air hits me like a ton of bricks. The last thing I remember is Rosalie shouting Edward's name.

I wake up disorientated and still dead tired. I force my eyes open. I'm on a couch but I don't know where I am. I hear distant voices but I can't hear what they're saying.

I stupidly try to get up but my legs give way and I fall flat on the cold tile floor. "Shit!" I shout, my voice sounding loud but hoarse and it hurts my ears. I hear footsteps moving fast towards me but I don't know who they are.

Hands grab me, trying to pull me up but I shove at them, terrified. Everything's a blur. "Don't touch me," I manage to say as I crawl backwards.

"Bella, Baby, it's me. It's Edward. Please, you're going to hurt yourself."

I shake my head. I know that voice but my brain's wheels are not turning. Think, you idiot, think. And then it comes back to me. Deviate, the guy with the shooters. Oh my God, I've been drugged.

"Edward," I whisper as I start crying uncontrollably.

"I'm here Bella. I'm going to pick you up. I need you to stay calm." He lifts me effortlessly into his arms and I think we're on the couch again. My eyes close.

"I think we need to take her to hospital." James, I know that voice.

"No," I mumble. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Let's wait to see how she is in the morning," I hear Rosalie say. "Let her sleep, she can't even stand."

"Exactly," Emmett says. "She can't even stand. We don't know what he gave her. He wouldn't tell us."

I hear James snicker. "Well, that sure earned him the beating of his life. He can be glad we handed him over to the bouncers and didn't throw his body in a dumpster."

I'm assuming a fight ensued after what happened but I black out again before I can ask any questions.

When I open my eyes again the sun is up behind the curtains. Edward's arm is wrapped around me, his leg thrown over mine. I open my eyes and I'm glad to see clearly. I still feel a little fuzzy but it seems whatever the guy gave me has worked its way out of my system.

I stretch under Edward and he startles awake. "Bella," he whispers. He looks so worried.

"I'm okay Edward. Just a little fuzzy around the edges but okay."

He pulls me closer, kissing me so that the fuzzy turns dizzy again and I chuckle, pushing him away.

"What happened last night? What time is it?"

"It's just after ten. Seems the shooter guy spiked those drinks with something. I'm taking it's not rohypnol because you'd still be out of it. Did no one ever teach you not to take drinks from strangers? Fuck, I shudder to think what might have happened if we weren't with you."

I shudder lightly in his arms as well. The thought of how this could have gone down scares the shit out of me.

"Emmett and James found him, took him outside. He refused to admit that he had given you anything and as he didn't have the shooters with him anymore there was no way to prove anything. They knocked the crap out of him before handing him over to the bouncers who were going to keep him there in case of any other complaints. They've got our numbers in case they need to talk to us."

"My hero," I whisper, smiling. My limbs are working again and I pull him on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Bella, really? This is what you're thinking about right now?"

"I'm always thinking about it. About you inside of me, your hands on me, you kissing me." A hazy memory of the night before assaults my brain. Me and Edward in Playground.

I don't give him time to think before I kiss him, pushing his pants down with my legs. As usual he's already hard for me. He sits up and pulls my underwear off. He must have taken my pants off before putting me into bed.

We don't waste time. When he comes back down to me he sinks into me and starts moving immediately. I'm guessing he's also thinking about Underground. There's an urgency within him and I'm sure he's also thinking about what happened in Deviate and I think it scared him too.

We lose ourselves in each other for a while and I realize that this is all I need. Him and me, no one else.

We shower and make our way to the main house. I'm attacked from all sides as everyone wants hugs and reassurances that I'm okay. I'm reprimanded for being so silly and I roll my eyes, promising never to take a drink from strangers again. It feels like the conversation my mom had with me when I was four years old about never taking candy from someone I didn't know.

James' phone rings and he's all excited. "Okay, seems Scarborough is out. Kelp Factory is cooking. Kitten, you game?"

"Hell yes! Haven't been out at Kelp since I was sixteen."

"Bella, I don't think it's a good idea. We're not sure what this drug is that's in you and we have no idea of knowing the after effects."

"Na, don't worry about her Edward," James pipes up, earning him a glare from Edward which he ignores. "Kitten here is a lioness bitch on heat when she's out there in top form."

Rosalie and I laugh at that. I hear Emmett mumbling something under his breath about rude comments but they don't know James like I do.

We pack our stuff and take it with so we can leave back to Hermanus from Kommetjie. Kurt and I whip up a quick breakfast and we're on our way.

Kelp Factory is seriously having a good day, although it seems not everyone is aware of it yet as there are only a few surfers in the water. The swells are huge. I have that tight throat feeling but I'm not backing out now. I'm doing this. After all, I am a bitch on heat it seems.

"Bella, you sure about this? It looks rough out there?" I love how he worries about me.

"I'll be fine Edward. I'm a little rusty, I'll give you that, but I'll be fine. I promise not to be a kamikaze."

It's a tough swim in to get behind the breaks but we all make it one piece. Emmett doesn't waste time and he's seriously good. Rosalie has that dreamy look in her eyes and I shove at her, laughing. The wave she grabs gets the better of her and she goes down. Emmett panics but she recovers and makes her way back to us.

I grab a turn as James cheers me on, executing a forward 360. I can't believe I actually got it right. James shoves me off my board when I get back to them. I grab his legs from behind and pull him down with me. We're spluttering and laughing and enjoying each other. It feels so normal. Like this is how it's supposed to be. When I'm back on my board I see Edward staring at us pensively. I hope to God that he doesn't think James and I are interested in each other but it doesn't seem that Edward is agitated, just lost in thought. He gives me that lopsided smile that I love so much.

I hang back watching everyone else grab a few waves.

"Kitten, how about a barrel run?" James asks.

I'm not sure. I've wiped out so many times trying it but I can never master it. It would be awesome though. I make up my mind in an instant. I watch a few swells come and go before I grab one.

As I come off the bottom I turn up into the wave. It's beginning to hollow out. I lean on my inside rail pulling up on the outside. The lip throws and I'm leaning back on my board holding my inside edge. But then the same thing happens that always happens; I don't have enough speed and the lip is racing. I lean forward to build but I know it's too late. I gulp a deep breath as the lip closes around me and I'm thrown under.

It takes three ducks from coming waves before I decide not to go back in but rather chicken it out back to the beach. I have no more lung capacity and my limbs are getting tired. I feel like I could sleep again and I really hope it's not from whatever I was given last night.

I wave back at them before I head to shore. When I hit the beach I take off my flippers and socks and get up to take my wetsuit off but a sudden attack of vertigo has me falling back down.

Something's wrong.


	24. Chapter 24

**Here you go.**

**3kdz4me with a very sharp eye pointed out some previous chapters mistakes, thank you. I will fix it...**

I try again, grinding my teeth and manage to slowly walk back to the bakkie while using my board for support.

I try to take off my wetsuit but it's too much. As I turn I see Edward jogging up towards me.

"Baby, you okay?"

"Fine. Just admiring the view," I smirk at him.

He doesn't relent. "I saw you fall. I thought we weren't going to lie to each other anymore?"

I sigh. "I don't know what's wrong Edward. I feel so tired. I tried to get up but my legs just wouldn't hold me. And now I can't get this damn wetsuit off," I say agitated.

"That's it. Doctor. I think we need to get some blood tests done." I start shaking my head but he grabs it between his hands. "Please don't fight me on this," he pleads. His gaze holds mine, begging me in a way that his words can't.

I grab onto his shoulders with the little energy that I have. "I'm scared Edward," I admit softly.

"Oh Baby, don't be. I'm with you all the way," he whispers back as he pulls me to his chest. We stay like that for a while until I hear the others approaching.

"What's up Kitten? Barrel got you running?"

"No asshole," I laugh. "I'm just not feeling well." Edward unzips my wetsuit and helps me get out of it. He dries me and helps me dress.

When I look over I see three worried faces staring at me. I know what they're thinking. Since when do I need help to get dressed?

"You better own up Kitten, and fast," James grinds out as he gets dressed himself.

"I don't know James. I'm just not feeling that hot. It's like my muscles don't want to work right," I shrug. I don't know how else to explain it.

"I'm taking her to emergency the moment we get to Hermanus," Edward says as everyone starts loading their gear. Emmett throws mine up as well.

James comes over and grabs me to him, holding me tightly for a long time while the others finish packing up. I try to hold him back tightly too but I can't. He places a few kisses on the top of my head before he lets me go.

"Call me Kitten. Please, I'm going to be stressed until I know you're okay." I nod, tears in my eyes. He gives me a last quick hug and walks over to Edward, swopping phone numbers with him.

I beg Edward to let me take a shower when Emmett and Rosalie drop us off and he eventually agrees. Emmett hijacks Zeus, promising to bring him back tomorrow. Jasper is beside himself. He knocks on the bathroom door four times telling me to hurry up. My adopted big brother is taking his job very seriously.

I'm angry that they're taking me to private. I don't have medical aid but Edward insists that he'll pay for it. Even Jasper tells me to suck it up.

Blood is drawn and I am immediately put on a glucose drip. The doctor checks all vitals. I've always had low blood pressure but it seems to have plummeted into a danger zone. It's a long wait for the blood results. Edward and Jasper both insist on being with me when Dr. Reedling gives me the results. Seems he is good friends with Edward's father and after I say it's okay he sits down and taps his fingers on the paper in front of him.

"Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid," he states looking straight into my eyes. "It usually works out of your system within about 12 hours. I can barely detect it but it's there."

"English, please Doctor," Edward says.

"The street name is many things, GHB, Cherry Meth, Liquid Ecstasy."

"Shit," I curse and then look up at the doctor. "Sorry."

"What?" Jasper asks.

"When I asked the guy what was in the glass he told me his own concoction of pure liquid ecstasy. I didn't think he was being literal, I mean, who would tell you in your face that you were going to be drugged?"

"You're a very lucky young lady. I think we all know why women are given these drugs and if you had been on your own you might have been in a very dangerous situation."

I'm shaking. I'm so angry right now but I try to keep it under control. "Yes Doctor, I understand and trust me, I've already been given the third degree."

"It will work out of your system fully before you go to sleep tonight. Just take it easy, don't overexert yourself and drink lots of fluids. Edward, Jasper, I'm assuming I can count on you to watch her?"

"Yes," the both answer at the same time and I giggle, which earns me stern looks from all of them.

We get home after Jasper runs in at the shop. He's appointed himself as the chef tonight and my mouth is already watering for the lamb roast he bought.

I walk into our bedroom and hurl my bag across the bed. Edward is behind me but he keeps quiet. I pace a few times.

"Fuck! I'm so pissed at myself right now. How could I have been so stupid? He literally told me in my face he was going to drug me but I took the shot anyway."

"Bella, there's no way you could have known. Like you said, who would say it like that in your face? I'm pretty mad at you right now myself but all I really care about is that you are okay."

I turn to face him. "Mad? You're mad? You don't look mad Edward. Why aren't you freaking out at me? Well? Come on then, let me have it." I'm goading him and I shouldn't but I really need someone to tell me how stupid I am right now.

"Don't look for a fight Bella. That's unfair."

I laugh bitterly. "Life is unfair Edward. Haven't you realized that yet? Life has saddled you with a silly girl trying to act like a grown woman but can't seem to get the hang of it." I shake my head, wanting out. I can't be here right now.

"I need to…umm…I need to get out of here for a while," I say detached as I grab my purse. "Can I use your bakkie?"

He eyes me skeptically for a few seconds and hands the keys over. I don't thank him; I just make my way outside. As I start the bakkie Jasper jumps in.

"Jazz, please, I just need a few minutes on my own."

"No can do little sis. Remember, the doctor made us promise to look out for you." I raise my eyebrow at him. "Okay, okay, jeez, Edward asked me to tag along. He knows you need space away from him but he's worried about you."

My heart breaks a little. He thinks I need space from _him_. Oh no! Jasper sees the look on my face, nods and holds out his hand for the keys. I give them to him and run back inside. I find Edward sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands, his fingers clenching that hair I love so much. He looks up just in time to see me jump at him and we fall back on the bed, my mouth crashing down on his.

"I'm sorry Edward. I didn't want to leave because I needed to get away from you. I just needed some time to try and kick myself because of my stupidity."

He has my face in his hands and kisses me again. My legs that was flush with his now moves and I straddle him, pulling him up to me. "I'm terrified of what might have happened. I know I'm fine and safe now but when I think of what could have gone down..."

"I know Baby. That's exactly how I feel. I know you're here in my arms but I keep on having these images of you alone and scared and…fuck…I can't allow myself to let my mind wander that far, I'll go crazy."

I pull his shirt over his head, followed by my own. "Make it go away Edward. Please, show me I'm safe." He groans against my neck. His hands find my breasts and I moan, biting him lightly just below his ear.

He pulls me up from the bed and our clothes go flying. It's amazing how we are always so ready for each other. He picks me up and I tighten my legs around his hips, holding onto his shoulders. We're trying to find purchase to some type of surface behind my back but we refuse to stop kissing and therefore can't see very well.

I'm up against the cupboard which noisily slams every time Edward pushes into me. We're spinning around and somehow I land up on the dressing table and I hear stuff crash onto the floor but I just can't break away from his mouth. We're up again and at last we find a wall free of anything sharp or breakable and man, does he drive into me with force. My eyes are tearing up from his deliciously vicious assault on my body and all I can do is hang on for dear life.

A knock on the door doesn't stop him.

"You guys okay in there?" Jasper asks. He must have heard the crashes and doors slamming and I almost laugh but then Edward drives into me again and it turns into a guttural moan.

"Go away," Edward manages in between breaths.

He's hitting me just right and I'm trying to hold back because I want to come with him. He lifts his head and gives me a questioning look because he can feel it.

"I want to come with you Edward. I'm so close Baby," I whisper out of breath. He quickens his pace even though I thought we were already at full steam and he grows harder still inside of me, a full on primal growl escaping his lips.

"I'm with you Bella," he grunts and I relax my tensed up muscles, letting my orgasm flow through me as I feel him fill me up.

When he lets me down he supports me with his arms and I'm glad because I could happily just dissolve into a useless puddle at his feet.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before we both burst out laughing. We inspect the damage to the room and our laughing gets even worse. One cupboard door is hanging on one hinge and all my make-up and our deodorants, etc. is scattered on the floor from the dressing table.

He pulls me down on the bed and we lay facing each other, touching softly, not being able to lose the contact of skin on skin.

"I'm sorry Edward. I'm really sorry about earlier on. I was so angry and scared and I…" He silences me with a kiss.

"It's fine Bella. Let's not think about it anymore. Just let me love you, I'll take care of you." And he does for the rest of the afternoon.

By the time we hit the shower and make our way to the kitchen I'm starving and between eyeing us with a twinkle in his eye and turning the baking vegetables Jasper announces dinner is almost ready.

We sit on the patio for a while in mostly comfortable silence after I pick up the mess on the bedroom floor and Edward tightens the hinge on the cupboard. They're sipping Jack straight up while I enjoy a glass of Merlot. I light a Camel and hand one to Jasper. Edward surprises me and asks for one too. I know he smokes on the odd occasion but this is the first time he smokes here at home.

"Yeah well, I would have needed one too after the noise that came out of your room," Jasper pipes up. I laugh while he runs from Edward's grasp and they wrestle and goof around on the lawn.

I leave them to it, knowing they need some time alone together. It can't be easy having someone new around all the time. I end up finishing off dinner as they toss each other a rugby ball.

I set the table and call them when it's ready. They go wash their hands and we feast on Jasper's delicious lamb and sides. I'm literally moaning every time I take a bite and they're snickering at me but I give them the finger.

The early evening movie turns out to be Legends of the Fall and while Edward and Jasper make rude comments the whole time about how stupid the movie is I find myself once again crying when baby brother goes off to war and I don't stop until about a half an hour after the movie has ended. I'm crying, they're laughing and somehow I'm fine with that because this is just how it's supposed to be.

Edward gets me into bed at a little after ten as I have to be up for work the next day. We both fall asleep easily.

We have a relatively quiet two weeks. Jacob has not made an appearance again and even though I know he must be lurking out there somewhere I try to focus my energy on Edward and our undying addiction with each other.

Emmett and Rosalie are going strong. There has been a hiccup here and there and Rosalie has confided in me. I've told her that a relationship is hard work and that it is give and take. She has never been in a relationship where she saw it as a long term thing so this is all new to her. I know that Emmett is crazy about her and he is a good guy, the smaller things can be worked out.

I've spoken to James a few times letting him know I'm alright. Edward has even given him an open invitation to visit whenever he wants. He says he'll wait for Victoria to come back.

I'm reading a book in the lounge when I hear a knock at the door. Jasper and Edward have taken a drive to Betty's Bay to see Jasper's parents and even though I will love to meet them, I want a quiet couple of hours to myself to finish my book that I can't seem to get through.

I frown, wondering who it could be and a slight fear grips my heart. Zeus jumps up and runs to the front door barking.

I peek out the curtain and see a woman that I don't know. I open the door.

She looks a bit taken aback when she sees me but recovers quickly.

"I'm looking for Edward," she says smiling but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"He's not here. He's out for the day. Can I help you?"

"Oh, where are my manners. I'm Tanya, and you are..?"

"Bella," I reply.

So this is Tanya.


	25. Chapter 25

**Let's see what Tanya is up to...Leibeezer doesn't like the look of this...**

Damn, she's hot. I'm in no way into women but even I can admit that.

"Oh, yes, Garrett told me Edward was seeing someone."

She's just standing there and my good manners get the better of me.

"Would you like to come in?" She was obviously waiting for the invitation because as soon as I move to the side she breezes past me. Jean Paul Gaultier fills my senses and I'm reminded of how much I love that perfume.

"Something to drink?"

"What are you having?"

I look at the clock. It's almost five in the afternoon so a glass of wine should be in order.

"Merlot?" I ask.

"Perfect, thank you."

I pour us a glass and we make our way back to the patio area where I have a roaring fire going to keep the last of the winter chill away.

I don't know what to say to her but she fixes that problem pretty quickly.

"So Bella, how did you meet Edward?" she asks casually.

"We met up on the West Coast where I was living," I say, not sure how much information I should divulge. I light a Camel and take a sip of my wine.

"Oh Darling," she starts with a distinctly condescending tone. "You shouldn't smoke. Edward hates women that smoke."

"Hasn't seemed to bother him thus far," I hit back. "We smoke together now and again; we're not full time smokers." She looks surprised at that.

"You do realize you're in way over your head, don't you?"

"Excuse me?" I can't believe she said that.

"Well, I'm not trying to be rude or anything but Edward doesn't do relationships very well. It won't be long before he tires of you."

"Tanya, I'm really not comfortable discussing Edward with you. You are obviously still harboring some undealt with feelings but that is none of my concern. If you were so worried about Edward why did you let him go in the first place? From what I hear he took it very hard, he loved you. He was devastated when you left him."

A flash of pain crosses her aristocratic features and I know I've hit home. She still loves him. After all these years she still loves him.

"Don't speak about things you know nothing about. I am just looking out for Edward's happiness."

"Well, Tanya, I don't think that's your job anymore. Edward and I are perfectly happy and it's my job to make sure it stays that way. Now, I think it's best if you leave."

She stares at me for a few seconds before she gets up and makes her way to the front door. As she walks out she turns around and gets the last say. "Don't say I didn't warn you. You are nowhere near enough woman for a man like Edward."

I slam the door shut, breathing hard and anger flushes through my body. I let go of the wine, grabbing the half bottle of Jack from the cabinet and taking a swig from the bottle before I fill a whiskey glass. I should have refilled the fucking Xanax prescription when I wanted to and hidden the bottle between the bushes in the garden. And then I start brooding.

What if she's right? I mean, look at her. She's a gorgeous sophisticated woman whilst I must look like a child compared to her. If Edward was happy with her once upon a time, how can I ever measure up to that? What the hell am I doing here?

I'm on my second glass of whiskey when Jasper and Edward walk in. Zeus runs to greet them but I stay exactly where I am on the patio. I've been crying and I know my eyes must be red and swollen.

"Hey Baby," Edward calls. I don't reply. I don't trust my voice. He comes walking over and falters slightly when I look up. "What happened? Are you okay?" he asks worriedly as he kneels in front of me, his hands on my thighs.

"I had a visit from an old friend of yours," I reply calmly because honestly, this is not his fault.

"Who?"

"Tanya."

"Oh shit," I hear Jasper from the lounge.

"Oh shit is precisely how it went down dear Jazz," I pipe up. I get up and walk back to the cabinet, pouring myself another Jack. "Anyone want?"

"I'll have one, thanks," Edward murmurs, gauging my mood. I'm pretty much a closed book at this moment so I think he comes up empty handed.

"Listen guys, if you don't mind, I'm going to head down to Pete's. Rosalie and Emmett are there with a few other guys. If you want, join us later?" he says as he grabs his keys. I glare at him. He's running away. He blows me a kiss as apology and rushes out the door.

"I'm assuming she said some things that upset you," Edward says from behind me. I can hear the anger in his voice.

"She did," I say turning around and the tears start again. "She really did Edward." I don't wait for him. I walk to him and he wraps me up in his body. I need to be close to him right now.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers into my hair. "Do you want to tell me what she said?"

I push away from him gently and sit down, taking a gulp from my Jack.

"She still loves you."

"She said that?"

"Not in so many words but it was written all over her face."

He doesn't say anything.

"Would it matter Edward? If she still loved you. Would it change what we have?"

"Oh Bella, you should know me better than that. We have something that very few people in this world ever experience and there is no way I'm giving that up."

"She also said that you'll tire of me quickly. That I'm not woman enough to keep you interested."

He's really angry now, but in a flash his eyes turn desperate and he's next to me, holding my face in one hand. "Please tell me you don't believe her."

I shrug. "I don't know Edward. I know how I feel about you and I'm pretty sure how you feel about me. But you need to remember where I'm coming from. Somewhere in my head I'll always feel like I'm not good enough. And she's beautiful Edward. Fuck, she's gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous Bella. No one else is more beautiful to me. You're all I see."

"I know that. But…"

"No buts. I'll make sure she doesn't bother you again. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's not your fault. She was important to you once upon a time, I get that."

He pulls me up and kisses me. I can taste my tears on our lips as his tongue meets mine in a slow and sensual stroke of our mouths. My heart is aching. I can't think of him not wanting me. I can't stand the desperate pain that stabs my entire body when I think of him in another woman's arms.

I push him away and not caring that we are on the patio I lift my shirt over my head. I proceed to undress as his eyes go black. I stand before him naked.

"Are you sure I'm enough Edward?" I ask softly, shaking my head slowly. "Please tell me I'm all you need. I need to hear it because I'm not so sure of myself right now."

He's on me in a flash and picks me up, cradling me in his arms as he carries me to our bed. He undresses before he lies down next to me, tracing his finger over my breasts, down my stomach and back again. I'm breathless.

"There is nothing I'll ever want more than this Bella. Just you and me. Because no one else will ever be able to make us feel like we do when we're together."

His hand moves back down and his fingers softly find my entrance, slowly pushing into me. My hips move up to meet him as he watches me intently. The palm of his hand is rubbing against my clit and I moan loudly.

"Has anyone ever made you feel like this?" he asks hoarsely.

I shake my head. "No Edward, only you."

He dips his tongue into my mouth before closing his mouth over mine, kissing me senseless.

"Can anyone kiss you like that?"

"No," I whimper, my hips meeting his hand's rhythm. His palm pushes down a little harder and I grind myself against it. Just as I'm about to come he pulls his hand away and I moan loudly in protest.

"Does anyone else make you feel the need that you're feeling right now?" he asks, covering my body with his.

"No," I whisper.

He inches into me slowly at first but then suddenly plunges into me all the way. I cry out at the sensation.

"I feel the same Baby," he whispers against my lips as he moves against me. "No one can make me feel like you do. Your hands, your body, they were made to worship me. We were made for each other Bella, there's no two ways about it. Don't doubt what we have. Trust it. Trust me."

"I love you Edward," I moan as I feel my body tense up at the impending orgasm that's licking at my insides.

"Oh baby, not more than I love you," he groans as he claims my mouth again. My orgasm explodes and I'm sure I see the Milky Way with a million stars hang above us as he stills, emptying himself inside of me.

"Now," he breathes at my ear. "Tell me this isn't real."

We lay next to each other for a while, his fingers entwined with mine. I suggest we head down to Pete's for a drink seeing as though it's a Friday night and he agrees.

I shower quickly and he follows. We head down to Pete's and for once whilst out we have a fun evening without drama.

Saturday sees us heading to Edward's parents for a braai and Pickle has a good laugh when I tell her about Tanya while we're making the salad. Esme overhears the conversation, much to my embarrassment but she assures me I have nothing to worry about and that she never liked Tanya or the way she used to treat Edward. It seems she was hell bent on keeping Edward to herself and away from his family which he stupidly allowed for a while.

After dinner the guys play some darts while I sit with Esme watching them. Pickle is watching TV.

"My son is quite taken with you," Esme murmurs as we watch the men having a jolly time.

"Thank you," I reply. "I am quite taken with him as well. He has become very important to me in a very short time and I know he feels the same."

"That's good Darling. You seem to fit perfectly. Maggie can't stop talking about you. She is ever so glad you came for the interview."

"Me too. She is a lovely woman and I enjoy working for her. I've always preferred a varied position where I don't do the same thing every day so I am really enjoying it."

We sit for a while not talking before she starts on the Tanya issue.

"Bella, if Tanya keeps on pestering you I need you to please tell me. We are quite good friends with her parents and I will not tolerate such behavior from her, especially considering that she is married."

"Thank you Esme but Edward said he would take care of it and I'm sure he will. He was furious. I didn't take it very well." Tears form in my eyes and she sees it before I can look away.

"Bella, I know we don't know each other that well but I really am here if you need anything. Your parents are so far away, it must be hard for you."

For some or other reason I believe her and I decide to let the cat out of the bag. I tell her mostly everything and by the time I'm done she is almost crying as well. "Oh Sweetheart, I am so sorry you had to go through that. No woman should. And I am ever so happy that you confided in me. Please, you must promise me you will come to me if you need to talk or if you need anything."

I nod and she gets up to hug me, holding me a little longer than necessary but I revel in it. Now that she's mentioned it I do miss my parents. When I look up again I see Edward looking over at us. He blows me a kiss and I smile at him sadly.

We don't get back too late and I decide to call my mom. We chat for a while and I promise to visit soon. I might as well fetch the rest of my stuff there and bring it this way.

When I'm finished on the phone he comes up behind me in the kitchen and hugs me from behind. "I'm glad you told my mom."

"How did you know?"

"She warned me when we left to look after you and treat you well. She's very sad about what you went through."

I sigh. "Yes, she is. I'm also glad I told her. It's difficult being away from my parents for so long and not seeing them."

"Well, why don't we head over there this coming weekend? Aro said he'd only call us during next week to give us a date."

"Really?" I turn to him excitedly.

"Yes Baby. If you need to spend time with your parents then that's what we'll do."

I call my mom back immediately, almost jumping up and down on one spot. She's ecstatic.

"You do realize that you'll be sleeping in my brothers' room?" I smirk at him. "There's no way in hell my dad will let a guy sleep in my bed until we're married."

"That's fine Baby. I didn't expect anything else."


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks for the reviews. My toothache is no more...such a relief to be without pain! Leibeezer called Tanya Skankya...loved it!**

**Our couple gets to spend some time in Yzerfontein and Edward meets a friend of Bella's.**

The rest of the week is crazy for me at work. Three tenants moving out and new tenants moving in, getting the houses repainted and all maintenance issues taken care of. I'm tired when I get home at night but Tom has been amazing and dinner is ready when I get there three out of the five nights.

Friday Edward arranges with Maggie to give me a half a day off so that we can travel without rushing. Even though I fight against them they team up and by twelve fifteen I am at home helping Edward load the bakkie with our things.

We switch over at Blaawberg and I take us the last stretch. As we make the turn from the West Coast Road and Yzerfontein comes into view I feel myself getting even more excited. Sometimes I wish I had all the money in the world so that I could stay here forever and not worry about anything.

My mom and dad come out as we pull up and I rush to them for hugs. My mom pulls Edward in for one too and I'm not surprised. My little brother comes down the stairs and flies into my arms. I inhale him slowly. I've missed him so. He shakes Edward's hand confidently like a grown up and I love how he tries to act all macho. I feel sorry for the girls in his life one day; he's going to be a looker and a real charmer.

I walk up with Edward and he puts his stuff in my brothers' room. He carries my bag to my room and drops it on my bed. The room doesn't have any of my personality seeing as though I haven't lived at home for so long and when I got back I wasn't planning on staying very long but it's nice nonetheless.

I grin at him as I pull him closer and my hands get lost in his hair. He kisses me but as I want to slip my tongue between his lips he chuckles and pushes me away.

"Not in your parents' house Bella. Let's live by the rules, okay? I don't want to disrespect Charlie."

I huff and stomp my foot. He laughs at my attempt at a tantrum, making me laugh and we make our way downstairs.

Edward and I decide to head out for some surfing and my brother grabs his body board as well. He's not good at all but he likes playing around and it's fun to have him. I'm glad him and Edward hit it off and I keep quiet most of the time, letting them bond. We have a good but freezing run and I can't wait to get into a hot shower.

We have a braai with my parents and it's a nice evening. I don't have to hide anything from them anymore. I can openly hold Edward's hand and he's so attentive as usual, kissing my cheek now and again, holding my hand. I even manage to grope him in the kitchen before he pulls away and wags his finger at me, calling me a naughty girl. I make a mental note to show him very soon just how naughty I can be.

We head down to the club for a drink afterwards.

"Bella!" I hear from behind as Edward and I chat to Sam. I turn around seeing Embry barreling down on me and I brace myself. He picks me up off the chair and hugs me quickly.

"Embry. Wow, it's nice to see you. It's been a long time."

"Damn right. Almost four months."

I make introductions and Embry settles on my other side.

"So, you finally got it in your head to dump that cousin of mine." I feel Edward tense up next to me.

"Yes, I did. Look, Embry, I don't want to get you involved but if you see him I need you to please ask him to leave me alone."

"What do you mean? Is he bothering you?"

Edward doesn't let me speak before launching into a rundown of the past few weeks. By the time he's finished Embry is really mad. Out of the whole family, or pack as I used to call them, he always had my back.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I wish you had called me. You know I would have sorted him out a long time ago."

I smile and grab his hand for a few seconds. "I know. I just didn't want to cause waves in the family you know," I shrug.

"I'll go around his place when I go back tomorrow, I promise. I'll call you."

"Oh, I have a new number. Here, let me give it to you." He programs my number into his phone.

The three of us chat comfortably for a while. Embry is still training race horses and it's going well. He used to be addicted to drugs many years ago but has been proudly clean for four years so far. Edward and he seem to hit it off and I'm glad that I might be able to keep some good from my past after all.

Embry challenges Edward to some pool and I sit and watch them from the bar. I can't keep my eyes off Edward, especially when he bends over the table; his eyes focused on the ball, concentration gripping his godlike face.

As we walk out the last winter chill creeps through my bones and I shiver, snuggling in closer to Edward. I pull him past the bakkie and he's quiet as I lead him down the beach and up the dunes. He chuckles as he sees where I stop, the place where he first told me he loved me. With my back to him I lift my top over my head and undo my bra. I can hear his heavy breathing behind me over the crashing of the waves. I turn around and move closer to him. I take his shirt off, letting my fingers slide slowly over his stomach to his jeans. I unbutton his Levi's and push him down, straddling him when he sits.

He pulls me to him, kissing my neck as I shiver in the cold air. I push him away slightly, taking his face in my hands.

"I love you Edward," I whisper. "I wish I had said it back that night you brought me here because I think I knew it even then. I love you so much it scares me but I wouldn't want it any other way."

I lift myself enough to push my underwear aside and I guide him into me, slowly inching down, his hands gripping my waist as his eyes lose focus slightly. I will never get enough of the way I make him feel.

Although it's freezing we don't rush, he guides me up and down in a slow steady rhythm, his mouth whispering sweet nothings in my ear as my forehead rests on his naked shoulder.

He pulls my face up when he feels me tightening around him and watches me lose myself before letting himself go.

We're breathless and cold but we don't move. We stare at each other for a long time.

"Thank you for bringing me here," he says finally. "This means more to me than I can tell you."

I nod because I don't know what else to say.

It's a terrible feeling parting from him at my brothers' bedroom door. I don't think I'll fall asleep but I'm out before I know it.

Edward leaves early in the morning with my dad and brother. He has a rugby game at school and it warms my insides that both of them insisted that Edward tag along.

Just after eleven Embry shows up with a massive hang over and begs my company for a beer. My mom laughs, telling me to put him out of his misery and I climb on the back of his massive four wheeler and head to the club. He stops a block away from my house, takes off his jacket and hands it over. I'm grateful. Even with my hoodie I am still freezing. I wrap my arms around his warm body and lay my cheek against his back.

The club is quiet and by the looks of it Sam is sporting a hangover of his own. Embry buys himself and Sam a beer while I settle for a brandy and coke, something I haven't had in ages. I moan as I take the first sip, it's heaven in a glass. Embry laughs.

"You know, when I was just out of high school and I used to go out with my cousin and his friends he used to refuse to buy me brandy and coke. He used to say it's a common drink for a woman. But darn, it tastes so good."

Embry and I chat comfortably for a long while and before I know it I'm on my fourth drink. I haven't eaten and I'm definitely feeling the effects of the brandy.

"So, you and Edward seem serious." It's not a question, it's a statement.

"Yes, we are. It all happened so fast I still feel it's not real sometimes but I love him."

Embry nods, taking another sip of his beer. "I always thought that maybe if things didn't work out with you and Jacob that we'd maybe make a go of it."

I'm shocked at his statement. I'm so shocked I'm at a loss for words.

"You know, after that kiss that one time…"

I remember. Jacob, Embry and I were at his parents' beach house alone one weekend. Jacob had gotten terribly drunk and was so rude to me that Embry told him to go sleep before he knocked him off his feet. Jacob had made his way to the bedroom and passed out. Embry and I sat on the top floor balcony having another drink and he asked me if Jacob always spoke to me like that. I broke down and told him everything. He pulled me up and held me for a while. In a moment of weakness on my part I let him kiss me. Well, it was more than a moment really; it was more like making out for about fifteen minutes. We had never spoken of it again but I sometimes saw how he looked at me, even though he had a girlfriend at that time. Now that I think of it, he broke up with her a week later.

"Embry, you know that was never meant to happen," I say softly, taking his hand in mine. "I'm not saying I'm sorry it happened but it doesn't matter how Jacob was treating me, I should never have done that. It's not the type of person I am."

He shrugged, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing it and gulping down the remainder of his beer. "I know that's not who you are. But that's why I thought we might have something going. The fact that you let me kiss you that night…I thought that you might have felt more for me than you were letting on."

"I have to be honest with you Embry. I think that if Edward hadn't crossed my path and I had met you again somewhere, I think there might have been a chance. But the reality is that Edward did cross my path. I love him, he loves me. He consumes me Embry. This isn't something that's going to go away."

"I can see that. Just promise me that if you're ever in trouble you'll call me," he says as he takes my phone and saves his number on it. "I'll never be too busy to help."

I lean forward and kiss him on his cheek. "Thank you," I whisper simply.

My phone beeps.

_E - *You still at the club?*_

_B - *Yes. I'm assuming you are home if you know I'm here.*_

_E - *Yes. Just got here. Let me know when you're done and I'll pick you up.*_

_B - *Don't worry. I'll catch a lift back with Embry.*_

_E - *Okay Baby. Be safe. I love you.*_

_B - *I love you too.*_

"You need to go?" Embry asks.

"No, let's have one for the road."

"I take it he's not the jealous type."

"I don't think it's that. I think he just trusts me. I feel the same way."

"That's good. I'm glad you're happy."

We play a game of pool while finishing our last drink. Embry totally sweeps me off the table as I knew he would but it's still fun.

He lets me ride home and I take a detour through the village enjoying every second of it. I stop outside and Edward comes out smiling. He shakes Embry's hand and they greet before he pulls me into a hug.

They chat a while before Embry leaves and I give him his jacket which he puts on before leaving.

"Enjoy the day?" Edward asks as we make our way inside.

"Yes, I did. I think I had one too many drinks but we'll keep that to ourselves."

"I don't think they'll notice," he says. "You look fine."

My brother recounts almost every minute of the rugby game to me and he's proud they won. Seems both my dad and Edward have had a few beers themselves.

I sit watching the dynamics around me for a while, leaning into Edward's shoulder on the couch. I find myself smiling and loving that he seems part of my family already.

Sunday morning we pack the rest of my stuff on the back of the bakkie and after a tearful goodbye from my side we start the long road home.

"Remember the night we had a braai at the caravan park, when you chased Jasper around?"

"Yes?"

"When I stood watching you come back, I found myself wishing that I could be there to welcome you home every night. I tried so hard to fight what I was feeling because I was scared. I'm so glad I decided to stare fear in the eyes and tell it to fuck off."

He bursts out laughing. "Only you can turn something so romantic into something hilarious," he jokes. "But on a serious note," he continues. "I love when you tell me how you feel. What you did Friday night, what you just said, I love it."

"I know you do. It's just difficult for me sometimes. I'm used to keeping my feelings to myself because it never mattered how I was feeling. But I'm trying." I look out the window watching the fynbos pass us by. "He never noticed nor cared whether I was happy, sad, sick…One time I was so sick but he refused for me to go to the doctor until three weeks later when I could hardly breathe. I ended up staying in hospital for two weeks with double pneumonia."

His hands grip the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. "I hate what he did to you," he says softly, trying to keep his voice under control. "I don't think I've ever hated anyone in my life. Disliked, yes. But hate? Not until now."

I rub his thigh, trying to calm him down. "All of that doesn't matter anymore Edward. It's in the past. Let's focus on the future."

He looks over to me, his stormy eyes calming somewhat before nodding stiffly and turning his head back to the road. I know this isn't over and I know that if he ever gets hold of Jacob the shit is going to hit the fan.

We stop outside the house and Jasper comes racing out, lifting me off the ground and holding me close. I didn't realize how much I missed him until now. He holds on too long and I gently push him away. When my eyes meet his I know something is wrong.

"Jazz…" I feel Edward behind me.

"Bella, I don't know how to tell you this. Zeus…" he trails off, slowly shaking his head.


	27. Chapter 27

**Here you go...let's see what's up with Zeus. Also, Jazz gets a bit upset in this one (I love my Jazz!). This chapter is a bit angst(y) just so you know. I can't let Leibeezer wait...**

I feel Edward's hands on my shoulders as Jasper looks from me to him.

"Is he sick? Did you take him to the vet?" I push Edward's hands off my shoulders as I jog into the house.

"Zeus! Come here boy!" I shout as I make my way to Emmett's bedroom. He's not there. "Zeus!" I go from room to room but he's not there. I make my way back down the passage when I hear them and stop dead in my tracks, once again eavesdropping.

"Broken man. I'm telling you, someone broke his fucking neck." I feel an ice cold hand grip my heart, squeezing harder by the second.

"Fuck!" I hear Edward. "Man, this is all she needs. It must have been him. He's playing with her. He's trying to scare her. She can't handle this shit for much longer Jasper. If he doesn't out himself soon I'm going hunting and when I find him it won't be pretty."

"I'm with you Edward. I feel like I can fucking kill him myself."

I can't breathe. The squeezing in my chest is painfully making its way through the rest of my body. I need to be with Edward otherwise I'm going to pass out. As I round the corner they look up and I can see it in their eyes that they know I heard every word they said. Edward moves quickly and sits me down on the couch, breathing with me as I hold his gaze, trying to focus on him, on us, on our love. I start crying hysterically, fear once again clouding my life, sucking me into the depths of its darkness.

"He's never going to stop. He's going to keep going and going until he finds me." I get up, pushing Edward away and start pacing. I look up at them as the answer lodges in my brain. It's not the one I wanted but it's the only one I can think of right now.

"I have to go to him," I say around the finger I'm chewing.

"What?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

Their answers come out together.

"No, I'm thinking quite clearly, thank you both of you. Don't you see? I have to go back. It's the only way he'll stop doing this. What if he hurts you? Or Jasper? Or Emmett? Do you think for one second I would be able to live with myself if something happened to you? No, this is the only way. I need to go to him and talk to him, try to reason with him. Maybe I can make him see that what he's doing is wrong."

"Do you think you can reason with him? Seriously? After everything he did to you? You can't reason with a man that breaks a puppy's neck, Bella." I flinch at Jasper's harshness. Edward seems so shocked at my statement he's at a loss for words.

I open the liquor cabinet and stare at it for a few seconds before I grab a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses. "Anyone?" They both nod.

I pour us each a shot, we down it as one and Jasper pours us seconds. Edward pulls me to him, his hand moving down my face to rest on my neck. I flinch again and he looks at me with a pained expression. I haven't flinched when he touches my neck in a very long time. Now, all I can think about is Jacob breaking my neck instead of Zeus'. He moves his hand back up to my cheek.

"There's no way I'm letting you close to him Bella. We can take care of ourselves. And we can take care of you. It's that simple. He's a coward. If he had any balls he would have showed up already. You need to be careful, please Baby, I'm begging you. Be aware of your surroundings; check outside before you leave the house when we're not here, park as close to work as possible if you take the bakkie."

"I think you should take her for shooting lessons Edward," Jasper pipes up.

"I know how to shoot," I roll my eyes at them. "Nine mil, shotgun, .22 and 303. Been shooting targets with my dad since I was nine years old."

They share a look and Edward takes my hand, following Jasper into his bedroom. He opens his closet, pulling away the back panel to reveal a small safe built into the wall. He types in a four digit code and opens the safe, taking out a pitch black Glock 17. He hands it to me. Even though the extractor is not protruding I still manually check the chamber of the pistol by pulling and locking the slide to the rear. First thing I was taught was to always assume that a gun is loaded. This seems to satisfy Jasper and he takes the gun from me again. He loads it and puts it back into the safe, locking it again.

"Sixteen fifty two. That is the code of the safe Bella. I can see you have a healthy respect for guns otherwise I would not be giving it to you. If ever we are not here and that fucker shows up here, you know where this is."

I nod.

"Another thing. You can't ever hesitate with that gun in your hand. If you think that you won't be able to use it if you need to, then don't fetch it. Do you understand me?" His voice is stern, so is the look he gives me.

"Yes," I whisper. He pulls me from Edward and hugs me again.

We spend a strained evening together eating take-out pizza and have a few beers before I call it a night due to work the next day. When I get out of the shower I crawl into bed, Edward still in the lounge with Jasper. I cry myself to sleep, wondering if all dogs really do go to heaven.

I don't know what time Edward comes to bed. I hear Jasper moving around the house just after five and knowing he's going for a jog I quickly don my yoga pants and a t shirt and join him. I leave Edward to sleep.

I push hard and fast and Jasper keeps up with me, not complaining. I want to be so tired that I can't think of anything else. The burning in my muscles is a slight distraction from the fact that my psycho ex-boyfriend broke my dog's neck.

As we turn into our street we slow it down to a brisk walk and as we turn into the driveway we stretch a bit, relaxing our aching bodies. I plonk myself down next to the mail box and Jasper follows suit.

"I don't know what to do anymore Jazz. This is getting out of hand. I need to do something, fix it somehow." I wipe the sweat from my forehead, frowning to myself as different scenarios play out before my eyes.

"Don't even think about it Bella. I see that look in your eyes. The one that tells me you're going to do something very stupid. I will never break your confidence but I'm warning you that I will tell Edward if I even suspect you going behind our backs and trying to meet with Jacob."

"Maybe I should just go back to him," I whisper, tears starting to form in my eyes. "It's me he wants. He wants me back. If I go then he won't bother you anymore."

Jasper's face is murderous. "Go back to him? And what, live the rest of your life being his fucking punching bag? Is that what you want? A hellish life with no love?"

I'm crying hard now. "I _will _do that if it means protecting Edward. If it means keeping you all safe. I'll do it." My voice is small and fragile. I sound like a five year old kid again.

Jasper gets up, staring down at me for a few seconds. He slowly shakes his head, turns around and walks away.

Edward is still asleep when I leave for work. I go in early to try and make up for the time I wasn't there on Friday. The day is busy and it goes fast.

As I walk out to the parking lot I see Jasper pulling up. He drops Edward, glares at me and takes off.

"I hate it when you don't wake me up to say goodbye," Edward murmurs as he pulls me in for a hug. I grip him tightly and relief floods my overwrought system as I breathe him in.

"Jasper's really mad at you," Edward says as we drive back home after picking up some stuff at the shop.

I sigh. "I know. I feel awful."

We stop in front of the house and he turns to me. "I really need you to tell me right now that what you said to him this morning was a joke." He's pleading, hurt evident in his green eyes. "I'm going off my head here Bella. It took all I had not to come bother you at work today. The thought of you not being with me makes me physically ill. But the thought of you being with him…I can't even begin to tell you how that makes me feel."

I sigh. "I'll never go back to him Edward. Never. I need to apologize to Jasper and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm just trying to find a solution to the problem. I can't live like this. I'm so scared Edward. For me, for you."

He exhales a sigh of relief, pulling me to him and crushing his mouth to mine. He's on edge, I can feel it. He's scared of losing me. He needs me. He feels exactly the same as me. When I break the kiss we're both breathless. "We'll sort this out one way or the other Bella. I promise. As long as we're together we can do this." I nod.

We walk inside and I see Jasper starting a fire. Edward heads to the kitchen while I make my way out to the patio. He briefly glances my way and carries on building his pyramid of wood.

"Jazz, I want to apologize for this morning. I don't know why I said what I said. I'm just really scared and freaked out at the moment."

He stops and turns my way. He doesn't say anything, just keeps staring. I move closer to him.

"Jazz, please say something."

"What do you want me to say? I'm fucking pissed off at you! You don't get to say something like that and expect me to just forget about it." His voice is loud and I take a step back.

"Jasper," Edward's voice warns from inside.

"Stay out of this Edward," he shouts back. He fixes his glare on me once again. "Don't you get it? We love you. I've never seen Edward with anyone the way he is with you. And me? You're the sister I never had and always wished for."

He runs his hand through his hair and when he speaks again his voice is almost a whisper. "I would do anything for you. _Anything_. Please don't say something like that again. If I think of you hurt, scared…it makes me so angry. And it scares _me_, a feeling that I am not very familiar with."

I'm crying again and he pulls me to him. We hold each other for a long time, my tears wetting his shirt.

"I'm so scared Jazz. Terrified," I cry into his chest.

He holds me a fraction tighter. "I know. I know. But just remember that we're here and he needs to get through us to get to you and the chances of that happening is slim to none."

He pushes me away slightly, bringing his hands up and wiping my tears away with his thumbs. "Now, how about you pour your dear old Bro a whiskey and soda." I giggle, giving his arms a last squeeze and make my way into the kitchen where Edward is dissecting prawns in the sink.

He looks at me for a sign that I'm okay and I flash him the happiest smile I can muster. It seems to work.

"Whiskey?" I ask.

"Thanks."

They laugh at my brandy and coke and I retell the common brandy story which they find amusing. All three of us jump in to prepare supper and just as we're about to eat Emmett and Rosalie show up. We take out extra plates and a bottle of red wine makes the round.

Emmett is just as upset as me about Zeus. Edward tells them his ideas about Jacob and how it couldn't have been anyone else. As I watch them speak and listen to their threats I actually feel sorry for Jacob in a sick twisted kind of way. If they get hold of him there's not going to be much left over.

We walk them out and Rosalie hugs me, whispering in my ear to call her when I have a chance to talk. I agree and say goodbye.

Emmett makes me promise to be careful and I roll my eyes at him, saying I've already promised Edward and Jasper. He says I must still promise him because that means I'll break three promises if I don't listen. I laugh, hugging him goodbye and making the promise that puts him at ease.

As soon as Edward and I enter our bedroom and he shuts the door he's on me like a flash. There's nothing civil about the way he almost tears my clothes from my body and I can't wait to have him inside of me. He pulls his shirt off while I push his pants down and we don't even make it to the bed as we crash down onto the floor.

I can feel the anxiety and frustration ripple through his body as he enters me with a loud groan. His eyes are not focused as he drives into me with a painful force and I know he's terrified of something happening to me.

I reach my hands up, cupping his face, forcing his eyes to mine. "Edward, Baby, look at me." He stills inside of me, blinking, seeing me. "It's okay Baby. I'm here, I'm safe with you," I say as I pull his hair through my fingers.

A single tear drops from his eye onto my cheek and I let it run its course. "I can't lose you," he whispers hoarsely. "You're all I've ever dared to dream of." He slowly starts moving against me, deep slow strokes.

"You won't lose me Edward. As long as you'll have me, I'll be here."

"Then you'll be with me forever," he says against my mouth, licking my lower lip. I moan and pull him closer, needing to feel him all over me. I wish I could take him inside of me and never let him go.

What should have been a quickie turns into heady love making. We can't let go, neither of us.

What happened has shaken us both to our cores and the very real danger isn't something we can fight because we can't see it. We're playing this game blindly.


	28. Chapter 28

**Leibeezer...my faithful rock in this whole journey, thanks again for your review. I hope you're still with me after this chapter...**

**CaptainHash, you are a Guest so I can't PM you but thank you for your kind words, they mean so much to an author!**

**KT, if you don't like the story, stop reading it, no one is forcing you to read it...calling me a sick b**** is not going to stop me from finishing the story. If you don't like the way it's going, find something else to read.**

**Now, before you read this chapter, there is mention of rape in this chapter, actually, more than mention. If this is a problem, let me know and I'll let you know the gist of the chapter without you having to read it. It's not actually explicit but I know it is a problem for some...this was a very personal chapter for me to write.**

Once Edward is asleep I make my way to the lounge. I change my caller identity to private and dial the number I still know so well. He answers almost immediately.

"Jacob."

"So she calls at last."

"Jacob, you need to stop this. It's getting way out of hand. My dog, seriously?"

"Got your attention, didn't it?"

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you back, where you belong."

"It's not going to happen. You know that as well as I do. Please, I'm begging you, go on with your life, forget about me."

"You belong to me Bella. You know how much I love you. Why are you torturing me like this?" His voice sounds as if he's in pain but I know better.

"I don't belong to anyone else but myself Jacob. And as far as love is concerned, you don't know the meaning of the word. Now I'm not asking anymore. I'm warning you to leave me alone."

He laughs. The laugh of the devil. "Warning me? Are you threatening me? I find that so amusing."

"I'm hanging up now, there's obviously nothing I can say that will sink into that thick twisted skull of yours."

"Be careful how you speak to me Bella. One way or another I will get you back. And if I can't have you, no one will."

"Go to hell," I say as I hang up the phone. My hands are shaking so hard I drop the phone. I manage to pick it up and try to calm myself before sliding back into bed. Edward's arms automatically weave around my body and I fall into a strange, dark, dreamless sleep.

Edward calls me at work on Thursday morning saying that Aro has called them down to Saldanha for the weekend to help with some routine maintenance on the boat. He wants me to go with but I decline, actually looking forward to having some time to myself and maybe hanging out with Rosalie without the guys around. I know that I'll miss Edward but I figure a weekend won't be too bad.

We say goodbye Friday morning as I leave for work. They will be leaving in the next few minutes as well. Emmett and Jasper hug me and plants kisses on my head as usual and once again Emmett has to call Edward because we just can't break away from each other.

"Please be careful," he whispers at my ear, sending goose bumps across my skin. "Look after yourself. I'll see you on Sunday."

"Okay Baby. I'll miss you. I love you."

"I love you too." He gives me one last kiss before I get in the bakkie and make my way to work. Rosalie and I have decided to spend Saturday together and she'll sleep over in Emmett's room. Tonight all I want to do is run a hot bath and read a book with a good glass of wine.

Maggie locks up a bit earlier and we take a short walk to the coffee shop on the corner. We spend about an hour there before heading our separate ways. I also get a call from Esme asking me and Rosalie if we would like to go to breakfast with her tomorrow which I accept.

I'm just settled in a hot foam bath when I hear a creaking noise somewhere in the house. I cock my head slightly listening more intensely and I swear I hear a scuffling inside. Panic knocks the breath from my lungs and I get out of the bath as quietly as I can on my shaky legs. I wrap Edward's huge towel around me and peek into the bedroom. I kick myself mentally for not activating the alarm before I got into the bath. I try to calm down, telling myself it was probably just the wind but something inside of me knows that's not true.

As I tip toe to the bed for a pants and shirt my worst fear appears in the door. I'm shaking so bad I can hardly keep the towel around me as I start backing away.

"Jacob, what you are you doing here?" My voice is laced with fear and I see the excited gleam in his eyes. He starts moving toward me and I have nowhere to go, my back against the curtain and the floor to ceiling window. I look around me for something heavy, something to break the window with but there is nothing. I close my eyes and try to take a deep calming breath but when I open them he is right in front of me.

"Jacob, please, don't do this," I beg, crying now because I know what's going to happen. He's going to beat the crap out of me and there is nothing I can do about it. Why isn't he saying anything?

I try to make a run for it, shoving at him and sidestepping but he's solid as a rock and hardly budges. His hand folds around my arm, pulling me back while his other hand rips the towel from my body.

No, God, please, not this. Let him beat me to death if he must but please not this. As the thought runs through my head the first punch to my cheek has me falling onto the bed. I know I need to fight somehow but my limbs are paralyzed with fear, terror pumping my blood through my veins so fast I swear I can hear it. My cheek is on fire, throbbing from the inside out. He still hasn't said anything.

"Please, please, I'm begging you." My voice can hardly be heard and seems to infuriate him even more as he leans over and this time the force of his blow is almost enough to throw me into darkness. I wish it would. I don't want to be awake for this. I can taste blood in my mouth and I know my lip must be split. I try to move myself backwards off the bed as he undoes his pants but I can't move.

He creeps over me slowly, watching me intently, the hate evident in his eyes. My heart is breaking. I loved him once. And I thought he had loved me too. This monster I see above me is not the man I met.

As he pushes himself into me I close my eyes and try to detach. Edward, I love you so much, I think as he pounds into me, his heavy breathing at my ear.

A thought flashes through my mind, lightening quick but long enough for me to register it and an altogether other fear grips my heart. I love Edward and I know he loves me. But will he still love me after this?

The uncontrollable sob that emanates from my mouth seems to turn Jacob on even more and he fastens his pace. He lifts himself up slightly, his hand wrapping around my neck and he starts squeezing. I try to push him away with all the strength I can muster but it's not enough. I'm not going to last. I stop fighting when I realize it's useless and I close my eyes. The last thing I know is the image of Edward kissing me softly, holding me, telling me he will always love me. Then there is nothing.

I don't know how long I'm out before I come around. My head is pounding and for a second I'm not quite sure why. But then everything comes back and I try to scramble off the bed, causing me to fall down onto the ground with a groan. My throat feels thick and it's painful to swallow. I look around but Jacob is not in the room. I lay quiet for a while but there are no sounds from the rest of the house.

I force myself to stand up and grab the towel on the floor, wrapping it around me. I slide my back down the passage wall into Jasper's room and open the safe as instructed. The Glock feels heavy in my hand although I know it's not actually a heavy gun. I manage to secure the towel around my body and I grab the gun with both hands, bracing my arms in front of me and make my way into the lounge. Nothing. I see the sliding door at the patio open and realize that this is where Jacob must have come in. I had thought of starting a fire before going for a bath but never did and obviously never locked it when I came back in. I close it and lock it.

Although I know he's not in the house anymore I move from room to room, switching on all the lights as I go.

I get back to our room and suddenly my legs don't want to carry me anymore. I sit down on the floor next to the bed and place the gun next to me. Thoughts assault me, making me shake so badly my teeth clatter.

I was raped. There is no doubt that what happened was rape. He hates me so much that he did that to me. How will Edward love me now? No one will ever want me again. That's what Jacob wanted. If he can't have me, no one will. He has just sealed my fate.

My fingers dial the number without thinking.

"Hi Bella, what's up?"

"Rosalie…"

"Bella? Bella! Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Something bad has happened." I can't get my crying under control. "Something really bad. Edward won't love me anymore. What am I going to do?" I'm hysterical.

"What are you talking about?" I don't answer, I can't find my voice.

"I'll be right there," she says and the line disconnects.

Not long after I hear her tyres racing down the gravel driveway and screech to a halt. I have to force myself up again and she's almost breaking down the door by the time I unlock it. The look on her face tells me I must look really bad. She starts crying too and before asking any questions she pulls me into her arms and holds me for a long while.

We make our way to the lounge and I grab a bottle of Jack and two glasses. I'm shaking so much the whiskey is going everywhere except in the glasses and she takes it from me and pours us both a glass, mine more than hers.

She sits down on the couch next to me, handing me my glass and I manage to take a big gulp. The burn is excruciating as the liquid makes its way down my swollen throat.

"You need to tell me what happened Bella."

I nod, looking at her, seeing the pity and hurt in her eyes. "I forgot to lock the sliding door. Stupid right? I was in the bath when I heard a noise in the lounge. When I went into the bedroom Jacob was there. He…he…" I can't finish the sentence. I finish the rest of the glass in one go and grab the bottle, pouring myself another one.

"Bella, this is very important. Did he rape you?"

I can't look her in the eyes as I nod my head slowly.

"Oh my God. Bella, I'm so sorry," she cries as she takes my hand in hers. "We need to get you dressed and down to the police station. They have to do a rape test on you."

I start shaking my head furiously. There is no way I'm doing that. I can't even wrap my head around this awful nightmare and I don't want everyone knowing what happened. This is my cross to bear, no one else's.

"Yes Bella. There's no way you can just ignore what happened."

"No Rosalie. I…I can't. I can't. Please, just drop it. I'm not going to do it."

I get up but I'm not sure on my feet and Rosalie holds onto me from the side. "God, I'm so tired. I think I'm going to take a bath."

I need it. I feel so dirty. But I realize the kind of dirty I feel is coming from the inside, working its way through my pores and covering my skin.

She nods, obviously seeing the resolve in my eyes.

"I'll stay here tonight," she offers. "I'll just grab some of your PJ's."

"Thank you Rosalie," I say as I get up. "Thank you for being here." She gets up and hugs me again.

She lets the cold water out of the bath and refills it. She helps me in and leaves me to it. I look up and see myself in the mirror on the wall. I gasp, shock setting my bones as I stare at myself. My right side cheek is black blue, swollen with a little cut just under my eye. My lip is busted open, although not enough to need medical attention. I look like an old hag, I think to myself as a hysterical giggle comes out of my throat.

I can't seem to look away from the mirror. The hot water is fogging up the mirror and I wipe at it with my fingers, hoping I wipe the ugly colored bruises from my face as well. No such luck.

I hear Rosalie on the phone with someone. I'm guessing it's Emmett. She must be in the bedroom because I can hear what she says even though she is almost whispering.

"No. You don't understand. I need Edward to come home right now…I'm not discussing this over the phone with you…No, please, you just need to get him here…I'd much prefer it if all three of you came home at this point…Okay…Yes…I'm here with her and I'm not leaving her until Edward gets here…Please stop asking me what happened, just come home." At this point she's crying and if anything that ought to make Emmett realize that she means what she says. "Do you have a key…Okay, I'll take the one out from the inside in case you get here and we're sleeping…I will be careful…I love you too."

When she comes into the bathroom she's composed herself yet her eyes are still red and swollen from crying. "Come on then," she whispers. "Put your head back and I'll wash your hair." She does so with a gentle hand and afterwards helps me stand up and wash myself. She really is one of the best, I realize, thinking back to Edward's words.

After my bath she helps me put a yoga pants on and I grab one of Edward's shirts out of the cupboard. She scratches through my things and finds winter pajamas and quickly puts them on. When she takes me around my side of the bed she sees the gun lying on the floor. The one that I had forgotten I had taken out. She takes a step back and I see she is afraid of the innate object at my feet.

I bend over, pick it up and she follows me to Jasper's bedroom and watches me lock it away again. I shrug when I turn around. "Jazz gave me the combination because I know guns. He told me to use it if Jacob ever came here while I was alone." I start crying again. "I never stood a chance. I wish he'd killed me."

She puts her arm around me and guides me back to the bedroom, pulling the blankets over us as she gets in next to me. I lay a while staring at the ceiling. "He won't want me anymore."

"Oh Bella. Of course he'll still want you. He loves you so much."

"No," I shake my head and look at her. "He'll never look at me the same again. He'll never _want _me again. I won't blame him."

"Bella, Edward will never leave you. You are the only one he sees. Please, try not to think like that. Try to get some rest my friend. I won't leave you, I promise."

She snuggles closer to me and wraps her arm around me, pulling me close to her. Even though it's not Edward I feel a little safer and before I know it I'm in the land of nightmares, a faceless monster chasing me into pools of lava, burning me alive.


	29. Chapter 29

**Not much to say before this one...it flows with the previous chapter. There is still mention in this chapter of what happened so if it's still a problem, let me know and I'll give you a rundown...**

I wake up to angry voices floating down the passage from the lounge. Rosalie is not in bed anymore. It's dark and I check my phone, it's a little after three in the morning. I try to lift my head but it hurts so much I give up.

I hear Rosalie crying. "She didn't want to go to the police station. She flat out refused. I wanted to force her but then I realized that I don't know how I would have felt had something like that happened to me. Edward, you saw her when you walked into the room. He messed her up real bad."

"It's not what he's done to her on the outside Rosalie," Edward's voice sounds. "It's the damage he's done on the inside. She's still so fragile. Much stronger than she was when I met her but I don't know if she's going to cope with this." He sounds so lost and all I want to do is go to him.

I lift myself off the bed and fight the nausea pushing bile up my throat from the pain. I'm sweating by the time I get to the bedroom door and lean against the wall trying to catch my breath. I lean forward, holding my head in my hands trying to stop the hammering from splitting my skull in two.

I hear the voices but I can't make out what they're saying anymore. It sounds like the wind blowing in my ears causing another wave of pain to shoot through my head. I bite my lip to stifle a groan, forgetting the cut on my lip and I feel a fresh trail of blood running down my chin. I wipe it away haphazardly. I hear a loud crash which pulls my attention to order a little bit.

"Edward! Fuck! Get it under control! You're going to scare her like this!" Jasper sounds way angrier than I've ever heard him. Angrier than what he was when we had our little tiff the other night.

"Stay away from me Jasper," I hear Edward warn. "Don't touch me right now."

"He's right Edward," Emmett says. "Fuck, if we're this angry you must be just about losing your mind but you can't let it get to you like this. Or at least not when she's around. She doesn't need any anger or violence around her right now. Please, for her sake, calm down."

And then I hear him crying. My angel is crying and my heart splinters into a million pieces, piercing right into my soul. I push the pain out of my way and struggle down the passage. When I round the corner everyone has their backs to me, circled around Edward's body wracking with sobs on the couch.

"Edward." It's hardly a whisper but everyone turns as one and Edward lifts his face from his hands. He's up fast and pushes his way through our friends to get to me. As he reaches me we both fall down to our knees, his arms around me and my face buried in his chest. We're both crying. I hate that he's hurting. I don't care what happens to me right now but a spark of anger flares in my chest for the pain that Jacob has caused this man clinging to my aching body.

I don't know how long we sit like that. Our tears have long dried. He gets up slowly and lifts me into his arms. I notice everyone has left and realize they are giving us time alone.

He carries me down the passage and puts me back into bed. He walks to the bathroom and I hear the tap opening. He comes back with a facecloth and gently wipes the blood from my mouth and chin. I notice his shirt is full of my blood as well as he goes back to the bathroom.

He stops at the foot of the bed on his way back, he looks nervous. "I don't know what to do Bella," he concedes.

"Lie down with me Edward,. Please, that's all I need right now." He doesn't make a move. I get up, pull his bloody shirt over his head and pull him down next to me.

We lie down facing each other but he doesn't touch me. I feel the fear creep through me, the fear that I disgust him after what happened, that sexually he'll never want me like he used to.

I tentatively reach out, resting my fingers on his cheek and he covers my hand with his. "I'm so sorry," he whispers. "So sorry. I promised that I would protect you." He's crying again. For all the strength he possesses inside, when someone close to him hurts, he hurts with them. This is going to kill him inside.

"No Edward," I say softly. "None of this is your fault. You can't blame yourself. I was stupid. I forgot to lock the sliding door. I didn't set the alarm before taking a bath. This one is on me."

He's looking at me like I'm his world, like it would crush him if I was gone.

I don't know where it comes from but the urge to vomit overwhelms me and I try to get out of bed as quickly as possible. I just make it to the toilet when the whiskey from last night comes out, once again burning me in the process. He's behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back. Dry heaves seem to last forever before it subsides enough for me to swallow back the urge to keep on going. Edward wants to carry me back to bed but I insist on brushing my teeth first.

"I can walk Edward, I'm okay." He follows me out but I stop as I look at the bed, seeing Jacob panting over me and my breathing increases along with my heartbeat.

"Baby, are you okay?"

I shake my head. "I can't be in here right now Edward. I was fine earlier but…I can't be on that bed right now."

He pulls me to him. "Okay, we won't sleep here."

He leads me to Jasper's room and I crawl under the blankets. He calls Jasper and asks him to crash on the couch. It makes me feel guilty but not guilty enough to refuse the room. He's off the phone and sitting on the side of the bed.

"I was thinking of you," I say. He looks over to me. "I couldn't handle him touching me and when he…when he did it, all I could think about was how much I love you. How it felt when you kissed me, touched me." My eyes are burning but there are no tears. "I'm scared for us Edward. For what this will do to us. That you won't see me the same."

He lies down, reaching out and his arm pulls me flush against him. The gesture is what I needed and I drink in the heat emanating from his body. "Bella, I love you. Nothing is going to change that. If I have to, I'll start proving that to you all over again."

Edward eventually falls asleep but as the sun starts lighting the sky outside I am still awake. I get up and shakily make my way to the kitchen. Jasper is still asleep on the couch. As I wait for the kettle to boil I see a dining room chair laying in pieces on the floor. That must have been the crash I heard. I close my eyes as I try to get myself under control. I can picture Edward doing that, his anger overriding everything else.

"Bella."

I look up finding Jasper standing staring at me from the other side of the counter. He too looks tired and his eyes are swollen and red. The sob that rips from my chest physically causes me pain and he rounds the counter as I try and keep myself from falling. He holds me to him as he leads me to the couch.

I am in his arms in a flash and he lies back, pulling me with him. I'm vaguely aware of the blanket he pulls over us. For some or other reason I'm glad I don't have to look him in the eyes as my head is rested on his chest, his fingers lightly stroking my hair.

"I'm so sorry Jazz," I start. "I was careless not locking up. If I had, none of this would have happened."

"Bella, none of this is your fault. I have a feeling that even if you had locked up, he would have still found a way to get to you. If we had been here things would have turned out differently."

"You shouldn't feel guilty Jazz. Edward feels the same but you can't be with me twenty four seven."

I'm so tired from no sleep and I feel my eyelids getting heavy. I don't fight them as they close and before long I fall asleep with Jasper's chest moving under my head as he breathes, humming a tune I'm not familiar with.

I wake up with Jasper shifting out from under me and covering me with the blankets. I'm not ready to face anyone just yet so I keep my eyes closed.

"Sorry man," I hear Jasper. "She lost it a bit in the kitchen this morning."

"Don't worry about it," I hear Edward's tired voice. "She loves you and feels safe with you too. If I had to choose anyone to be there for her if I couldn't, then it would be you."

I hear the front door opening and Emmett greeting softly. The sliding door opens and they move to the patio. I smell coffee. The voices are softer but I can still hear them.

"I wish she had gone to the station with Rosalie," Emmett says. "She shouldn't have taken a bath. She can still open a case but it would have been that much stronger had they done the proper tests."

"I know," Edward says. "I'm upset about it as well but we don't know how she feels. We don't know how any woman feels going through something like this. We can't push her into doing something she feels she can't right now. All we can do is be there for her and take our cues from her."

"I need to make a call." I hear Edward's one sided conversation with Embry. He briefly explains what happened and it seems the plan is for Embry to head over to Jacob and get him to agree to a night out at which time they will ambush him. Edward will wait for his call.

"Do you trust this Embry guy?" Jasper asks. "He is family of Jacob and blood is mostly thicker than water."

"Look, I don't know him besides the few drinks we had together but Bella trusts him. It seems that he cares for her a lot and is disgusted in Jacob's behavior as well. To be quite honest, it seems he cares more for her than he should." I hear jealousy tinge his voice and smile to myself. Edward is always so observant.

I have never been a vindictive person in my life but I find myself hoping that they teach Jacob a lesson or two. All I want is to go on with my life and be with Edward. I have paid the price of not resorting to foul play but I think I should leave this in their hands now. I just hope they don't go too far and get themselves into trouble.

I make a point of being noisy as I "wake up" and I meet Edward's eyes as he comes to me. "I'm glad you got some sleep Baby. Even if it was with my best friend." I know he's joking, trying to lighten my mood. I manage to lightly box him on his shoulder before I get up, stretching my sore body.

Emmett comes in and practically pushes Jay out of the way and softly wraps me in his big arms. He doesn't say anything but really, what is there to say? It happened, it's over. Although I know it will take me a long time to work through this, I know these three men will be with me every step of the way.

"Shit," I mumble as I pull away from Emmett. "Edward, I'm supposed to be meeting your mom for breakfast this morning."

"Taken care of," Emmett says. "Rosalie called her early this morning saying we came back early and that Edward wants you to himself. She's already called Edward and crapped all over him but he didn't budge."

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry. Now I'm causing friction in your family too."

"Don't worry about that. My mom knows how I am. She'll live," he smiles. "Besides, you have to get packing; we're going away for a few days."

"I need to work on Monday."

"No, you don't. I spoke to Maggie this morning telling her I'm taking you away until Wednesday. I know you don't like taking off but there is no way we can explain the bruises without telling the truth and I'm assuming that is something you don't want."

I shake my head. "No, I don't want that. Am I allowed to ask where we're going?"

"Nope. Top secret," he chuckles. "Now, go pack a bag for a few days."

"Can I pack for you as well?"

He leans over; kissing me softly on my cheek that is not hurting. "Thanks Baby."

"Well, come on then," Jasper says to Edward as I turn into the passage. "Let's make some breakfast so you guys can eat before you leave."


	30. Chapter 30

**It seems everyone has the same issues...what about STD's, pregnancy, etc. Yes, I understand that, but I don't want to make my story about all the nitty gritty details...this story is about Bella and Edward and the emotions involved. Still, I feel like I should apologize to all the readers who have felt that I overlooked such important things, and believe me, I know they are important, they just won't be made an issue of in this story.**

**KT...I actually do have a very good sense of humor. But when someone that you don't know at all says something like that to you it comes across as rude. If you had told me that you were joking I would have taken it with the humor it came with, but to call someone a stupid b***** out of the blue and that person has no idea who you are, don't you think you would take it the wrong way too? I'm sorry I lost you as a reader...if you had been more clear this whole misunderstanding would have never happened.**

**Okay, let me get on with it...**

I get to the door of our bedroom and hesitate for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and walking in. For some or other reason it feels colder in here than the rest of the house. I pull us each a bag out of the top of the cupboard and put it on the bed. Flashes of warm breath in my neck overwhelm me and I beeline for the bathroom. I take big gulps of air, trying to calm myself and splash cold water on my face. I look in the mirror, which doesn't help because my broken face is a reminder of what happened. A reminder that it wasn't just a bad dream and that he was really here.

I manage to compose myself enough to walk back down the passage. They look up as I come in and immediately see something is wrong. Edward reaches me first. I rub his arm. "I'm fine, I think. I just can't be in that room. At least not alone. Will you help me?"

"Fuck, I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. Yeah, of course, let's get packed."

I sigh relief and thank him with a smile. Jasper and Emmett go back to finish breakfast which smells delicious.

We pack in silence but it helps that Edward is with me. I know I'm safe with him. His presence helps me ground my fears and get on with the job. He showers with me and we wash each other although there are no sexual advances. Doubt creeps into me again but I ignore it, knowing that even if he did try I would not be able to do it. He knows and that is the only reason why he doesn't, I tell myself.

Breakfast tastes as good as it looks and soon we're on our way after saying goodbye. Rosalie also comes to see us off and we hold each other tightly while the guys wait patiently. In such a short time she has become such a good friend to me and I am grateful that she was there for me when I needed someone the most.

We stop at the shop to buy our supplies and we're off. The short drive to just outside Elim is beautiful and I can't keep my eyes off the scenery. The beautiful farm cottage is situated at the bank of a dam dotted with snow white geese and two kayaks off to the side.

"Edward, it's lovely," I say as we get out of the bakkie. We grab our stuff and head to the patio out front.

"I love it here," he says. "Jasper's dad was given this farm by his father. It's been in the family for four generations. When they moved to Betty's Bay they renovated the house a bit and now rent it as holiday accommodation. I think they're still waiting for Jasper to find his green fingers but I doubt that's ever going to happen."

Off the patio overlooking the dam there is a small wooden jetty that breaks the blue of the water. Edward opens the door and leads me in. The feel of the house is rustic farm house and I love it. The back windows at the dining table overlook the green rolling hills.

The kitchen is mostly wood counters with old appliances. Looking around I wonder how many memories this house holds and if they are all good memories. Judging by Jasper, I lean towards mostly good ones.

We walk down the short passage and pass three closed doors. I'm assuming they are bedrooms and a bathroom.

The main bedroom is out of this world. I'm met with a huge four poster bed covered in what seems to be a handmade quilt. I run my hand over the rough texture of the patched material. To the left is an elevated antique claw foot bath. A door behind leads to a huge shower with two heads and a basin and toilet.

Edward puts our bags on the bed and we stand looking at each other uncomfortably. This is a strange feeling for both of us. We've never been this awkward around each other. Not even when we met. I look from him to the bed and back. Two days ago we would be naked and sweaty and screwing each other's brains out already. Maybe that's why we don't know what to do.

"Come," I say softly. "Let's have a drink."

Edward hovers over me for the rest of the day, jumping up and following me wherever I go. It's annoying and eventually I can't take it anymore.

"Edward, please, I can go to the bathroom by myself you know."

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. The familiar move makes my heart ache and I immediately feel bad for snapping at him. I wrap my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry," I say as tears start running down my face. "I know you're just trying to help but if I may be honest, I think it would help more if you just tried to treat me as you always have. I need us to get back to where we were."

His hand comes up, cupping my cheek and his head leans forward. He's aiming at my forehead but I pull him down at the last second, his lips gently touching mine. I keep my eyes open, focusing on him as I test the waters, slightly opening my mouth and letting my tongue glide along his top lip. He hesitantly opens his mouth, meeting my tongue halfway. I sigh into his mouth, pulling him closer as I close my eyes.

I shouldn't have done that. The second darkness covers my eyes I feel Jacob on me, moving in me and I push Edward away with a little too much force.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I turn around and run outside.

He doesn't follow. I think he knows I need time out. A split decision has me pushing the kayak into the dam. I row to the middle and sit staring at the sunset, warm colors filling the sky while my heart is stone cold. I haven't been kayaking since high school and find myself enjoying the feel of being on the water again. I decide to start saving for one when I can.

I don't know how long I sit there. The sun has gone down and the farm has been plunged in darkness.

"Bella!"

I turn around seeing Edward standing at the jetty.

"It's freezing outside Baby. Please come in. I've run you a bath."

I row back slowly, watching the oar slice through the water, loving the fluid action. Edward pulls the kayak halfway up the bank and I get out. Feeling his warm arm wrap around my shoulders makes me realize exactly how cold I am.

"May I?" he asks as his hands hover to unbutton my shirt. I nod numbly. He undresses me gently until I stand naked before him. I stare at him the entire time, trying to see that flare of passion in his eyes, but all I see is sadness. He lifts his hand and softly brushes his fingers against my swollen cheek.

"I love you so much Bella," he says as a few tears find their way down his face. "I love you so much that I'd kill for you."

I see a resolve form in his eyes and my icy body goes even colder and I'm sure a look of horror crosses my face.

"No! Edward, you can't do that. You'll have to live with that for the rest of your life. You'll end up in jail."

"I can live with all of that. What I can't live with is that piece of shit walking around like nothing happened. He will pay for this Bella, one way or the other."

"Edward, you need to promise me you won't do anything stupid. Please, promise me."

We stare at each other for a few seconds before he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I can't make you that promise." He turns and walks out the room, leaving me naked in more ways than one.

I wake up in the darkness to find Edward mumbling in his sleep, a sheen of sweat covering his body in the soft glow of the passage light shining through the doorway. I can't hear what he's saying but his voice is agonized, his face contorted in anger. His fists are twisted in the sheets, pulling them towards him.

"Edward," I whisper, putting my hand on his shoulder. He pulls away from me, a pained groan slipping from his panting lips.

"Edward," I say louder, reaching out again and shaking his shoulder lightly. He sits up with a start, looking around him wildly until his eyes fall on me. He pulls me to him roughly, holding me tightly and I grab onto him too. "It's okay Edward. Just a dream," I whisper to his chest.

"I saw you," he cries. "I saw him, what he did to you."

"Oh Edward," I say as I sit up on my knees, holding his face in my hands. I move in before he has time to object, my mouth forcefully moving against his, my hands moving into his hair, keeping him where I need him. I need to make him forget just as much as I need him to make me forget. This is the only way I know how.

"Bella," he mumbles around my mouth. "No, you're not ready for this."

"I am Edward," I answer as I kiss and lick down his throat. "I need you. Please, I need you to help me through this. Don't push me away."

He pulls me up and searches for something in my eyes. Whatever he finds, it must be what he was looking for because he pulls me close again, gently kissing me as his hands slowly move up to my breasts. I close my eyes but open them right away, knowing what I'll see if I keep them closed. He notices.

"Eyes on me Bella. Nowhere else," he says as he lowers me down onto the bed, covering me with his hot body.

"You're so beautiful to me," he whispers as he brushes a strand of hair from my face.

"No I'm not," I whisper back. I know what my face looks like and it's anything but beautiful.

"Oh but you are Baby. You forget I see the inside of you just as much as I see the outside. These bruises," he says as he strokes my cheek, "will not last forever. They don't make you who you are Bella. And when they fade, you will still be here, stronger than ever before."

"You make me strong Edward," I say just before I gasp as he pulls my nipple into his mouth. He lightly nips me and my eyes automatically start closing but he tugs on my hair slightly, reminding me to keep them open.

His caresses of my body sweeps through my heart, pulling my soul from hiding, reminding me that he is all I need. He lies down next to me, his hand moving between my legs, softly pushing them apart. I tense, looking from his hand to his eyes. He immediately stops.

"No Edward, keep going," I moan. "Please Baby, I need you so much." When his fingers stroke over my clit I just about explode. I try to focus on the delicious feelings coursing through my veins as his eyes keep me grounded. Before long my body is moving by itself, moving up to meet his fingers.

"That's it Baby," he whispers before kissing me. "Don't think of anything else except how I make you feel."

I'm lost in him as my orgasm runs through my body full charge, waking up every nerve ending I possess.

I roll over him, straddling him. I can handle this, I think. Being in charge will help me not feel claustrophobic. I slide down over him. I'm a little sore but I ignore it. Edward sits up, wrapping his arms around me, holding me close as I move against him.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he moans at my ear sending a wave of pleasure through my body. "I love you Bella. I'll never stop loving you."

And with those words and him inside of me I forget what happened for a while and it's just me and him again, us and the uncomplicated way we love each other.

His hands are in my hair and mine in his and he's looking at me like I'm the most beautiful person on earth. My insides start clenching and he knows I'm close again.

"Give it to me Bella," he commands. "Let me feel how much you love me."

As we stare at each other and he comes with me I swear time stands still. It has to, because this feeling warrants a moment in time.

We don't move for a long while, holding on to each other and reveling in the feeling of skin on skin. Eventually we lay down next to each other but we're still holding on.

"It's not so much that I was afraid to have sex," I start because I need him to know what is going on in my head. "I think had I been attacked by a total stranger that would have been different. I just…I couldn't believe it Edward. I was looking at him and thinking that I had loved him once and that I thought he had loved me too. But I saw the hate in his eyes. He wasn't the man I had fallen in love with, like he was someone else." My breathing is labored because it feels like something is crushing my chest. Edward strokes lazy circles on my hip, waiting for me to continue.

"Something else is the fact that he never said anything. Not a single word. I tried talking to him but he just ignored me. And my talking seemed to infuriate him even more. The second time he hit me so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I know I had to fight harder but I couldn't get my body to do what I wanted it to do." I'm crying again. "Maybe if I had tried harder I could have gotten away."

He sits up abruptly, looking annoyed as he pulls me up as well. "Now you listen to me and listen carefully Bella. You did nothing wrong. None of what happened or how it went down is your fault. You can't keep thinking about things you could have done or not because you'll drive yourself crazy. You're handling this whole situation with so much strength; you amaze me more every day."

"I love you so much Edward. I was so scared that you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. That you'd be repulsed by me after what happened." A small smile creeps onto my face as I touch his cheek with my fingertips. "I guess I should have known that nothing can keep us apart. I meant it that day when I said you're my salvation Edward. You save me a little more every day."

The taste of my tears as we kiss is ignored by both of us. He lays me down, covering me with his hard body. As his weight bears down on me my muscles tense up for a split second but relaxes again immediately. This is Edward. I have no fear of him. This is what I need.

"Relax Baby," he says because I know he felt it. "It's just you and me."

He pulls my arms up over my head, entwining our fingers and I'm trapped, but in a way I can handle. He enters me slowly but doesn't stop pushing until he is buried so deep I don't know where he ends and I start. He continues the slow assault on my body and I wrap my legs high around his hips, allowing him to push into me even more and he groans with the change of angle.

I try to pull my hands free so I can touch him but he keeps them firmly bound by his.

"Close your eyes," he whispers.

"I can't," I argue. The tears leaking from my eyes are not tears of sadness anymore, he's so deep he's touching places I never knew existed and it's taking me to a level I've never felt before.

"Yes you can," he argues back. "Close them," he says as he fills me again and the sensation that spreads through my body forces my eyes closed and my legs to tighten around his hips, trying to hold him there as I try to pull myself as close to him as possible. I'm literally too scared to come because I feel like I'll break into a million pieces if I do.

A flash of Jacob runs through my brain and I moan angrily at the intrusion as my body tries to grip Edward even closer. He has no place here. It's just me and Edward.

"Are you okay?" he breathes.

I nod. I don't think I can speak right now even if I want to. The friction Edward is creating inside of me is a delicious burn that is spreading through the rest of my body. I'm covered in a cold sweat, my body looking for some form of outlet because it can't contain this onslaught very much longer. I try again to pull my hands free but he doesn't relent.

"Stop fighting me," he begs as he pulls out almost all the way and stills. I try to reach him again, pulling myself up towards him but he's just out of my reach.

He bends his head down. "Are you ready for me?" he asks at my ear. I don't know what he means but I nod anyway. He pulls back slightly. "Now open your eyes." And as I do I am met with those green pools of lust and love that I adore so much and he plunges back into me with such force that I cry out loudly into the night. His hips are grinding into mine and my fingers are clasping his so hard that it's hurting but I ignore it.

I'm so caught up in the sensation and I can't think straight and my body is helplessly dangling on the brink of explosion. "Faster," I manage to mumble and he obliges, pulling another drawn out moan from my lips.

"Talk to me Edward," I moan. I need to hear him. I'm so close.

"You like it when I talk to you?" he asks, his voice thick with desire.

"Yes."

"Do you like it when I tell you that you feel so good around me? That you're gripping me so tight I can't think straight."

I nod, my orgasm hovering like a bubble just out of reach.

"I love fucking you. I love making you feel good. And I can feel you're close Baby. You need to let go."

"I can't Edward," I cry. "I'm scared." It sounds stupid to my ears because who would be scared of having an orgasm? But I do, right now I do, this feeling is so intense and he's so deep and I don't know what's going to happen if I let go.

"I'm right here Bella. I've got you. I'll never let you fall." And I know he's right. I know so I let go as he grinds roughly into me. I'm not sure what happens then because every sense I have shuts down except my sense of touch.

A fire erupts somewhere within and spreads through me slowly, making me lose my breath as I start trembling all over. He slips out and crashes back into me and then I'm gone. Gone from this bed, gone from this planet, hovering somewhere out in space as every particle in my body implodes, pulling me into myself and then pushing out as it expands and fills me with the most brain numbing pleasure that I have ever experienced.

I can hear myself calling Edward's name over and over. And just as it subsides he pulls out and plunges into me again and it flares up, like it will never stop, and it's getting more intense as he repeats his movements. I need it to stop yet I want it to go on forever. Edward pumps into me another four times before I feel him jerk inside of me. I release my legs from his hips and he lets go of my hands. I'm trembling, he is too.

I have no idea what just happened.

"I think you've just experienced what they call a multiple orgasm," he smirks at me.

I'm out of breath but a laugh escapes me anyway. "Is that what they call it? You look pretty pleased with yourself right now?" I joke.

"Of course I am," he says laughing as well as he pulls me lying with him. He strokes my cheek and his laughter is replaced by that look of love that kills me inside. "You are so beautiful when you come. So gorgeous. But that was something else Bella, seeing you lose it like that. How can I not be proud of myself for making you feel that way?"

I lean forward and kiss him slowly and as I turn my back to him he pulls me into his chest, wrapping me up in his arms. I'm asleep pretty fast and I'm sure he's not far behind.


	31. Chapter 31

**I love my Jasper! Bella tries to deal with this in the wrong way.**

**Let's see what happens**

**Warning: Very short dream about rape...**

The rest of our time on the farm is bliss. Edward still hovers but I accept it as something that he needs to do. He needs to be there for me and I love him for it. Before I know it Tuesday is upon us and I'm standing in front of the mirror, testing different make up ideas to see which will cover the bruise best.

The swelling has gone down and I'm left with a sickly yellow cheek which my foundation just about covers completely. The small cut under my eye will still be the most visible but I think I'll be able to come up with an excuse for that easily. After years of abuse excuses are food for survival. I wash it all off before we leave. I know Edward doesn't like me with too much make up on although he'll never tell me what to do.

I'm nervous as we pull up in the driveway. How am I going to sleep in that room? Just then Jasper appears and although he seems to be covered in paint he pulls me in for a hug.

"Gross Jazz!" I laugh, squirming away from him. "What are you painting?"

"Come look. You're just in time actually." Edward and I look to each other questioningly, wondering what Jasper has been up to since we left.

He leads me down the passage with Edward in tow and opens the door to our bedroom. I gasp as I walk in, feeling Edward's silence hang in the air behind me.

The whole room has been transformed. Jasper has moved all the furniture around, the bed now against the opposite wall from where it used to be. The color scheme has lost the contrast of white, replaced by a very light lilac that fits perfectly with the grey. It seems he even went as far as buying new curtains and bedding because it looks like I've stepped into a catalogue picture.

"Jasper," Edward says from behind. "Fuck man, this is amazing."

I turn to Jasper. "Why did you do this?"

He shrugs, playing it down. "I could see that this room scared you. I figured if I changed it then it wouldn't bother you that much anymore to be in here. Your bedroom should be your safe haven Bella, not something you want to run away from."

I gape at this man in front of me. If only he could let go of his fears of commitment he would make a wonderful man for any woman. I pull him in and latch on to him. "Thank you," I whisper.

"Nah, no sweat. It was nothing, really."

Edward is emotional. He pulls Jasper in for a one armed hug. "Thanks Bro. You have no idea what this means to me…to us."

"Okay, okay, enough with the heavy," he says walking backwards. "I'll pour us a glass of red wine. I made some pasta earlier on."

He leaves us alone as we look around. He couldn't have done anything else that comes close to how amazing this is. I look at Edward. "You have a wonderful best friend Edward."

"Not just me. It seems you're right up there with me."

"Yes, so it seems. I'm really privileged to be his friend. Thank you for making me part of this family." I hug him quickly and we head to the lounge.

After a shower a bit later I head down the passage hearing both of them laughing.

"Jasper, you should have been there," I hear Edward. "I leaned over to kiss her and I don't know what happened but I just toppled us over. The water was fucking freezing!"

I'm laughing and shaking my head as I round the corner. "And then he swims to the side after me before he realizes the kayak is still in the middle of the dam. He had to swim all the way in again to pull it back," I laugh.

"Seems like you guys had a good time. I'm glad. You needed it."

When I fall asleep that night the fear of being in the bedroom has subsided. Jasper has no idea how wonderful this gift is that he has given me.

I fill them in before I leave to work on the excuse for the cut on my eye. I clumsily went sprawling on the jetty and got nicked by a nail protruding from the wood.

"Good excuse," Jasper laughs as he takes a sip of his coffee. "How'd you come up with that one?"

"Years of practice dear Jazz," I say as I take my bag.

He realizes what just happened. "Shit, Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't think…"

I wave him off, planting a kiss on his cheek before saying goodbye to Edward. "Don't worry about it Jazz. It is what it is. After everything that's happened there is no use in trying to ignore the obvious. It happened, there's nothing we can do to change it so why pour sugar over it and call it a candy apple when obviously it isn't. Hhhmmm, candy apple...haven't had one of those in years. See you guys later."

As I walk out I hear Edward say to Jasper: "She is the most amazing creature I've ever met." I smile to myself as I get in the bakkie and head to work.

My excuse is accepted as I thought with no questions asked. Maggie hands over my pile of admin and I make quick work of everything. By closing time I'm quite bushed and I call in to let them know I'm picking up dinner. Jasper says that Emmett and Rosalie will also be there so I grab two extra pizzas and more wine.

I greet everyone when I get there and settle in next to Edward on the couch. MTV seems to be having a Green Day marathon and it's playing softly in the background. Well, as softly as one can play Green Day. The evening is just a nice relaxing one with friends that I love and I am content.

Edward's phone rings and handing it to him I see Embry's name on the screen. I raise an eyebrow at him. They don't know that I heard everything they said that morning. He gets up and walks outside.

"Why would Embry be phoning Edward?" I ask innocently, watching Jasper and Emmett who are trying their best to look as innocent as I sound.

"Don't know," Jasper says, getting up and excusing himself to get another beer.

I leave it at that as Rosalie sits down on my other side and starts plaiting my hair in thin strips. The feel of her fingers relaxes me and I smile her my thanks.

We're quiet until Edward comes back in just as Jasper sits down. He takes a deep breath and relays their conversation of that morning to me that I already know.

"Did Embry go there?" I ask.

"He did, but it's not good news." He looks down at me. "The house is empty. He doesn't live there anymore. Embry spoke to neighbors and some of your old friends but no one knows where he is. Seems Jacob has left his job as well. He's phoned just about everyone in the family as well without any luck."

The dread creeps into my stomach making me feel like puking. I must turn a different shade of pale because Edward sits down and pulls me into his side quickly while Rosalie pours me a whiskey. As usual it burns down my throat.

"He's a ghost," I whisper, shivering as I take another sip of amber liquid. "We won't find him. If he's moved and no one knows where he is, it means he's planning something worse than what he did the other night." I get up and walk to the fire on the patio, trying to thaw the ice fingers enveloping my heart.

"Bella," Edward whispers behind me. "Baby, you won't be alone in this house again. If you're not alone, he can't get to you."

I spin on him. "How am I not going to be alone again Edward? Your time must be close for another run on the boat."

He runs a nervous hand through his hair, glances at Jasper and Emmett and then looks back at me again. "I'm not doing the run that's coming up."

I let the words sink in. Not going? When did he decide this? His job is his life along with me. He can't give that up. I won't let him.

I leave him standing and stop long enough in the lounge to say good night and hug Rosalie whispering a sorry in her ear before making my way to our room. I'm so angry I could spit fire.

I'm still pacing when he comes in and closes the door behind him. I don't look his way.

"Bella, what do you expect me to do?" he pleads. "Leave you here alone again? Defenseless?"

"So what are you going to do Edward? Never leave my side again? That's impossible. What if it takes us months or years to find him? What if we never find him? You can't live like that. I won't let you give up something you love for me Edward!"

He sighs and comes over to me. "I'm not giving it up Bella. I'm just opting to sit out on this run, that's all. One run, okay? We'll see what happens after that."

I relax somewhat. Of course I'm ecstatic that he'll be here but the last thing I want is for him to change his life to suit me and my problems.

"Just one?" I ask.

"For now," he answers. "Let's just take it one day at a time. And you're right, I do love my job, but I love you more and if I go I'll just be in everyone's way and totally useless because I won't be able to think about anything else but you."

"Thank you Edward. Thank you for being you, because that's all I need."

"Always, Baby. I'll always have your back, no matter what."

He hugs me. "Want to go back inside?"

I shake my head. "No. I'll call Rosalie tomorrow. I'm actually beat, busy day at work."

"I'll be right back," he says as he leaves.

I pull one of Edward's shirts over my head and crawl into bed. He comes in carrying a pizza box and a bottle of wine. He sits down on the bed. "Picnic?" he smiles.

"I can live with that. No glasses?" I ask as he hands me the open bottle.

"Didn't have enough hands." I giggle, remembering our first coffee together.

I take a swig and laugh. "I don't think this is how you're supposed to drink a three hundred rand bottle of wine but hey, still tastes the same."

We have a chilled couple of hours in our new room before I can't keep my eyes open anymore and I fall asleep.

_I know my ribs are broken as he kicks me for the fourth time. _

"_Jacob, please," I beg. "This isn't you."_

"_Shut up," he leers menacingly as he picks me up and throws me on the bed. He rips my skirt and underwear from my body even though I'm kicking and lashing out at him furiously._

_A blow against my head has me holding still as he turns me around on my stomach. A few seconds later he is inside of me as his hands grip my hips to him._

I wake up sweaty and feeling dirty. I wipe my face with my hands and glance at Edward who is soundly asleep, sprawled gloriously naked on the bed looking every inch like the Greek god he is.

I quietly close the bathroom door behind me and turn the water on as hot as it I can stand it. The heat and soap burns my skin as I scrub with all the strength I have. It's not working, I still feel dirty.

By the fourth scrub I start crying, panic gripping me. Why won't I come clean? I open the hot water even more and gasp as the burn now turns to fire. Still, I can't stop scrubbing.

The shower curtain pulls open and I moan out as the cold air caresses my burning skin.

"Baby, it's two in the morning. Didn't you shower last night?" He sounds confused and he's still half asleep.

"I'm fine Edward. Go back to bed," I reply as calmly as I can, still intent on scrubbing the dirt from my thigh.

He wipes at his face a few times and I can see his eyes are adjusting to the glare of the bathroom light so I pull the curtains closed. He pulls them open again.

I look at him a total of three seconds before I start scrubbing again. My thigh is an angry scarlet red and I see the water turning pink running down my leg. I've scrubbed myself open yet I still can't shake this disgusting feeling.

Edward seems to snap out of his disorientation. "Bella, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a shower."

He stares at my thigh for a few seconds before he abruptly turns off the water. "Edward, for fuck sakes," I say as I turn to him. "Can't I have a shower in peace?"

He pulls me out of the shower not too gently and pushes me in front of the full body mirror. I try to look away but he grabs my chin in his hand and forces me to see what is standing in front of me.

"A shower? Do you see what you're doing to yourself? And you expect me to let you continue 'in peace'?"

I reluctantly lift my eyes and I inhale a shake breath as I stare at myself. My body is the color of a crayfish when it's cooked. I've scrubbed so hard in places that I've taken off some skin. The worst is my thigh which is scraped open and bleeding down my leg.

I pull from his grasp forcefully. "Please Edward, please just leave me alone." I move to get back into the shower but he pulls me back again.

"I can't do that Bella. I've always tried to give you what you need but this time I can't do it."

I pull from him again but this time I grab a towel. I dry myself while he watches and the bleeding stops from the scrapes on my thigh. I don't speak to him. I pull my own pajamas out of the cupboard instead of one of his shirts but as I pull the pants on I hiss from the burn it creates on my legs. I manage to pull my shirt on without bursting into tears and I sit on the side of the bed extremely annoyed that I can't get my pants up further than my knees. All the trying in the world does not help the tears that escape me a few seconds later.

His cool hands pull the pants down my legs slowly and I let him. What's the use of fighting him? He hasn't done anything wrong. I wonder how long he's going to let me hang around and use him as my emotional punching bag. Not long, I think.

His cool fingers inspect the damage to my thigh. "Not that bad, just a few scrapes," he murmurs. "Come Baby, come lie down. You've got work a bit later."

I move up but when he wants to pull the covers over me I kick them off. "It hurts a bit. Just let me lie like this," I ask as I turn my back to him. It's freezing cold in the room. I hear him get up and put the heater on. He moves it a bit closer to the bed and I'm thankful as I lie feeling it even the temperature out in the room. Sometime later I'm sleeping, still with my back to him.


	32. Chapter 32

**Just to let you know, there might be a slight delay in postings when we reach a point very near in the future. I've been discussing changing a certain aspect of the story with one of my readers and so I'm going to give it a try. If there are any delays, it won't be more than a few days at the most, if any.**

**Because of that I think instead of posting twice a day I'm going to go down to once a day to give me some time to figure it out.**

Erratic sleep has me up again just after five and I decide to take a jog to help clear my mind. I peep into Jasper's room to see if he's awake but he's still out cold so I head outside, do some stretches and set out on our normal route.

I run faster than I've ever run in my life. Not just because I need it but because I'm terrified to be on the road without Edward or Jasper. As I make my way past the beach I see Jacob's car in the distance and I stop.

I stare at it for a few seconds, fear constricting my lungs, before it slowly starts making its way towards me. I turn and cut through a few bushy plots, making my way back home but on a different route, glancing over my shoulder the whole time. By the time I get to the front door I'm so tired I can barely breathe, let alone stand and I fall down on the step. As I want to open the front door it's jerked back and a very angry Edward is staring down at me.

I get up from the door step and fling myself into him so hard he stumbles back a few steps. "He's…I saw him down at the beach," I gasp. I'm pushed gently out of his arms in an instant as he runs for his bakkie keys.

"Jasper!" he shouts as he runs out and starts the bakkie. Jasper comes barreling down the passage, pauses questioningly in front of me but I think the look on my face tells him to hurry up.

"Lock the door," Edward shouts as they pull off, tyres screeching down the driveway. I stand at the front door long enough to register his parting words and I close the door, locking it. I run through the house, closing open windows and make my way back to the lounge to set the alarm.

Being cornered inside actually feels worse than being outside and having the freedom to run away. Every little sound is working on my nerves and eventually I can't take it. I run to the safe and take out the gun. I sit on Jaspers bed and wait. And wait. And wait. After about an hour I hear Edward's bakkie pull up in front of the house. I quickly put the gun back and run to open the door.

He walks right past me into the kitchen. Jasper follows and looks at me, shaking his head slightly. I think he's telling me to just back off Edward for a while. I see the time and realize I have to hurry to get ready for work.

The water running over my body reminds me of my delirious feelings to be clean at two in the morning. Funny enough, that feeling is gone this morning. I wonder if I'm going crazy, if I've reached the point where I just can't cope with this situation anymore. I think of how I pushed Edward away when all he was trying to do was help. I'd take a bottle of Xanax right now if I had it.

I get to the lounge and grab my bag. Edward is nowhere to be seen. I look at Jasper making coffee.

"He's in the garage. Maybe…maybe just give him a gap this morning."

He sees my face and comes over, hugging me. "He's pissed that you went jogging without one of us. And rightfully so, I guess, considering what happened. He'll come around Bella, don't worry. He's just a bit highly strung this morning."

"Okay," I say, pulling back and opening the front door. "See you later."

As I start the bakkie Edward appears at the garage door. We look at each other. I can see he's still so angry but all I can convey back with my eyes is the immense loss I feel having him so far away from me. I think he sees it because he takes a step forward but stops and retreats into darkness of his cave.

My day at work is terrible. Thank goodness Maggie is out for the day because I am not good company. It's even worse because not much is happening today and the time is dragging. Maggie calls me at three, telling me to lock up and leave a bit early.

I don't think twice about heading down to Pete's. There is no way I can handle Edward in the mood he is.

It's still quiet when I get there.

"Hi Stranger," Pete calls from behind the counter.

"Hi Pete. Please give me a double Vodka and Guvi, lots of ice."

He whistles. "Not taking any prisoners today are you?"

"Nope." The word leaves my mouth with a pop on the p.

He hands me my drink and I down half of it in one go.

"You okay Bella?"

"No. No, I'm not. I am trying to live my life as normal as I can but my psycho ex won't allow me to do that. I think I might be going crazy because I have these urges and nightmares and fears that normal people don't have. On top of that I seem to be hurting the man I love all the time without even knowing it and I think he's at the point now where he realizes that falling in love with me might have been the biggest mistake of his life. Other than that, I guess I'm okay."

I down the rest of my glass and Pete takes it from me and gives me a refill.

"Edward's tough Bella. He can handle a lot. He knew the circumstances when he got involved with you."

"But what he didn't know was that Jacob wouldn't let go. I didn't know it either in my defense; if I did I would never have dragged Edward into this. But besides that, I seem to be not coping with it all. I'm having trouble with sleeping; Edward caught me using Xanax and just about had a heart attack." Pete doesn't know about what Jacob did to me so I don't mention that. "He's taking strain Pete and I don't know what to do. I can't lose him."

"He won't let you go Bella. He loves you. We all keep telling you that Edward is a one woman man and we've realized in the short time that you've been with him that you are that woman. Edward will fight for you, no matter what."

I sigh. "Somewhere in my fucked up mind I know what you're saying is true, but I can't help feeling like he's on the verge of telling me our relationship is just not worth it."

Pete gives me a sad smile and walks to the other side of the bar to help a customer. The afternoon wears on and I've had way too much Vodka, not to mention a couple of tequila shots in between. I'm self-destructing, I realize. I'm creating my own problems and then when the shit hits the fan I cry about it. Thing is, I can't seem to stop.

It's a little after six and I check my phone again. Edward hasn't called. My chest constricts. Just as I thought, I think to myself, he has had enough of my bullshit.

I start taking my bag to leave but Pete takes the keys out of my hand. "Let me call Edward to come and fetch you Bella. You've had way too much to drink and he'll kill me if I allow you to drive like this."

"I'm fine Pete, it's just up the road."

"Please," he begs. "Do it for me. I'm the one that's going to get the crap for it."

"Okay," I concede. "But not Edward. Call Jazz."

"Okay."

"And give me another vodka while I wait please. I think I'm going to need it."

A short while later Jasper comes behind me and he's all sweaty.

"Did you run here?"

"Yeah. Didn't get my jog in this morning so figured I'd do it now. Fuck Bella, you're wasted."

"That I am dear Jazz. Not too wasted, mind you. But wasted nonetheless."

He laughs as he pulls me up and grabs my bag. "Later Pete!" he shouts and Pete gives us a wave.

We get in the bakkie. "Where's Edward?"

"Down at Tapa's having a drink with a few friends."

"Well, let's go there," I challenge.

"I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion and you're quite pissed," he laughs. "But, if you give me a couple of minutes in the shower we can head down."

"Deal."

He showers in record time and I change from my work wear to black skinny jeans and a fitted long sleeved Adidas top. I put a little mascara and lip gloss and down a few glasses of water, which makes me feel better. Considering how much I had to drink I'm not that bad, probably all the energy from the Guvi.

Jasper and I make our way down to Tapa's. He opens the door for me and we're laughing about his hair sticking in all different directions when I see something that makes me stop dead in my tracks. Jasper bumps me from behind.

"Bella! What the…" His words and laughter die on his lips as he sees what I'm seeing too.

Edward sitting at the bar and Tanya sits next to him. As she stretches out her hand and lays it on his arm, _my_ arm, he looks up straight into my eyes. A shocked expression crosses his face. She must see it because she turns around and sees me too. She has the audacity to smirk at me. Jasper comes up next to me, gripping my hand. I retrace my steps backwards as Jasper opens the door for me again and then I flee into the night.

Jasper is quiet on the way back but I can see from his white knuckles that he's gripping the steering wheel with more force than necessary.

I pour us a Jack when we get home.

"Jazz, don't be angry at him. It's my fault; I'm fucked in the head. I can't expect him to wait around for me to get better."

The words that leave my mouth are for the benefit of their friendship, but inside I'm ripped open so wide that the empty ache fills my chest. I love him and I know he loves me but maybe it's better this way. He can be happy with her. She has no baggage, or at least not like mine. Well, she needs to get a divorce but it's still less shit than what I'm carrying around.

Jasper's silence is deafening until we hear his bakkie come up the driveway.

"I'm going to bed," I whisper and I don't wait for an answer. I make my way down the passage and close the bedroom door behind me. I'm working very hard at keeping my breathing as slow as possible.

I hear the front door open and slam shut with force.

"Where is she?"

"Who? Tanya or Bella?" Jasper's voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"Jasper, I don't need this from you right now."

"Yeah man, I'm sure you don't. She's in the bedroom. And quite frankly, I'd rather not talk to you at the moment in any case because I might just do something I'll regret. You better have a damn good reason for what she saw tonight."

I don't think Edward waits to hear any more from Jasper because I hear him moving down the passage and the door swings open.

Even though I'm breaking in two I straighten my shoulders and face him head on.

"Bella," he breathes. One word. I crumble.

"Oh Baby," he says and kneels in front of me where I'm sitting on the side of the bed.

Anger flares from within. "Don't 'Baby' me Edward. What the hell was that?"

"It's not what it looks like."

"Oh yeah? Because from where I was standing you didn't mind it too much when you're ex-girlfriend had her hands all over you."

"If you had stayed a few seconds later you would have seen me shaking her off and warning her to stay away from you, which is why I was talking to her in the first place."

I get up, stripping my clothes off after I put the shower on.

"You've been pissed at me since the shower episode. I don't blame you. I understand. Believe me, I wouldn't date me either. I just…I at least expected honesty from you."

I turn my back on him but before I can get into the shower he spins me around. "You have so little faith in me?" He sounds hurt.

I smile sadly as I consider his question. It takes me a total of a half a second to acknowledge that I've never trusted anyone so much as I trust Edward. I brush his cheek with my fingers. "No Edward, I have more faith in you than anyone else that has ever been in my life. It's me I don't have faith in." I slip into the shower, closing the curtain behind me.

He doesn't leave. I see him leaning against the opposite wall for a bit before he sits down on the tiled floor.

"I was so scared when I found you in the shower," he speaks softly. His voice washes over me with the water as I stand listening. "I couldn't get through to you. You were there, but your eyes told me that your mind was somewhere else. It kills me to see you so broken Bella. I feel so helpless when all I want to do is take it all away for you but I know I can't."

I take a shaky breath as I start washing myself.

"Then when I woke up this morning and you were gone I thought you'd gone jogging with Jasper. But then I heard him in his room and I was sick with worry. And angry. I've repeatedly asked you to be with one of us when you go out and it's like you just won't listen to me."

I pull the curtain one side and glare at him. "Do you think this is easy for me Edward? Not being able to walk out of my house like a normal person without the fear of being attacked? That I can't go for a jog on my own? That I can't even stand in the backyard admiring the view without having to have a guard with me? I'm sorry I went jogging alone. I really am. Sometimes I just need to take a breather you know?"

He gets up and brings me a towel as I shut the water off. I get out and he wraps it around me, pulling me against his chest. I hold him tightly. "I can't imagine this is easy for you Bella but I can't protect you if you're on your own. Don't you think it kills me every time I think of what happened when I was gone for one night? Please Baby, for me, please listen to what I ask, just until we sort this shit out."

I nod against his chest, tears mingling with the water from the shower on my face.

"You hungry?" he asks softly. I shake my head. The thought of food makes me want to vomit.

"Come on, let's get you dried and dressed."


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks for the lovely PM's, it really is appreciated. **

**Leibeezer, as usual, thank you for sticking with me through this journey so far.**

**Now, Bella and Rosalie have some fun...**

He dresses me and we get into bed, facing each other. "Bella, I want to talk to you about something else. I want you to consider seeing someone like a therapist." He waits to see my reaction but I don't give him any.

"I don't think we can handle this on our own. I think you need someone to help you deal with your fears and I'll be there every step of the way if you want me. I won't push you, but will you at least consider it?"

"Yes, I'll think about it." My voice is small.

"Hey," he says, lifting my chin up so that I look at him. "I'm asking you these things not only for you, but for me too. I love you Bella. I can't live without you. I'll do whatever I can to make you safe and to get you better. Let's give it a while but then, if you're still having trouble coping, well, let's keep our options open."

I nod, the damn tears running again. "I've been thinking about it all day. How I've been freaking myself out. The shower thing was scary. I just couldn't feel clean. When I woke up later the feeling was gone. It's like I'm going through these highs and lows and I can't control it. I want to get better Edward, really I do, but just give me time to think about the whole therapist thing. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

He nods. "I need to know how you're feeling about the Tanya situation."

"I believe you Edward. After everything that's happened in the last day it was just really hard seeing her with you, her hand on you. I'm sorry I ran, I didn't mean to."

"As long as you believe me Bella. I would never do anything like that to you, ever. I went for a drink and when she came in I thought it a good a time as any to tell her to back off."

"How did she take it?"

"Honestly? Not good. She didn't come straight out and say it but I can see where your summation comes from that she still has feelings for me. I didn't want to have a long discussion with her on that at all so I just carried my point across. You and me…that's all I care about right now."

I close my eyes and exhale audibly. He loves me so much and I can't get enough of it. I don't open my eyes again as he pulls me to his chest and I fall asleep encircled by his arms holding me close.

Saturday morning Rosalie and I have breakfast with Esme. It's a nice warm morning and you can definitely feel the change in the air that spring is here.

We talk about everything and nothing and I find myself relaxing more and more and just enjoying the company. I do remain vigilant however, as I promised Edward I would. I also notice Rosalie surveying the area now and again and I've made sure I'm sitting in a corner with walls behind me.

Edward phones just as we get up to leave.

"Hey Baby," I answer.

"How was breakfast with my mom?" he asks.

"Wonderful. Really relaxing. It was nice, just us three girls you know?"

"I'm glad you're relaxed because it's going to be a long night. Mind if we have a braai and invite some friends over? When I was at Tapa's everyone was giving me a hard time that they hadn't met you yet so…"

"Good idea. Should Rosalie and I stop at the shop now and get what we need?"

"If you wouldn't mind. I'll sms you a list quickly. Let me just check the freezer."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

Rosalie and I are suddenly very excited about tonight. Besides the fact that I'll get to meet more of their friends, it will be the first party for her attending as Emmett's official girlfriend. We head to shop for new clothes first and have a girly time trying on different outfits for each other.

We buy everything on the list Edward sent to me and add some things we want as well. Between the two of us we end up buying a case of sours. Seems Edward doesn't do "a bring and braai" scenario because there is enough booze, meat, garlic rolls and salad to feed about twenty people.

I drop Rosalie at home and she calls Emmett to pick her up later.

I get home and Edward and Emmett are gone. I peek into Jasper's room and see he's fast asleep. I start carrying everything out into the kitchen. I shake my head again. Cases of different beers, a case of whiskey, brandy, our sours and various soft drinks. I'm just carrying the last case of beer to the kitchen when Jasper comes down the passage yawning.

"Bella, why didn't you wake me? Did you carry all this stuff out by yourself?"

'Don't sweat it Jazz. This is nothing," I laugh. "Want a beer?"

"Sure, might as well take credit for all the work you've done," he laughs back.

I open us each a beer and run out to the bakkie quickly to get my clothes I bought earlier on. I also bought a set of new underwear. Red all lace boy shorts and a red lace Wonderbra that I know is going to drive Edward insane. On top will be a new patent leather black pants and a siren red sexy top that knots just above my belly button. As usual, I trust my Doc's to get me through the night comfortably.

Jasper and I make quick work of the salads. Tossed green salad and coleslaw now fills the fridge in the scullery area, which is affectionately known as the Party Fridge. We marinade all the meat and get as much beers as possible in the fridges. I send Edward an sms to tell him I forgot the ice and both Jasper and myself head for a shower seeing as though people should start arriving within the next two hours. Jasper says they went out for some surfing and should be back soon.

Edward comes into the bedroom just as I get out of the shower.

"Seems I'm just in time," he says seductively as I laugh and back away from him.

"Down, big boy, go have a shower, your guests should start arriving soon."

He pouts but does as he's told. I take the opportunity to dry myself and put on the new lingerie I bought. I am sitting in front of the mirror doing my make up when he comes out. His eyes darken immediately as he looks at me. Oh, I'm so going to enjoy this.

I ignore him, putting my lip gloss on and getting up, slowly making my way to my cupboard. I make a show of wondering what I'm going to wear tonight, even though I know already, when I'm suddenly yanked around and he's all over me. I let him have a few kisses and touches here and there before I push him back. He groans loudly out of frustration.

"No time Edward. You have to get dressed. Jazz and I did everything and Emmett is fetching Rosalie so I suppose you'll have to get the fire going."

He reaches for me again but I sidestep. I walk up behind him, running my hands over his rock hard abs as I rub my lacy breasts against his back. "Just think, every time you look at me tonight, you're going to see me wearing nothing else but this," I whisper, standing on my tiptoes and softly biting into his shoulder.

"You can't do this to me," he whispers hoarsely as he turns around.

"Oh but I can, Edward. And I will."

He grins at me in disbelief, shakes his head and starts getting ready. He's dressing in a light blue jean and a black V neck long sleeve shirt. He looks heavenly.

As I walk past him where he's sitting on the bed tying his shoes he whistles. "Fuck Bella, how do you expect me to keep my hands off you for the duration of the party dressed like that? Especially when I know what's under it?"

"Will power dear Sir," I shout as I walk down the passage.

After about two hours everyone is there. Edward has an amazing bunch of friends. They all welcome me with open arms and I don't feel the least bit out of place. I hear from more than one person that Edward is smitten with me.

He doesn't let me leave his side much during the evening. He's constantly touching me, holding me or planting sweet kisses on my head. Now and again I find him watching me with black eyes as I talk to people without him by my side. I know what he's thinking and just knowing that has my libido through the roof. I can hardly contain the want for him.

Every glance, every gesture has my insides deliciously knotted and the throbbing between my legs is driving me insane. Eventually I'm so wet I excuse myself and make my way to our room to use the bathroom. I know he's watching and I know he'll follow.

I'm barely in the door when I hear it shut behind me and I grin. As I turn Edward launches himself at me, grabbing my ass and lifting me up. I wrap my legs around him and kiss him like there's no tomorrow.

He puts me down in front of the bed, almost ripping my clothes from me. "Fuck, I can't stand it anymore. I need to be inside of you."

He doesn't take my underwear off, his hands roaming everywhere but where I need them most.

"Please Edward, touch me," I beg as I push his pants down his legs and he steps out of them. His shirt is over his head in one sweeping motion.

He roughly lifts my one leg onto the bed to have easier access and then I'm moaning as his fingers enter me hard and fast.

"Bella, you're so wet. So ready for me. This is going to be fast," he whispers in my ear as his fingers move out of me and circle my clit. I'm so hot right now my legs start trembling already and before long he's kissing me, absorbing the scream from my lips as my orgasm quakes through my body.

I turn my back to him and bend over, pushing my ass against him. He doesn't wait to be invited again as he pushes the lace one side and with a swift movement he's in me so deep it's a delicious sort of pain spreading through my stomach. His hands grip my hips hard as he pulls me back to meet his every thrust. It doesn't take him long to empty himself in me, moaning my name as he does.

I know what we must look like when we round the passage. Flushed and slightly disheveled. Jasper gives us one look from the kitchen and bursts out laughing.

"Shut up Jazz," I reprimand as I near him.

He just laughs louder.

A knock on the door has me waving him off and opening it before looking who it is. After all, the house is packed with people and I am perfectly safe.

I am greeted by a very handsome man, probably mid-thirties. His blue eyes are piercing but friendly as he assesses me.

"Good evening," he says in a sultry voice. "I'm Garrett. And you must be Bella as I don't know you," he laughs. It's a carefree laugh, I like it. So, this must be Tanya's husband.

"Your assumption would be correct," I laugh back. "Come in." He's here alone and I'm glad about that. I don't need Tanya ruining a perfectly nice evening.

"Garrett my man!" Jasper shouts from the kitchen. "Beer?"

"Thanks," Garrett shouts back.

The music is loud and even though the food has been ready for a while it doesn't seem that anyone is ready to eat and settle down yet.

I catch Edward's eye as he sees us from the patio and starts making his way towards us. He pulls me into his side.

"Garrett, nice surprise. How have you been keeping?"

"Good, thanks. Haven't been here for a while and Pete said you're having a party so I thought I'd come over and say hi."

"You're always welcome," Edward says as Jasper hands Garrett his beer.

"Edward! You're up!" I hear someone shouting from the patio.

"Please excuse me. We've just started a game of darts." He tilts my head and gives me a quick soft kiss before he leaves us.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to talk to Garrett about but he solves the mystery for me. "Shall we?" he asks as he motions to the bar stools at the kitchen counter.

We sit and he takes a long sip of his beer before looking over at me. "I heard what happened with Tanya. I'm really sorry she bothered you like that."

I'm stunned. Are we really talking about this? "There's no need for you to apologize Garrett. You didn't do anything wrong."

He's quiet for a while and there's sadness in his eyes I didn't notice before. "I've asked Tanya for a divorce."

I don't know this man at all but I feel so bad for what is happening to him. "Oh Garrett. I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there no way of fixing things?"

He shakes his head. "Unfortunately not. You know, when I married her I knew she was still in love with Edward. She never said it but I'm not a fool. I saw the way she looked at him, how she would try to find ways of subtly touching him on his arm or back when she talked to him. I thought that she would learn to love me eventually. I loved her so much and I still love her. But I can't compete with a memory anymore. It doesn't matter what I do, it is never good enough for her."

I put my hand on his arm and give it a soft squeeze before picking up my glass of wine again. "You're stronger than I am Garrett. I don't know if I'd ever be strong enough to walk away from Edward, even if I knew he loved someone else."

Just the thought has my heart hammering in my chest.

"He loves you. From what I've heard from Esme and some of our other friends, he's in this for the long haul. It's nice to see him this happy. He deserves it, he's a good guy. I'm glad you came into his life."

"Thanks Garrett. That's a really nice thing for you to say."

I turn to look over to the patio and Edward gives me a quizzical look. Garrett sees it too.

"Well, come on then," he says as he gets up. "Enough of the heavy. Thank you for listening. I hope we can be friends."

"I hope so too," I answer honestly.

A few of the girls decide to play flip cup. Rosalie and I latch on to each other. We're definitely a team on this one.

There are five teams of two girls each and Jasper has cleared the kitchen counter so we are standing opposite our partners. The apple sours is out in full force but shot glasses are wavered for whiskey tumblers. This is going to be a breeze.

The guys are all around cheering as Jasper starts the countdown. I wink at Edward just before Jasper shouts "go" and it's on. I'm a fraction of a second ahead of the girl next to me as I turn my glass upside down and Rosalie goes for it. Another glass is already in front of me. The object is to finish a bottle between two of us the fastest. Rosalie and I win hands down and it's all laughter and cheers.

Edward kisses me passionately to more cheers from his friends and I know I'm blushing.

"Have I told you how amazing you are?" he whispers at my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"Only about a million times," I joke back.

After a while some people start eating but Rosalie and I are having way too good a time. We move some of the couches in the lounge and turn the music up. A few people join us as we dance like drunken idiots to Two Princes. I'm having a ball.

It's almost three in the morning when the last people leave. Rosalie has decided to stay over with Emmett as not one of us is in a condition to drive.

The guys call it a night but we're still having fun listening to music and chatting over our seventh bottle of sours so we let them go to bed while we make ourselves comfortable on a blanket we've thrown down in the lounge. Sometime in between the giggling, serious stuff and unladylike snorts, we fall asleep.


	34. Chapter 34

**Okay, so it seems Leibeezer and I have decided finally on a change in the story so I'll get to it...I still have about four chapter to publish before the change takes effect...I think...**

I wake up with a desert in my mouth and a piercing headache. I'm not too comfortable. Where am I? I slowly open my eyes and stare straight into the back of Rosalie's head. I realize we fell asleep in the lounge. As I sit up Rosalie stirs next to me and turns around. She looks as bad as I feel and I'm sure I look it as well. We both burst out laughing but it turns into groaning as the pounding worsens.

"Jeez, what a night," I say as I stretch lazily and sit back against the couch.

"Yeah, I haven't had that much to drink in…never, I think," she laughs.

"There's only one thing that is going to fix this," I say as I get up and search through the fridge for two beers.

We're on our second beer and it's a little after ten when Emmett stumbles into the lounge.

"You two look like shit," he mumbles as he takes a beer out for himself. We laugh. He's clearly sporting a massive hangover.

"Thanks Emmett," Rosalie says. "As if you look any better. Have you looked in the mirror?"

He's in his board shorts, shirtless and even though he's still sexy as hell, he's looking worse for wear.

"Oh, I have an idea," Rosalie says excitedly. "Emmett, let's get Jasper and Edward up, go buy the biggest greasiest burgers we can find and go eat it at the Lookout."

"That sounds like a lot of work," he moans, his head in his hands.

Rosalie looks at me. "I'm game," I say as I get up. Rosalie and I didn't even eat last night.

We run down the passage and fling open Jasper's door. He doesn't know what hit him when we start jumping on his bed. I feel light and free, like a teenager with no worries in the world.

"Stop it!" he shouts laughing. "I'm gonna pee in my pants!"

"Well then get up!" I shout. Rosalie is laughing so hard I swear the neighbors can hear her.

He somehow manages to trip both of us and we sprawl onto his bed. I fall on top of Jasper and Edward comes walking in as Rosalie falls on top of me.

"Edward, some help," Jasper wheezes from below.

"Okay girls," Edward laughs. "You've had your fun now let the poor guy up." He pulls Rosalie up and then me, holding me close. "Good morning," he says, kissing my cheek. "You know I hate waking up without you."

"Sorry, we kind of just fell asleep where we were."

Emmett walks in. "And now they want to go have breakfast at the Lookout. How in the hell do they have this much energy. They should still be passed out from all the booze they had last night."

"Never argue with a hung over woman Emmett. You'll never win," Rosalie says.

"If you ask me I think they're still pissed," Jasper pipes up as he closes his bathroom door behind him.

We're all feeling really crap but everyone gets in the mood fast. I pack a cooler box with beers and a bottle of sours. The guys just pull shirts over their heads, still wearing their board shorts from the night before.

I lend Rosalie a yoga pants and we pull our men's shirts over our heads. I pull on my Uggs and she fetches hers from her car.

A few minutes later we're on the back of the bakkie with Jasper. Edward is driving with Emmett up front. When Rosalie said the biggest greasiest burgers she really meant it. The small take away we buy from has huge cheese burgers and my stomach is rolling for a taste seeing as though I never ate last night.

Emmett reverses the bakkie to a breathtaking vantage point on a cliff with the waves crashing at the bottom. Him and Edward get on the back with us and we all move around until we're comfortable, Rosalie and I pulling a blanket over our legs.

"Oh my God," I moan as I take the first bite from my burger. "This is amazing!"

They all laugh. "Jip, we all had an orgasm the first time we tried Mario's burgers," Emmett laughs.

"She doesn't sound like that at all when she's coming," Edward says wickedly next to me, which earns him an elbow in the ribs and laughs all around.

"Edward, I really don't think anyone wants to know what I sound like when I have an orgasm."

Rosalie and I almost wet ourselves as the three guys start making very suggestive moans and groans whilst eating their burgers.

I jump off the bakkie when my burger is finished and dust the crumbs from my clothes. I grab a beer and a cigarette and with the blanket folded around me I walk to the edge of the cliff and sit down on a relatively flat rock enjoying the beautiful view. I take a sip of beer and swallow quickly as I see something we've been waiting for.

"Guys, come here! Our first whale has arrived!"

Everyone is off in a flash and we're cheering as the Southern Right gives us another spout of water spraying above it.

Edward's arms are wrapped around me from behind and I'm lying back against his chest. It makes me think of the morning we saw the dolphins.

"We've come a long way from then, haven't we?" he whispers at my ear.

"How did you know I was thinking about that?" I ask as I turn my head to look at him.

"Because I know you. It means as much to you as it does to me. I'll forever be grateful that you gave me a chance to love you."

I know my eyes are shining from unshed tears as I kiss him softly. "Thank you," I whisper against his lips. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Never."

Everyone does their own thing for the rest of the day. Jasper heads straight back to bed and shuts the door behind him. Emmett and Rosalie go to her place and Edward and I laze around all day on the bed and in the lounge, just enjoying the quiet time together. I manage to finish my book at last as he lies with his head on my lap, my fingers pulling the strands of his hair between them.

Its late afternoon and Jasper and I are warming up some left overs. Edward is in the shower. We're singing along to Hey Jude as we enjoy a glass of wine. The cleanup was a nightmare when we eventually got down to it but thanks to paper plates there was only actually a lot of glasses and cutlery. We put the left overs in Tupperware and washed everything else.

"Wonder who that is," Jasper mumbles around a piece of steak when we hear a car coming down the gravel driveway.

It turns around and drives out again. Jasper raises an eyebrow at me.

"Probably someone that took the wrong entrance," I say as I fill our glasses with more wine.

He opens the front door and walks out. A minute or so later he comes walking in with an envelope just as Edward comes in with just a towel tied around his waist. I whistle at him.

"Need help getting dressed Baby?"

Edward laughs. He turns his attention back to Jasper. "What's that?"

Jasper looks at me. "Not sure, it's for Bella."

I look from Edward to Jasper and back again as I feel the fear creeping up my spine and implanting itself in my nervous system. My hand is shaking as I put the glass of wine down.

"Edward…"

"Hand it over Jasper. Let me have a look first." He knows exactly what I need.

He rips it open and pulls a sheet of paper with writing on it out of the envelope.

He's quiet for a few minutes as he reads the letter. From the movement of his eyes it seems he reads it more than once. He finally looks up, pained, angry green eyes meeting mine.

"It's from Jacob. Do you want to read it?"

I debate for a few seconds and then walk over to him. I take the letter and walk out to the patio with my glass of wine and sit down. I light a cigarette and start reading.

_Bella,_

_I'm writing this letter to say sorry. For everything. For hurting you, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much. When I met you I thanked God for bringing you into my life. I don't know what happened. Somewhere along the line I lost it. I realize that I am still lost but I can't seem to get back to where I used to be. _

_I need you to help me. Only you can help me do that. I'm begging you, please, give me another chance. I'll do anything. If you want me to see a psychologist, I will, I promise. I just can't do it on my own. If I don't have anything to live for, what's the use?_

_I know what I've done is unforgivable but if there is someone whose heart is pure and forgiving it is yours. I know if you give me a chance to show you I can be who I was then you won't be sorry. Because I know you still love me just as I love you._

_That guy you're with, he isn't good for you. I've known you for so long. I know better than him what makes you happy, what makes you sad. I can make you happy. I'm the only one that can._

_Please, I'm begging you, come back to me; help me be the person I once was._

_Love always – Jacob_

I read it again and again and again and by the time Edward softly takes it from my hand I am sobbing. Not crying softly like a lady but sobbing. My heart is broken all over again. Not because I still love him but because in this letter he sounds more like the man I met than the monster he has become.

"Baby," Edward whispers. He makes no effort to touch me yet, standing in front of me unsure of what I need from him.

"I think I'll have a bath." My voice doesn't sound like my own, I sound foreign, alien like. I need some time alone to process this.

"Call me if you need anything," he says as I walk past him. Just before I'm out of reach he grabs my arm from behind. I stop and slowly look around. His eyes are confused and scared. I reach out and lay my hand on his cheek. He leans into the touch.

"I'm not leaving Edward. The letter doesn't change anything. I just need to be alone with my thoughts for a while."

The tenseness leaves his beautiful face and he nods.

I sigh as I lie back in the hot water and stretch my legs before me. I'm still very much feeling the effects of the night before but that's not the main focus anymore.

Is Jacob serious? Does he want to change? Has he realized that he needs help? And if so, is it my duty to help him? Do I sacrifice my own happiness to help him get better so that he doesn't do this to someone else in the future?

Tears run down my face as I imagine not being with Edward anymore. Not feeling his lips on mine. Not hearing his voice whisper in my ear. Not feeling his arms around me, making me safe. Not hearing him telling me how much he loves me. No, I can't do it. I can't leave Edward. It would kill us both.

The other side of the coin is Jacob's inability to admit that he is wrong. What if this is just a ploy on his part to get me to come back. To live the rest of my life in fear of him. Or worse, what if he just wants to get me alone so he can finish me off?

There's no way for me to know for sure what game he's playing. All I know for certain is that I can't be without Edward. And suddenly all I want is to be with him. I bath quickly and when I enter the bedroom he's sitting on the side of the bed. He still looks a bit worried but I think my words earlier took away some of the fear.

I walk up to him, moving to stand between his legs. I rake my fingers through his hair, tugging softly, forcing his face in an upwards angle and softly coax his mouth open as I slide my tongue over his. His arms immediately cage me in with their strength.

"I love you Edward. There's nothing I want more than to be with you. I want to show you just how much." I pull his shirt over his head and push him back on the bed. After tugging off his jeans I drop my towel and watch that lustful look cross his face, the one I love so much.

I kiss and touch every inch of his perfect body, taking my time to savor the parts I love best. When I take him into my mouth at last he's a panting mess and once again I feel heady with the power trip it gives me. He groans as I take him in all the way, relaxing my throat muscles and savoring every inch he has to offer.

I come up, letting him slip out of my mouth and continue to lick and kiss every part of him, softly sucking his head as I pass his tip. Before I can take him in my mouth again he pulls me up and I straddle him, rubbing myself over him, my clit on fire.

He moves up a bit so that his body is up against the pillow and then he takes my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and nibbling while his hands guide my hips over his. He's not inside of me but I know what he's doing, getting me off by doing just this. He's the only one that's ever made me feel like this. I moan loudly as I feel my orgasm looming close and his hands grip my hips harder, fastening my pace against him until I completely lose track of everything but the waves of pleasure pulsing through my body.

Edward lifts me slightly and I slide down over him, clenching him tightly inside of me. I wrap my arms around his neck and lose my tongue in his mouth for a while, moving over and around him just like I know he likes it.

"I won't let you go Bella. I'm not strong enough to let you go," he moans close to my ear. I want to cry. I love him so much. I hold him tight as he chases his own orgasm.


	35. Chapter 35

**Hi. Sorry about the delay...as said...I'm trying to do a plot change...**

**Bella confronts another dark secret...**

He pulls me down on his chest and I lie there while he rubs circles on my back.

"Is it ever going to end Edward? Are we ever going to be able to just be with each other without all this shit we have to deal with?"

"Soon Baby. Soon. I'll make sure of it."

I sit up. "Maybe there's a way we can get to him. If I call him, tell him I'll meet him somewhere to talk."

"I can't do that Bella. I can't let you close to him."

"But if it's in public it shouldn't be a problem Edward. We need to find out where he is. Maybe you can follow him once he leaves."

I can see just the thought of it is killing him inside but I also see a flicker of acknowledgement that I'm right. I pounce on it. "Just think about it. I won't do anything you don't want me to do but I just need you to consider it. If I meet him at a restaurant with you guys close by somewhere there is no way he can get to me. I can't live like this for much longer."

"I'm not promising anything but I'll think about it. You might be right."

We lie still for a while before he speaks again, so softly I almost don't hear him. "I was so scared."

I sit up again, running my fingers over his chest and abs. "Of what Baby?"

"When I read the letter. I know you love me but I also know you have the compassion of a saint. I was terrified you would sacrifice what we have to help him get better. Not that I believe one word of what he wrote."

"I'm going to be very honest with you Edward. The thought crossed my mind very briefly. But I also realize this could just be a trick. When I thought of not being with you anymore…" Tears run down my face.

"I can't do it Edward. I can't leave you. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I'll never be able to walk away from you by my own choice. I don't even know what to call what we have anymore. It's not love. It's more than that. I'm so tied up in you. When we aren't together I miss you constantly, like half of me is gone."

His hands are now holding mine, his eyes glistening. "I think we both knew at the beginning that this would be something different, something much more than what we've experienced in our lives before. I'm thankful every day that it didn't scare us away. That we were both strong enough to take the leap of faith and see where it goes."

He sits up and kisses me so passionately it sets my insides on fire. He instantly hardens between my legs again and I can't help but rock against him which elicits a moan from both of us. He flips us over and I wrap myself around him as he slowly pushes into me.

"Don't ever let me go Edward," I whisper as he slowly claims my body again.

"I could never let you go. We belong to each other. Fuck, you always feel so good," he moans, his warm breath in my neck.

We spend a good few hours worshiping each other, not wanting to let go, not able to. By the time we head into the kitchen for a snack Jasper has gone to bed already. We're not far behind.

The week is pretty boring. Besides always being on edge when I'm not with Edward or Jasper its uneventful and after work is spent lazing around eating whatever there is and watching movies. It's nice just chilling with the guys.

When I get back from work on Thursday I find them along with Emmett in the garage. My heart starts beating faster as I see Jasper and Emmett loading their gear in Jasper's bakkie. So the call has finally come. I greet but go in at once leaving them to it. This is the first time in many years that Edward will not be going with them.

My guilt is eating my insides in big chunks and I run down the passage with my hand over my mouth. Realizing I'm not going to make it I reroute to Jasper's bathroom and my lunch floods out as soon as I'm in front of the toilet.

I'm just getting up as Jasper comes in.

"Bella, you okay?" he asks worriedly as he helps me up. I wave him off, opening the basin tap and splashing my face with cold water.

"I'm fine, no sweat. Just let me go brush my teeth." When I'm done I find all three of them smiling serenely at me when I make my way over to Edward and hug him.

"What's up with you guys?" I ask sarcastically as I open the fridge to see what I can make for dinner. Why are they looking at me like that?

"Nothing. You feeling okay Baby? Jasper says you got sick."

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking. Seems nothing is sacred in this house," I say throwing a glare at Jasper. He just shrugs and they keep on smiling at me like damn idiots.

I cock my head to the side and eye them for a few seconds. And then it dawns on me what they must be thinking.

"Oooh no," I sing as I watch them carry on grinning like fools. "No way. Seriously? Did the thought just pop into all three of your brains at the same time or did someone start this?"

"Well, you never know do you?" Emmett says. The one that planted the seed owns up.

I don't want to have this conversation right now. I grab my bag and Edward's keys. "Listen, I'm going to run down and get us some take aways. We don't want to spend the evening cooking while we could be spending it together before you guys leave in the morning. Emmett, Rosalie staying over?"

He nods. Their smiles start fading. I guess they realized they've touched a sensitive issue for me.

"Let me come with Baby," Edward says as he moves towards me.

"No. No, I'm fine. You guys do what you need to do. Finish your ritual so to speak. I won't be long, I promise. And I promise to be careful and stay in the crowds."

He looks at me for a few seconds while Jasper and Emmett look at him and then he nods, smiling again. I can see the smile he gives me is forced. He wants to know what's up.

"Hurry back," he says as I retreat and make my way out the door.

Shit! Shit! Shit! How did this never come up? Fuck! What if Edward wants kids? Of course he'll want kids some day you dumb ass! He would make an amazing father. I'm trembling as I drive to the Italian take away. I need to tell him.

We're not up late because Jasper and Emmett need to be going at one in the morning. We're all in bed by eight even though Edward is not going with them.

"I hate myself for putting you in this situation where you can't do what you love," I say as I slide into bed.

"I'm where I need to be right now Bella. Please, don't let it get to you. We decided on one run and we'll take it from there. Now, how about we discuss what happened earlier on. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just felt so bad when I came back and saw them pack and then it hit me that this is the first time in years that you won't be going with. I can't imagine that's easy for any of you. It made me sick. Plus the heartburn I had from lunch with Melanie wasn't helping either."

"You reacted quite strangely when you figured out what we were thinking. Look, I'm not putting pressure on you and I agree that it's way too soon but if it did happen accidentally, it wouldn't be a problem. I don't intend being with anyone else but you for the rest of my life. It's just that we've never discussed birth control since we've met and I'd always assumed that you were on the pill or something because you never brought it up. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Edward, this is very difficult for me to talk about. But I realize it's necessary, I should have told you this a long time ago, it's just, it never came up and I've never told anyone."

"You know you can tell me anything."

I smile at him. "I know." I take a deep breath and look him square in the eyes. "I don't think I can have kids Edward." I shake my head a bit and let out a shaky laugh. "It's really difficult to…um…put in words what I need to tell you."

He reaches out his hand and pulls me a little closer. He doesn't let me go. "I'm here Baby. I want you to tell me but if you feel you can't do it right now then that's also fine."

"No, I need to do it. If I chicken out now it will be that much harder." I look around the room a bit trying to collect my thoughts before I look back at him. "About a year into Jacob and my relationship I got pregnant. I was terrified. I mean, can you imagine bringing a child into this world that will have to live with a father like that? I never told him I was pregnant, I was so thin and small then that I'm not sure when I would have started showing. About four months into the pregnancy he came home early one day and found me packing a bag."

I pull away from him and get up, slowly walking the soft carpet beneath my bare feet as the tears fall freely. I realize that I'm rubbing my hands over my stomach as I go but I can't stop. "He was so mad. He started shouting at me, asking me how I thought that I could leave him. Asking me where I thought I would go because no one would want me. He was on me so fast I didn't have time to even register what was happening."

It starts to rain and I make my way to the windows, watching the rivulets run down its face. I can see my own face in the reflection. "I tried to stop him, I promised him whatever he wanted from me but it didn't work. He kicked me so hard. I knew the second something was wrong. I had pain in my stomach that I had never felt before. I learned afterwards from the Gynecologist that if you have a miscarriage after three months you get contractions, almost like you're giving birth."

I turn back to face Edward, leaning back against the window. His face is ashen. "He only stopped when he saw the blood. I think the only reason he took me to hospital was because he thought I was going to die in his house. He was with me all the time and when he realized I had been pregnant the look on his face was murderous but he couldn't do anything in the hospital. He told them I'd taken a nasty fall down the stairs and I didn't have the energy to argue. I had lost my baby and that was the bottom line. I had to have a D & C and when I went home two days later I thought I was in for it again but he almost ignored me totally for a week. He never spoke of it and I never brought it up."

Edward gets up from the bed and wraps me in his arms, holding me as silent tears course down my face. I let them be. I've never spoken about this to anyone, not even my mother and it feels kind of good to let it all out.

"Anyway," I say as I straighten up and wipe my face. "I wasn't allowed to be on birth control because he said it would make me fat. So after that I never fell pregnant again. I know it might be irresponsible of me to just assume that I won't get pregnant but I guess I just didn't think about it. Maybe it is a good idea to go on some form of birth control."

"Why don't you ask Rosalie which doctor she uses and make an appointment. Let them run some tests Baby. Let's see what we're dealing with and then decide what we want to do. It's better to know than not know."

I nod. "Thank you Edward. For never judging me. It amazes me, the amount of shit you can put up with," I try to joke.

"Nothing could make me walk away from you. You should know that by now. I wish you had not endured what you did, but then I would have never met you. I know it's a selfish statement to make but it's true. Can I ask you something? Would you want to have kids with me?"

"Honestly Edward? I don't know. And I guess that's fear speaking right there because I'm not sure I would be a good mother. I know you would make a wonderful father and between our friends and families our children would never want for anything, I'm just not so sure about myself."

He leans down and kisses me long and sweet and soft. "You'll get there, I promise you. Until then, let's keep to what we decided. There's no rush and no pressure Baby. Let's just enjoy each other okay?"

"Yeah. That sounds good to me."


	36. Chapter 36

**So this is the final chapter before the changes start taking effect that I'm busy with. **

**To Leibeezer...my champion...thanks...**

I wake with my alarm at twelve thirty. Edward is already up and I can hear them inside. I wrap a blanket around me and make my way to them to say goodbye to Jasper and Emmett. Rosalie is also standing with a blanket wrapped around her. I come in and Jasper bursts out laughing.

"Jeez! Night of the Living Dead! You should look in the mirror before making a midnight appearance Bella."

"Fuck off Jazz. Now you can make your own coffee," I joke as I turn around to leave again. He runs up to me just as I expected he would and I smile and roll my eyes as he turns me back around again and pushes me to the kitchen.

"Aah little Sis, you know I'm just joking. Come on then, get on with that coffee you make so well."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumble as I make quick work of their coffee. Rosalie and I decline because we still want some sleep. Edward has some but he can have a hundred cups and still sleep. Seems caffeine doesn't affect him at all.

I stand one side as Emmett holds Rosalie, whispering in her ear while her tears fall silently. I know how she feels letting him go and my heart aches for her. Edward is quiet. I know somewhere inside of him he wishes he was in that bakkie. He's changing his life for me and I just hope I prove myself worthy soon.

Friday evening is spent lazing in front of the TV watching nothing in particular. Edward is still quiet but I let him be. I feel like he's far away from me right now, even though he's right next to me. I've seen him on his phone a few times. I think he's trying to phone the guys but he can't get through and it's frustrating him. I keep quiet, weaving my fingers through his hair, silently letting him know that I'm here for him.

We're watching a movie when he announces he's going to bed.

"You coming Baby?"

"I think I'll finish the movie if that's okay?"

He leans down and plants a sweet kiss against my lips. He leans his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry I'm not very good company tonight."

"I understand. I wish we weren't in this mess so you could go and be with them. Do you want me to come to bed with you?"

"No, finish your movie. I've seen it before, there's about a half an hour left."

He kisses me softly again and disappears down the passage. I feel like he's pushing me away even though I know that's not the case. I can't concentrate on the movie anymore but I finish watching it anyway.

In bed I lie awake a long time watching Edward sleep before I turn around and will myself to sleep. He's restless and just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel him get up. He comes into my vision as he pulls the curtains open and stares out at the darkness, rain once again splashing patterns on the window. I love the rain, wishing it could last forever but with spring here I know it will be over soon.

He is so beautiful. He's leaning his one hand against the wall, his arm rigid and I love the look of his muscle as it flexes. His grey sweat pants are hanging off his hips and his back, my God, his back is a vision of its own.

He turns then, catches me looking at him and I guess he can see the want on my face. He slowly walks over and I scoot over to his side of the bed as he gets back under the covers.

He pulls me closer and the kiss he bestows on me is a slow, sensual dance of our tongues. I melt into him, my body ready to welcome him home. He's hot and heavy as he covers me with his body, his pants still on. I can feel the hardness that is Edward through the fabric.

His hands come up and thread through my hair as he lies on his elbows.

"I love you. Please don't forget that. I just need a few days to adjust to the fact that I can't be there if anything goes wrong. After the last run…"

He's terrified. I can see it in his eyes, written all over his face. The accident with Alec was almost a fatal one and I know he's worried that something might happen to Jasper or Emmett and he's not there to help.

"We have to believe they'll be fine Edward otherwise we'll go crazy with worry. Jazz and Emmett are big boys; they know what to do in an emergency situation. And I know you love me, that's why I'm here. Kind of feels nice to be there for you when usually it's the other way around."

He smiles a heartbreaking smile before he claims my mouth again. We make out for a long time, like teenagers. We joke around and we laugh. Oh how I love seeing that smile on his face, the one that touches his eyes and is reserved for the people that he loves. By the time we go to sleep I think he feels a little more relaxed.

Saturday morning I decide to try and take his attention away from the guys, if only for a while. Edward is sleeping on his stomach and I trace the planes of his back with my fingers. I wish I was an artist; I could sit all day drawing pictures of the object before me.

He starts stirring as I kiss his back softly, my hand now firmly gripping his glorious ass.

"You have no idea how good that feels," he mumbles.

My hand slips around his hips and I smile as his hardness fills my hand. "Oh, I think I have an inkling."

As he turns around I'm already pulling his pants down, the heat of his bare skin like fire against my own. He sits up, pulls his shirt over my head and pulls me on top of him. He cups my face and pulls me down for a searing kiss. I can't help but squirm over him, trying to get closer.

He chuckles as he softly bites my ear. "Always so eager," he whispers. "I love that you can't get enough of me."

I sit up and as I take him in me his hands roughly grab my breasts as I arch into them. I moan loudly as I circle my hips against him.

Suddenly I'm under him and he hitches my one leg over his arm, opening me to him as he sinks in deep. I wrap my arms around his neck as I suck his tongue into my mouth, tasting him, wanting him inside me in every way that I can get. Every stroke inside me is a slow burn, heating up and making its way through my body. I wrap my free leg around his hip and push him down harder.

"Greedy today aren't we," he says with a wicked grin, pushing back up against my leg, not allowing me what I want, what I need.

"Edward," I sigh breathlessly, frustration heard in my voice.

"What do you want Baby?"

I try pushing him down again but he doesn't let me. "Tell me what you want," he says again, his voice full of need.

"Harder," I whimper. "Harder, Edward."

At that he groans. He lets go of my leg and I wrap it around his waist too. He lifts himself up on his forearms and before I can prepare myself his hips crash down on me and he fills me to the hilt. He doesn't stop, relentlessly pushing me to my limit.

He flips us again and he's sitting under me, kissing me as his one hand slides over my ass. He pushes me slightly up, slipping out of me and I groan. His finger dips into my wetness and moves back again, dipping between my buttocks until he finds another entrance to my body. I still, not sure of this, it's not something I've ever done before.

"Do you trust me?" he asks, the lust written all over his face.

"Yes," I breathe. I do, with every fiber of my being, I trust him.

He pushes me up slightly and as I come down over him his finger rubs firm circles at the back and it opens up a whole new world of sensation.

"Fuck," I whisper as he grabs my hip with his other hand, moving me faster over him as his finger slips ever so slightly into me from behind.

"Oh God Edward," I moan loudly. "That's so good."

He pushes his finger in deeper, keeping in rhythm with my body. I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming his name and he sees it.

He uses his thumb to pull my lip from between my teeth. "Oh no, Baby. Let it go. I want to hear you. I love hearing you. Do you like it when I'm in you so deep from both sides?" he whispers as a bead of sweat falls from his forehead onto his cheek. I taste it with my tongue which draws out a particularly hard and deep stroke from his finger as I grind on him, trying to get closer in any way I can.

I'm faintly aware of his name leaving my lips in a loud garbled scream but I'm too far gone to be embarrassed about it. It's not long before I feel myself clenching around him.

"That's it Baby," he groans. "You feel so good when you come, when you pull me in deeper."

And then I'm exploding from the inside out, every muscle in my body aching from the clenching that I can't stop. The glorious new invasion of my body stills as my name fills the air and he lets go inside of me, throbbing within.

We're both a bit shaky as he lies down next to me, our fingers intertwined.

"Do you think this is ever going to stop?" I ask breathless.

"What?"

"This feeling like we can't get enough. When sex becomes just a chore instead of a necessity?"

He pulls my fingers up to his mouth, kissing each one while looking at me. "No, I don't think we'll ever get to that point. I'll never get enough of you. Sex with you will always be a need Baby. I love you so much."

I smile at him, a big ass teeth showing grin. I must look like a dog that's gotten a bone.

We decide to take it easy again for the rest of the day. Edward is wearing nothing but his sweatpants and I'm clad in his shirt sans underwear.

We're just discussing what we're going to do for dinner when Rosalie phones. It's just before six. She wants to know if I want to join her at Pete's for a few drinks. I tell her I'll call her back.

"Baby, Rosalie wants me to join her for a few drinks. Is that okay?"

"Of course Bella. Go enjoy yourself."

I move from one foot to the other. "This is weird," I admit.

"What?"

"You saying I can go. It'll take a bit of getting used to."

He gets up and hugs me tightly to him. "It's called trust Baby. I trust you. And you forget I have a teenage sister. I know girls need a bit of time on their own as well," he teases.

"Thank you. You're amazing, you know that?"

"So I'm told," he laughs. "Now go get ready." He smacks me on my ass as I walk away from him. It sends a jolt of electricity straight to my groin but I ignore it. I know if I climb into Edward now I won't get out of here.

After my shower I stand at my cupboard wondering what to wear. It's not so cold out anymore with spring setting in. Pete's is very casual so I opt for very short denim shorts and Converse. I pull one of Jay's Billabong shirts on and knot it at my side. I grab a hoodie just in case. My hair pulled in a high ponytail and minimal make up sees me liking the look in the mirror.

Edward's eyes almost pop out of his head when I walk into the lounge.

"Wow. Looking hot Baby," he says as he nears me.

"Um, should I change?" I ask hesitantly. Maybe I should have gone for long jeans.

"No way. You look great," he says as his arms circle me. His hands find purchase on my ass and he pulls me into him. I gasp. "As long as no one touches what's mine," he growls just before he greedily kisses me half senseless.

A hooter outside signals Rosalie's arrival. We decided on one vehicle and if she's had too much to drink she'll sleep over in Emmett' room.

I know I'm flushed as he pulls away. "I think I'm staying," I joke.

He laughs again. "I'll be waiting when you get back. Now go, Rosalie is not a patient woman."

I kiss and hug him quickly and make my way out.

"Wow Bella, you're smoking!" Rosalie says as I get into the car. I'm glad she's also dressed summery, with a short denim dress and her Converse as well.

"We need to stop wearing matching shoes, people are going to start talking," I joke as we start driving.

We decide to share a small pizza quickly before heading to Pete's and it's just enough to fill my stomach.

Pete's is quite full when we get there and being Saturday night it is probably going to get fuller. A live band is setting up in the corner. They're clad in black jeans and rock t-shirts and I know already I'm going to enjoy the music.

"Hey girls! Bella, you're looking better than the last time I saw you," Pete says.

"Feeling better too. Thanks for looking out for me that day."

"No probs. What can I get you?"

Rosalie and I stare at each other for a few seconds. She decides on a gin and tonic and I go for a brandy and coke, again getting laughed at because of my choice. I don't care. There's no better drink to party hard on.

After about a half an hour the place is even more packed and the band starts playing. As I suspected they're good. Metallica morphs into REM morphs into Oasis and so it goes.

Rosalie and I are hanging out with some of their friends that were at our house for the party and Pete makes sure our drinks keep coming at a steady pace. Seems there are some newbies that don't usually come here from what I can gather of the conversation around me.

We make the rounds, chatting here, chatting there, playing some pool and having a good time. When I look at my watch again I see that it's almost one in the morning and Rosalie is thoroughly drunk. I'm on a vibe but not too bad. I really don't want to show up at home plastered.

I suggest to Rosalie we leave but the band starts playing Stone Temple Pilots and she begs me for just one song. How can I say no?


	37. Chapter 37

**Sorry for the day skipped in between here and there. I'm battling a bit with the next chapter...hope to have it out soon. Thing is, with the changes, I have to change most of everything that comes after that. But believe me, its worthwhile...**

I'm finishing my drink at the bar and Rosalie is in the crowd going apes. I talk to Pete for a few and when I look back I see Rosalie shoving at a guy that's trying to grope her. The crowd around her doesn't notice as everyone's attention is on the band. He doesn't relent and she's trying to back her way out of the crowd. I don't know his face, maybe one of the new comers.

I am there in an instant, pulling her out from behind but Mr. Tough Guy follows.

"Hey, what's your problem?" he shouts over the music. "We were just getting to know each other."

"Is that so?" I fire back. "From where I was standing it seemed your advances were not appreciated. Now do us both a favor and fuck off."

Rosalie smirks at him and gives him the finger. We turn around to make our way back to the bar when I feel his hand grabbing me from behind on the shoulder. I expect to be panting for breath any second but something amazing happens. The fear doesn't come. The only feeling I have right now is anger for this asshole thinking he can treat women like pieces of meat and touch both of us without our consent.

As he turns me around my right hand balls into a fist and I connect straight with his jaw. I immediately grab my fist with my other hand, damn that hurts! But it also feels so good. I find myself smiling in spite of the pain.

Mr. Tough Guy isn't down however and I think he's about to lunge for me when he's grabbed from behind by Pete's bouncers. They take no mercy as he's shoved outside without questions asked. Hhmmm, seems being friends with the bar owner is a good thing.

"Oh my goodness Bella!" Rosalie shouts, looking mostly sober now. "Are you okay? That was awesome!"

I nod as Pete comes around the bar. "I'm fine. In fact, I haven't felt this good since…I can't remember when!" I look around to see if I've made a spectacle but it seems most people's focus is still on the band and the one or two looking our way doesn't seem interested at all. One guys does give me a thumbs up though which I return with a cheek aching grin.

"You sure you're okay?" Pete asks as he leads me to the bar. He puts some ice on a dish cloth and wraps it around my hand. I flinch but try to put a brave face on.

"I promise I'm fine. Trust me. In fact, I feel so good I think I might just have another drink. Give us each one and some tequilas as well."

Pete shakes his head laughing. "You're the boss!" he shouts as he rounds the bar again.

And then I get quite a bit more drunk than what I already am. By the time we leave Pete's it's a little after three in the morning. I still look better than Rosalie so we vote that I drive. Well, if you can call it drive. It's more like a snail's pace crawl but I figure better safe than sorry. My hand is throbbing but I'm still riding on the crest of my bravery.

We literally fall into the house giggling our asses off. The more we're telling each other to keep quiet the more noise we're making but we can't seem to stop.

We make it to Emmett' room without waking Edward and both of us fall down as is, face down and we're out.

I wake up feeling more like a puddle of sludge than human. Rosalie is not next to me anymore. I check the clock, it's a little after eleven. Crap, why didn't anyone wake me?

I hear laughter from down the passage and I get up. I quickly use Emmett' bathroom for the toilet and I wash my face and try to get my hair under control as I tie it in a loose bun. My eyes are bloodshot and I smile at myself in the mirror thinking about last night. Yeah, I definitely rocked that one, although my hand hurts like hell.

As I walk down the passage Rosalie is laughing loudly. "You should have seen it Edward. She sucker punched him right on the jaw. It was classic!"

I round the corner and catch Edward's eye. He's smiling a proud smile. I relax; I thought he'd be angry with me. I smile sheepishly as he holds his arms open and I walk into them.

"So Rocky Balboa, how are you feeling this morning?" he laughs.

"Pretty good," I mumble into his chest. "Although my hand is killing me."

"Let me see Baby," he says as he softly pushes me away and takes my hand. "I think we'll have to put it in a brace for a couple of days. No need to go to the doctor. Hang on, I've got one, let me go get it."

Rosalie leans over and gives me a hug. "Thanks. For last night. I was totally wasted. You're amazing."

I laugh. "It was nothing, really. You would have done the same for me."

"Yes, you're right. I would have. I'm glad we're friends Bella. Very glad."

"Me too," I say as I hug her again.

Edward comes in and I insist on taking a bath before he puts the brace on. Rosalie says goodbye before I lose myself in hot water and steam for a while.

A soft knock on the door drags me back to reality.

"Need help washing your hair," he asks as he comes in a closes the door.

"Thanks," I say softly, amazed at how he seems to just know when to help and when to let go.

His fingers work magic on my scalp and he ends up washing the rest of me as well because I feel like putty under his hands.

"So, want to tell me how you feel?" he asks as he wraps me up in a warm fluffy towel.

"I feel…free, I guess. There's no other word for it. When he grabbed my shoulder from behind I thought I was going to be a mess again but something happened, Edward. All that surfaced was anger at this idiot for even thinking he could lay a hand on us and I guess I got carried away a bit. It felt really good not to be scared. I'm still kind of feeding off that energy you know?"

He's smiling from ear to ear, again, a proud smile. "You're getting there Bella. One small step at a time. I'm so proud of you. But please, next time, let Pete handle it, at this rate you'll be punching guys to the ground," he jokes.

I blush. Like a freaking teenager, I blush. "I love it when you do that," he murmurs, stroking his fingers over my cheeks. The simple move ignites a wild fire that sears through my body and before I know it I've pulled his mouth to mine and I'm literally eating him for breakfast.

His hands squeeze my ass deliciously before he hoists me up and deposits me on the basin counter. I immediately open my legs, pulling him closer. I can see him in the mirror behind us as I pull and tug off every piece of clothing he has on in a flash. As he bites down lightly on my neck I moan and I marvel at the sight of his muscle etched body in the reflection, his back, his ass, his legs.

"Enjoying the view?" he asks as his hand squeezes my breast, eliciting another drawn out moan from my mouth.

"You know I do," I manage to breathe out.

His hands fold around my thighs and pull me closer to him. He doesn't waste time and before I know it he's buried inside of me. I grab onto his arms as my head falls onto his shoulder with a sigh. There's just nothing on earth that completes me as much as this. Knowing that Edward accepts me the way that I am and that he loves me so unconditionally, that's a heady feeling on its own.

He lets go of my waist with his one hand and cups my face. I lean into the touch, closing my eyes because the love and the pleasure sometimes get too much, too strong.

"Open them," he coaxes and I obey. "There you are," he whispers as he slowly pulls out of me only to push back even slower. I try to move my ass closer, needing more, needing him all over me.

"I love you Bella. And I'm so very proud of you," he says as he quickens his pace and I know the look on my face must tell him everything he needs to know. How much I love him back and how proud I am of myself.

When I come, it isn't an earth shattering occurrence. More like a gentle wave rolling through my body, reaching into my limbs. I lose myself in the feeling as Edward loses it with me.

With my newfound belief in myself everything seems better. I go through every day without fear, yet still careful because my guts have not made me stupid. Edward notices the difference and I think he's loving the fact that I am not terrified every second of every day.

We have a lovely few weeks before Jasper and Emmett's return. We laze about mostly by ourselves because as usual we just can't get enough of each other. We have dinner with Edward's parents a few times and Pickle, Rosalie and I do loads of shopping together.

We even twist Edward's arm to buy Pickle her first wetsuit and body board and she's one of the crew now that hang out regularly at the beach when the surf is good. We even visit my parents twice and we take Pickle with on one occasion. As I expected, my parents love her.

James and Victoria come over for a weekend and Edward adores her just as much as I do. We spend a lot of that weekend in the water, James trying to coach me on that elusive barrel but still, I just can't seem to get it right. Victoria laughs her ass off at the two of us while Edward has a few close heart attacks every time I get pulled under and I don't surface quick enough. The Saturday night we all get a bit drunk. Edward and Victoria spend most of the evening dancing while I sit tucked under James' arm watching them contently. They do a mean Samba and I file a mental note to ask her to teach me that sometime soon.

Three weeks later, sun is not up yet on the Saturday morning. I hear the bakkie stop in front. Edward is asleep but I leap out of the bed. Not worrying about being bare foot or not, I pull open the front door just as Emmett gets out of the bakkie and grab him in for a hug.

"I love the return greetings we get since you're here," he laughs. "Makes me feel important."

"You are important," I throw back at him.

I run over to Jasper who lifts me from the ground and hugs me tightly. He kisses my cheek and neither of us can let go. We've formed such a strong bond over the last few months. I can't imagine my life without his friendship.

"I've missed you Jazz," I whisper at his ear.

"I've missed you too," he whispers back before setting me on the ground.

I'm making coffee for the two weary souls when Edward comes in. The brotherly hugs and the love that goes around almost makes me cry. I leave them to it as Jasper and Emmett fill him in on the trip and I crawl back into bed. I toss and turn a bit but eventually fall asleep listening to their voices down the passage.

"_You're so stupid," Jacob says as he grabs my hair and pulls me up out of the bath. "I told you we had to leave in half an hour and you're still in the bath."_

"_Jacob, I'll be ready, I promise," I cry as he hauls me out of the bathroom and throws me down on the floor in the bedroom. My head catches the side of the bed and pain shoots through my skull. _

_As I grab my head the kicking starts…and it doesn't stop. I can hear his hate filled laughter fill the air._

"Baby, wake up."

I hear soft spoken words and soft hands on my face. I move away from them. As I knock my head on the wall behind me I realize it was a dream. Still, I grab my head and wait for the kicking to start.

"Please don't," I whisper.

"Bella, please, open your eyes. It's me," I hear Edward's soft voice. I open my eyes and see him sitting in front of me with his hands reached out. Without a second thought I leap forward and feel his arms come around me. The safety of the moment lets me exhale the bad of the dream.

"Sorry," I say quietly. "Just one of those stupid dreams again. I'm fine."

"No, you're not," he argues.

I push him away gently and look him in the eyes. "Yes, I am." And I realize that I am. I don't have to lie this time. I really am fine. I smile.

"I promise Edward. I'm fine." I take his hands in mine and I see the worried frown stays on his face. "After the other night when I punched that guy, I feel different. I explained that to you. This is just more proof of it. Yes, I was caught up in the dream a bit when I woke up, but it's gone now. The lingering fear I used to have is gone."

I move closer, kissing his very kissable lips. "You're such a big part of that Edward. Thank you for giving me back to me."

It's a little after twelve when the guys announce they're heading down for some surfing. I decide to stay at home and give them some time alone. Edward is not happy.

"I don't want you staying here alone," he sulks as I pack them a cooler box. "Why don't you go spend some time with my mom? Rosalie is meeting us at the beach so she won't be home."

I love how he worries about me and I know what he's saying is true. "I think I'll do that," I smile at him. Spending time with Esme is one of my favourite things. "I'll just get dressed and head out. I'll load my gear in case I want to meet you guys down there a bit later."

"I'll wait," he announces.

"Edward, I'll be fine. I've already showered so it'll take me ten minutes to dress and be out of here." I know I should let him wait and I know Jasper and Emmett won't mind but I also don't think ten minutes will make a difference.

"Now go, get out of here," I say as I shove the cooler box into his hand.

The kiss I receive is a raw display of his emotions and I have a hard time eventually pushing him gently away while all I want to do is rip his clothes from his hard body.

We stare at each other for a few seconds while I run my fingers through his hair.

"Please don't take long," he begs.

"I promise," I whisper as I reluctantly let him go. He waits on the other side of the door until he hears it lock and then they're gone.

I only put the door and window sensors on as I'm moving around inside.

I hurry as I promised Edward and I'm about to put my shoes on when the alarm goes off. The blaring sound echoes in my bones and my body starts moving by itself, realizing that I need to get down the passage and to a door as fast as I can. If I stay in this room I don't stand a chance.

As I almost skid around the passage corner I come to an abrupt halt as I almost run into the barrel of a gun. I freeze. I know Jacob can see my fear, hell, I can smell it.

"Disarm the alarm," he says, his voice like a thousand knives piercing my ears.

I shake my head numbly, fear making me not shiver but shake.

He grabs my hair, forcing my head down as he leads me roughly to the alarm pad, the gun against my temple. I'm crying so hard and I hate myself for it…for showing him the terror I'm feeling inside.

"Do it," he shouts as he pushes me toward the pad. I think of putting in the wrong pin but I know my phone will ring then and he'll know. He'll know and he'll know someone is on their way and he'll shoot me. I need to buy some time. With shaky fingers I manage to punch in the pin and the blaring stops. The sudden silence is deafening.

"Good girl," he says as he nears me. My back is against the door and he's in front of me and I have nowhere to run.

His body presses against me and I whimper as he drags the gun down the side of my face, his lips almost touching mine.

"Now, let's have some fun shall we?"


	38. Chapter 38

**Firstly let me apologize for the wait. I know I warned you guys but I still feel bad about it. I thought it would go quicker but I also don't want to give you something that is rushed and cheat you out with something that could have been better.**

**I'm going to try and morph the change into the existing part in the next chapter so that shouldn't delay and then I have to redo some things for the end. That's it…we're almost at the finish line.**

**Leibeezer…you're my star in all the darkness when I feel like throwing in the towel…I just can't do that to you…**

Jacob pulls me roughly away from the wall towards the passage. No, I can't handle that again, I won't survive it this time.

I pull and yank with all my strength but his hand is like a vice. This must irritate him because he turns on me and the butt of the gun crashes down on my temple. I lose my balance and fall, black spots swimming before my eyes, the pain so intense I can't breathe.

Somewhere in the distance I hear my cell phone ringing and I pray it's the alarm company. If they can't get hold of me they'll phone Edward. Edward, God, please don't be in the water yet.

"Why do you always insist on doing things the hard way Bella? You always make me out to be the bad one but you force me do this. Instead of listening you always seem to disobey."

I hear him talking but the pain is just too much. I touch my fingers to the source of my agony and when I pull them away they are covered in blood…my blood.

I don't know where it comes from but a surge of anger courses through me. I glare up at him from the ground. I wish I could wipe that smug look off his face.

"You know what Jacob? Fuck you."

His smirk slightly narrows. I see his boot lift and I close my eyes just before it connects with my ribs. My cry ends in a pained coughing as I roll over on my back. There was a time when I was so used to this kind of pain I just went with it, but not anymore. I'm used to light touches and whispered kisses and I don't want to go back to this. Whatever happens, this needs to end today, even if it means him killing me.

He looms over me, a foot at each side of my hips. He bends over and lightly drags the gun down my throat, between my breasts, down my stomach.

"Just enjoy it Bella. You know you do. Pretty Boy doesn't come close to me and you know it."

I manage a sarcastic laugh, which darkens his eyes from anger. "You aren't half the man Edward is you sick fuck."

For a split second he looks surprised. I've never spoken back to him, this is all new.

He twists his fist in the front of my shirt, lifting me up towards him. "You keep talking like that Bella, and I'll find a way to shut that mouth of yours for good."

His hand with the gun lifts as he aims to hit me again and I close my eyes, opting not to see it coming.

But it doesn't come. Instead I feel Jacob being ripped away from me, my shirt tearing as he refuses to let go. He takes a piece of material with him as I see Edward's fist connect squarely with Jacob's jaw. He stumbles back but straightens quickly and starts lifting the gun toward Edward. My heart constricts as panic overtakes me.

I soon learn that Jacob is fast, but Edward is faster. The gun goes flying from Jacob's hand as Edward kicks it.

Both of them stand back a bit, on guard and waiting for the other to make a move. I watch them circle each other like cobras poised to strike.

"So, we meet at last," Jacob sneers.

"Finally," Edward replies. "I've been waiting for this day too long."

"Why? Did you want to meet the only real man that Bella's ever been with? She loves a good fuck, doesn't she?"

Edward loses it. I see his control slip at Jacob's words.

All hell breaks loose. They lunge at the same time and I jump back as their bodies crash to the floor. Edward is on top of Jacob in a flash but before he gets a good grip on him Jacob rolls again. As soon as he's on top of Edward he takes advantage and I cry out as his fist connects with Edward's beautiful face.

Somehow they're up again and Edward lays into Jacob again, his fist pummeling down in Jacob's ribs like a freight train, grunting sounds echoing around me. I take a few steps back and I make a split decision. I race down the hall to the bedroom and grab my phone, calling Jasper with shaky hands.

"Please pick up," I cry to myself as it starts ringing.

"Bella, is Edward with you?" Jasper's worried voice sounds in my ear.

"Jazz, please hurry, bring Emmett." I hope he gets my words because I can't wait any longer.

I throw the phone down and run to Jasper's room, opening the safe and taking the loaded gun into my hands. Jasper's words echo in my head. Can I really do this if I have to? I don't allow myself to think on it for more than a few seconds.

As I run into the lounge I see Edward swing a dining chair square into Jacob's chest. Both their faces bloody and bruised.

Jacob falls and I think it's over as I lower the gun to my side.

But it's not.

Edward spots the gun inches away from Jacob's hand at the same time as I do and he grips Jacob's legs, trying to pull him away but his kick catches Edward off guard and he goes sprawling into the dining room table.

My blood runs cold as Jacob scrambles for the gun and as Edward jumps to his feet he turns on him, gun lifted.

"Not so strong anymore are you?" Jacob taunts. The look of hate and disgust doesn't leave Edward's face as he continues to stare at him.

"Now all you've done is managed to really piss me off. Maybe I'll let you watch me fuck her before I put you out of you misery," he laughs.

The gun in my hand is burning my skin, reminding me that I can do something about this. I can take his attention away from Edward. Even if he shoots me, Edward will have enough time to take him down again. Edward will live.

In a flash the weirdest things run through my memory. How I still believe in mermaids and how Edward is the only one who doesn't think I'm crazy because of it. The look on his face in the mirror as we made love. The first time I saw him, the first time I heard his voice. He's all I see as my arm starts lifting.

"Jacob." My voice sounds small and foreign and filled with tears.

Both their heads snap to me, as though they have forgotten that I am here. My arm that has the gun lifted in front of me is shaking. I grip it with my other hand but it doesn't help. I chance a quick glance to Edward, not wanting to lose sight of Jacob for longer than necessary. His face is filled with anger and hate for another second before his eyes connect with mine. Then all I see is how much he loves me, how scared he is for me.

For a few seconds there is silence. And then Jacob bursts out laughing. I'm having trouble seeing him through the tears.

"Really Bella? You're going to shoot me? Do us all a favour and put that thing down before you hurt yourself."

A little bit of that anger breaks through my terror again and I somehow manage to still the shaking in my body somewhat.

"Put _your _fucking gun down Jacob. I'm not joking." My voice is a bit more forceful this time around.

"Bella, you're really getting on my last nerves. Now why don't _you_ put that fucking gun down before I shoot you in the fucking head?"

"In order for you to shoot me you'll have to have the gun pointing at me you idiot," I taunt him back. Please, I pray silently in my head, please let him shoot me and not Edward.

I think God hears me right then because I see Jacob's arm start turning towards me at the same time I see Edward lunge at him and a shot rings out in my ears.

I drop the gun and it clatters to the floor.

I try to make sense of what I'm seeing as I fall to my knees, unable to stand any longer.

Jacob is on the floor, blood covering his chest. I know I've hit his heart, that's what I was aiming for; to shatter it as he has shattered mine. Edward is bent over Jacob with his fingers on his neck, checking for a pulse. I could have told him not to bother if he had asked.

"Holy fuck," I hear Jasper's voice. I look up to see him and Emmett rounding the kitchen counter. I realize that Jacob must have come through the back door.

Emmett rushes to where Edward is kneeling as Jasper pulls me up and into his arms, carrying me to the kitchen counter. He puts me down and I steady myself with my palms down, my fingers curling around the edge. He doesn't talk, just moves swiftly and pulls out the first aid kit.

"Edward…" I manage, feeling dazed and confused. Did I just shoot someone? Did I just shoot Jacob?

"He's okay Bella," he says as he pours some strong smelling liquid on a clean cloth. "He's with Emmett checking on Jacob. I need you to stay calm."

"He's dead," I whisper.

"That's not for sure Bella, that's why they're checking."

I look up into his beautiful worried eyes as he holds the cloth against my temple. Whatever is on it burns like hell and the throbbing in my side won't stop.

"He's dead Jazz," I say as I grip hold of his other hand. He holds it tightly. "I know he is because I wanted him to be and I aimed my shot for it to be so. I murdered him."

Anger flashes in Jaspers' eyes as he lets go of my hand and cups my face in his hand while the other still has pressure on my temple.

"Don't you say that Bella. Do you hear me? It was self-defense. Any one will say the same."

I exhale audibly and close my eyes, nuzzling into his hand, needing the touch for comfort. "But _I _know it wasn't Jazz."

"Bella, look at me." I open my eyes and focus on the hard line of his jaw. "You need to listen to what I'm telling you. This was self-defense, end of story. You saved both your and Edward's lives by firing a shot that was supposed to just scare him but somehow ended up lodged in his chest. You and I know the truth, but as far as everyone else is concerned, that's what happened."

It dawns on me what he's trying to say. I need to keep this a secret because if I don't they'll try me for murder. If I keep quiet I'll probably have to go to court but chances are good it'll be thrown out because it was self-defense and because all the evidence points to Jacob breaking in and attacking me and Edward. His gun is proof that he was armed and I had no choice. The alarm company's records prove that he entered the house illegally.

"And Edward? What do I say to him?" I ask Jasper, pleading him with my eyes to tell me what to do because I can't figure it out myself. But as usual, Jasper knows best.

"Oh Bella, you know I can't answer that one for you."

The pressure on my temple disappears as he starts giving me a once over.

"But Bella, if it was me, I'd tell him. Keeping a secret is easy enough, but keeping it from someone you love is a totally different ball game." I nod my understanding.

"Bella…" The tears start again immediately when I hear Edward's voice, the only one I need. I shove Jasper one side and jump off the counter.

That was the wrong thing to do.

The pain that shoots from my ribs through my chest is excruciating and I can't keep my legs from folding in under me as I cry out.

I hear Edward, I hear Jasper, I hear Emmett…and then there's nothing.

I open my eyes to blinding light. The dull ache in my head turns to a stabbing pain and I close them again.

After breathing deep for a few seconds I try again. I turn my head to the side so that I am not looking directly into the light above. The pain isn't so bad this time.

I feel a bit lost but soon realize that I'm lying in a hospital bed. My hand is weighed down and my eyes travel to the cause. Edward's hand is covering mine, his head on my bed. He's fast asleep. I don't dare wake him. I feel tears running down my face as I stare at the bruises marring his beautiful face.

And all of a sudden everything flashes before my eyes, Jacob and Edward fighting, the gun, the blood, Jazz. I try to stifle a moan but it comes out anyway and Edward's head jerks up. The relief that floods his face is evident as I see his mouth whisper 'thank you God', even though I don't hear a sound from his lips.

"Bella, thank God you're okay."

"Edward," I whisper simply. I pick up my hand to touch his injured face but a pain to my side has me lowering my arm again and I wince.

"Lay still Baby. You have two broken ribs."

"Your face…" I cry almost silently. I want to touch him so badly but the pain is just too much.

"Superficial. Don't worry about me, I promise you I'm fine. Dad insisted on me having a full check up. It's all just bruises."

He shakes his head as he starts crying.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry…for not staying. For letting him touch you again." He gets up and lays his head in my neck, careful not to put any pressure on my chest.

"Edward, please, you can't blame yourself for this. Isn't this a good thing?"

He lifts his head and looks at me like I've grown two heads. "A good thing? What the hell are you talking about? You have two broken ribs and a concussion and you think this is a good thing? Bella, you could have been shot. Things could have been a lot worse than what they are."

I smile at him sadly, willing him to sit down and he does. He doesn't let go of my hand though, as if he can't.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean it's over. Jacob is never coming back. He can't hurt us anymore Edward. That's the most important thing to remember right now. That and what you just said, that it could have been a lot worse."

He seems to think it over.

"And Edward?"

He looks up, waiting for me to talk.

"Thank you for protecting me. I was so scared for you. When I saw the gun…"

"You saved me," he whispers. "You saved my life."

"Just returning the favor Baby. Kind of nice saving your ass for a change," I joke.

Even though the tension is still within us about what is going to happen next, the relief is also flooding our souls. Jacob is not coming back, we are free.

There's a soft knock on the door before it opens and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie appears.

"Bella!" Rosalie just about shouts as she beelines for me. As she bends down to hug me I brace myself for the pain I know is going to come.

"Softly Rosalie," Edward warns.

"Oops, sorry," she smiles as she hugs me carefully.

Emmett sheepishly takes his turn, also careful as his big hands grip my shoulders.

Jasper doesn't hug me. He merely runs his fingers lightly over my cheek and smiles. "Hey," he says softly.

"Hey back to you," I reply just as softly. Our relationship feels different. We share a secret no one else yet knows, one that I'm not sure I want to share with Edward because I don't know how he'll feel about it.

We all get comfortable and Jasper fills me in on what's going to happen. I'll have to give my statement to the police as they had. It should be pretty clear cut.

"The law is very straight forward in this regard," Jasper tells us. "You can defend yourself against an attacker but there are boundaries. For example, you can't shoot someone that has slapped you as there has to be reasonable comparison between the attack and the defense. The fact that Jacob had a gun pointed at you when you took the shot falls into those boundaries, I think. I've discussed it with a police friend of my father's and he agrees. The fact that you meant to fire a warning shot and not _actually_ shoot him counts in your favor as well apparently."

A long meaningful stare occurs between Jasper and me and when I finally break away from his gaze I see Edward watching us with a questioning look. I pretend not to see it. We have enough to deal with right now. This can wait…forever if it has to.


	39. Chapter 39

**IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ: I don't know what happened but I posted this chapter yesterday and Chapter 40 this morning. Somehow this chapter never posted and Chapter 40 posted as Chapter 39...so here is the right chapter that follows Chapter 38 and then if you've read the deleted Chapter 39, that will follow this one!**

**Thanks for the lovely reviews I've been getting. I love every one of them. Wow, because of the changes that took place this has been so difficult to write. When I originally wrote the story it kind of just took on a life of its own, it was never forced. Some days I could write six or seven chapters in one sitting and then other times I couldn't write anything for a week. Making changes to something that was so natural to me is more difficult than I could have imagined but I think it's worth it.**

_**Skips ahead about a month…**_

Everything is almost back to normal. Well, I suppose as normal as my life can be.

My ribs are still tender and Edward has yet to make love to me…something I'm missing more every day. Yet, I understand his concern.

Jasper and I still share our secret. No one else knows. It's been a taxing month. My statement was well received by the police and along with all the other statements given as well as Embry's statement that he knew Jacob was hounding me long before the incident, it was a pretty done deal. The court date was set and about a week ago I was found not guilty of murder due to the circumstances. Jasper assured me this would happen but it didn't lessen the amount of stress Edward and I were feeling until the judge uttered those words.

Esme convinced me to come clean with my parents. I did so on their first visit to us, with Edward by my side. My mom just kept crying and my dad was livid. I'm thankful that they were not angry with me for withholding the truth for so long. I think they understood that I wanted to shield them from it as much as possible. My dad had a very emotional moment with Edward at his parents' place when he thanked him for being there for me when he couldn't. That one moment resulted in all of us shedding some tears, including Esme and Carlisle. For whatever reason, this ordeal has brought everyone closer together. My mom and Esme talk on the phone almost daily and adore each other. Some good has come of this and I try to focus my energy on that.

It's late Saturday afternoon and Jasper and I are trying our hands at baking. Edward and Emmett are out surfing with Rosalie.

The front door and sliding door are both wide open, a gentle breeze floating through the heat in the house. It feels alien for everything to be so open after I've had to hide for so long.

Jasper laughs. "Jeez Bella, you've got more batter on your face than in the bowl."

That results in me dipping my finger in the batter and smearing it all over his face.

"That's what you get for dissing my chocolate make up," I laugh as he tries to push me away.

We put the cake in the oven and both of us are sitting on the kitchen counter with a beer in hand.

"When are you going to tell him?" Jasper asks suddenly. He hasn't questioned my silence until now although we've discussed the topic numerous times.

I sigh. "I don't know. I mean, I didn't want to tell him at the beginning because of the court case and everything and now it's so far down the line, I'm not sure how to tell him. Honestly? I don't know if I want to tell him. How do you tell someone the person they love is a cold blooded murderer?"

"You know it's not like that Bella. There wasn't much choice. Yes, you could have shot him in the leg I suppose but that would have left the possibility of him getting a shot in either way and you could have been killed. There's a logic attached to the reason why you did what you did."

"I don't know Jazz."

Just then the front door opens and Edward, Emmett and Rosalie walk in laughing about something we didn't hear.

Edward spots us on the kitchen counter and I know my face is giving me away. Telling him without words that we were talking about something he doesn't know about.

"What's up?" he asks after we all greet.

"Nothing," I reply. "What should be up?"

Jasper and Emmett bursts out laughing at my statement but I can't get myself to laugh with them. Edward has me caught up in that glare of his, the one that my eyes can't break away from.

"You know what," he says as he throws his keys down on the couch. "Enough is enough. You two have been acting fucking secretive since the day the shit hit the fan and I want to know what's going on."

Silence fills the room and I glance over at Rosalie. She pulls Emmett on his arm towards the passage but he won't budge.

"I agree," he says. "I've noticed you two having quiet discussions on several occasions and when you see me you stop talking and change the subject."

"Butt out Emmett," Jasper says, straightening up as if readying himself for a fight.

Edward ignores them, a pained look in his eyes. "Bella, we promised, no lies."

"I know," I say softly. "I know. But I can't tell you this. Please, can't we just let it go?"

His shoulders sag then and my heart breaks. I know what he's feeling. How can I not trust him? After everything we've been through, how can I not trust him?

He shakes his head ever so slightly and picks up his keys on the couch. He doesn't say anything as he turns to leave. I can't let him leave. I have a feeling that if I let him go now, I'm letting him go in more ways than one. It will be the beginning of the end for us.

"I murdered him!" I shout. He stills in his tracks and I look over at Rosalie and Emmett, her eyes filled to the brim with tears. Just before I look away one sneaks down her sun kissed cheek.

"I could have shot him in the leg or the arm or fired a warning shot but I knew exactly what that shot would do and I took it anyway. I aimed to kill him Edward. That's what I couldn't tell you."

Edward turns around slowly. I search his face for a sign of what he's feeling but there's nothing there. He looks over at Jasper.

"You knew," he accuses him in a hoarse whisper. "You knew and you didn't say anything to me."

"I couldn't do that man," Jasper half shouts. "I couldn't do that to her. Don't you think it's been eating us every single day? I know that's no excuse but don't for one second stand there and act like this is all about you. This is about Bella, what she did, what she has to live with and she has the right to do with it as she sees fit. It wasn't my place to tell you." By the time he's finished talking his voice is no more than a whisper.

Edward stares at Jasper and me for another few seconds before he turns and walks down the passage. I jump slightly as I hear our bedroom door shut loudly.

"Bad ass," Emmett whispers.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"You fucking nailed him," Emmett laughs. "I think that's awesome."

Rosalie and I look at each other incredulously before she slaps him on the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for," Emmett asks rubbing the back of his head.

"For being an insensitive oaf," Rosalie says angrily. "Come on, let's get out of here and give Bella and Edward some space. I feel like a drink. A really big drink. Jasper, you coming?"

Jasper looks to me for guidance and I nod at him. "Go ahead."

"You sure you'll be okay?" he asks softly, rubbing my shoulder.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Whether Edward and I will be fine is another story but there's only one way to find out."

He nods and runs to his room, cleans up his face and puts another shirt on. I stand in the kitchen waiting for them to leave before I take a big breath and walk down the passage.

I open the door and hear the shower running. I should have guessed after being in the cold water this is what he would have needed.

I walk in and I know he knows I'm there. I slide down and sit on the tile floor, my back against the wall. I smirk, thinking how ironic this is. Not so long ago he was on this side of the curtain talking to me and now it was the other way around.

"I'm not going to say sorry Edward. I'm not sure I am. All I know is I had my reasons for not telling you."

I see him still on the other side, waiting for me to talk.

"When I told Jazz what I did it was through a daze. Everything had just happened, you were still checking on Jacob with Emmett. I confessed without even realizing what I was doing. I realized I couldn't tell you until after the court case. It was bad enough having Jazz lie for me, I couldn't ask that of you, even though I know you would have done it."

Tears threaten to fall but I try to hold them back as much as I can.

"And then I started thinking. Did I really want to tell you? I mean, would you ever look at me the same again? What would it do to you to keep this secret for the rest of your life? I listen to myself now and all of this seems like pretty stupid excuses, but they are my excuses nonetheless. I never lied to you Edward, I just didn't want you to have to live with this, knowing I killed him in cold blood and that I haven't paid the price."

I get up to make my way out but his hand grips me from behind.

"Shower with me."

I close my eyes and exhale at his words, relief flooding my thoughts. I slowly take my clothes off, even though all I want to do is rip them off and get to him as quick as I can.

When I step inside he doesn't give me a chance to talk. The look in his eyes takes my breath away as he leans over and kisses me softly. My mouth opens at his insistence and our tongues meet halfway.

I moan as he pulls me to him, his strong arms wrapping around me, my body leaning into his as close as I can get.

I'm aching with need for him. For this man that loves me so entirely and without fail. This man that has denied me for a month because I've been in pain. Even though my side is throbbing under his strong hold I don't show him because I know he'll stop and I can't go through one more day without feeling him inside of me.

Edward's hold lessens as his one hand snakes between us, his fingers lightly massaging me before finding my entrance. I sigh into his mouth as he pushes one finger into me, his thumb pressing against my clit. My legs start shaking.

"Edward…"

"I know Baby, it's been too long. I've got you."

He doesn't let go as he brings me to the brink of explosion. Just as I feel my insides start clenching he withdraws his hand and turns me around. My front hits the cold tiles and I gasp as he pushes my legs apart from behind. In one swift move he's buried in me and we both moan loudly, our voices echoing in the bathroom.

"I love you so much Bella," he whispers in my ear as he drives into me. "It doesn't matter what you think you did wrong. I would have done exactly the same thing Baby."

I needed to hear those words so much. So much that once they are uttered and he drives into me again I feel so complete that I shatter around him, his name falling from my lips mixed with my declaration of love.

Edward doesn't stop there. He pulls out of me and turns the water off. Lifting me out of the shower he carries me to the bed where we spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening making up for the time that we've lost.

I know we need to talk about my confession and I know he knows it. But right now, right here, nothing else matters except us.


	40. Chapter 40

**Wow, okay, so with the changes I've had to make it's been difficult. Hang on though…the rough ride isn't finished yet…**

We're sitting on the porch staring at the stars with a glass of red wine we are sharing. I don't know why we're sharing, just that we are, and that it feels right.

"I don't want you to be angry at Jasper," I say earnestly. "He told me from the get go that if he was in my situation he would tell you. I was the one that kept quiet. Like he said, it wasn't his place to blab it out."

"I so much want to be pissed at him right now, you have no idea. But I can't. I can't because I know what you're saying is true. I know what he said earlier is true. I also know that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, he's my best friend. And now he's your best friend too. I told him once that if ever I had to choose someone to look out for you if I wasn't there, it would be him. I still feel that way."

I don't tell him I heard him say that to Jasper. He doesn't need to know that.

I sigh. "I keep waiting for guilt to creep up on me but it doesn't. Does that make me a bad person?" I look at him for an answer.

"No Baby, no it doesn't. Even if people knew the truth it wouldn't make a difference. The ones that know what you went through at the hands of that fucker would never blame you; trust me."

I close my eyes for a few seconds and drink in his words. I lean forward then, kissing him softly and slowly before leaning my forehead against his.

"Thank you Edward. You're the one thing I can't live without and to know you feel the same just makes me love you so much more." I smile. "When do you suppose love stops growing? Does it ever?"

He laughs. "No, I don't think it does because I love you more every day. Every day I wake up and see you next to me, when you smile at me in a way you never smile at anyone else, when I see you so completely part of my life, my family, my friends. It grows every day."

By the time Jasper comes home I'm asleep on the couch next to Edward. He's still awake. I know they're going to have a heart to heart and although I'm dying to stay and pretend to be asleep, I know that would be a fierce intrusion. I stretch lazily and kiss Edward before getting up to go to bed.

"See you later," I whisper.

"Later," he smiles.

"Sweet dreams Jazz," I say as I hug him tightly.

"You too Bella."

I take another two pain pills before getting into bed. I giggle to myself as I rub my side, damn, it's sore…but it was so worth it.

I'm awoken by Edward's cell ringing. I open my eyes to see the first rays of sunlight making it's way into the room.

"Sam," he answers.

My stomach leaps into my throat. Fear grips my entire body. Edward going away so soon didn't occur to me. Although now that I think about it, it's been a long time.

He eyes me from the side and nods.

"Monday. No sweat. See you then."

"So soon?" I ask and he sees I'm visibly shaken.

"Yeah. I'm afraid so. Hey, what's wrong Baby?"

I try to smile and fail miserably. "I don't want you to go."

He laughs. "You're safe now Bella. That's the most important thing to me. I can go now without fears of something happening to you."

He doesn't understand. There's this fear that has crept into the pit of my stomach and has lodged itself inside of me.

"Please don't go." Am I being irrational?

"I thought you were fine with my job?"

"I am. Believe me, I am. It's just; I have a funny feeling about this Edward. Please sit this one out."

"I can't Bella. I've already skipped once. I really want to buy this house and I need to work in order to do that. This is for both of us, for our future. You understand, don't you?"

I sigh, looking out the window. "Yes, I do Baby. I'm sorry. I'm probably just being silly." The words don't help to subside the gnawing feeling I have that this is wrong.

Later the afternoon Jasper gets me to go body boarding. Emmett is spending his free time with Rosalie. Edward declines but insists that I go with. With a smouldering kiss from my Greek god I leave with Jasper.

It's a beautiful day out. We don't do so much except laze on our boards and watch everyone else, only catching a wave here and there.

"Jazz," I start, not sure how to ask what I need to ask.

"Yeah?" He waits but sees I'm hesitant. "Fire away Bella. You know you can ask me anything."

"I need you to try and convince Edward not to go on this trip."

It hangs there for a while before he speaks. "Why? I thought you were okay with what we do?"

"I am, but I have a really bad feeling about this Jazz. I can't explain it but it won't go away."

He laughs, as Edward had and again I feel idiotic. "It's par for the course Bella. This isn't easy and it's never going to be easy. Unfortunately you're going to have to learn to deal with that fear. And I don't know anyone stronger than you to do that. He'll be fine. The three of us are always looking out for each other. We'll keep him safe."

I nod and smile because really, there isn't much more to say.

We're just dressed when Jasper's phone rings. He listens for a bit and then answers.

"Sure, no sweat. I'll take Bella for a few drinks at Pete's."

"What's up?"

"Edward is saying goodbye to his parents. He said we should go and have a few before heading home."

I falter. I want to spend every single moment I can with Edward before he leaves but I also don't want to interfere with his family time. I let it go.

I don't drink too much at Pete's. Jasper is packing them away though, probably because he's going to be on the boat again for a couple of weeks. I feel bad for him and Emmett. They've barely had a break but apparently it's cooking out there so they have no choice.

Around seven I'm irritated and I need to see Edward. I miss him so much, a dull ache spreading through my body. Why am I feeling like this? There is no fear for myself but an all-consuming fear for Edward is taking over my state of mind. I need to be with him, feel him; it will make me feel better.

Jasper gets a sms. "Come on Bella. Let me drop you. I'll come back for a few more drinks."

I literally jump up and Jasper and Pete laugh at my quick goodbyes.

He drops me off at the front door and waves when I close the door. It's quite dark in the lounge, all the curtains drawn and the lights are off. Strange.

A flicker from the passage catches my eye and I move towards it. I inhale sharply as I take the corner. Tea light candles in small glass bowls line the path to our bedroom. I can't help but smile. This is why Jasper has kept me busy all day.

I walk slowly down the passage, my heart breaking at the thought of Edward leaving. I hesitate a split second before opening the bedroom door and for a few seconds I can't breathe. Our entire bedroom has been transformed into a fairytale. An oasis of candles, all various sizes, big, small, round, square, tall, short. The bedding has been changed to a burning fiery red silk. In the soft glow of the candles it looks magical.

A white flat square box is in the centre of the bed. I move to it and slowly open it, again losing my breath. If I carry on like this I'll be passing out any second. I pull his favourite worn Billabong shirt out of the box. His all-time favourite. Tears stream down my face. This is so Edward. He loves me in his clothes even more than some sexy lingerie. I can't love him anymore than I love him in this moment. If I could, I would.

I immediately take my clothes off in the bathroom and pull his shirt over my head. The black of the shirt against my pale skin in the candlelight has me mesmerized for a few seconds until I hear the bedroom door click softly closed. My body is so ready for what's coming, has been since I laid eyes on the first candle. I squeeze my thighs closed causing a delicious tremor to run through my body before walking into the bedroom.

We make eye contact and I have to stop in my tracks. He looks every bit the gorgeous man I met that first night. He could not be more beautiful. His hair all wild and he doesn't have a shirt on. His black jeans are hanging off his hips in that way I love so much.

The silence is deafening, beating in my ears as he slowly makes his way to me. When he reaches me he doesn't touch me, just keeps staring. The electricity between us is a violent storm of emotions and need.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known," he whispers as his hand comes up and his finger trails down my arm causing goose bumps to erupt on my skin. "I don't know how to explain how I feel. To just say I love you is not enough, it seems so mediocre. I'm in awe of you. You enrich my life, you have since I first laid eyes on you."

I'm so close to crying, battling to hold it back. Is there anyone else on earth that feels like I do at this moment? Impossible. I keep quiet because I can see he's not finished.

"I burn for you Bella. Every waking moment I burn for you, even in my sleep. You're my style, my missing piece, everything I never missed before I met you because I didn't know it existed. But now, it kills me to think of losing it."

He starts kneeling in front of me and I feel dizzy. His eyes never leave mine and I can't stop the tears anymore. They're flowing freely as he takes my hand in his. You have to keep breathing, I tell myself. Don't spoil this.

"I need you more than anything. More than the air that I breathe. I'm hooked on you Bella, infatuated, intoxicated. I hold you in such reverence, sometimes it scares me. I promise that will never change. Ever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, say yes. Say that you'll marry me."

I can't see him quite clearly anymore because the tears won't stop but I do see his free hand coming up and I feel the ring slide onto my finger. Once again I'm lost in him. And as it has been since the first night I met him I know there is only one answer to the question, and I say it.

"Yes." It's barely audible but he hears me and in a split second his mouth is on mine, hungry, eager, overwhelming. He picks me up gently, his lips never leaving mine until he lays me down on the bed. The new silk feels glorious against my skin.

"I love you in my clothes," he says, confirming what I already knew.

He kneels in front of the bed and the way he looks at me makes me feel like a goddess, like I'm being worshipped. And for the first time since we met I truly feel like I deserve him, like I'm good enough. He doesn't need chains to lock me in his heart because I never want to be anywhere else.

Edward's hands smooth over my legs as his mouth follows, light open mouthed kisses landing everywhere. I lie back, closing my eyes, feeling him as he makes his way up my body, pushing his shirt and I tug it over my head. When his mouth closes over my nipple my hand grips his hair tightly, my back arching from the bed.

My hand battles with his button fly because I can't think straight and he helps me get rid of his jeans, his mouth not leaving my skin. We both moan as my hand folds around him, hard as rock in my palm at the same time his fingers swirl around my clit.

He lifts his head, black eyes staring into mine as he expertly helps my body find release. There's nothing carnal about this, this right here, right now, this is pure undiluted love.

His name leaves my mouth in a whispered rush as I clench his hand with my thighs, riding out the storm with him right beside me. I'm so highly strung, so stupefied by my feelings for him. I have reached the unattainable, we both have.

With his mouth on mine his body covers me. Hot and so ready, he sinks into me and I can't help but cry out. We haven't been two people for a long time, not since the moment we saw each other. Since that moment, we've been one.

"I long for you Bella," he says softly as he moves ever so slowly against me. "Even when I'm with you I long for you. You blow me away every day with how much you love me."

We're tangled in each other, body and soul and as always, we just can't seem to get enough. I'm so close but I want him with me. He feels it and it's not long before I feel him harden inside me even more. I close my eyes.

"Right here Bella," he whispers breathless. "Look at me."

Tears leave my eyes as I open them and look into those eyes I can't get enough of. "You're all I see Edward. Since the beginning, you're all I see."

I manage the words just before the fire spreads through me and I hear my name as he meets me in that place where no one else can touch us.

I'm lying in his arms when I realize I haven't even seen my ring yet. He laughs as I sit up excitedly and inspect it from all sides. Again I realize how well he knows me. I don't do jewelry. The ring is a simple platinum band, no diamonds or stones, no frilly business. I see an etching and inspect closer.

"Anam Cara," I whisper. "What does that mean?"

He sits up too and takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the ring. "It's a Celtic spiritual belief," he explains. "They believe that the soul radiates as an aura around every person. When you connect with someone so completely, openly and trusting, they say your two souls begin to flow together. They say when this happens you have found your Anam Cara, or soul friend."

"Oh Edward, that's beautiful," I say, tears again falling. I don't mind, they're happy tears and I think Edward knows me well enough that moments like these always warrant tears on my part. He kisses them away, which results in our loving each other until his alarm goes off to leave.

"Edward, please, stay with me," I try one last time as he dresses and I throw on my usual yoga pants and the shirt he has officially given me.

He pulls me closer and chuckles. "Having that feeling again," he asks.

"It won't go away," I admit.

"I tell you what. Why don't you start putting together some ideas for the wedding? It'll keep your mind busy and besides, I want to marry you as soon as possible Bella. I can't think of one reason why we have to wait."

"I love you so much Edward."

"Me too Baby. Me too."

Jasper and Emmett are packing already when we get to the lounge and I make them all coffee. They congratulate us and I can't stop smiling like an idiot, despite the gnawing feeling of doom in the pit of my stomach.

I wrap my arms around me as I watch the taillights of the bakkie disappear down the driveway, hoping that the headlights will make their appearance sooner rather than later.


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks for your patience…I absolutely detest making people wait in RL so this is very hard for me but it's taking a bit longer to rewrite the ending to this story.**

**Just know that I'm really trying my best to get it out as soon as possible.**

**Here you go…I haven't had a lot of time on my hands so if you see any spelling mistakes, please feel free to point them out.**

**Also, this chapter is a bit shorter than what you're used to but it's necessary…**

I call Rosalie just before heading to work. She knows and says they were all in on it to give us privacy and Jasper & Pete volunteered to keep me busy. She literally begs me to help with the wedding and I can't say no.

James is totally hyped about it when I phone. He and Victoria are on speaker phone and they're talking so much I can hardly hear what they're saying. He invites me to them one weekend while Edward is away so I don't have to be so alone. I tell him I'll think about it.

I invite Esme for lunch with myself and Maggie and tell them the good news together. They are ecstatic. I'm very fortunate that Edward's parents have accepted me into their family.

When Maggie and I say goodbye to Esme she hugs me tightly. "I can't wait to have you as my daughter officially. Your mom and I are going to have so much fun helping you with the wedding arrangements. We should invite your parents down for a weekend soon so we can start."

"Yes, that would be wonderful. Thanks Esme, it means so much to me to be part of your family."

During the next two weeks I receive three messages from Edward. They are short and sweet but they feed my soul some relief to know that all is well. I wish he were back in my arms already where he belongs. I try to call now and again but as expected, I can't get through. I sleep in his shirt every night and even though it's been washed, I swear I still smell him.

I started putting a scrap book together when Edward left. I fill it with thoughts and pictures every time inspiration hits me. I'm toying with the idea of a beach wedding; I know Edward will love that. We are both so entwined with the sea that I can't see it happening any other way.

I don't want to tell my parents over the phone that Edward asked me to marry him so I make a split decision one Saturday morning and take on the long road home.

"So, I have something to tell you," I say that night as we are eating dinner. The wine my dad has poured is a perfect match to the sirloin that's bleeding in my plate. I hate well done meat and so does everyone else in our family.

They are looking at me expectantly. I lift my hand and flash my ring. "Edward asked me to marry him," I almost whisper. I don't know why I'm scared but I'm terrified.

My mom and brother congratulate me. My dad takes a sip of his wine. "Good man you have there," he comments. "He phoned me the day before he proposed to ask for my blessing. I respect that. Now make sure you look after each other."

I gape at my dad. Jeez, was everyone in on this? "Thanks Dad," I mutter and we continue eating as if I've told them something totally mundane. That's my family I guess.

I'm tired when I get home Sunday afternoon. My heart leaps from my chest when I see their bakkie parked in front of the house. He's home! I floor it and skid to a halt at the front door, leaping out and running inside.

"Hey Guys!" I shout. "Where are you?"

I turn to see Jasper standing at the passage entrance. One look at his face tells me there's something seriously wrong. That dread flares again and I start shaking. "Jazz…"

He just stands staring at me, alien like, as if he's not here and I'm not here and somewhere along the line he's lost his mind.

"Jazz, you need to talk to me," I beg but I don't move from where I'm standing and neither does he.

"The sea was so rough. He was right next to me," he starts. "I turned my back for a few seconds. I swear, I…" This voice trails off, his big haunted eyes burning into mine.

I start shaking my head. Suddenly that feeling of dread is replaced by confirmation that something serious has happened and I almost trip over my own feet as I try to get to Jasper. I hold onto his arms because I don't feel like I can stand on my own.

"Jazz, tell me he's okay," I beg while trying to keep my crying under control.

"I looked around and he was gone," he continues as if he never stopped. His eyes are pools of fire and nothingness. "We looked everywhere. Emmett eventually spotted him and dove in. I wanted to follow but they held me back. Both of them are in the private clinic in Vredenburg. It was the closest hospital."

"We need to go Jazz," I say urgently. "Have you spoken to Rosalie?"

"I called Esme on the way here. She took care of Rosalie. They're waiting for us, we'll drive in convoy. Bella, I couldn't tell you on the phone." His voice cracks up and then he loses it.

I grab him to me, both of us clinging to each other, to the hope that everything will be okay.

I'm the first to move.

"Jazz, come on, we need to move," I urge as he nods, still in a daze.

We grab jackets and run to the bakkie. Even though I'm dying inside I opt to drive. Jasper doesn't seem totally with it yet.

When we get to Esme's house Rosalie leaps out of the car and runs our way, opting to drive with us. I follow Carlisle down the long road.

The drive there isn't a pleasant one. Rosalie is beside herself, not only for Emmett but for Edward too. They've been friends since forever. Jasper is eerily quiet. Sometime during the trip his hand settles next to my leg on the seat. I glance over at him.

"Is this okay?" he asks. "I just, I don't know…"

I take his hand in mine. "It's okay Jazz. Whatever you need. We all need each other now more than ever."

We all just about break out of our vehicles when we park at the hospital and just about run towards ICU.

I'm not married to Edward so the nurse refuses to speak to me until Esme makes it very clear that both she and Carlisle give the hospital permission to discuss any and all information regarding Edward with me. I thank them both with a hug.

Emmett's parents are in London at the moment so we are all he has. Carlisle takes over the discussions regarding his condition.

Jasper never leaves my side. We all stand patiently as Dr. Banner explains everything to us.

"Mr. McCarthy is recovering well. He wasn't in the water that long and he's resting now. His body temperature has stabilized and hopefully he can be discharged tomorrow."

Rosalie loses it. I think it's the relief that floods her system that has her breaking down. Jasper and I take her to a chair to have her sit down. She gets her crying under control quickly because she knows; even though Emmett is fine, we are still to hear what Edward's condition is.

Dr. Banner continues. "As far as Mr. Cullen is concerned, he was admitted with severe hypothermia. If I may explain, hypothermia is when the body is exposed to severe cold temperatures for a prolonged time. As the core temperature cools, your heart and liver, which produce most of your body heat, produce less heat, therefore causing a protective 'shut down' to preserve heat and protect the brain. Low body temperature slows brain activity, breathing and the heart rate. Symptoms include shivering, although once hypothermia progresses, shivering may stop, which is at the stage that Edward was. That means that the body has shut down to such an extent that it doesn't even register its own temperature anymore. His breathing was extremely shallow, he was confused and had no idea what had happened or where he was. He could hardly speak and his pulse was very slow and weak. His body temperature was way below 82 degrees."

I'm anxious. I am anxious to see Edward and to feel him with my own two hands because this doctor is not making any sense.

Esme sees me moving from one foot the next and wraps her arms around me. I want to scream from impatience when the doctor starts speaking again.

"He is on a warmed IV at the moment and is receiving humidified oxygen. We've also had to do peritoneal lavage, which in layman terms means washing the abdominal cavity. We are still picking up ventricular fibrillation which is of concern. To put it in a way you can understand, it is a very dangerous, almost fluttering' rhythm of the heart. I would say we aren't out of the woods yet. By tomorrow morning we should have a better idea of his progress."

"Doctor," Esme speaks through tears. "Can Bella please see him now and I'm sure Rose is just about dying to get to Emmett."

I shake my head and Esme gives me a questioning glance. "No, you go first. I might not want to leave once I'm in there," I say, trying to smile but failing miserably.

"Edward seems to be on a very good medical plan," I hear the Doctor. "He's in a private room and there is an open bed that you are more than welcome to make use of."

I grab his hand and thank you shakily. That's all I want, to stay with him. If the roles were reversed he would never let go either.

I'm reminded of the movie Titanic. How Rose let's Jack go at the end to live because she promised him she would carry on. I don't think I'll ever be like Rose; I can't ever let Edward go.

A nurse leads Rosalie, Jasper and I to Emmett's room as Esme and Carlisle go the opposite direction towards Edward.

When we peak in he's fast asleep and I give Rosalie a hug, urging her to stay with him. Jasper and I promise to check on her later and I tell her that I'm sure Esme and Carlisle will be along shortly.

Jasper and I find ourselves back in the waiting area when I can't take it anymore. I can't breathe, I can't see past the glowing lights above and everything is slowly starting to turn.

I make a run for it down the short passage and into the fresh air outside, which I gulp greedily into my pressured lungs. I know I'm about to fall but Jasper's familiar arms wrap around me from behind and I sag against him, letting go of all the fear I have inside.

He moves back and sits on a bench, pulling me with him. I grab him, literally trying to climb into his chest.

"I can't do this Jazz," I whisper once the tears have calmed somewhat. "I can't lose him like this. I need him."

"I know Bella," he says, his voice thick with emotion. I crumble a little more when I look up at him. His face is a mask of pain.

"God Jazz, I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot," I say as I wipe a stray tear from his face. "You were there, you saw it all."

"He's my best friend and I let him down," he moans as he looks up to the stars that have started twinkling in the night sky.

"Don't you say that," I say loudly as I take his face between my hands and force him to look at me. "Don't you ever say that. I know and he knows and everyone else knows that you would give your life for Edward."

He nods sadly, staring into my eyes for the longest time, searching for some explanation for all of this. I don't think he finds any because I don't either.

I sigh as I get up and pull him up. "We'd better get inside. I can't go in there alone Jazz, will you come with me?"

He nods again. "I'll always stick with you when Edward can't Bella," he says as he rubs his hand through his hear wearily. "You know that."

"I know," I acknowledge.

We're just in time because we meet Carlisle and Esme as they are coming down the passage. Carlisle looks worse for wear and Esme is barely holding it together.

I start shaking again. This can't be good.

"You can go in now," Carlisle says softly. "Down the passage to the right. Room four."

I nod and turn to go but his hand catches my arm from the back. I don't turn around.

"He looks okay Bella," Carlisle whispers from behind. "Like he's only sleeping. But knowing what the doctor said is what's making this worse."

He let's go of my arm and I hear them walking away.

I look at Jasper who takes my hand and we start making our way slowly down the passage, so slowly, trying to put off seeing Edward in a hospital bed with no idea whether he'll make it out.


	42. Chapter 42

**Wow, I didn't realize how tough it would be to change the ending to this story…if I knew I don't think I would have tried…**

**Sorry for the wait, I promise it is not intentional. One more to go after this.**

I walk in first with Jasper behind me, his hand on my shoulder.

I focus on Edward immediately. Besides the IV, Carlisle is right; it does look like he's just sleeping peacefully.

I rush around the bed and gently take his hand in mine, the tears starting again.

Jasper and I don't talk; we just sit, for the longest time.

Esme comes in a while later telling us that she's booked a guest house and we should all go and get some rest. Rosalie is with her looking worse for wear.

Jasper tries to get me to go but I decline. I want to be here in case he wakes up. He shouldn't wake up alone.

I stare at him, willing him to wake up but it does no good.

I close my eyes and I see him the first night we met, the stormy green of his eyes, I feel the scars on his hands. I ache as I think of the first night we made love, how that feeling of need never left us, even until the last moment we were together. My Anam Cara is gone, my soul ripped in half, my heart shattered beyond recognition. The only thing that can heal me is seeing those eyes looking at me again, hearing the velvet soothing of his voice when he tells me he loves me.

I see his tog bag lying in the corner and I pack out the mess of clothes, trying to keep myself busy with repacking it neatly. A piece of paper catches my eye where it sticks out of his toiletry bag.

I open it and my fingers start shaking when I see Edward's scribbled hand writing on the page, addressed to me. I close my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and I start reading.

_To my beautiful Bella_

_I hope you never have to read this because that would mean that your feeling of impending doom was right._

_I'm writing this as we're driving because the desperation in your eyes when you begged me to stay is haunting me. I never want to be the cause of pain in your heart._

_The only thing I can think of now is that you said yes. That while I'm away you're planning the most important day of our lives. That you'll be my wife soon and I get to keep you forever. Nothing is more important to me than that. _

_It's amazing that after such a short time we know each other so well. You know me inside and out as I know you. The level of love and trust we have hits me like a ton of bricks every day I wake up and see you lying next to me. I've never felt this way before and I know you haven't either. That's what makes this so special to both of us, we're learning to love each other in a way we have never loved before and we're discovering that commitment together._

_I watch you sleep at night, almost every night. I think of how far you've come. How nightmares used to plague you constantly when we first met. How many times you don't even know how hysterical you'd become in your sleep and how I used to hold onto you and watch the calm spread across your face. I loved how I could do that for you. Be there for you even when you were not consciously aware. You're so strong and brave Bella. Never forget that. You keep saying that you're strong because of me, that's not true. I just showed you the strength which was already inside of you._

_God, I miss you already. You would think I'd be used to it by now but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever get used to the feeling of emptiness when you're not with me. Even when you pop down to the shop I can't wait for you to get back and then when it takes you longer than expected I'm anxious until I can feel you in my arms. I know you feel the same; I see it in your eyes when you walk through the door._

_You look at me like I'm the most important person on this planet. Like I'm your home. You make me feel so good about myself, like I must be a good person if you look at me like that. You've saved me too Bella. Before I met you I was happy, don't get me wrong, I have lived a full life. _

_But then I saw you, from the moment I saw you I knew my life was going to change. You made me appreciate everything so much more. The beauty of a sunset. The smell of fog on an early winter morning carrying the salt of the sea across our garden. So many things that I took for granted and that you showed me the importance of again. I'll never take you for granted Bella. Never._

_I wish I could touch you right now, hold you in my arms, smell you, taste you. There's nothing on earth that comes close to the way you look when I make you come. When you see nothing but me and feel nothing but me. When all I want to do is stay buried in you forever because if I can make you feel like that every second of every day I would do it. I will give you anything and everything in a heartbeat; all you have to do is ask._

_I could write this letter forever but we're almost there and I need get my head on straight for that. I'm praying right now that when I get back I can tear this letter to pieces and head back to you, back to where I belong. I really do Bella, there's nowhere else I'd rather be._

_Just remember what I told you. Remember your strength, our commitment and my love for you._

_With all that is in me, all my love, all my devotion,_

_Edward_

I'm sobbing so hard and I know it won't help to try and stop. I can't live without Edward. I can't. I won't even try.

I move back to the bed and lay my head on the bed next to him, my hand covering his.

"You have to come back Baby. Please, I can't do this on my own. You're everything to me Edward. Please, don't leave me."

I don't know how long I lie next to him like that before I fall asleep.

"Bella." I hear a voice softly breaking through the haze of sleep but I refuse to acknowledge it. I want to sleep. I want to sleep until Edward wakes up.

"Bella, Baby, wake up."

Baby? I know that voice. I sit up with a start and my heart fails me for a few seconds as I stare into those pools of green love. Am I dreaming? God, I hope not.

"Edward?" I ask confused.

He chuckles. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"Edward!" I shout and throw myself at him. He grabs me so tightly it hurts but I barely register the pain of his grip. I'd take the pain a thousand times over just to be in his arms.

"Baby, are you okay? How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Should I get a nurse?"

His finger moves over my lips to get me to shut up and I close my eyes at the feel of it against my lips.

"Too many questions Bella. How about you just kiss me hallo for now," he smiles weakly.

And I do just that. I don't even bother with trying to do it softly. My lips crush against his and my insides melt as his tongue seeks mine behind my teeth. An overpowering sense of relief and love shudders through my body as he holds my face in his hands. If I could take him now, I would.

A throat clearing behind us has us reluctantly breaking the kiss only to find Dr. Banner behind us with a huge smile on his face.

"I take it you're feeling better Mr. Cullen," he laughs as he comes closer.

"Who wouldn't if they were waking up to a sight like this," he says as he nods my way. I know I'm blushing furiously and both men are laughing now.

"Well, I suppose there's more ways than one to get warmed up," he jokes.

I sit back as he takes Edward's vitals and he seems very happy with the progress.

"I thought you'd still be with us for a while but it seems you're doing much better than expected. I'd like to run a ECG quickly this morning and if those results are good then I suppose you'll be leaving this afternoon with your friend."

The blood seems to drain from Edward's face as he realizes Emmett was in the water too.

"Emmett," he whispers.

"Oh no Baby," I say soothingly. "Please relax. Emmett is doing very well. He wasn't in the water as long as you so they basically only kept him for the evening for observation."

He lies back and visibly relaxes.

"Good, that's good," he says.

"Edward," Dr. Banner says. "If you don't mind, I'd like to get those tests done immediately. I'll send the nurse in to escort you."

"The sooner the better Doctor. I can't wait to get home," he says, not once taking his eyes off me.

When Edward leaves for the ECG, I make my way to Emmett. I call Esme on the way there to let her know what is happening and they say they'll be here shortly.

I walk into Emmett's room and his smile lights up the giddy feeling I already have inside. But I see the worry in his eyes.

"He's doing fine Emmett," I say as I walk over and he envelops me in a bear hug as only he can. "They've just taken him for an ECG and if that's clear he'll be released with you today."

"Thank God," he whispers in my hair.

I push him away slightly and lock his eyes with mine. "Emmett, what you did…I don't have words for how I feel right now. Thank you so much for bringing him home."

He shrugs embarrassed. "Nah, no sweat Bella. You know he would have done the same for me."

I nod because I know between the three of them; they would just about die for each other.

"Well, let's get a bit of laughter back in our lives," Emmett switches the subject. I have to laugh because that's so him; always the clown, always wanting to make everyone else feel better.

"What's there to laugh about?" I ask, but I'm already laughing.

He doesn't answer because he's laughing with me and we don't know why and tears are running down our face by the time Rosalie and Jasper comes walking in.

She walks to him immediately and plants a kiss on his head and pulls him closer. Jasper stands behind me, his hand on my shoulder.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"Not sure," Emmett pipes up. "But man, after all that's happened, it feels good to laugh."

I look around at this adopted family of friends of mine and I lean my head against Jasper's hips. Edward didn't just give himself to me; he gave me his whole life. I could never be more thankful for anything in my life. Here, with these people, with Edward, that is where my home is, no matter where that may be.

**_A week later_**

It's been a week since the accident and our boys are back home. Edward and I have made love so many times I can't keep track anymore. What happened has scared the hell out of us and we're just too greedy to let go. Even being at work has been hell for me.

I don't know how I'm going to feel when they have to leave again. I don't know if I'll cope. Luckily for now Sam has insisted all three of them sit out the next two trips. He thinks they're overworked as it is and deserves a break.

I'm in the kitchen sitting on the counter with my wedding planner on my lap when Edward walks in with just a towel around his hips. I whistle lowly and he laughs as I put my book down and pull him closer and between my legs.

He's still wet from his shower and I bend down, licking a trail of water from his bicep to his neck. He groans loudly as I softly bite him there.

"God Bella," he whispers in my hair. "Why can't we get enough of each other?"

I know it's a rhetorical question but I answer it anyway.

"Because it's been twice that we've almost lost each other," I say against his skin, kissing and nibbling as I go. "Because we can't be without each other. It's not in our nature to just forget that one of us might not have been here today."

He pulls my face up roughly and our mouths meet in a passionate hungry kiss. I love it when he devours me like this, when he eats me from the inside out, like he can't breathe if I'm not with him.

His one hand lifts me slightly from the counter as his other pulls the dress from beneath me. As soon as he puts me down again he pulls my dress over my head. As his head bends down and he pulls my nipple into his mouth I lock my legs behind his hips, pulling him closer still.

"Edward, I need you," I moan as his hands move over my thighs.

"Then this has to go," he whispers as his fingers hook my underwear and pulls it down my legs.

He's in me in one swift movement as he grips my hips and pulls me to him. We both moan into each other's mouths as he starts plunging into me furiously, needy. It's a primal lust that has us both ensnared in its trap; a trap I never want to break free of.

"Let me see you Baby," he whispers and I lean back on my hands, giving him his view and at the same time pushing my hips to an angle that lets him in deeper than before.

"Fuck," I groan as he slams into me again, my insides clenching and my clit throbbing with the need to release.

He knows what I need because his hand moves between us.

"You want to come, Bella?" he asks, his fingers hovering above where I need it most.

"Yes," I hiss, trying to raise my hips to meet his fingers but he pulls them away.

"Edward," I moan as my head falls back.

"Look at me Bella," he commands and I think I'm going to faint just by hearing him speak to me that way.

I look up and I'm struck by the force of love I see in his eyes. This is when he's at his most beautiful to me. When we're fucking and everything is so raw and all of a sudden he can't contain it anymore, the love he feels for me and everything shifts somehow, like our love just won't be made second best.

"I love you so much," he whispers and I want to answer him but I can't find the words and I'm panting and my voice is gone.

"Nothing could take me away from you Bella," he continues all the while keeping his pace steady. I'm building fast now and I'm so close all I need is one touch…

"I can't wait for you to be my wife. To be with me for the rest of our lives. I can't wait to do this every single day of forever. You're all I need Baby. Always remember that."

I nod because I still can't find my voice and when his finger rubs against my clit the volcano inside erupts and I scream his name as everything inside of me burns through me and tears escape my eyes because this is so intense.

He pulls me to him and my head falls on his shoulder as he grips my hips roughly to him and empties himself in me.

We're still coming down from our high when I'm suddenly aware of laughter and voices outside the front door.

"You did lock the door, didn't you?" I ask as we stare at each other. He shakes his head.

"Oh shit," I say just as the front door opens.

"And then the little shit actually…"

I see Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett come in the front door and hear Jasper's voice just as Edward grabs me off the counter and pulls me down behind it. Too late, Emmett's eyes met mine a split second before I went down and then all I hear is laughter.

"Emmett, what the hell? I'm telling you something and you just burst out laughing."

Emmett's laugh is contagious and I start giggling behind the counter.

"Why don't you go check behind the kitchen counter and you'll know why I'm laughing."

"Don't you fucking dare," Edward pipes up. He's somehow managed to get his towel around his body in a crouching position and straightens up while I still try to pull my dress over my head while I'm laughing.

Jasper and Rosalie realizes what's going on and they start laughing as well.

"Fuck Edward," Jasper pipes up. "Seriously? On the kitchen counter? Fuck man, I prepare food there."

I straighten up dressed but feeling still slightly off balance and I know my cheeks are flaming red.

"Jazz, if you knew every single place we've done it in this house, you'd move," I pipe up which gets everyone going again.

He stares at me for a few seconds, all angry like, before he shakes his head and starts laughing with us.

We spend the next few hours caught up in each other, in our friendship, in our love and our devotion to our makeshift family.

I keep staring at Edward, not being able to take my eyes off him. He exudes happiness and calm and I drink it in.

Later that night we make our way to our room and as he closes the door he tugs me to him and I melt against his chest.

"I feel like we can finally live now Bella," he says softly. "Without fear, without reservation. We can just be who we are meant to be together. It's a wonderful feeling,"

"I love you so much Edward. So much," I say as I stand on my toes and softly kiss those perfect lips.


	43. Chapter 43

**Final Chapter is here. Epilogue will follow but it might take a week or so due to work commitments I currently have.**

**A huge thank you for all the reviews and favourites and follows…you have no idea what they mean.**

**Leibeezer, my faithful follower since day one and the voice of reason when I was stuck…you have no idea what your words meant to me, especially during the changing of the story. **

_**Five Months Later…**_

"Bella, it's almost time," I hear Rosalie's voice float up the stairs at my parents place.

"I'll be right down," I reply as I gaze at the ocean stretched before me.

It's a perfect summer's day. There is no wind to speak of and the sea is as calm as can be. I smile to myself as I think of the last few months of my life.

My first birthday with Edward was amazing. He took me to see a musical at Theatre on the Bay in Camps Bay followed by dinner at the Blues Café. He booked us a room at the Radisson in the Waterfront and it was heaven. But then again, it's always heaven when we are alone.

Christmas was a feast of families as they merged together seamlessly to form one unit. Even Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie's families joined in the celebration at Carlisle and Esme's house. The huge clean up afterwards was worth it. I think my little brother has a crush on Pickle, much to our amusement. She's so sweet to him and lets him follow her everywhere, keeping a watchful eye and being there for him in a way I can't be anymore.

The wedding plans just overwhelmed me to the point where I handed it all over to my mom, Esme and Rosalie, much to their delight. Rosalie promised me she would make sure my wishes were respected and I trusted her enough to let go.

Jasper insisted on baking our wedding cake, much to Edward and my amusement but we let him be. We aren't allowed to see it until the reception which has us a little on edge.

I turn and face my reflection in the mirror. My dress is magical and everything I hoped it would be. Simple and as white as can be. I joked with Edward once that I'm not sure my wedding dress should be white considering I'm not a virgin. Edward's point of view was that our love was so pure and one of a kind that it deserved virginal glory. I had laughed but gave in anyway.

The short mini dress is covered with a sheer lace just a bit longer than the dress itself. Perfect for a beach wedding. Rosalie has my hair up in a twist with a string of tiny seashells as my tiara.

I have no shoes. Esme created a beautiful leather and shell anklet that goes around my toes to create the effect of a sandal. It truly is stunning.

My mother found the perfect jewelry in the form of a pearl necklace and pearl earrings with real little sea stars. I couldn't feel more like a mermaid even if I had a tail.

I take a deep breath and give myself one last look. The silver on my eyelid glimmering in the sunlight shining into the room looks magical.

My dad looks like he wants to cry when I come down the stairs. He hasn't seen me since my mom, Esme and Rosalie took me upstairs this morning.

He takes me hands in his when I reach him.

"You look beautiful," he whispers, a tear slipping from his eye.

"Don't cry Daddy," I whisper back, wiping it with my thumb.

"Happy tears," he says as he grabs hold of my hand on his cheek and kisses my palm.

"Ready?"

"Yes, I've never been more ready for anything in my life."

"Then let's do this."

Rosalie and I get on the back of the bakkie. We laugh at the absurdity. This was Emmett's idea. He totally kicked against a fancy car. It would clash with the laid back beach wedding, he said and so I ended up agreeing with him because, well, he was right.

"You look gorgeous Rosalie," I say as I look at her. Her shell tiara is exactly the same as mine and her dress is also short but without the lace and a beach sand ivory colour.

"Thanks Bella, you don't look to shabby yourself," she teases as we take the short drive to the caravan park.

The wedding is taking place just over the sand dune, the place where Edward and I shared our first coffee and spotted the dolphins.

I don't know what it looks like at all but I do know that Edward had a lot of input.

We stop and my dad helps us off the back. We slowly make our way to just below the peak of the dune. Rosalie signals that we're here.

The music starts and my dad takes my arm and we watch as Rosalie starts making her way over the dune. When it's time, we follow. I'm nervous as hell. I'm not sure why. I want to be with Edward forever. Maybe every bride feels like this. Maybe I'm worried that I don't look as beautiful as I hope.

As we move over the dune I'm met with a flurry of colour all over and surfboards everywhere but I can't focus on that right now. All I can focus on is Edward.

He's standing under a makeshift palm tree structure adorned with purple and pink wild flowers and his smile is a mile long. Beside him is Jasper and Emmett and they're all casual as well, their pants rolled up above their ankles are the same colour as Rosalie's dress and the white of their shirts are dazzling in the sun.

I glance quick looks to the left and right and almost start laughing. On the left is a surfboard that says family of the bride and on the right one that says family of the groom. Our respective family and friends are all standing and when I glance further down I see my mom and Esme are crying openly and freely with huge smiles on their faces. Carlisle nods at me when I catch his eye and winks sweetly.

I can't look very long before Edward's gaze pulls me back to him like a magnet. I think I'm pulling my dad a little too fast because I hear giggles along the way and he chuckles as well.

My dad places my hand in Edward's and puts his hand on his shoulder.

"You look after her Son," he warns and Edward smiles his way.

"Always Sir. Forever."

The ceremony is a quick one. Both Edward and I didn't want a drawn out story. We opted not to write our own vows, we tell each other every day what we mean to each other, we don't need everyone else to know it as well.

I'm kind of lost for most of it. Edward and I don't break eye contact once, except when exchanging rings. As far as I'm concerned we might as well have been here alone.

"You may kiss the bride."

The words break through my daydream and I see Edward's mouth getting closer to me and all I want to do is rip his clothes off and make love to him right here, right now. A giggle escapes my lips at the thought just before they touch his and a look of question crosses his beautiful features but I ignore it…I want my kiss. And damn, do I get one.

Carlisle eventually clears his throat which makes everyone break out in laughter.

When we are eventually free of all the hugs and kisses and congratulations I take a moment to look around. Everyone that was involved has done an amazing job.

The colour I saw coming over the dune is strung above the tables. It looks like pieces of rainbows. I giggle as I see the tables are actually made of old long boards. Plates and glasses of different colors and sizes give it all a magical bohemian feel.

The rest of the day is a glorious one filled with laughter and love. Jasper's cake literally took the cake, so to speak. A three tiered white cake is decorated with blue waves all around with little shells and seaweed along the way.

On top is a surf board with figurines of a boy and girl in wedding clothes supposedly catching a wave together. It's so us. He's captured us perfectly.

After sunset small candles in colorful bowls get lit and the beach looks magical.

Speeches are given and tears are shed, on both my and Edward's part. We know our family and friends love us but to hear the things they say just blows us away. Especially how both of us have been accepted so readily by the others' family.

Music starts filling the night sky and Edward pulls me in for our first dance.

_When your legs don't work like they used to before  
>And I can't sweep you off of your feet<br>Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?  
>Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?<em>

"No one loves anyone more than I love you," he whispers and kisses me gently.__

_And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70  
>And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23<br>And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
>Maybe just the touch of a hand<br>Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day  
>And I just wanna tell you I am<em>

_So honey now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Place your head on my beating heart<br>I'm thinking out loud  
>That maybe we found love right where we are<em>

_When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades  
>And the crowds don't remember my name<br>When my hands don't play the strings the same way  
>I know you will still love me the same<em>

"This song is so perfect Edward," I whisper against his cheek. "So perfect."

He hums in response and I pull him closer still.__

_'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen  
>And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory<br>I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
>Maybe it's all part of a plan<br>Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
>Hoping that you'll understand<em>

_But, baby, now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Place your head on my beating heart<br>Thinking out loud  
>That maybe we found love right where we are<em>

_So, baby, now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart<br>I'm thinking out loud  
>That maybe we found love right where we are<br>Oh, baby, we found love right where we are  
>And we found love right where we are<em>

We receive a round of applause and he lets me go as I have a dance with my dad and him with his mom. It's emotional. All four of us are crying by the time the song stops.

"Oh come on guys," Emmett pipes up. "This is supposed to be a party!"

We all burst out laughing and he grabs me before anyone else can. Our dance is fun and childish and just as it's supposed to be with Emmett and I love every second of it.

I hear a familiar tune starting and Jasper grasps me from Emmett.

"I picked this one especially for you," he says with a smile so bright it lights up like the moon as he sweeps me over the powder soft sand and I hold onto his shoulder as he gracefully moves me around.

_And I never thought I'd feel this way  
>And as far as I'm concerned<br>I'm glad I got the chance to say  
>That I do believe, I love you<em>

_And if I should ever go away  
>Well, then close your eyes and try<br>To feel the way we do today  
>And then if you can remember<em>

_Keep smiling, keep shining  
>Knowing you can always count on me, for sure<br>That's what friends are for  
>For good times and bad times<br>I'll be on your side forever more  
>That's what friends are for<em>

_Well, you came in loving me  
>And now there's so much more I see<br>And so by the way  
>I thank you<em>

_Oh and then for the times when we're apart  
>Well, then close your eyes and know<br>The words are coming from my heart  
>And then if you can remember<em>

_Keep smiling and keep shining  
>Knowing you can always count on me, for sure<br>That's what friends are for  
>In good times and bad times<br>I'll be on your side forever more  
>That's what friends are for<em>

_Keep smiling, keep shining  
>Knowing you can always count on me, for sure<br>That's what friends are for  
>For good times and bad times<br>I'll be on your side forever more  
>That's what friends are for<em>

_Keep smiling, keep shining  
>Knowing you can always count on me, for sure<br>'Cause I tell you, that's what friends are for  
>For good times and the bad times<br>I'll be on your side forever more  
>That's what friends are for<em>

"Oh Jazz, thank you," I say as the song morphs into something else but I don't let him go.

"Thank you for everything. You've been such a good friend to me, the best. I want to keep you with me always. Promise me you'll never leave us."

Both of us are oblivious to the dancing around us for a few seconds as he wipes the tears from my face and me from his.

"I promise I'll always be here for you…and for Edward. I'll give you anything I can Bella, all you have to do is ask."

He hugs me and I grip him to me with all the strength I have.

"Hey," I hear Edward laughing. "Stop hogging the bride."

I giggle as I let him go and Edward pulls me into his embrace.

He nods at us and smiles before returning to the rest of the party.

"So," Edward smiles wickedly before kissing me breathless. "How about you tell me what you were giggling about right before I kissed you at the altar."

"Hhhmmm," I act as if I can't remember. "Oh yes…I was just thinking about how all I wanted to do was rip the clothes from your gorgeous body and make love to you right then and there."

He pulls me closer to him and I feel his hardness through my dress.

"What do you say we blow this party and get the hell out of here?" he asks seductively.

"I thought you'd never ask," I say as he pulls me up the sand dune.

We keep an eye out, making sure no one is looking in what direction we're going because I want to have him right over this dune; at the first place he told me he loved me.

"You do know we can't take all our clothes off?" Edward asks as I push my underwear down my legs and he undoes his pants.

"I know but I've never needed you as much as I need you right now," I say as I push him down and clamber on top of him.

I watch as his eyes lose focus in that way that turns me on so much as I slide over him and he holds me tightly as I start moving.

It's a weird feeling. I can hear our families and friends right over the dune and I hear laughter and joking but all of that doesn't matter; nothing else matters right now besides this man in my arms.

"Edward," I whisper urgently as I swivel my hips over him, his hands imprinting my hips. "Tell me you'll be with me forever."

"Always," he moans before his tongue finds mine for a while. "Forever Bella. Don't ever doubt that."

As my orgasm shakes through my body I let my head fall back, the stars in the heavens mixed with the stars dancing right before my eyes as he shudders under me. He pulls my head up and softly kisses me again before I let my forehead drop to his shoulder, trying to catch my breath, a smile on my face.

It's been such a long journey, the longest walk of my life to get me here. But it's a journey I'd take all over again if it means being with Edward forever…and I know he feels the same.


	44. Chapter 44

**So here's the last of it…the Epilogue. **

**Hope you guys enjoy it…**

**Three Days after the wedding**

"Oh God Edward, you feel so good," I breathe as he takes me from behind.

He bends over me, his front touching my back. We're both sweaty and tired yet we can't stop. We've hardly stopped since the wedding.

We're moving as one, drawn to each other, unable to break free of the chains that bind us.

He's hitting that spot that sends pulses through my body and before long I start clenching around him.

"Let go Bella," he commands.

"I can't," I whimper. I'm so highly strung and I'm scared I'll crumble if I have another orgasm. I want it yet I don't. I need it yet I try my best to keep it at bay.

"Just one more," he whispers at my ear before he sucks on my neck just below it at the same time his finger brushes my clit.

"Fuck," I moan as my entire body contracts for a few seconds and releases that explosive pleasure only he can give me.

He rears up behind me, grabbing my hips and pumps into me three more times before he swells and I try to smile when I hear my name as he comes but I just can't get my face muscles to work.

Edward falls down next to me and pulls me into his embrace, my head on his chest. Our hearts are beating fast and furious, but as usual, they beat in sync.

We didn't opt for an expensive honeymoon. We're at the chalet in the caravan park where we got to know each other. Where he started healing me. This place is more magical to us than any other place will ever be. This is where he convinced me to take a chance on us, to give love another chance. This is where I learnt that I was worth more than I thought I was.

I'm just about to fall asleep when I hear a vehicle pull up in front of the chalet.

"I swear if that's my mom checking if we have enough to eat again I'm gonna…"

I don't finish my sentence as I hear voices that I've missed for three days. Edward and I look at each other for a few seconds before we jump up and pull on whatever we can grab the quickest.

Just as we walk into the lounge the door opens with a bang and Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie come pouring in.

"Wow, you two are still alive," Emmett laughs. "Thought you'd have screwed each other to death by now."

"Very romantic Emmett," Rosalie remarks dryly.

"What are you guys doing here?" Edward asks confused.

"Well," Jasper starts. "We figured three days to yourself is more than enough time to get your groove on and seeing as though we know you guys would be missing us like crazy, we thought we'd come down and spend a few days with you."

Edward looks over at me still totally confused and somewhat shocked.

I have a huge smile on my face. I've missed them so much. I hug Rosalie and Emmett and Jasper lifts me off the ground and spins me around. Yes, I've missed them something fierce.

I walk back to Edward and he's smiling now too.

"I hope you guys brought booze with you because I'm dying for a Corona," I laugh.

"Hell yes! We wouldn't come empty handed now, would we?" Emmett laughs as he runs back outside to start offloading.

"And we brought the boat," Jasper says. "It is season and we all have crayfish and abalone licenses. Diving gear is on board as well."

"Oh Jazz, I could kiss you," I say excitedly as I run outside.

I clamber on the boat and start going through all the gear. I'm so excited for tomorrow I suddenly can't wait.

I glance inside and see Edward with our friends laughing and having a beer and sit and watch them for a while.

I guess there's a lot of things I can think of right now. How I probably should be pissed that they crashed our honeymoon or how I should send them packing.

But watching them with Edward and knowing how much they love us, all I can think about is how damn lucky I am to have them in my life.

**February 2002**

I'm sitting on the edge of the bath nervously avoiding the pregnancy test that I've just taken. Edward and I had discussed long ago that I should see a doctor but I never did. Now, I've skipped my period that should have been here almost two weeks ago.

Shit, what am I going to do? I have no doubt in my mind that Edward will be ecstatic but I am still not sure about myself and having the skills to care for a child. This wasn't supposed to happen. But then again, I know Edward wants children, it was bound to come up some or other time.

I glance at my watch again and realize that I need to see the results. I take a deep breath and glance down.

**Later that same evening**

Edward looks as gorgeous as ever bent in front of the fridge looking for a midnight snack. He fell asleep watching Surfing for Life. I don't know how he can watch that movie any more than he already has.

I take a deep breath and follow him into the kitchen.

"Edward, we need to talk," I say as I jump up on the kitchen counter.

Something in my voice must sound off because he immediately spins on me, forgetting about his treasure hunt in the fridge.

"What's wrong Baby? Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Hey, you're shaking," he says as he takes my hands in his. "Bella, please talk to me, you're scaring me."

Those green eyes that I will never get enough of traps me in their gaze; willing the truth out of me.

"I'm pregnant."

He blinks a few times and I think he's not sure he heard right.

"Pregnant? Are you sure?"

I shrug. "I think so. I mean, I took a home test this morning and it was positive and I'm two weeks late."

He takes a few steps back and runs his hand through his hair. I jump to conclusions.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I really am. I mean, I know we discussed me seeing Rosalie's doctor ages ago and it just kind of slipped my mind. This must be a huge shock for you. We haven't really discussed it and I was silly to…"

I don't get further because he lunges at me and his mouth covers mine in the sweetest of sweet kisses. As he does his hand moves down and finds purchase on my stomach, his fingers spreading wide, as if he wants to protect whatever is inside.

He drops his forehead to mine and keeps my gaze. "Oh Bella, how could you ever think that I would not want this?" he whispers.

He bends down and wraps his arms around my waist, his mouth planting soft kisses all over my stomach.

"Hello, you in there," he whispers and a tear escapes my eye as I watch him. "Let me be the first to tell you what an amazing woman your Mommy is. Strong, loving, trusting, protective, beautiful…all of that and more Little One. God has already blessed you by giving her to you."

And just like that all my fears of not being a good mother evaporate, floating away in the wind. How could I not be a good mother with Edward to guide me?

**November 2002 **

"I hate you Edward Cullen!" I scream as my body is gripped in unbearable pain.

He doesn't say anything. I glance at the Doctor as he gives my poor husband a sympathetic smile. I hate him as well. I think I hate just about everyone right now, including myself.

"Just one more push Bella," the Doctor urges and Edward holds onto my death grip with a pained expression on his face.

"I can't," I cry. I want to sleep, why won't they take the pain away and let me sleep?

"Come on Baby," Edward whispers. "Just one more. Please…for me."

I look over at him and wonder why he's still here. I think I've called him every single ugly name under the sun since we got here yet his eyes are still filled with the same amount of love it was yesterday.

I nod feebly and take deep breath. I cry out again as something slips from me and I collapse as I try to catch my breath. The pain almost instantly subsides to a dull ache inside.

A shrill cry brings me back to attention and I look over at Edward who is crying now too. He seems torn between staying with me and following the Doctor to the other side of the room.

"Go," I urge and he kisses my sweaty forehead before making his way over.

I lie watching him as the Doctor and nurses perform whatever tests they have to in a matter of minutes and I see his chest swell as his daughter is placed in his arms.

He looks over to me and walks over slowly, his finger stroking the cheek I can't see yet.

I struggle to sit up and the nurse props a pillow behind my back.

"Here's your Mommy little Rose," Edward whispers as he hands her to me.

I am awe struck for a few seconds as I gaze down at our daughter. In a matter of a split second I love her more than life itself.

"I love you so much Bella," Edward draws my attention to him.

I smile a bright smile, even though all I want to do is close my eyes. "I love you more Edward," I say tiredly.

Edward takes her from me again when I need to push again for the afterbirth. Fuck, no one told me about this but it's not so bad.

I'm not sure what happens after that, I'm too tired to care.

I wake up in a different hospital room. It's dark outside but a dim night light from the corner is enough for me to see around.

Thanks to Edward we're in a private birthing clinic in Cape Town which means he gets to spend the night with me in a queen bed in a private room.

I turn around and I'm met with the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. Edward is shirtless propped up with a pillow behind his back. Rose is fast asleep on her Daddy's chest, oblivious to the soft snore that escapes him now and again.

I lie back down and keep watching because I can't do anything else. This is perfect. More perfect than a Spur cheese burger. More perfect than a double ice cream waffle from Milky Lane. Nothing compares to this.

His eyes flutter open and he catches me staring. His tired smile is lopsided and dazzling.

"Do you want her?" he asks quietly.

I shake my head. "No, don't bother her. She's fast asleep," I whisper back.

"Then come here," he says as he opens one arm for me.

I quickly move over and bundle myself into his side.

Okay, I was wrong, that wasn't perfect before.

This is.

Edward, Rose and me together…for me, that spells perfection right there.


End file.
